May 202013

Not a week passes when there is a post something along the lines of “I am new, I want to meet a XYZ so if you want to get with me send me a message” followed by several posts from people in the community suggesting you go along to a local munch or event to meet new people. This is followed by either “yes! Can I have more info” or “No, I just want to play in private, so message me for filth”.

But why do we suggest that you go to a munch? Why do you get so little direct messages offering your requested private play? This might help:

  1. Fear. Meeting a stranger offline can be VERY scary and dangerous. Of course that might be a turn on for some but for the vast majority of people it’s a unacceptable risk to ones safety.
  2. Fakes. You might be a sock puppet account, with stolen images of a sexy hotty set up to mooch around and send dozens of messages, interacting with people pretending to be someone else. That’s a nasty game, right? Yes, and it happens. You can get just as emotionally invested in a online friendship / relationship as one in real life and get just as devastated when it all falls apart if the person isn’t real.
  3. Pressure. Meeting someone one-on-one is a lot of pressure. Either or both of you may feel compelled to do things you don’t want to because of all the effort and time you invested in the days and weeks of back and forth messages. Playing out of obligation? No thanks.
  4. It’s not about you. Being asked to meet up at a social event instead of going straight into a play date may not be about you. Many people enjoy the social side of kink, having dozens of friends whose opinion is important and who get a certain amount of protection from those friends.
  5. Do you have balls? Ok, that’s a figure of speech, but to be able to “play” in a top bottom or fetish role you have to have a certain element of bravery, that bravery will develop trust with your play partners so basically if you can’t drum up the courage to get out and meet people then how will you have the cahones to play?

So what about if you say no thanks for munches without a reason? Don’t get me wrong your entitled to mix & mingle how you see fit (I myself socialise occasionally). However, whether you like it or not you refusal does speaks volumes. When you say no to going to a public meet it MAY say some things about you:

  • You are a kink tourist cruising for a quickie.
  • You are married and are scared your partner will find out
  • You DO have a sock puppet account, maybe a bad reputation on the other one.
  • You are new but believe you are good enough to jump straight to play, however hard that play may be (this is VERY scary).
  • That you are soooooo important that no one can ever see your face because apparently we can’t wait to blackmail you in some way.
  • You DO pose a risk to potential playmates

I haven’t written this to make anyone feel obliged to go to a munch or event when they truly don’t want to, I do hope it may shed some light as to why being advised to is the answer everyone gives you when you post about wanting to meet new people and why if you flat out refuse you may struggle to get to know many people in the area.

Either way – good luck in finding what you are looking for!

(Re-posted with permission of the author, kitkat_cupcake, original post)