Aug 282008

[One of the best, concise sets of information i have seen gathered in one place – by far!!]

The following was provided by members of Dark Feel free to share this guide unaltered.

Chapter 1 – Finding a Submissive
* Intuition and common sense are your most valuable instincts.
* Look for the same personality/qualities you would look for in a vanilla partner.
* Be clear and honest about what you are seeking in a relationship.
* Make sure your sub understands whether you are looking for a monogamous or poly situation.
* Before you attempt poly, make sure you can handle that first sub.
* Make a list of mandatory questions to ask prospective subs.
* A sub that refuses to answer basic questions, especially regarding his or her medical history, has something to hide.
* Pass over prospective subs who obviously aren’t compatible with your needs.
* Don’t rush blindly into relationships because you are so eager to have a sub.
* Collars should not be given out without serious consideration and intent.
* Being a Dominant doesn’t give you the right to order around every sub you come in contact with.
* Subs are not obligated to have sex or give tributes to you.
* Be wary of subs who want financial support, or who are frequently collared and released.
* Talk to other subs and Dom/mes before you meet someone new. Get references.
* Expensive fetish clothes/toys or a collection of collars does not make a submissive.
* Some subs exaggerate their lifestyle experience in order to impress Dom/mes.
* A sub with many years of experience may still be a total asshole or mentally unstable.
* A sub has a right to leave you.

Chapter 2 – Being safe
* Make sure you know your sub’s medical conditions and HIV status before playing.
* Anything that is not consensual is considered abuse and is prosecutable.
* Consensual play that results in serious injury or death will be investigated by police as reckless endangerment and may get you jail time.
* A Dominant who refuses to honor a safeword is being abusive.
* Your sub is your property and responsibility. Care for him or her properly.
* Know your sub’s limits and pain threshold thoroughly before attempting to scene.
* Discuss any traumatic events the sub has had which may be triggered during play.
* Do not drink excessively or use prescription/ recreational drugs that may impair your ability before or during a scene.
* There may be times when your sub zones out and is unable to call their safeword.
* Remember that it only takes a split second to do physical or mental damage during a scene. You must stay focused.
* Learn as much as you can about a new style of play before attempting to try it.
* Clean insertables before and after they are used on a sub.
* Learn CPR and keep a first aid kit with scissors in your toybag.
* Calling a safeword is not a sign of failure. It will help improve future scenes.
* Be wary of subs who say they have no limits.
* Never rush off to another state to meet a sub you just met online. Be patient.
* Use safe calls (phone calls at established times) when meeting for the first time.
* Always meet in public on your first date.
* If you must play on a first date, do it at a public dungeon.
* Pay attention to your sub’s physical/mental condition after scenes.
* Some Dominants may need aftercare too.

Chapter 3 – Protocol
* The most important protocol your sub should follow is your own.
* Basic etiquette and manners are all that is required at most lifestyle events.
* Make sure you know all the rules of a specific event and don’t break them.
* Don’t try to get sex and/or play under the guise of “mentoring.”
* Your sub’s behavior in public is a direct reflection upon you.
* Do not touch other people’s property (subs, toys) without permission.
* Never interrupt other people’s scenes (i.e. touching, talking or laughing loudly)
* Always clean up after your scene.

Chapter 4 – Your Journey
* Choose your scene name carefully. You should earn your title (Sir, Master, etc) through respect and experience.
* Don’t expect a submissive to be the solution to all your problems in life.
* Before one can control another they must be in control of themselves.
* Be responsible for your own health, financial independence and happiness.
* Never stop learning about yourself and ways to improve your Dominance.
* Apologizing or admitting when you are wrong does not make you any less of a Dominant. It is an admirable trait.
* A lifestyle aware friend can be just as helpful as a mentor.
* Skills and experience are not a substitute for social graces.
* If you value your reputation, keep your word and respect others.
* The community is not a platform to feed your ego.
* Don’t spend more money than you can afford on fetish gear, toys, or events.
* A sub does not have to be a pain slut to be a good submissive.
* A sub can teach you about the lifestyle without topping from the bottom.
* This is your journey. Live it the way that makes you happy and satisfied.
* If you aren’t having fun, you are doing it wrong.
* Take time to honestly learn what you need and want out of the lifestyle.
* Your sub deserves to have his or her needs met too.

Special thanks to AD, Bishop, Charmed Blyss, Darque de Sade, Goddess Palia, Jennee’, lil one, Macho Mongo, Mr. Worf, Mistress Max Rulz, Ms. Lynn, Pharaoh Khafra & Empress Nahara, pulse, Solamente, sugga, Strange, Tee, Ty and Yummy.