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Jun 102019
 

TeddyCon is a hotel takeover event for AB/DLs, Littles, Bigs, Mommies, Daddies, and Age Players of all kinds.

It’s held near the Lehigh Valley International Airport (ABE) and Allentown, Pennsylvania.

2019 is their 6th year. This is their 3rd year taking over a hotel.

The size of the attendance, and the exclusive access to the hotel during the con, make it easier to offer a wide variety of classes, demonstrations, playtimes, and other activities. Here’s a list from 2018: http://www.teddycon.org/activities

Handy links to their social media accounts:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Teddy_Con

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teddy_con/

Fetlife: TeddyCon profile, Event Page, Group

Web site: http://www.teddycon.org

Jun 032019
 

CLICK HERE to add, update, delete an event's listing.NOTE: Links are listed in order by region, then month in which the event normally occurs, not city or specific location. Please click the mouse on the right to send us an update on an event or to suggest an addition.

Jump to:  |  Western North America  |  Europe  |  Africa  | Australia / New Zealand  | 
See only:  |  BDSM  |  Camping  |  Fetish  |  Leather  |  Polyamory  |  Pony  |  Pup  |  Rope  |  Age Play  |  
Click HERE for ALL kinds of events.

Eastern North America

March

CAPCON 2020
10th year
March 5 – 9, 2020
Chicago, Illinois
Web Site:   https://chicagoageplayers.com
Contact:   https://chicagoageplayers.com/?page_id=664
Tagged:   AgePlay
Open to Age Players and Diaper Lovers. Sold out early in 2019. Watch this thread on Fetlife; badge sales start late June/Early July.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

April

Sprung
It’s like a black family reunion but a whole lot kinkier!
April 4, 2020
Baltimore, Maryland
Web Site:   http://www.weekendreunion.com/sprung.htm
Contact:   http://www.weekendreunion.com/contact.php
Tagged:   BDSM, AgePlay
At The Playhouse. Sampler Stations in the afternoon. Playdate Icebreaker at 4 PM. Dungeon opens at 9 PM. Little’s Day Care. We party all night! Friday from 8 PM to closing there is a cocktail meet and greet at a nearby hotel.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Memorial Day Weekend

Camp Crucible
Clean air, Dirty Living
May 23 – 31, 2020
Darlington, Maryland
Web Site:   http://www.campcrucible.com/
Tagged:   Camping, AgePlay, Fetish, Pony
Every year there is a different theme. There be Pirates! The best Pony Camp as always. KidsCamp.
Follow:   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Smoky Mountains 2020
A Near Perfect Vision of an ABDL Dream
May 20 – 24, 2020
Smoky Mountains
Web Site:   https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeIS5Kdw5Rdlh7qFaf4eBULGAf0Dn5bupWLlol7_eXeygCcEg/viewform
Tagged:   AgePlay
3 days of ABDL kinky fun in a house in the mountains. Gokarts, ziplines, whitewater rafting, rope courses, and other fun activities.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Telegram  

June

TOMKAT – Spring
June 7 – 14, 2020
Fox’s Haven, West Nipissing, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://tomkatcamp.ca/
Tickets:   https://tomkatcamp.ca/product-category/registrations/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/TOMKAT_Campout
Tagged:   AgePlay, Camping
All Adult Ages Camping event for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Age Players, Daddies, Mommies, Littles and Bigs. The dates are firm, even though they may not yet appear on their web site.
Follow:   Fetlife Group   Telegram  

July

Camp FurCub
July 20 – 27, 2020
Fox’s Haven, West Nipissing, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://www.campfurcub.com/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/CampFurCub
Tagged:   AgePlay, Camping
ABDL Camp for Baby Furs and those who love them. Registration is open.

August

THE Dungeons and Geekdoms NE – Click for more info
August 21 – 23, 2020
Hartford, Connecticut
Web Site:   https://www.turtlehilleventco.com/the-dungeons–geekdoms.html
Tickets:   https://www.turtlehilleventco.com/register-ne.html
Contact:   http://www.turtlehilleventco.com/contact.html
Schedule:   https://www.turtlehilleventco.com/programming1.html
Tagged:   Geek/Kink Swirl, AgePlay
Geek/Kink hotel takeover. Tea, blanket fort, cosplay and LARP by day, dungeons at night. One dungeon is sex positive and has a medical play area. Littles Daycare. YAPP is available, email cat@turtlehillevents.org.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter   Fetlife Group  

September

TOMKAT – Fall
September 13 – 20, 2020
Fox’s Haven, West Nipissing, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://tomkatcamp.ca/
Tickets:   https://tomkatcamp.ca/product-category/registrations/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/TOMKAT_Campout
Tagged:   AgePlay, Camping
All Adult Ages Camping event for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Age Players, Daddies, Mommies, Littles and Bigs. The dates are firm, even though they may not yet appear on their web site.
Follow:   Fetlife Group   Telegram  

October

US Littles International Ageplay Retreat
October 7 – 14, 2019
Winter Park, Florida
Web Site:   https://www.uslittles.com/
Contact:   https://www.uslittles.com/contact.html
Tagged:   AgePlay
Hotel Takeover weekend for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Age Players, Littles and Bigs. Play space full of toys. Classes, roundtables and workshops. Crafts, Pageant, Movie Time, Vendors, Raffles.

TeddyCon – Click for more info
Grow * Laugh * Learn * Play * Connect
October 17 – 20, 2019
Allentown, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   http://teddycon.org/
Info:   Info@TeddyCon.org
Tagged:   AgePlay
Hotel Takeover weekend for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Age Players, Littles and Bigs. Play space full of toys. Classes, roundtables and workshops. Crafts, Pageant, Movie Time, Vendors, Raffles. Registration closed soon after it opened but there may be a waitlist.

November

Brimstone 666
6th Brimstone
November 28 – December 1, 2019
Piscataway, New Jersey
Web Site:   http://brimstone6.com/
Tagged:   BDSM, Pony, Pup, AgePlay
Hotel Takeover. Multi-faceted event that sells out at 600 attendees. More than twenty NY/NJ groups provide volunteers and support for this event.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group  

February

Dark Odyssey Winter Fire
Luxury Hotel Takeover
February 14 – 17, 2020
Washington, District of Columbia
Web Site:   https://darkodyssey.com/
Info:   info@darkodyssey.com
Tagged:   Hedonism, AgePlay, BDSM, Pony, Pup
A vacation weekend where you can explore the many facets of sexuality in a private, intimate community of like-minded people. Performances, BDSM education, spirituality, more. Price changes and discount deals are announced on thier Twitter.
Follow:   Twitter  

12 events in Eastern North America.

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Western North America

April

Oklahoma Leatherfest
4th year
April 3 – 5, 2020
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Web Site:   http://www.oklahomaleatherfest.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/oklahoma-leatherfest-2020-registration-58689887032
Contact:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/oklahoma-leatherfest-2020-registration-58689887032
Tagged:   Leather, AgePlay, Pup
24 hour Play Space. Demos, classes, cigar social, Puppy Space, Littles Space. Home of the Heartland Person of Leather Contest.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

June

Dipchella 2.0 – at the Rockies
Let’s go “camping”
May 30 – June 03, 2019
Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/714045
Tagged:   AgePlay, Camping
Vetted outdoor event for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Age Players, Littles and Bigs.

September

West Coast Jungle Gym
WCJG – an Age Play Conference
September 17 – 20, 2020
San Diego, California
Web Site:   https://thewestcoastjunglegym.com/
Tickets:   https://www.facebook.com/The-West-Coast-Jungle-Gym-An-Age-Play-Conference-765901076920350
Info:   wcjgproducer@gmail.com
Tagged:   AgePlay, Pup
North America Lil’s Contest, Rave Diaper Party, Pool Party Social, Old Fashioned BBQ, Movie In/ Footie PJ Party, Dark Age Play Dungeon, Spirit Days, Arts n Crafts, Story Time, Puppy Park, Nursery, Classes, Vendors. Saturday night: DiaperPalooza is the WCJG’s Dance Party & Diaper Meet Up for Diaper Lovers, Pups & Critters who like to get down and boogie. Includes the 2nd Annual Little Scouts Jamboree (Fetlife link)
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

February

Dipchella in the Springs
Let’s go “camping”
January 30 – February 3, 2020
Palm Springs, California
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/804891
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/users/1536693
Tagged:   AgePlay, Camping
Vetted event for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Age Players, Littles and Bigs.

4 events in Western North America.

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Europe

October

The LBL Big Weekend Convention
October 16 – 18, 2020
Birmingham, United Kingdom
Web Site:   http://littlebigland.co.uk
Tickets:   https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScAw78fYwoGzHai6Ts7o6kOhh0addaQnCVkJgGGcLnCNqUG5A/viewform
Info:   littlebigland00@gmail.com
Tagged:   AgePlay
The LBL web site may still have a misconfigured SSL certificate, but it is safe to use. See their Fetlife Group for information on the event if you are unable to reach the web site. Payment deadline is normally in late July but has been extended.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

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Australia / New Zealand

August

KangaCon 2020
August 20 – 23, 2020
Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
Web Site:   https://kangacon.com/
Tickets:   https://kangacon.com/registration-tickets/
Contact:   https://kangacon.com/contact-us/
Tagged:   AgePlay
Kangacon is a conference event for those that wish to come together with other Age Players regardless of gender, identity, race, age or ability. We aim to provide an all-inclusive, safe space for age players to express themselves learn, and share their ideas, thoughts and dreams while supporting each other through education, volunteering and respect.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

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Multiple Locations

Various Dates

International Deaf Leather
25+ years
Varies, International
Web Site:   http://www.internationaldeafleather.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Fetish, Leather, Polyamory, Pony, Pup, Rope, AgePlay
See the Events tab on their web site for a list of major Leather events that are Sign Language & Voice Interpreted.


10+ events

While events listed on this page may be of interest to Leather, BDSM, Furry, Geeky, Kinky, Polyamory, Age Play, or other Alt communities, it is unlikely that all events will be of interest to everyone. Please take what is useful to you and ignore the rest.

Last updated: March 5, 2020 at 14:34 pm

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Jan 042019
 

When (2019): Saturday, January 12, 2019 · 8:00 PM – 2:00 AM

Where: Baltimore Playhouse
3010 Washington Blvd, Baltimore, MD 21230 Google Map

Cost: $20.00

Dress code: All white attire

To Attend: see the Fetlife page: Snowball 2019 by Weekend Reunion

You may have been to a white party, but you’ve never been to a white attire playparty for people of color, because it’s never been done until now!

Introducing Snowball by Weekend Reunion!

Put on your all-white fetish attire and come play and party all night in our massive 12,000 square foot playspace at The Baltimore Playhouse! Whether you want to be in a scene or just watch, you won’t want to miss this incredible first time winter event. Our fully furnished playspace has a lounge for relaxing and socializing, a little’s play area for coloring and candy consumption, wrestling mats, suspension rigs, photo booth, snack bar, and plenty of cozy corners and stations for you to make all your kinky dreams come true.

Weekend Reunion parties don’t stop when the playspace closes, so meet us back at the hotel at 2am for more playing and partying. Our Snack Suite will be open until break of dawn with music and refreshments. For out-of-towners (and locals who just want to get out of the house for the weekend) we will be staying at our favorite kink-friendly hotel, the Clarion Hotel BWI. If you check in on Friday meet us down at the bar around 8pm for drinks and mingling.

Clarion Hotel BWI Airport/Arundel Mills is a 15 minute drive to Baltimore Playhouse and will be offering a discounted rate to all Snowball attendees. In order to be placed on the Snowball floors with other kinky guests you must ask for the Snowball block when making your reservation. Call (410) 712-4300 and press “0” to reserve your room. Check-in 3pm, Check-out 12pm.

It’s January so mind the weather and give yourself plenty of travel time! No liquor, cellphones, smoking or touching without permission inside The Baltimore Playhouse. Use designated parking lots and whatever you do, do not leave your car on Parkman Avenue. Bring a valid ID card and sign a waiver at the door. You and your guests must all be on the RSVP list in order to attend.

Weekend Reunion events are sex positive. All ethnicities, sexual identities/orientations and lifestyle structures are welcome. No intolerance of any kind is allowed. ¡Vamos a celebrar!

Jul 132018
 

CLICK HERE to add, update, delete an event's listing.NOTE: Links are listed in order by region, then month in which the event normally occurs, not city or specific location. Please click the mouse on the right to send us an update on an event or to suggest an addition.

Jump to:  |  Western North America  |  Europe  |  Africa  | Australia / New Zealand  | 
See only:  |  BDSM  |  Camping  |  Fetish  |  Leather  |  Polyamory  |  Pony  |  Pup  |  Age Play  |  
Click HERE for ALL kinds of events.

Eastern North America

March

Tethered Together
Rope, Yoga, and Shenanigans: Rope Reimagined
March 13 – 16, 2020
Providence, Rhode Island
Web Site:   https://tetheredtogether.net/
Tickets:   https://tetheredtogether.net/tickets/
Info:   info@tetheredtogether.net
Schedule:   https://tetheredtogether.net/schedule-at-a-glance/
Tagged:   Rope, Polyamory
Tethered Together is a convention blending rope bondage, polyamory, circus arts, and dance. We start with rope and bring additional opportunities to learn in all directions. At Tethered, experts in one arena can become dilettantes in others. We have collaborative and exhibition art, attendee-led meetups and socials, open rope space, flow arts and dance space and three nightly dungeon parties in addition to nearly 100 classes plus a Ropenspace!
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

April

The AIS Tri-State Scandal 2020
Cincinnati, Northern KY, Southern Indiana… Get ready for some AIS Style Kinky Fun
April 3 – 5, 2020
Cincinnati, Ohio
Web Site:   http://www.adventuresinsexuality.org/SCANDAL/home.html
Tickets:   http://www.adventuresinsexuality.org/SCANDAL/tickets.html
Info:   baraknsheba@gmail.com
Tagged:   BDSM,Rope
Hotel event with one day of classes, two nights of play, dedicated rope space, and more. Produced by the Adventures in Sexuality team. Limited to 200 tickets.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Memorial Day Weekend

ROPECRAFT Chicago 2020
Kinky Bondage Conference
May 22 – 26, 2020
Chicago, Illinois
Web Site:   https://www.ropecraft.net
Tickets:   https://www.eventbee.com/v/ropecraftchicago#/tickets
Tagged:   Rope
ROPECRAFT is a bondage conference that is “Knot-for everyone.” Top, bottom, and switch education with Western, kinbaku, & other styles in a sex-positive inclusive & consent-focused space!

Smoky Mountains 2020
A Near Perfect Vision of an ABDL Dream
May 20 – 24, 2020
Smoky Mountains
Web Site:   https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeIS5Kdw5Rdlh7qFaf4eBULGAf0Dn5bupWLlol7_eXeygCcEg/viewform
Tagged:   AgePlay
3 days of ABDL kinky fun in a house in the mountains. Gokarts, ziplines, whitewater rafting, rope courses, and other fun activities.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Telegram  

June

Dark Odyssey Fusion
Kink, Sex and Spirit
June 23 – 29, 2020
Northern, Maryland
Web Site:   https://darkodyssey.com/
Info:   info@darkodyssey.com
Tagged:   Camping, Hedonism, Pony
A Pet Play and Agility Course is part of Kinky State Fair. Fire spinning, self suspension rope jam, Carnal Casino, exploration stations of Long Night At Camp, and other special events. Price changes and discount deals are announced on thier Twitter.
Follow:   Twitter  

August

F.I.R.E. Florida Intense Rope Experience – Click for more info
Premier bondage and rope education event in the Southeast US.
August 15 – 18, 2019
Orlando, Florida
Web Site:   http://fireorlando.com/
Tickets:   http://fire2019.eventbrite.com/
Info:   FireEventInfo@gmail.com
Schedule:   https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQwIjmbQxwjHEpgFh0qLnWWnEa38AalwF4YrLEVh7jzEYdoNkp9PlD3EFz6JN53IHh1JL-K5sGALi0y/pubhtml
Tagged:   Rope
Last year had 120 hard points. See the 2019 presenters list here.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter   Fetlife Group  

MI ROPE EXPO 2020
@Dark Side of Kink
August 14 – 16, 2020
Waterford, Michigan
Web Site:   https://www.miropeexpo.com/
Tickets:   https://www.smirc.info/smirc-2020
Info:   MIRopes69@gmail.com
Tagged:   Rope
Instruction, Performances/Demos, and Play.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter  

September

Liquid Red Detroit
5th Year
September 28, 2019
Detroit, Michigan
Web Site:   http://www.liquidreddetroit.com/
Info:   liquidredlv@gmail.com
Tagged:   Fetish, Pony, Pup
Miss/ Mr Bondage Detroit contest 2019, Hostess Noir Halo, Chaos Talent Fire Shows, Alyssa Jade Rope Bondage, DJ Darks Choir and DJ Phobos, MadameKross Bondage Booth and of course the Liquid Red Design Lingerie Fashion Show.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Fetlife Event  

October

Jax Fet Fest
Oct 10 – 13, 2019
Jacksonville, Florida
Web Site:   https://www.clubkinkjax.com/jax-fet-fest/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/tickets-to-attend-the-2019-1st-annual-jax-fet-fest-october-10-13th-tickets-71221869529
Contact:   https://www.clubkinkjax.com/contact-us/
Tagged:   BDSM, Pony, Rope
Classes, Vendors, Raffles, Games, Dungeon time, based at Club Kink Jax. Buck of the Waterhole is presenting pony play. Blaise and Raven presenting rope. Marshall of EMT Toys leads the Spank A Thon.
Follow:   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

January

Snowbound 2020
January 24 – 26, 2020
Fairfield, Ohio
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/snowbound-2020-tickets-74745514847
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/snowbound-2020-tickets-74745514847
Info:   Snowbound.Cincinnati@gmail.com
Tagged:   Rope
A three day rope event sponsored by PEER Group of Cincinnati, Inc. The Snowbound Attendees Group on Fetlife has up to date info.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

February

Winter Wickedness
Save the date for something great!
January 31 – February 2, 2020
Columbus, Ohio
Web Site:   http://www.adventuresinsexuality.org/WICKED/home.html
Tagged:   BDSM,Rope
Hotel Takeover,one day of classes, two nights of play in 10,000 square ft of play spaces, dedicated rope space, warm and wet room, more.

Nuit des Cordes
7th
February 29 – March 1, 2020
Montréal, Québec, Canada
Web Site:   http://www.lanuitdescordes.com/
Tagged:   Rope
At Espace des Arts, 9 Ste-Catherine E. Entrée gratuite pour le public, frais de participation pour les artistes/Free for the public, admission fee for the artists. La Nuit des Cordes, c’est plus de 100 artistes, durant 7 heures, qui présentent une dizaine de performances en simultané. Nuit des Cordes is more than 100 artists, for 7 hours, presenting a dozen performances simultaneously. Presenter Schedule is here
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

12 events in Eastern North America.

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Western North America

April

Lewbari Weekend at BSPC
It DOES NOT have to be hard to learn to tie!
April 24 – 26, 2020
Bellingham, Washington
Web Site:   https://www.thelewbaristore.com/Lewbari-Weekend-at-BSCP-in-Bellingham-WA-LWws.htm
Tickets:   https://www.thelewbaristore.com/Lewbari-Weekend-at-BSCP-in-Bellingham-WA-LWws.htm
Tagged:   Rope
A LewBari Weekend is a two-day instructional hands-on event that takes participants from beginning rope bondage through intensive floor work and on to basic suspension. The Bellingham Sex Positive Center is an adult community center providing education, outreach & social opportunities.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

May

Bondage Expo Dallas
B.E.D. – Rope for everyone
April 30 – May 3, 2020
Dallas, Texas
Web Site:   http://www.bondageexpodallas.com/
Contact:   http://www.bondageexpodallas.com/bed-info/contact-bondage-expo-dallas/
Tagged:   Rope
Tickets scheduled to go on sale October 2019.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Group  

June

Oblivium
A Burning Man Regional Event
June 6 – 10, 2019
Depew, Oklahoma
Web Site:   https://oblivium.org/
Tagged:   Rope, Camping
Yes there is rope and kink at this event! 2019 dates are TBA.

Colorado Kinky Camping
June 11 – 15, 2020
Near Lakewood, Colorado
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/807898
Contact:   COKinkyCamping@yahoo.com
Tagged:   Camping, Pony
First of the season. Get you tents, bows and arrows, floggers, rope, pony carts or whatever does it for you and drive up to the mountains for play, classes, and comeraderie. Web site kinkycamping.com is out of date. About 60 miles from Denver or Colorado Springs
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

July

Desert Bound 2020
July 2 – 5, 2020
Phoenix, Arizona
Web Site:   https://www.desert-bound.com/
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/users/6499860
Tagged:   Rope
Hotel takeover. Featured presenters are Barkas and Addie, LOOM and Olivia Lyon, Mynx. Presenter and Vendor applications are available now via buttons on the front page of the web site. Brought to you by Jacob Dynomite, Miss Doctor, Red’s Dragon, and Samir.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

September

Oklahoma Ropestock
First Annual
September 6 – 8, 2019
Route 66 Biker Rally Campgrounds, Depew, Oklahoma
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/762339
Info:   ravenclawrope@gmail.com
Tagged:   Camping, Rope
Kinbaku Okc & Raven Claw Rope are proud to announce the first ever Oklahoma Ropestock. This will be a 3 day outdoor bondage event, with classes, performances and lots of open rope time. Clothing optional, body positive, sex positive and of course kinky friendly.

Rebooted Revamped
A weekend of education, community, and play.
September 11 – 13, 2020
Tucson, Arizona
Web Site:   http://rebootedrevamped.org/
Tickets:   https://rebootedrevamped2020.eventbrite.com/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Rope, Polyamory, Pony
A dynamic, volunteer driven, inclusive event committed to creating consent culture. Education and empowerment of our diverse communities will be provided by cultivating a social environment with workshops and play space. Wide variety of education including Bootblacking; Pony Play; Rope; Relatsionships / Polyamory, and mild to wild SM. Volunteer @ this link.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Rope in the Rockies 2019
2nd year
September 6 – 8, 2019
Studio Friction, Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   https://www.ropeintherockies.com/
Info:   info@ropeintherockies.com
Tagged:   Rope
A smaller, retreat – style conference focused not only on education but also on truly connecting with other rope bondage enthusiasts. In 2018: -EM-, Drusilla, Mynx, Chloe, and multiple local presenters. For 2019: RiggerOdys and AngelKnightxxx, others. Three days of education and three nights of play parties plus performances.

Twisted Windows
Incomparable evening of performance & play
September 27, 2019
San Francisco, California
Web Site:   http://www.twistedwindows.com/
Tagged:   Rope, Performance
Kick off your Folsom weekend. Last year’s featured performers included Saki Kamijoo (one of Japan’s most renowned performance riggers) & Hibiki, Ryder Burton (Reno), Nil (Denver), Zoe Spiro, Mlle Kate (Montréal), Endza Adair (Seattle), Linworth (Ohio), Zahava Griss & ZigZag (Seattle), Soms_Iets & Meymoon (DC/Baltimore), Sadira, Evie Vane, Myles High, and many more, all produced & hosted by Stefanos & Shay! Tickets Available as of June 11
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

October

ROPECRAFT Austin 2020
Kinky Bondage Conference
October 23 – 25, 2019
Austin, Texas
Web Site:   https://www.ropecraft.net/austin-schedule-overview/
Tickets:   http://ropecraftaustin.eventbee.com/
Contact:   https://www.ropecraft.net/contact/
Schedule:   https://my.yapp.us/ROPECRAFT
Tagged:   Rope
24-hour practice space. Facilitated self – organizing peer education. 2 days of classes. 3 nights of parties. Hotel takeover. ROPECRAFT is a bondage conference that is “Knot-for everyone.” Top, bottom, and switch education with Western, kinbaku, & other styles in a sex-positive inclusive & consent-focused space!
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

November

NARIX Autumn 2019
November 7 – 10, 2019
IX, Kansas City, Missouri
Web Site:   http://NARIX.NET
Info:   narixhost@gmail.com
Tagged:   Rope
North American Rope Innovation Exchange. Peer organized classes, discussions, open tying space during the day, and play parties at night. Mission statement: NARIX strives to create inclusive rope communities that promote education, innovation and equity across North America.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

January

Westcoast Bound 2020
10th Anniversary
January 10 – 12, 2020
Vancouver, British Columbia
Web Site:   http://www.westcoastbound.ca/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/westcoast-bound-2020-tickets-60960571711
Tagged:   Rope, Fetish
Tier 1 tickets have already sold out. Join Mollena, Master Rook and slave rook, Najalaise, BossBoar, Q Wilson, Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti, Katherine and Ray, Trailmastr, Marceline_vq, Goddess Indigo and others. Presented by MVK. The location is in Coquitlam, one block away from Lougheed skytrain station.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

12 events in Western North America.

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Europe

March

Leather and Fetish Pride Belgium
The Dark Ride of Your Life
4 – 9 March, 2020
Antwerp, Belgium
Web Site:   https://www.leatherpride.be/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, Rope
Darklands. Alphas vs Xtreme, Fusion, and Rage parties. Contest. Ten host hotels. The theme park once was the cultural highlight of Antwerp, but it has been abandoned for years. Now, an obscure and mysterious new owner transformed it into a place where boots shine, rubber is polished and the smell of leather fills the air. Are you ready for the dark ride of your life?

April

BLF Easter in Berlin
Save the Date!
April 8 – 13, 2020
Berlin, Germany
Web Site:   https://www.easterberlin.de/de/easter-berlin
Contact:   https://www.easterberlin.de/en/easter-berlin
Tagged:   Fetish, Rope
Various venues, Berlin, Germany

May

BoundCon Europe
BoundCon XVII
22 – 24 May, 2020
Munich, Germany
Web Site:   http://www.boundcon.com/
Info:   info@boundcon.com
Tagged:   Fetish, Rope

Mister Leather Italia 2019
17 – 19 May, 2019
Padua, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.lcroma.com/it/mister-leather-italia-2019/
Tagged:   Leather
Organizzata da Leather Club Roma e Leather Friends Italia, l’elezione di Mister Leather Italia 2019 si svolgerà quest’anno a Padova con un ricco programma. Il concorso , come negli anni precedenti, designerà il rappresentante italiano della comunità leather, che potrà partecipare agli eventi e concorsi europei e internazionali (Mister Leather Europe, International Mister Leather, ecc)

September

Folsom Europe
11 – 15 Sept, 2019
Berlin, Germany
Web Site:   http://folsomeurope.info/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, Parade
Since its first year in 2004. Folsom Europe has become a world-famous fetish event with a huge street fair and lots of parties. This year, Europe’s largest gay fetish event will take place at various venues across Berlin. Tens of thousands of guys in leather & fetish gear will be walking the streets in the Berlin-Schöneberg district. Expect a long weekend of fun. freedom and sleaze in one of the world’s most vibrant capitals.

Europerve
May 9, 2020
Amsterdam, Netherlands
Web Site:   http://www.europerve.org/
Info:   sales@demask.com
Meet and Greet in the Demask shop, center of Amsterdam Friday May 8 between 17:00 and 20:00. Dress Code: Rubber and Leather.

October

Prague Shibari Festival
October 4 – 6, 2019
Prague, Czech Republic
Web Site:   https://www.pragueshibari.com/
Tagged:   Rope
Three days of rope workshops and performances. Tickets for evening performances may still be available.

Maspalomas Fetish Week
The only European gay fetish event by the beach!
4 – 13 October, 2019
Gran Canaria, Spain
Web Site:   http://www.maspalomasfetishweek.com/
Schedule:   https://www.facebook.com/pg/FetishWeek/events/?ref=page_internal
Tagged:   Fetish, Pup
Maspalomas Fetish Week is one of Europe’s biggest get-togethers for guys who think of leather, uniforms, rubber, sports clothes and other kinky stuff as an act of liberation rather than a costume. Puppy Pub Crawl Oct 7. Piss night Oct 4.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

Mister Leather Europe 2019
10 – 13 Oct, 2019
Rome, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.lcroma.com/it/roma-2019-mister-leather-europe-ecmc-agm-4/
Tagged:   Leather
Si svolgerà a Roma, dal 10 al 13 Ottobre 2019, il concorso di Mister Leather Europe e la ECMC AGM, la conferenza annuale di tutte le associazioni gay leather & fetish.

Polyday 2019
October 12, 2019
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   http://2019.polyday.org.uk/
Tickets:   http://2019.polyday.org.uk/tickets
Contact:   http://2019.polyday.org.uk/contact-us
Tagged:   Polyamory
Come and meet hundreds of people that identify as non-monogamous at the largest event in Europe on polyamory, Relationship Anarchy and other forms of non-monogamy. Discussions might be happening on the Poly London Meetup Group.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Twitter  

EURIX No XV / automn 2019
The European Rigger & Model Exchange
October 21 – 26, 2019
Holzmarkt 25, Berlin, Germany
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/615616678848402/
Info:   jana.felixruckert@gmx.de
Tagged:   Rope
Fetlife Event Page with a history of the event, long description, and more contact information.

November

BoundOne
BoundCon meets Feringa Park
1 – 3 November, 2019
Munich, Germany
Web Site:   http://bound1.events/
Info:   info@boundcon.com
Tagged:   Fetish, Rope
The 4th Munich Bondage Weekend

Wasteland
Europe’s biggest fetish fantasy event
November 30 – December 1, 2019
Amsterdam / Zaandam, Netherlands
Web Site:   https://www.wasteland.nl
Tagged:   Fetish

13 events in Europe.

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Australia / New Zealand

June

Dark Night Art Exhibition and Performance
BDSM & Erotica Art Exhibition
June 20 – 21, 2020
Hobart, Tasmania
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/771683
Tagged:   Rope
Save The Date. Outline: Saturday 4pm – Exhibition opening & Artists introduction; Saturday 6pm-9pm – Cocktails & Art; Sunday 2pm – Performance & Art.

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Multiple Locations

Various Dates

International Deaf Leather
25+ years
Varies, International
Web Site:   http://www.internationaldeafleather.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Fetish, Leather, Polyamory, Pony, Pup, Rope, AgePlay
See the Events tab on their web site for a list of major Leather events that are Sign Language & Voice Interpreted.


30+ events

While events listed on this page may be of interest to Leather, BDSM, Furry, Geeky, Kinky, Polyamory, Age Play, or other Alt communities, it is unlikely that all events will be of interest to everyone. Please take what is useful to you and ignore the rest.

Last updated: March 5, 2020 at 14:33 pm

Go to Top

Jul 132018
 

CLICK HERE to add, update, delete an event's listing.NOTE: Links are listed in order by region, then month in which the event normally occurs, not city or specific location. Please click the mouse on the right to send us an update on an event or to suggest an addition.

Jump to:  |  Western North America  |  Europe  |  Africa  | Australia / New Zealand  | 
See only:  |  BDSM  |  Camping  |  Fetish  |  Leather  |  Polyamory  |  Pony  |  Rope  |  Age Play  |  
Click HERE for ALL kinds of events.

Eastern North America

March

Florida Kinky Campout presents Critter Camp
March 7, 2020
Plant City, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.floridakco.com/critter-camp.html
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/floridakco
Tagged:   Camping, Pony, Furry, Pup
Tent Camping – RV spots are limited – Presenters and Playtime. Critter Camp looks to educate and share the various animal modalities ranging from primal play, leather puppies to furries and everything in between. Our goal is to come together as a fuzzy community and share and learn about our differences to see how we all relate! Little are welcomed and encouraged to join us at Critter Camp! Fetlife Group

April

Beat Me In St. Louis
XXII: BDSM Event, Educational Seminars, & Play Party
April 26 – 28, 2019
St. Louis, Missouri
Web Site:   http://beatmeinstl.com/
Contact:   http://beatmeinstl.com/register/
Tagged:   BDSM, Pup, Pony
Hotel takeover. The Mid-West’s Premier BDSM Event, Educational Seminar, & Play Party. Tickets available NOW.

Bikers Bears & Mayhem
Bears, Leather, Fetish, Bikers and Pups
April 23 – 27, 2020
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   http://www.bearsbikersandmayhem.com
Tickets:   https://www.bearsbikersandmayhem.com/event/run-passes-tickets/
Info:   charles@bearsbikersandmayhem.com
Tagged:   Leather
The first large event in the US to combine the Bear, Leather, Fetish, Motorcycle and Puppy Communities.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

May

Camp Pahsome
May 10 – 12, 2019
Camp River’s Edge, Dewy Rose, Georgia
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/camp-pahsome-tickets-48972674588
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/249606279216551/
Tagged:   Leather, Pup, Camping
Join 2017 Southeast puppy pup Havoc to celebrate the unique bond of pups and handlers with food, fun, drinks, and classes.

June

CornCon
14th Year
June 22, 2019
Bloomington, Illinois
Web Site:   http://www.leatherpalooza.com/corncon.html
Info:   Leatherpalooza@gmail.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Education, friendships, pup play and in the evening some dungeon time. Check Leatherpalooza on Fetlife.

July

International Puppy and Handler Weekend
IPTC and IPC
July 25 – 28, 2019
Indianapolis, Indiana
Web Site:   https://www.ipahw.com/
Contact:   https://www.ipahw.com/
Tagged:   Pup
Established 2001.

Pan American Canine Konvention
P.A.C.K. Weekend
25 – 28 July, 2019
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://www.kennelklub.ca/pack-weekend
Contact:   http://northbound.com/p.a.c.k.-2019.html
Tagged:   Leather, Pup
Presented by the Black Eagle Kennel Club.

August

Southeastern Alliance of Leather Weekend
August 1 – 4, 2019
Parliament Resort of Augusta, Georgia
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/498631343990016/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/Southeastern-Alliance-of-Leather-SEAL-1465752350364669/
Tagged:   Leather
Contests: Southeast LeatherSIR, Southeast Leatherboy, Southeast Community Bootblack, Southeast Trainer, Southeast Puppy, and the first Ms. Southeast Leather Pride. Register

Exodus
Third year
August 22 – 25, 2019
New Hampshire
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/766440
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/groups/156970
Tagged:   Camping, Pony, Pup
Clothing optional camping retreat. Call for ponies, pups and other critters

Labor Day Weekend

Gummbalaya Rubber Weekend
Rupper Pervs, Rubber Pups, and Rubber Pigs are always welcome!
August 30 – September 2, 2019
New Orleans, Louisiana
Web Site:   http://lsrubber.net/gummbalaya/
Contact:   http://lsrubber.net/contact-us/
Tagged:   Rubber
11th Annual Signature event of the Lone Star Rubber Corps.

September

Great Lakes Leather Alliance
~~CANCELED~~
September 26 – 29, 2019
Indianapolis, Indiana
Web Site:   http://greatlakesleather.org
Contact:   https://greatlakesleather.org/index.php/about-us/contact-us
Tagged:   Leather, Pup
Leather Title Contests including Master, slave, LeatherSIR, Leatherboy, Ms Leather Pride, Power Exchange Triad, Bootblack, and Great Lakes Pup & Trainer. Some contestants withdrew, publishing statements as to their reasons. Refunds have been promised.

Liquid Red Detroit
5th Year
September 28, 2019
Detroit, Michigan
Web Site:   http://www.liquidreddetroit.com/
Info:   liquidredlv@gmail.com
Tagged:   Fetish, Pony, Pup
Miss/ Mr Bondage Detroit contest 2019, Hostess Noir Halo, Chaos Talent Fire Shows, Alyssa Jade Rope Bondage, DJ Darks Choir and DJ Phobos, MadameKross Bondage Booth and of course the Liquid Red Design Lingerie Fashion Show.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Fetlife Event  

October

Midwest Leather Weekend
October 4 – 6, 2019
St. Louis, Missouri
Web Site:   http://mrmidwestleather.squarespace.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/MidwestPuppyContest/
Tagged:   Leather
See Mr Midwest Leather and Midwest Puppy Contest, Facebook

DomCon
Pro and Lifestyle BDSM/Fetish
October 10 – 14, 2019
New Orleans, Louisiana
Web Site:   https://www.domcon.com/
Contact:   https://www.domcon.com/home/custom?page=Contact+Us
Tagged:   Fetish, Pup, Pony
Mistress Cyan presents The World’s Premier Professional & Lifestyle Domination Convention. Pet Show and Awards for Cutest Pet * Best Behaved Pet * Best Costume * Best Pet Trick

November

Mr. International Rubber
Rubber Blowout Weekend
November 8 – 10, 2019
Chicago, Illinois
Web Site:   https://mirubber.com/
Tagged:   Rubber, Pup
Lube wrestling, Rubber Pup events, Code Party, and of course, more and more! Market Day is only $10, admission to every event is $200+.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

Brimstone 666
6th Brimstone
November 28 – December 1, 2019
Piscataway, New Jersey
Web Site:   http://brimstone6.com/
Tagged:   BDSM, Pony, Pup, AgePlay
Hotel Takeover. Multi-faceted event that sells out at 600 attendees. More than twenty NY/NJ groups provide volunteers and support for this event.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group  

February

Dark Odyssey Winter Fire
Luxury Hotel Takeover
February 14 – 17, 2020
Washington, District of Columbia
Web Site:   https://darkodyssey.com/
Info:   info@darkodyssey.com
Tagged:   Hedonism, AgePlay, BDSM, Pony, Pup
A vacation weekend where you can explore the many facets of sexuality in a private, intimate community of like-minded people. Performances, BDSM education, spirituality, more. Price changes and discount deals are announced on thier Twitter.
Follow:   Twitter  

17 events in Eastern North America.

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Western North America

March

Vancoufur
Neon City
March 5 – 8, 2020
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Web Site:   https://www.vancoufur.org/
Tickets:   https://www.vancoufur.org/registration
Contact:   https://www.vancoufur.org/about/contact-us
Tagged:   Furry, Fetish, Pup
1000+ attendees expected.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

April

Oklahoma Leatherfest
4th year
April 3 – 5, 2020
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Web Site:   http://www.oklahomaleatherfest.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/oklahoma-leatherfest-2020-registration-58689887032
Contact:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/oklahoma-leatherfest-2020-registration-58689887032
Tagged:   Leather, AgePlay, Pup
24 hour Play Space. Demos, classes, cigar social, Puppy Space, Littles Space. Home of the Heartland Person of Leather Contest.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

Rubber Ball USA
Erotic Ball
April 27, 2019
St. Paul, Minnesota
Web Site:   https://www.rubberballusa.com/
Tagged:   Fetish, Pony, Pup
Rubber Ball USA is an unrepentant annual celebration of fetish culture featuring internationally-renowned performers, models, and fashion designers. Debauchery meets elegance as we fill the Historic Concord Exchange with the most provocative fetish and kink entertainment. Dungeon is VIP access only.

July

ShowMe Leather
5th Annual Show Me Leather Weekend
July 12 – 14, 2019
Kansas City, Missouri
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/5th-annual-show-me-leather-weekend-tickets-59577321372
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/ShowMeLeatherContest/photos/rpp.1983578538570595/2139416836320097/?type=3&theater
Tagged:   Leather
Master/slave; Ms Leather; Person of Leather, Leather Boy; Power Exchange, Puppy & Trainer Competition. Web site may not be running (http://showmeleather.org/). Fetlife Event page

Oklahoma City Kink Weekend
July 18 – 21, 2019
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Web Site:   http://www.okckinkweekend.com/
Info:   alsainder@gmail.com
Tagged:   Leather
Route 66 pup and Route 66 Bootblack in addition to the Mr. Route 66 Leather Competition. Suite of classes (electroplay, flogging, needles, Pup 101, Bootblacking, much more).

Thunder in the Mountains
The one and only Thunder
July 23 – 26, 2020
Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   http://www.thunderinthemountains.com/
Contact:   http://www.thunderinthemountains.com/contacts.html
Tagged:   BDSM, Pony, Pup
Huge play space, puppy mosh pit, and pony track/dedicated pony play space. Host hotel will sell out.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

August

KC Leather and Kink Campout
August 9 – 11, 2019
McLouth, Kansas
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/kc-leather-and-kink-campout-tickets-43915158421
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/359649354680295/
Tagged:   Camping
KC Leather and Kink Campout at Camp Gaea in Elysium section. 2018 classes included An Educated Leathermens Perspective on REAL Puppy and Pony Play by Sir Ken Elder.

Rocky Mountain Rebellion
Rebelling Against Stigma
August 23 – 25, 2019
Salt Lake City, Utah
Web Site:   http://www.rmrebellion.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/RockyMtnRebellion/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, BDSM
The Rebellion is a three day conference focused around Leather, Fetish, BDSM and Power Exchange Relationships. Home of the Rocky Mountain Puppy Trainer and Rocky Mountain Person of Leather contests.

September

West Coast Jungle Gym
WCJG – an Age Play Conference
September 17 – 20, 2020
San Diego, California
Web Site:   https://thewestcoastjunglegym.com/
Tickets:   https://www.facebook.com/The-West-Coast-Jungle-Gym-An-Age-Play-Conference-765901076920350
Info:   wcjgproducer@gmail.com
Tagged:   AgePlay, Pup
North America Lil’s Contest, Rave Diaper Party, Pool Party Social, Old Fashioned BBQ, Movie In/ Footie PJ Party, Dark Age Play Dungeon, Spirit Days, Arts n Crafts, Story Time, Puppy Park, Nursery, Classes, Vendors. Saturday night: DiaperPalooza is the WCJG’s Dance Party & Diaper Meet Up for Diaper Lovers, Pups & Critters who like to get down and boogie. Includes the 2nd Annual Little Scouts Jamboree (Fetlife link)
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Beyond Vanilla
Texas’ premier lifestyle kink event
September 27 – 28, 2019
Dallas, Texas
Web Site:   https://beyondvanilla.org/
Contact:   https://beyondvanilla.org/contact/
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather, Fetish, Pup
Presented by NLA – Dallas. South Central Puppy and Handler Contest.

10 events in Western North America.

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Europe

July

Fetish Week
6 – 14 July, 2019
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   https://www.fetishweek.com/
Contact:   https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdpJO7hcImXhhJ62V-c8KunUFbmwdTr3ihxu0euNfWSCvJwHQ/viewform
Tagged:   Fetish
Leather, Gear, Pup, and more. Walk in London Pride. Sponsored by Recon.com. Click on Contact link to submit an Event – deadline is 28TH FEBRUARY 2019.

September

Puppy Weekend 2019
27 – 29 September, 2019
Vienna, Austria
Web Site:   https://www.lmc-vienna.com/festivals/puppy-weekend/
Tagged:   Pup
The Mr. Puppy Austria Contest happened during Wien in Schwarz | Vienna in Black 2018.

October

Maspalomas Fetish Week
The only European gay fetish event by the beach!
4 – 13 October, 2019
Gran Canaria, Spain
Web Site:   http://www.maspalomasfetishweek.com/
Schedule:   https://www.facebook.com/pg/FetishWeek/events/?ref=page_internal
Tagged:   Fetish, Pup
Maspalomas Fetish Week is one of Europe’s biggest get-togethers for guys who think of leather, uniforms, rubber, sports clothes and other kinky stuff as an act of liberation rather than a costume. Puppy Pub Crawl Oct 7. Piss night Oct 4.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

3 events in Europe.

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Australia / New Zealand

May

Pet and Pony Play Weekend
4 – 6 May, 2018
Queensland, Australia
Web Site:   http://ozfetpets.com.au/
Tagged:   Pony, Pup
Ponygirl Shyanne and Mistress Silver Shadow present a weekend for Owners, Trainers, Handlers, Puppies, Ponygirls, Ponyboys and Strays. Workshops, Parties and More.

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Multiple Locations

Various Dates

International Deaf Leather
25+ years
Varies, International
Web Site:   http://www.internationaldeafleather.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Fetish, Leather, Polyamory, Pony, Pup, Rope, AgePlay
See the Events tab on their web site for a list of major Leather events that are Sign Language & Voice Interpreted.


30+ events

While events listed on this page may be of interest to Leather, BDSM, Furry, Geeky, Kinky, Polyamory, Age Play, or other Alt communities, it is unlikely that all events will be of interest to everyone. Please take what is useful to you and ignore the rest.

Last updated: March 5, 2020 at 14:31 pm

Go to Top

Jul 132018
 

CLICK HERE to add, update, delete an event's listing.NOTE: Links are listed in order by region, then month in which the event normally occurs, not city or specific location. Please click the mouse on the right to send us an update on an event or to suggest an addition.

Jump to:  |  Western North America  |  Europe  |  Africa  | Australia / New Zealand  | 
See only:  |  BDSM  |  Camping  |  Fetish  |  Leather  |  Polyamory  |  Pup  |  Rope  |  Age Play  |  
Click HERE for ALL kinds of events.

Eastern North America

March

Florida Kinky Campout presents Critter Camp
March 7, 2020
Plant City, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.floridakco.com/critter-camp.html
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/floridakco
Tagged:   Camping, Pony, Furry, Pup
Tent Camping – RV spots are limited – Presenters and Playtime. Critter Camp looks to educate and share the various animal modalities ranging from primal play, leather puppies to furries and everything in between. Our goal is to come together as a fuzzy community and share and learn about our differences to see how we all relate! Little are welcomed and encouraged to join us at Critter Camp! Fetlife Group

April

Beat Me In St. Louis
XXII: BDSM Event, Educational Seminars, & Play Party
April 26 – 28, 2019
St. Louis, Missouri
Web Site:   http://beatmeinstl.com/
Contact:   http://beatmeinstl.com/register/
Tagged:   BDSM, Pup, Pony
Hotel takeover. The Mid-West’s Premier BDSM Event, Educational Seminar, & Play Party. Tickets available NOW.

Wingnut Stables Spring Slave Hunt
April 27, 2019
Wingnut Stables, North Carolina
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/753824
Tagged:   Pony, Fetish, Camping
Come run in the woods with us! Or watch the festivities at base camp. Either way, you’ll have a kinky good time! The prey are released into the woods, and then the hunters hunt them down using paintball guns. Hunters that capture prey are allowed to claim the bounty on that prey.

Memorial Day Weekend

Camp Crucible
Clean air, Dirty Living
May 23 – 31, 2020
Darlington, Maryland
Web Site:   http://www.campcrucible.com/
Tagged:   Camping, AgePlay, Fetish, Pony
Every year there is a different theme. There be Pirates! The best Pony Camp as always. KidsCamp.
Follow:   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

June

Twisted Tryst – The Gathering
Camping with Swingers and Kinksters
June 6 – 9, 2019
Indiana
Web Site:   http://www.twistedtryst.com/
Contact:   https://www.twistedtryst.com/contact
Tagged:   Camping, Pony
Brings swingers, kinksters, and free spirits together. Lodging available for those who don’t or can’t use a tent. Twenty+ seminars in three educational tracks: kink, sexuality, and spirituality. Expect more than 300 attendees.

Dark Odyssey Fusion
Kink, Sex and Spirit
June 23 – 29, 2020
Northern, Maryland
Web Site:   https://darkodyssey.com/
Info:   info@darkodyssey.com
Tagged:   Camping, Hedonism, Pony
A Pet Play and Agility Course is part of Kinky State Fair. Fire spinning, self suspension rope jam, Carnal Casino, exploration stations of Long Night At Camp, and other special events. Price changes and discount deals are announced on thier Twitter.
Follow:   Twitter  

August

Exodus
Third year
August 22 – 25, 2019
New Hampshire
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/766440
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/groups/156970
Tagged:   Camping, Pony, Pup
Clothing optional camping retreat. Call for ponies, pups and other critters

Labor Day Weekend

Montréal Fetish Weekend
A Week Long Celebration of Kink
September 2 – 8, 2020
Montréal, Québec, Canada
Web Site:   http://montrealfetishweekend.com/
Tickets:   https://montrealfetishweekend.com/tickets/
Contact:   https://montrealfetishweekend.com/contact/
Schedule:   https://montrealfetishweekend.com/events/
Tagged:   Fetish, Pony
16th year: 5 days and 5 nights, numerous parties. One of the world’s largest fetish gatherings. Join their email list to get discounts.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Facebook Group   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group   Youtube  

Southern Decadence
48th Year
August 29 – September 2, 2019
New Orleans, Louisiana
Web Site:   http://www.southerndecadence.net
Info:   info@southerndecadence.net
Tagged:   Pony, Parade, Fetish
https://www.facebook.com/SouthernDecadenceNOLA/, https://www.facebook.com/southerndecadence/, Facebook, Ponies!, Fetlife, Contact @poniegirl

September

Ponies In The Northland
Second Year
September 13 – 15, 2019
Duluth, Minnesota
Web Site:   http://ponysinthenorthland.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ponys-in-the-northland-tickets-63580898178
Info:   foxden@mfi.net
Tagged:   Pony, Camping
Pony time, presenters, barn dance, camping, at the original venue for the IPPC, Dark Paradise.

Twisted Tryst – Rendezvous
Camping with Kinksters
September 12 – 15, 2019
Indiana
Web Site:   http://www.twistedtryst.com
Contact:   https://www.twistedtryst.com/contact
Tagged:   Camping, Pony
Brings swingers, kinksters, and free spirits together. Lodging available for those who don’t or can’t use a tent. Twenty+ seminars in three educational tracks: kink, sexuality, and spirituality. Expect more than 300 attendees.

Liquid Red Detroit
5th Year
September 28, 2019
Detroit, Michigan
Web Site:   http://www.liquidreddetroit.com/
Info:   liquidredlv@gmail.com
Tagged:   Fetish, Pony, Pup
Miss/ Mr Bondage Detroit contest 2019, Hostess Noir Halo, Chaos Talent Fire Shows, Alyssa Jade Rope Bondage, DJ Darks Choir and DJ Phobos, MadameKross Bondage Booth and of course the Liquid Red Design Lingerie Fashion Show.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Fetlife Event  

Wingnut Stables Fall Slave Hunt
September 28, 2019
Wingnut Stables, North Carolina
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/788836
Tickets:   https://www.groop.zone/event/135
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/Caretta
Tagged:   Pony
Come run in the woods with us! Or watch the festivities at base camp. Either way, you’ll have a kinky good time! The prey are released into the woods, and then the hunters hunt them down using paintball guns. Hunters that capture prey are allowed to claim the bounty on that prey. Raffle (on Fetlife)
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group  

October

DomCon
Pro and Lifestyle BDSM/Fetish
October 10 – 14, 2019
New Orleans, Louisiana
Web Site:   https://www.domcon.com/
Contact:   https://www.domcon.com/home/custom?page=Contact+Us
Tagged:   Fetish, Pup, Pony
Mistress Cyan presents The World’s Premier Professional & Lifestyle Domination Convention. Pet Show and Awards for Cutest Pet * Best Behaved Pet * Best Costume * Best Pet Trick

Jax Fet Fest
Oct 10 – 13, 2019
Jacksonville, Florida
Web Site:   https://www.clubkinkjax.com/jax-fet-fest/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/tickets-to-attend-the-2019-1st-annual-jax-fet-fest-october-10-13th-tickets-71221869529
Contact:   https://www.clubkinkjax.com/contact-us/
Tagged:   BDSM, Pony, Rope
Classes, Vendors, Raffles, Games, Dungeon time, based at Club Kink Jax. Buck of the Waterhole is presenting pony play. Blaise and Raven presenting rope. Marshall of EMT Toys leads the Spank A Thon.
Follow:   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

November

Ponies, Critters and Kinksters in the Swamp
Camping with Criters and Kinksters
November 8 – 10, 2019
Springfield, Louisiana
Web Site:   https://www.poniesonthedelta.net/kinksters-critters
Tagged:   Pony
This event is a laid back event where ponies and handlers can mingle, practice, and learn. Carts and a 4-wheeled buggy will be available to play with and whatever tack anyone may need is also available.

Brimstone 666
6th Brimstone
November 28 – December 1, 2019
Piscataway, New Jersey
Web Site:   http://brimstone6.com/
Tagged:   BDSM, Pony, Pup, AgePlay
Hotel Takeover. Multi-faceted event that sells out at 600 attendees. More than twenty NY/NJ groups provide volunteers and support for this event.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group  

February

Dark Odyssey Winter Fire
Luxury Hotel Takeover
February 14 – 17, 2020
Washington, District of Columbia
Web Site:   https://darkodyssey.com/
Info:   info@darkodyssey.com
Tagged:   Hedonism, AgePlay, BDSM, Pony, Pup
A vacation weekend where you can explore the many facets of sexuality in a private, intimate community of like-minded people. Performances, BDSM education, spirituality, more. Price changes and discount deals are announced on thier Twitter.
Follow:   Twitter  

18 events in Eastern North America.

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Western North America

April

Rubber Ball USA
Erotic Ball
April 27, 2019
St. Paul, Minnesota
Web Site:   https://www.rubberballusa.com/
Tagged:   Fetish, Pony, Pup
Rubber Ball USA is an unrepentant annual celebration of fetish culture featuring internationally-renowned performers, models, and fashion designers. Debauchery meets elegance as we fill the Historic Concord Exchange with the most provocative fetish and kink entertainment. Dungeon is VIP access only.

May

Through the Looking Glass
You Matter
May 18, 2019
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/740899
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, Pony
Donations only. At The Source, Jaki Griot speaking on Perverts of Color; International Bear 2018 speaking on revisionist history and how to fix it; Mauro: Confessions of an AIDS lawyer; Russel on hooks, hooking, and suspension. Both theory and hands on; Elaina de la Mer speaking on humiliation; Alibi and Single tail. Two dungeons. Pet parade.

June

Colorado Kinky Camping
June 11 – 15, 2020
Near Lakewood, Colorado
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/807898
Contact:   COKinkyCamping@yahoo.com
Tagged:   Camping, Pony
First of the season. Get you tents, bows and arrows, floggers, rope, pony carts or whatever does it for you and drive up to the mountains for play, classes, and comeraderie. Web site kinkycamping.com is out of date. About 60 miles from Denver or Colorado Springs
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

July

Thunder in the Mountains
The one and only Thunder
July 23 – 26, 2020
Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   http://www.thunderinthemountains.com/
Contact:   http://www.thunderinthemountains.com/contacts.html
Tagged:   BDSM, Pony, Pup
Huge play space, puppy mosh pit, and pony track/dedicated pony play space. Host hotel will sell out.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

August

EQUUS International Pony Play Event
Pony Contest
August 9 – 11, 2019
Los Angeles, California
Web Site:   http://www.equusippe.com/
Contact:   http://www.equusippe.com/contact/
Tagged:   Pony
Tickets. This link also shows the schedule, and many details about the event.

KC Leather and Kink Campout
August 9 – 11, 2019
McLouth, Kansas
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/kc-leather-and-kink-campout-tickets-43915158421
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/359649354680295/
Tagged:   Camping
KC Leather and Kink Campout at Camp Gaea in Elysium section. 2018 classes included An Educated Leathermens Perspective on REAL Puppy and Pony Play by Sir Ken Elder.

NAPTC – North American Pony Trainer Contest
Pony Title contest at Sanctuary-LAX
August 14 – 15, 2020
Los Angeles, California
Web Site:   http://www.northamericanponytrainercontest.com/
Contact:   http://www.northamericanponytrainercontest.com/contact/
Tagged:   Leather, Pony
The winner(s) of this contest will go forth to share their knowledge and love of pony play through teaching and mentoring those within the leather, kink and fetish communities. Judges for 2020: Ms Liza and her slave, Jody – Rebecca Wilcox – Mistress Cyan – Trixie LaFontaine

Burning Man
August 25 – September 2, 2019
Black Rock City, Nevada
Web Site:   https://burningman.org/
Contact:   https://burningman.org/network/get-involved/connect-with-burners/
Tagged:   Burning Man, Pony, Camping
A city in the desert. A culture of possibility. A network of dreamers and doers.

September

Rebooted Revamped
A weekend of education, community, and play.
September 11 – 13, 2020
Tucson, Arizona
Web Site:   http://rebootedrevamped.org/
Tickets:   https://rebootedrevamped2020.eventbrite.com/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Rope, Polyamory, Pony
A dynamic, volunteer driven, inclusive event committed to creating consent culture. Education and empowerment of our diverse communities will be provided by cultivating a social environment with workshops and play space. Wide variety of education including Bootblacking; Pony Play; Rope; Relatsionships / Polyamory, and mild to wild SM. Volunteer @ this link.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Folsom Street Fair
Worlds Largest Leather Event, Sunday
September 29, 2019
San Fransisco, California
Web Site:   https://www.folsomstreetevents.org/folsom-street-fair/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Fetish, Parade, Pony
250,000 fetish enthusiasts spread out over 13 city blocks. Keep an eye on the Calendar

After Folsom Fuck Fest
September 29, 2019
San Fransisco, California
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/283816
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Fetish, Parade, Pony
6:00 PM – 4:00 AM at Power Exchange. We know that a lot of you will be coming to Folsom, but… How many of you came to cum?. $10 Discount if you mention you saw this party on FetLife!

11 events in Western North America.

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Australia / New Zealand

May

Pet and Pony Play Weekend
4 – 6 May, 2018
Queensland, Australia
Web Site:   http://ozfetpets.com.au/
Tagged:   Pony, Pup
Ponygirl Shyanne and Mistress Silver Shadow present a weekend for Owners, Trainers, Handlers, Puppies, Ponygirls, Ponyboys and Strays. Workshops, Parties and More.

August

Perth’s Annual Ponyplay Event
Third Year
August 10, 2019
Private property, Mt. Helena, Western Australia
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/809555
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/users/1454969
Tagged:   Pony
Open to all levels of ponyplayers and their trainers, there’s something for every level of experience. There will also be a Best Presented Pony competition and a barbecue and bonfire to end the event.

2 events in Australia / New Zealand.

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Multiple Locations

Various Dates

International Deaf Leather
25+ years
Varies, International
Web Site:   http://www.internationaldeafleather.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Fetish, Leather, Polyamory, Pony, Pup, Rope, AgePlay
See the Events tab on their web site for a list of major Leather events that are Sign Language & Voice Interpreted.


30+ events

While events listed on this page may be of interest to Leather, BDSM, Furry, Geeky, Kinky, Polyamory, Age Play, or other Alt communities, it is unlikely that all events will be of interest to everyone. Please take what is useful to you and ignore the rest.

Last updated: March 5, 2020 at 14:24 pm

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Jul 132018
 

CLICK HERE to add, update, delete an event's listing.NOTE: Links are listed in order by region, then month in which the event normally occurs, not city or specific location. Please click the mouse on the right to send us an update on an event or to suggest an addition.

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Click HERE for ALL kinds of events.

Eastern North America

March

Tethered Together
Rope, Yoga, and Shenanigans: Rope Reimagined
March 13 – 16, 2020
Providence, Rhode Island
Web Site:   https://tetheredtogether.net/
Tickets:   https://tetheredtogether.net/tickets/
Info:   info@tetheredtogether.net
Schedule:   https://tetheredtogether.net/schedule-at-a-glance/
Tagged:   Rope, Polyamory
Tethered Together is a convention blending rope bondage, polyamory, circus arts, and dance. We start with rope and bring additional opportunities to learn in all directions. At Tethered, experts in one arena can become dilettantes in others. We have collaborative and exhibition art, attendee-led meetups and socials, open rope space, flow arts and dance space and three nightly dungeon parties in addition to nearly 100 classes plus a Ropenspace!
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

April

Body Magick festival
18th Year
April 16 – 19, 2020
All World Acres, Tampa, Florida
Web Site:   http://divineecstasy.org/bodymagick.htm
Info:   info@divineecstasy.org
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Camping, but some stay at motels a few miles away. Learn and experience sacred sexuality in a safe relaxed atmosphere. Sex magick workshop and ritual, sacred sexuality rites, body painting, erotic massage, chakra dance, poly talk, drum circles, couple’s yoga, heart centered aromatherapy, more.

May

Altsex NYC Conference
5th Annual
May 1, 2020
New York, New York
Web Site:   https://altsexnycconference.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Polyamory
The AltSex NYC Conference is a forum designed to disseminate information in a respectful, sex positive, and affirmative manner, including but not limited to kink and BDSM, polyamory and consensual non-monogamy, non-binary identifications, and non-traditional relationship and kinship structures. NYS SW CE credits are available. Program is AASECT approved.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter  

Chicago Non-Monogamy Conference
Building Community Connection Through Inclusivity
May 18, 2019
Chicago, Illinois
Web Site:   https://chicagononmonogamyconference.com/
Contact:   chicagononmonocon@gmail.com
Tagged:   Polyamory, Academic
Facebook

Network for a New Culture Spring Camp East
The Heart of Knowing
May 15 – 19, 2020
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, West Virginia
Web Site:   https://cfnc.us/springcamp/
Contact:   info@cfnc.us
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Meet other poly people at a deeper level, learn the skills needed to handle your relationships, and become a part of a supportive network of people who share your relationship values…. Spend up to 5 days in a rustic woods-and-water setting, hang out around a bonfire, enjoy a song circle, cuddle up at a snuggle party, learn to take your relationships to the next level, and build connections with others.
Follow:   Facebook Page  

June

Atlanta Poly Weekend
2020 dates coming soon, they say…
June 7 – 9, 2019
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   http://atlantapolyweekend.com/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/ATLPOLYWKND
Tagged:   Polyamory
Atlanta Poly Weekend is a family-friendly three day conference focusing on education, activism, and social networking for ethically non-monogamous people and their supporters. Drag Show, Pool Party, Coffee Socials, Drinks with Presenters, Tons of Classes, Free and Fast STI Testing, and much more!!! Sponsored by The Relationship Equality Foundation
Follow:   Facebook Page  

Black Poly Pride
2nd year
June 4 – 7, 2020
Washington, DC, USA
Web Site:   https://www.blackpolypride.com/
Info:   BlackPolyPride@gmail.com
Tagged:   Polyamory
Unapologetically Black polyamorous conference co-founded by @TheRealChanee & @calicoeyez215. The weekend will include social gatherings, two days of panels and workshops, “family” breakfasts, a Heaux Down, an intensely melanated pool party, and brunch! (What’s a bougie black weekend without brunch?)
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

July

Polywood Camping 2019
July 12 – 14, 2019
Eganville, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://polywoodcamping.wixsite.com/home
Info:   polywood.camping@gmail.com
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
A kid-friendly poly camping weekend, at Raven’s Knoll Campground. Swimming, showerhouse, food truck. Camper hookups available, dogs welcome.

August

RelateCon Atlanta
First Year
August 7 – 9, 2020
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   https://www.relatecon.org/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/relateconatl
Tagged:   Polyamory
RelateCon provides a unique and supportive gathering place for polyamorous people to connect as a community through educational workshops, social spaces, and opportunities for networking. The core value of this conference is to empower healthy relationships across a myriad of configurations.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter  

Network for a New Culture Endless Poly Summer
August 16 – 21, 2019
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, West Virginia
Web Site:   https://cfnc.us/endlesspoly/
Contact:   info@cfnc.us
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Meet other poly people at a deeper level, learn the skills needed to handle your relationships, and become a part of a supportive network of people who share your relationship values…. Spend up to 5 days in a rustic woods-and-water setting, hang out around a bonfire, enjoy a song circle, cuddle up at a snuggle party, learn to take your relationships to the next level, and build connections with others.
Follow:   Facebook Page  

Polycamp Northeast
5th Year
August 14 – 17, 2020
Lakes Region, New Hampshire
Web Site:   http://polycampne.com/
Info:   polycampne@gmail.com
Tagged:   Polyamory, Camping
PolyCamp NorthEast is a place for polyamorous folks to come together to relax, learn, play and create community. For one fabulous weekend, we will take over a large summer camp in the beautiful New Hampshire Lakes Region. We hope you will join us! Registration Deadline is in July. The agenda is set in an unconference style.

Steel City Eroticon
and The Bondage Ball
August 15 – 17, 2019
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   https://bodyshopclubs.com/events/23681
Tickets:   https://bodyshopclubs.com/events/23681/orders/new
Contact:   events@bodyshopclubs.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish, Polyamory
Poly mixer Thursday 7-9. Vending, art exhibits throughout the weelend. Saturday classes range from Kink 101 to Vulva Casting. Polyamory Discussion Panel. Erotic Fashion Show 5 PM Saturday. Saturday night Bondage Ball is a 21+ BYOB event, listed here separately. There are off-site play events.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

September

Sex Down South
~Fluid~: 5th Annual Atlanta Sexuality Conference.
September 5 – 7, 2019
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   https://www.sexdownsouth.com/
Tickets:   https://www.sexdownsouth.com/registration
Info:   marla@sexdownsouth.com
Tagged:   Sex
Sacred/Spiritual/Tantric Sexuality ~ Religion & Sexuality ~ BDSM/Kink/Costume Play ~ Polyamory/Non-monogamy ~ Sex in the South/Geographical implications on Sexuality ~ Race & Sexuality ~ Aging & Sexuality ~ Disability & Sexuality ~ Youth Sex Education ~ Communication & Healthy Relationships ~ Single Life ~ Trans*, Gender Non-Conforming & Genderqueer Sexualities ~ Lesbian/Gay/Same Gender Loving/Bisexual/Queer Sexualities ~ Reproductive Justice ~ Sex Worker Rights ~ Trauma and Sexuality
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

SexPo Cleveland 2018
3rd Annual
September 7, 2018
Cleveland, Ohio
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/2029227637313975/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/SAVEatCWRU/
Tagged:   Polyamory, BDSM
Hosted by CWRU Greek Life and SAVE, SexPo is a convention intended to remove the taboo associated with openly discussing sex and sexuality. We aim to open minds and push boundaries, giving everyone the chance to ask questions they may not be able to ask in any other setting, generate an ongoing dialogue regarding sex and sexuality, and encourage a sex-positive culture throughout Case Western and the greater community. (2019 date pending)

October

Network for a New Culture Fall Camp East
Re-Inventing Society
October 11 – 15, 2019
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, West Virginia
Web Site:   https://cfnc.us/fallcamp/
Contact:   info@cfnc.us
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
2019 Theme: Co-Creation. The CFNC team will offer the basics: an event orientation, opening circle, ZEGG Forums, Connection Pods, Boundaries training, Sensual Space orientation, and a Love Ceremony. Other than that, the workshops and activities are up to you! Any and all participants have the chance to offer a workshop, and participants also get to choose which workshops happen at camp.
Follow:   Facebook Page  

November

KinkyCon
KINKYCON XIII
November 8 – 10, 2019
Manchester, New Hampshire
Web Site:   http://www.kinkyconnh.com/
Contact:   http://www.kinkyconnh.com/contact
Tagged:   BDSM, Polyamory
Kinky Con is an annual conference celebrating the education and exploration of BDSM, polyamory, gender identity, alternative sexuality, and welcoming people of all ages (18+), race, sexual orientation, gender identity, and spiritual belief.

Beyond The Love
VII
November 13 – 15, 2020
Columbus, Ohio
Web Site:   http://www.beyondthelove.org/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/BeyondTheLovePolyamory/
Tagged:   Polyamory
Education, workshops, social activities, meeting other polyamory people, and fun!

December

Network for a New Culture – New Year’s Celebration
December 28 2019 – January 2, 2020
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, West Virginia
Web Site:   https://cfnc.us/newyear/
Contact:   info@cfnc.us
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Lightly-programmed, co-created Community Reunion, with an awesome Year’s Eve celebration, daily ZEGG Forums. An alcohol and drug free event. Mailing List
Follow:   Facebook Page  

February

Poly Living 2020
15th year
February 7 – 9, 2020
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/philadelphia/
Tickets:   https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/product/2020-poly-living-conference-weekend-registration/
Contact:   https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/aboutus/contactus/
Tagged:   Polyamory
Early Registration ends December 15. Keynote – Workshops – Community – Connections. Loving More’s Poly Living Conferences are focused on polyamory and open relationships; a place to learn skills, explore, and connect with polyamorous open minded singles, couples, triads & networks.

Network for a New Culture Winter Poly Wonderland
February 14 – 17, 2020
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, West Virginia
Web Site:   https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/
Tickets:   info@cfnc.us
Contact:   https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Network for a New Culture explores building intimate sustainable community through practices of curiosity, transparency, self-exploration, and self-responsibility.
Follow:   Facebook Page  

20 events in Eastern North America.

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Western North America

March

Polytopia
4th Annual
March 29 – 31, 2019
Portland, Oregon
Web Site:   https://www.sexpositiveworld.com/polytopia
Info:   gabriella@sexpositiveworld.org
Tagged:   Polyamory
Polyamory and open relationship symposium and celebration. The 2018 event sold out with a capacity of 150. Sponsored by The Portland Oregon Chapter of Sex Positive World. From the 2019 blurb: This three day weekend exploration of polyamory includes an opening night gala, workshops, panel discussions, a poly house party and a guided poly massage-a-trois. Come learn, play, and explore your edges. Learn from our experienced and inspiring presenters sharing knowledge, tips, and wisdom while we celebrate a passion for loving more. Bring your friends and extended poly family, meet new friends and lovers, find your people!
Follow:   Facebook Page  

April

Southwest Love Fest: A Conference on Ethical Non-Monogamy
3rd year
April 2 – 5, 2020
Tucson, Arizona
Web Site:   https://www.swlovefest.com/
Info:   SouthWestLoveFest@gmail.com
Tagged:   Polyamory
An open space to find community and learn from the diverse relationship experiences of others. Speakers and workshops with a progarm expanded from 2018’s, which can be seen here.. This event is expected to take over it’s host hotel.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page  

Poly Big Fun
Polyamory!
April 12 – 14, 2019
Austin, Texas
Web Site:   http://www.polybigfun.org/
Tagged:   Polyamory, Camping
Bastrop Barracks at Bastrop State Park was the location for Poly Big Fun. The conference is virtual in 2019 as it was in 2018. Dates are approximate.

Solo Polyamory Conference 2020
4th Year
April 18 – 19, 2020
Manhattan, New York, NY
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/SoPoCo.int/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/solo-polyamory-unconference-2020-tickets-79927885457
Tagged:   Polyamory
Expect more than 100 in attendance. Mailing List
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page  

RelateCon
4th Year
April 24 – 26, 2020
Boise, Idaho
Web Site:   https://www.relatecon.org/
Tickets:   https://www.tickettailor.com/events/relatecon/288657#
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/Relatecon/
Schedule:   https://www.relatecon.org/blank-1
Tagged:   Polyamory
RelateCon provides a unique and supportive gathering place for polyamorous people to connect as a community through educational workshops, social spaces, and opportunities for networking. The core value of this conference is to empower healthy relationships across a myriad of configurations.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

Rocky Mountain Poly Living
7th year
April 24 – 26, 2020
Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/rmpl-denver/
Contact:   LovingMore@LoveMore.com
Tagged:   Polyamory
Loving More’s Poly Living Conferences are focused on polyamory and open relationships; a place to learn skills, explore, and connect with polyamorous open minded singles, couples, triads & networks.

June

Colorado Poly Weekend
Fifth Year
June 25 – 29, 2020
Steamboat Springs, Colorado
Web Site:   https://www.coloradopolyweekend.org/
Tickets:   https://www.coloradopolyweekend.org/request-to-register
Contact:   https://www.coloradopolyweekend.org/contact-us
Tagged:   Polyamory
An annual long weekend retreat for polyamorous people and people in poly-relationships to hang out together in a poly-normative, accepting environment. Held at a Lodge the weekend includes gourmet dining, outdoor activities, adult board games, and discussion group meetings.

July

Rocky Mountain Family Camp Out
17th Year
July 9 – 13, 2020
Aspen, Colorado
Web Site:   https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/rocky-mountain-campout/
Contact:   robyn@lovemore.com
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Hiking, playing, and just hanging out with other polyamouous families from the Rocky Mountain Region. Registration due to be online March 2020

Minnesota PolyCon
3rd year
July 18, 2020
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Web Site:   https://www.mnpolycon.org/
Info:   mnpolycon@gmail.com
Tagged:   Polyamory
This one-day event will likely include workshops and presentations on sex positivity & consent, anatomy of arousal, solo poly, polyamory & mental health, poly & parenting, poly & religion, deconstructing jealousy, being out & poly, and fundamentals of good communication for your polycule. See their Meetup group for more information.
Follow:   Facebook Group   Meetup Group  

PolyDallas Millennium
5th Annual Symposium
July 24 – 26, 2020
Dallas, Texas
Web Site:   http://www.polydallasmillennium.com/
Info:   polydallasmillennium@gmail.com
Tagged:   Polyamory
Did not happen in 2019 – return planned in 2020. PolyDallas Millennium is a sex-positive sexual health symposium that is a platform for marginalized and oppressed groups. We provide education on ethical non-monogamous relationships in an oppressive and stigmatizing society. Educators, activists, and community leaders that are representative of the attendees engage the audience in shared language and experiences.

August

Loving More Oregon Retreat
August 14 – 17, 2020
Vernonia, Oregon
Web Site:   https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyamory-retreat/
Tickets:   https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyamory-retreat/registration-pricing/
Tagged:   Polyamory, Camping
After a four-year hiatus, the Loving More summer retreat is back. The site is about 30 miles north of Portland in view of Mount St. Helens. The agenda is determined by the attendees, in unconference style.

Village of PolyParadise
August 31 – September 7, 2020
Burning Man, Nevada
Web Site:   http://www.polyparadise.com/
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Poly Paradise has been running at Burning Man for two decades. This is a large theme camp cluster, typically 200 x 500 feet, with 250 to 300 campers, about a third of them new each year. Workshops and events include Heart of Now, Poly High Tea (now with Poly High Juice Box), the famous Human Carcass Wash, the Hiney Hygiene Station, Mind Melt, Revolutionary Honesty, and a poly mixer.

September

Rebooted Revamped
A weekend of education, community, and play.
September 11 – 13, 2020
Tucson, Arizona
Web Site:   http://rebootedrevamped.org/
Tickets:   https://rebootedrevamped2020.eventbrite.com/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Rope, Polyamory, Pony
A dynamic, volunteer driven, inclusive event committed to creating consent culture. Education and empowerment of our diverse communities will be provided by cultivating a social environment with workshops and play space. Wide variety of education including Bootblacking; Pony Play; Rope; Relatsionships / Polyamory, and mild to wild SM. Volunteer @ this link.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

13 events in Western North America.

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Europe

April

OpenCon València
Spring 2020 dates to be announced
Alboraig, València, Spain
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/poliamorvalencia/
Tagged:   Polyamory
Un esdeveniment per a compartir experiències sobre les relacions afectives ètiques no normatives: Poliamor, Anarquia Relacional, Xarxes Afectives, etc. Un cap de setmana de debats, tallers i activitats lúdiques que ens brindaran l’oportunitat de conèixer gent amb idees i actituds obertes entorn a les relacions afectives. Un espai on compartir experiències i inquietuds sobre models de vincles entre les persones, des d’una perspectiva feminista, solidària i basada en el respecte. El contingut de l’OpenCon el proporcionen les persones assistents, per la qual cosa cada convocatòria és una sorpresa i una experiència única.

LIFESEXPERTS Conference in Porto
With Leah
April 6 – 8, 2019
Porto, Portugal
Web Site:   https://www.lifesexperts.com/events
Contact:   https://www.lifesexperts.com/contact-us
Tagged:   Polyamory
Saturday, 6th April: Transform Your Relationships Through Better Communication. Sunday, 7th April: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink & BDSM – The Community, The Events, The Greater Potential for Pleasure. Monday, 8th April: The Art of Consent: Safe and Pleasurable Sexual Exploration

June

International OpenCon Catalonia
8th Year
June 7 – 10, 2019
Galliners, Catalonia, Spain
Web Site:   https://opencon.cat/
Tagged:   Polyamory
IOCC is a weekend-long meeting in the Catalan countryside, open to anyone who knows that happy and honest relationships don’t have to be monogamous. It combines discussions, workshops and socialising to give you a chance to meet like-minded people, to build our community, and to celebrate its diversity. Fully booked, register for wait list.

Kleines Polytreffen, Summer
June 9 – 14, 2020
Rommerz bei Fulda, Germany
Web Site:   https://polyamory.de/polytreffen
Tagged:   Polyamory
Seit Frühjahr 2008 organisiert das Polyamore Netzwerk mindestens zweimal im Jahr (Frühjahr und Herbst) überregionale Treffen, auf denen sich polyamore Menschen zum Austausch, zur Vernetzung, zur Fortbildung und zur Organisation von Aktivitäten treffen. Die Teilnehmer_innenzahl eines solchen überregionalen “Großen Polytreffen”, das ein (verlängertes) Wochenende lang dauert, beträgt je nach Veranstaltungsformat zwischen 40 bis 150 Personen. Auf den großen Veranstaltungen wurden bis zu 70 Workshops, Gesprächsrunden und andere Events von den TeilnehmerInnen selbstorganisiert angeboten.

September

OpenCon Madrid
5th Year
11 – 13 Septiembre, 2020
Madrid, Spain
Web Site:   https://openconmadrid.com/
Tagged:   Polyamory
An international event open to all those who want to discover that happy and sincere relations are not necessarily monogamous.This is a self-organized unconvention in the style of OpenCon Catalonia and the original OpenCon in the UK.The working language is Castilian. Capacity 70 people.

Kleines Polytreffen, Fall
September 23 – 27, 2020
Rommerz bei Fulda, Germany
Web Site:   https://polyamory.de/polytreffen
Tagged:   Polyamory
Seit Frühjahr 2008 organisiert das Polyamore Netzwerk mindestens zweimal im Jahr (Frühjahr und Herbst) überregionale Treffen, auf denen sich polyamore Menschen zum Austausch, zur Vernetzung, zur Fortbildung und zur Organisation von Aktivitäten treffen. Die Teilnehmer_innenzahl eines solchen überregionalen “Großen Polytreffen”, das ein (verlängertes) Wochenende lang dauert, beträgt je nach Veranstaltungsformat zwischen 40 bis 150 Personen. Auf den großen Veranstaltungen wurden bis zu 70 Workshops, Gesprächsrunden und andere Events von den TeilnehmerInnen selbstorganisiert angeboten.

October

Polyday 2019
October 12, 2019
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   http://2019.polyday.org.uk/
Tickets:   http://2019.polyday.org.uk/tickets
Contact:   http://2019.polyday.org.uk/contact-us
Tagged:   Polyamory
Come and meet hundreds of people that identify as non-monogamous at the largest event in Europe on polyamory, Relationship Anarchy and other forms of non-monogamy. Discussions might be happening on the Poly London Meetup Group.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Twitter  

November

Non-Monogamies and Contemporary Intimacies Conference
3rd NMCI
14 – 16 November 2019
Barcelona, Spain
Web Site:   https://nmciconference.wordpress.com/
Info:   nmciconference@gmail.com
Tagged:   Polyamory, LGBTQ
NMCI aims to continue to bring together academics, therapists/counsellors, artists, activists and other practitioners to address the conditions, experiences, challenges, and opportunities involved in interpersonal relationships that go beyond paradigms such as compulsory monogamy or compulsory (hetero-)sexuality. The transformations that are happening within the framework of our sex-affective relationships are crossed by an uncountable number of intersections that draw their meaning from their potentialities, but also the violence that operates in them and the subversive potential that they articulate.

February

Kleines Polytreffen, Winter
February 21 – 25, 2020
Rommerz bei Fulda, Germany
Web Site:   https://polyamory.de/polytreffen
Tagged:   Polyamory
Seit Frühjahr 2008 organisiert das Polyamore Netzwerk mindestens zweimal im Jahr (Frühjahr und Herbst) überregionale Treffen, auf denen sich polyamore Menschen zum Austausch, zur Vernetzung, zur Fortbildung und zur Organisation von Aktivitäten treffen. Die Teilnehmer_innenzahl eines solchen überregionalen “Großen Polytreffen”, das ein (verlängertes) Wochenende lang dauert, beträgt je nach Veranstaltungsformat zwischen 40 bis 150 Personen. Auf den großen Veranstaltungen wurden bis zu 70 Workshops, Gesprächsrunden und andere Events von den TeilnehmerInnen selbstorganisiert angeboten.

9 events in Europe.

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Multiple Locations

Various Dates

International Deaf Leather
25+ years
Varies, International
Web Site:   http://www.internationaldeafleather.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Fetish, Leather, Polyamory, Pony, Pup, Rope, AgePlay
See the Events tab on their web site for a list of major Leather events that are Sign Language & Voice Interpreted.

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Resources

Alan’s List of Polyamory Events
International
Web Site:   http://polyevents.blogspot.com/
Tagged:   Polyamory

Facebook
Search for events on Facebook
International
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/search/groups/?q=polyamory
Tagged:   Polyamory
This searches for Groups that have “polyamory” in the description or name.

Fetlife
Search for events in Fetlife
International
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/near_me_in_city
Tagged:   Polyamory
Also, use the general search by clicking here and then scrolling down to the Events section. The search results are in date order.

Hella Polyamorous
California
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/hellapolyam/
Tagged:   Polyamory
Announces events. Mostly San Francisco.

Meetup
Poly and Open Relationships event finder
International
Web Site:   https://www.meetup.com/topics/polyamory-and-open-relationships/
Tagged:   Polyamory
Also try https://www.meetup.com/topics/polyamory/

5 events in Resources.

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Virtual

September

Bi Visibility Day
Rock out the Pink, Purple and Blue
September 23, 2019
Worldwide
Web Site:   http://www.bivisibilityday.com/
Contact:   http://twitter.com/bivisibilityday
Tagged:   LGBTQ+, Polyamory
International Celebrate Bisexuality Day, has been marked each year since 1999 to highlight biphobia and to help people find the bisexual community.


40+ events

While events listed on this page may be of interest to Leather, BDSM, Furry, Geeky, Kinky, Polyamory, Age Play, or other Alt communities, it is unlikely that all events will be of interest to everyone. Please take what is useful to you and ignore the rest.

Last updated: March 5, 2020 at 13:41 pm

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Jul 132018
 

CLICK HERE to add, update, delete an event's listing.NOTE: Links are listed in order by region, then month in which the event normally occurs, not city or specific location. Please click the mouse on the right to send us an update on an event or to suggest an addition.

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Click HERE for ALL kinds of events.

Eastern North America

March

Florida Kinky Campout presents Critter Camp
March 7, 2020
Plant City, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.floridakco.com/critter-camp.html
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/floridakco
Tagged:   Camping, Pony, Furry, Pup
Tent Camping – RV spots are limited – Presenters and Playtime. Critter Camp looks to educate and share the various animal modalities ranging from primal play, leather puppies to furries and everything in between. Our goal is to come together as a fuzzy community and share and learn about our differences to see how we all relate! Little are welcomed and encouraged to join us at Critter Camp! Fetlife Group

MX Virginia Leather Contest Weekend
2nd year! Virginia’s MX Leather Contest
March 13 – 14, 2020
Richmond, Virginia
Web Site:   https://mxvirginialeather.com/
Tickets:   https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4251495
Contact:   https://mxvirginialeather.com/contact/
Tagged:   Leather
This Leather Contest is all inclusive regardless of gender or sexual identity. Meet and Greet on Friday night, contest on Saturday. Vendors, afterparty, bootblacks, more. All events will happen at Fallout.

Leather Fleamarket & Play #39
Vendors and Dungeon time
March 21, 2020
Washington, District of Columbia
Web Site:   http://www.the-crucible.com/
Tagged:   Vendor Faire
Vending is 11-7. Play starts at 9 pm.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group  

Leather Leadership Conference 2020
LLC XXIV: Leaders Serving Leaders
March 20 – 22, 2020
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   http://www.leatherleadership.org
Tickets:   https://llc2020.eventbrite.com/
Contact:   http://www.leatherleadership.org/index.php/contact
Tagged:   Leadership, History, Education
Follow:   Facebook Page   Facebook Group   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group   Youtube  

Twisting Culture
@ The Playhouse
March 20 – 22, 2020
Baltimore, Maryland
Web Site:   http://www.twistingculture.com/
Tickets:   https://www.twistingculture.com/index.php/register
Contact:   rsvp@twistingculture.com
Tagged:   Leather
A celebration of the diversity found in the Leather Culture throughout the northeast alternative sex-positive community! Northeast Person of Leather Region contest feeds International Person of Leather (Sin City). Classes and auctions by day, Carnality Carnival play party at night.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter   Fetlife Page  

April

MTTA Academy
slave Weekend (Females)
April 2 – 5, 2020
Springfield, Virginia
Web Site:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/
Schedule:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/curriculum
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
An intense weekend experience, retreat-like, aimed to find your true slave heart, life introspection and clarity for your future. This event is open to males (cis or trans) slaves / subs regardless of their level of experience. If the event is full, ask for waitlist status.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

The M/s Gathering
5th Year: Learn, Share, Grow
April 16 – 19, 2020
Wilmington, Delaware
Web Site:   http://themsgathering.com/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM
2019 sold out in January. Registration scheduled to be available October 1.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Bikers Bears & Mayhem
Bears, Leather, Fetish, Bikers and Pups
April 23 – 27, 2020
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   http://www.bearsbikersandmayhem.com
Tickets:   https://www.bearsbikersandmayhem.com/event/run-passes-tickets/
Info:   charles@bearsbikersandmayhem.com
Tagged:   Leather
The first large event in the US to combine the Bear, Leather, Fetish, Motorcycle and Puppy Communities.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

CLAW
CLAW 19
April 25 – 28, 2019
Cleveland, Ohio
Web Site:   https://www.clawinfo.org/
Tagged:   Leather

Shenanigans Leather/Kink Weekend
Issue: 3!
April 24 – 26, 2020
Sawmill, Dade City, Florida
Web Site:   http://shenanigansleatherandkink.com/
Contact:   http://shenanigansleatherandkink.com/contact/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Camping
Demos, Classes, Vendors, the Florida Critter Contest, and SHENANIGANS in an atmosphere of inclusivity. Vendor Application
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page  

The Stone Soup Run
April 26 – 28, 2019
Camp River’s Edge, Dewy Rose, Georgia
Web Site:   http://www.cesentinels.org/run-info/
Tagged:   Camping, Leather
Presented by the Coastal Empire Sentinels. Facebook Membership to the campground and accommodations are the responsibility of attendees. New membership is $20 and primative tent sites are $20/night. RV sites and cabins are also available though we encourage tenting with us down by the river. Facilities include bathhouses, heated pool, hot tub and the trails.

May

Bear Mayhem
8th Year – The Bear camp out for Charity
May 3 – 5, 2019
Camp River’s Edge, Dewy Rose, Georgia
Web Site:   http://www.bearmayhem.com/
Info:   wturpin1970@gmail.com
Tagged:   Leather
Proceeds benefit Lost N Found Youth. VIP pass for 2 meals and endless cocktail parties.

International Olympus Leather
Promoting A Positive Image of the Leather Lifestyle
May 3 – 5, 2019
Augusta, Georgia
Web Site:   http://www.olympusleather.com/
Tagged:   Leather
The Olympus Leather Mr/Ms/Mx International & Regional Titles seek to promulgate traditional Leather values without bias regarding an individual’s age, ability or identity.

NC Leather Contest
2019
May 4, 2019
Charlotte, North Carolina
Web Site:   http://northcarolinaleathercontest.com/
Contact:   NCLeatherContest@gmail.com
Tagged:   Leather
Contestants will compete for the tile of (Mr. or Ms. or Mx) North Carolina Leather. The winner will represent the Tradesmen and the State of NC as our Leather Representative. This is a feeder for SELF.

Camp Pahsome
May 10 – 12, 2019
Camp River’s Edge, Dewy Rose, Georgia
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/camp-pahsome-tickets-48972674588
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/249606279216551/
Tagged:   Leather, Pup, Camping
Join 2017 Southeast puppy pup Havoc to celebrate the unique bond of pups and handlers with food, fun, drinks, and classes.

Beyond Leather
BL 13 – Positive Energy
May 28 – 30, 2020
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Web Site:   http://beyondleather.net/
Info:   slavebonnie@beyondleather.net
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
IPE Contest
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Memorial Day Weekend

Alterna-Prom
Theme is Space Farce this year
May 23, 2020
Tampa, Florida
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/191717515523160/
Tagged:   LGBTQ+
Hosted by UNITY Leather and Fetish and Christoph’s. SPACE, the queerer frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship UNITY. Its one night mission: to seek out people who did not go to their Prom (or couldn’t) as who they are or with who they wanted; to seek out new and exciting memories; to boldly go as your bad selves. Enlist with our crew at Alterna-Prom and help build a strange new world of excitement. Use code “CRI” to reserve hotel room at this link by May 2.

International Mr. Leather
May 23 – 27, 2019
Chicago, Illinois
Web Site:   http://www.imrl.com/
Info:   info@imrl.com
Tagged:   Leather
IML and International Mr. Bootblack contests. Twitter Congratulations to Mr. Jack Thompson! #JackIsMyIML

June

Revival Kamp
In the Pioneer Valley area of Western Massachusetts
June 2 – 9, 2019
Massachusetts
Web Site:   http://www.smakonline.org/kamp/
Contact:   http://www.smakonline.org/kamp/#contact
Tagged:   Camping
Salem MA Area Kink (S.M.A.K.) invites you to particpate in a unique Kamping experience that brings together people from every corner of the BDSM, leather, and the sex-positive worlds. Attendance is capped at 110.

SELF – Southeast Leatherfest
SELF 25: Connect
June 11 – 14, 2020
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   http://seleatherfest.com/home
Contact:   http://my.yapp.us/SELF
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather, Fetish
Including the Southeast Person of Leather contest, and SouthEast Master/slave, SouthEast Bootblack, Ms. SouthEast LeatherFest, SouthEast LeatherFest boy, and Mr. SouthEast LeatherFest.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

CornCon
14th Year
June 22, 2019
Bloomington, Illinois
Web Site:   http://www.leatherpalooza.com/corncon.html
Info:   Leatherpalooza@gmail.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Education, friendships, pup play and in the evening some dungeon time. Check Leatherpalooza on Fetlife.

Florida Leather Sir/ Leather boy/Community Bootblack Event Weekend
5th year
June 18 – 21, 2020
Parliament House Resort, Orlando, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.flsb-fcbb.com/
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/755332
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish, Leather
Florida Leather Sir/ Leather boy/Community Bootblack contests. Fetlife event page is for 2019.
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

July

Atlanta Bear Fest
Super Bears!
July 4 – 7, 2019
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   http://www.atlantabearfest.com
Contact:   http://www.atlantabearfest.com/contact.asp
Tagged:   Leather
Southern Bears presents ABF’19

TES Fest
Sexy summer fun!
July 3 – 5, 2020
Piscataway, New Jersey
Web Site:   https://www.tesfest.org/
Contact:   https://www.tesfest.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather, Fetish
BDSM/Leather/Fetish/Sex Positive hotel takeover.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

MTTA Academy
slave Weekend (Males)
July 9 – 12, 2020
Springfield, Virginia
Web Site:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/
Schedule:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/curriculum
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
An intense weekend experience, retreat-like, aimed to find your true slave heart, life introspection and clarity for your future. This event is open to males (cis or trans) slaves / subs regardless of their level of experience.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Stars and Stripes in Leather
TLC 2019
July 19 – 21, 2019
Triad Area, North Carolina
Web Site:   http://tarheelleatherclub.org/events/tlc-stars-and-stripes-run-2019/
Tagged:   Leather
Annual run of Tarheel Leather Club. Featuring The Return of the NC Boot Black Contest!

Albany Bound
Leather Bear Weekend
July 26 – 28, 2019
Albany, New York
Web Site:   http://www.albanybound.com
Info:   albanyboundmaster@gmail.com
Tagged:   Leather
At Rocks77. See http://www.bearalbany.com/

Pan American Canine Konvention
P.A.C.K. Weekend
25 – 28 July, 2019
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://www.kennelklub.ca/pack-weekend
Contact:   http://northbound.com/p.a.c.k.-2019.html
Tagged:   Leather, Pup
Presented by the Black Eagle Kennel Club.

August

Butchmanns On The Road – Cincinnati
4th Pansexual Butchmanns Experience
August 2 – 4, 2019
Cincinnati, Ohio
Web Site:   http://www.butchmanns-experience.org/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/butchmanns-on-the-road-2019-tickets-49358539721
Contact:   info@butchmanns-experience.org
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Presented by Butchmanns. Sponsored by The Power Exchange Event Centre, Inc./ MAsT ORV Cincinnati.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Southeastern Alliance of Leather Weekend
August 1 – 4, 2019
Parliament Resort of Augusta, Georgia
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/498631343990016/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/Southeastern-Alliance-of-Leather-SEAL-1465752350364669/
Tagged:   Leather
Contests: Southeast LeatherSIR, Southeast Leatherboy, Southeast Community Bootblack, Southeast Trainer, Southeast Puppy, and the first Ms. Southeast Leather Pride. Register

Leather Weekend Fusion, Montréal
9 – 11 Août, 2019
Montréal, Québec, Canada
Web Site:   https://www.fusionmtl.ca/
Tagged:   Leather

Submissive Journey Weekend
August 20 – 23, 2020
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee
Web Site:   http://www.submissivejourneyweekend.com/
Tickets:   http://www.submissivejourneyweekend.com/apply-to-attend-sjw/
Info:   info@submissivejourneyweekend.com
Schedule:   http://www.submissivejourneyweekend.com/sample-schedule/
Tagged:   BDSM
SJW is a relaxed weekend of classes, connections and camaraderie in the Tennessee mountains. Started in 2007 by a couple of Leather s-types who saw the need for us little letter people (LLP) to have our own hang-out, SJW has consistently proven itself to be a retreat that doubles as a personal growth seminar.
Follow:   Facebook Group   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

September

Southern Coastal States Leather Contest
September 6 – 8, 2019
Camp River’s Edge, Dewy Rose, Georgia
Web Site:   http://www.cesentinels.org/scsl-contest/
Tagged:   Leather
Mr. Southern Coastal States Leather, Ms. Southern Coastal States Leather, and the Southern Coastal States Leatherboy. Excellent titleholders history on the contest web site. Camp Web Site

Florida Power Exchange
FPE VIII: Destination Diversity
September 17 – 20, 2020
Tampa, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.floridapowerexchange.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/florida-power-exchange-2020-tickets-83877167867
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/groups/74342
Schedule:   https://my.yapp.us/FPE2020
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Breaking out. Breaking even. Bootblacks, presentations, community, and fun! This is an adult alternative lifestyle-focused event involving all aspects and modalities in power exchange. Click here for contest information
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

South Carolina Pride in Leather
V
September 20 – 22, 2019
Columbia, South Carolina
Web Site:   https://www.scprideinleather.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/311560272890771/
Tagged:   Leather
South Carolina Leather Contest. Register

Women of Drummer 2020
September 25 – 27, 2020
Ramblewood Campground, Darlington, Maryland
Web Site:   http://www.womenofdrummer.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/2020-women-of-drummer-contest-weekend-tickets-75488551289
Contact:   http://www.womenofdrummer.com/contact.html
Tagged:   Leather, Camping
Annual Women of Drummer Contest • Women, Queer and Men Play Spaces • Dance Party • Uniform Party • Interactive Skill-Building Workshops • Hospitality Suite & Bootblack Lounge • Cigar & Bourbon Social • And more! Weekend Package includes five meals, cabin space and access to all activities!
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Youtube  

Great Lakes Leather Alliance
~~CANCELED~~
September 26 – 29, 2019
Indianapolis, Indiana
Web Site:   http://greatlakesleather.org
Contact:   https://greatlakesleather.org/index.php/about-us/contact-us
Tagged:   Leather, Pup
Leather Title Contests including Master, slave, LeatherSIR, Leatherboy, Ms Leather Pride, Power Exchange Triad, Bootblack, and Great Lakes Pup & Trainer. Some contestants withdrew, publishing statements as to their reasons. Refunds have been promised.

Mr. Virginia Leather
Knight Hawks of VA
September 26 – 29, 2019
Norfolk, Virginia
Web Site:   http://www.leathercruise.com/mr.-virginia-leather.html
Contact:   http://www.leathercruise.com/
Tagged:   Leather

October

Mates Leather Weekend
XXIII
October 3 – 7, 2019
Provincetown, Massachusetts
Web Site:   https://www.matesleatherweekend.com/
Contact:   https://www.matesleatherweekend.com/contact/
Tagged:   Leather
Leather * Uniforms * Rubber

Midwest Leather Weekend
October 4 – 6, 2019
St. Louis, Missouri
Web Site:   http://mrmidwestleather.squarespace.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/MidwestPuppyContest/
Tagged:   Leather
See Mr Midwest Leather and Midwest Puppy Contest, Facebook

Philadelphia Leather Pride Night
11th year
October 5, 2019
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   http://plpn.org/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/PhiladelphiaLeatherPrideNight/
Tagged:   Fetish, Leather
Charity Auction, Bootblacking, Leather Dance Party. New Owners! See the Facebook page for more info. Web site not updated yet as of July 27 2019.

American Brotherhood Weekend
30th Year! Leather Contest and Brotherhood Weekend
October 11 – 13, 2019
Chicago, Illinois
Web Site:   https://www.americanbrotherhood.com/
Contact:   https://www.americanbrotherhood.com/contact-us/
Tagged:   Leather
Leather Archives and Museum and Touche’, LRA

Columbia Leather Order
Phoenix Rising “Into the Sun”
October 18 – 20, 2019
Camp River’s Edge, Dewy Rose, Georgia
Web Site:   http://www.columbialeatherorder.org/phoenix-rising.html
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/phoenix-rising-birds-of-a-feather-tickets-59415083113
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/1790052417706893/
Tagged:   Leather
Campground fees apply.

Leather Fleamarket & Play #38
LF&P
October 19, 2019
Washington, District of Columbia
Web Site:   http://www.the-crucible.com
Tagged:   Vendor Faire, Dungeon
Vendors by day; play by night. Vending: 10 AM – 7 PM. Play Party: 9 PM – 2 AM. Vending open to all, at no cost. Play party requires membership and is priced at $20.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Mr. Indiana Leather
at Greg’s Indy
October 18 – 20, 2019
Indianapolis, Indiana
Web Site:   https://indianaleather.com/indiana-leather-weekend/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/350918642459868/
Tagged:   Leather
Meet and Greet Friday; Contest Saturday night. Victory brunch Sunday. Saturday – Kink U Classes by Titans of the Midwest. Winner goes to IML.

November

Leather History Preservation Weekend
Four Fabulous Years
November 6 – 8, 2020
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   http://lhpfoundation.org/lhpf_events/lhpf_weekend/index.html
Tickets:   http://lhpfoundation.org/lhpf_events/lhpf_weekend/index.html
Contact:   http://lhpfoundation.org/contact/index.html
Tagged:   Leather
LHPW 2020 is a weekend devoted to the preservation and promotion of the tradition of sharing our oral history. It is a weekend of camaraderie and fellowship, with multiple presenters sharing their experiences. In the tradition of the best of Leather events, there will be cocktails, play time, vendors, networking and FUN!
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MTTA Academy
Master Weekend
November 5 – 8, 2020
Springfield, Virginia
Web Site:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/
Schedule:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/curriculum
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
For all genders and orientations. If the event is full, ask for waitlist status.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

January

Mid Atlantic Leather – Click for more info
Did somebody drop a ring?
January 17 – 19, 2020
Washington, District of Columbia
Web Site:   http://www.leatherweekend.com/
Contact:   http://www.leatherweekend.com/contact-us/
Schedule:   https://my.yapp.us/centaurmc
Tagged:   Leather

AnonM/s Con
Back to the Basics
January 24 – 26, 2020
Providence, Rhode Island
Web Site:   https://www.anonm-s.com
Tickets:   https://www.anonm-s.com/anonm-s-con-2020
Info:   anonms.inc@gmail.com
Schedule:   https://www.anonm-s.com/event-schedule
Tagged:   Leather
AnonM/s con will be an educational event that has a focus in Power Exchange Dynamics and leather history. This event will be helpful to those who are new or interested in an M/s or D/s dynamic as well as those looking to grow in their already existing one! AnonM/s is an educational company founded by the Black Sheep Leather Family.
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February

North American Bear Weekend
Angels & Demons
February 13 – 16, 2020
Lexington, Kentucky
Web Site:   http://nabweekend.com/
Tagged:   Leather, Bears
9th Annual Mr. NAB Contest, Pool parties, dance parties, Bearded Beauties show, Comedy Show.

Mr Florida Rubber
February 21 – 23, 2020
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Web Site:   http://mrfloridarubber.com/
Contact:   http://mrfloridarubber.com/contact/
Tagged:   Rubber, Leather
Follow:   Facebook Group  

Snowbound Leather Weekend
XIII
February 21 – 23, 2020
Provincetown, Rhode Island
Web Site:   https://www.matesleatherweekend.com/snowbound/
Info:   info@matesleatherweekend.com
Tagged:   Leather
Get Outta The Cold And Into The HEAT! Sponsored by CLAW, The Watership Inn, The Atlantic House, Bayside Betsy’s, The Crown and Anchor, Gifford House Inn and produced by Mates Leather Weekend and Full Kit Gear.

TRC 5th Annual Fetish Ball
Arabian Nights
February 22, 2020
Birmingham, Alabama
Web Site:   http://theredchair.org/
Info:   trcleadership@gmail.com
Tagged:   Fetish
Bring out your best leather, vinyl, latex, corsets, boots, neck ties, collars and leashes. Or, just wear something sexy.
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53 events in Eastern North America.

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Western North America

March

Texas Latex Party
TLP28
March 5 – 8, 2020
Houston, Texas
Web Site:   http://texaslatexparty.com/
Tagged:   Fetish, Latex
A celebration of Friends in Fetish. Dress Code event: Latex, leather, corsets.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

South Plains Leatherfest
We will not forget
March 12 – 15, 2020
Dallas, Texas
Web Site:   http://www.southplainsleatherfest.com/
Tickets:   https://southplainsleatherfest.regfox.com/south-plains-leatherfest-ims-weekend-2020
Tagged:   Leather
International Master/slave Contest. 8000 sq. feet of play space will feature separate pansexual, women-only, and men-only space. For Kinksters For TNG.
Follow:   Facebook Group   Twitter  

April

Oklahoma Leatherfest
4th year
April 3 – 5, 2020
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Web Site:   http://www.oklahomaleatherfest.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/oklahoma-leatherfest-2020-registration-58689887032
Contact:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/oklahoma-leatherfest-2020-registration-58689887032
Tagged:   Leather, AgePlay, Pup
24 hour Play Space. Demos, classes, cigar social, Puppy Space, Littles Space. Home of the Heartland Person of Leather Contest.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

Smokeout
April 4 – 8, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Web Site:   http://www.lasvegassmokeout.com/
Tagged:   Leather, Bears
SMOKEOUT® is a fun-filled uncomplicated weekend in Las Vegas for cigar and pipe studs, leatherman, bikers, bears and friends, from all over the world.

IMsL-BB
Leather Contests
April 11 – 15, 2019
San Jose, California
Web Site:   https://imslbb.org/
Contact:   https://imslbb.org/new-page-1/
Tagged:   Leather
The IMsL/IMsBB weekend produced by the 501c(3) IMsL Foundation. Twitter

Spring Iniquity
XXVIII
April 12 – 14, 2019
Houston, Texas
Web Site:   https://nlahouston.wixsite.com/springiniquity
Contact:   https://www.nlahoustontx.org/contact
Tagged:   Leather
NLA Houston Presents

Spring Pandemonium
CANCELED
April 12 – 14, 2019
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Web Site:   http://nmleatherleague.com
Contact:   http://nmleatherleague.com/contact/
Tagged:   Leather
2019 Canceled for lack of suitable venue.

May

Colorado Leather Fest
6th Year
May 1 – 3, 2020
Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   http://www.coloradoleatherfest.com/
Tickets:   http://www.coloradoleatherfest.com/registration/
Schedule:   http://www.coloradoleatherfest.com/schedule/
Tagged:   Leather
Classes, entertainment, Community Leather Dinner. Contests: Colorado Master and slave, Colorado Bootblack, Ms Leather Colorado, Mr Leather Colorado, Miss Leather Colorado, Colorado Mr Rubber.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Northwest Leather Celebration
April 30 – May 3, 2020
Sacramento, California
Web Site:   https://www.northwestleathercelebration.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/Northwest-Leather-Celebration-927856220587199/
Tagged:   Leather
Northwest Master slave, Northwest Bootblack, and Northwest Person of Leather contests, 50 workshops, Vending, Silent Auction,
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Through the Looking Glass
You Matter
May 18, 2019
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/740899
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, Pony
Donations only. At The Source, Jaki Griot speaking on Perverts of Color; International Bear 2018 speaking on revisionist history and how to fix it; Mauro: Confessions of an AIDS lawyer; Russel on hooks, hooking, and suspension. Both theory and hands on; Elaina de la Mer speaking on humiliation; Alibi and Single tail. Two dungeons. Pet parade.

June

Desire Leather Women Unleashed
May 31 – June 3, 2019
Palm Springs, California
Web Site:   http://desireleatherwomen.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Leather
Your kinky family reunion in the desert. Women’s only BDSM weekend. Fetlife Event Page

Butchmanns On The Road – Oregon
All Male Butchmanns Experience
June 7 – 9, 2019
Oregon City, Oregon
Web Site:   http://www.butchmanns-experience.org/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/all-male-butchmanns-experience-tickets-49348269001
Info:   info@butchmanns-experience.org
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Presented by Butchmanns. At Lookout Lodge and Tripod Ranch.

Leatherwoods Spring Fling
Camping with kinky and not – so – kinky friends
June 14 – 16, 2019
Salem, Oregon
Web Site:   https://www.leatherwoods.org/springfling.html
Contact:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/contactus.html
Tagged:   Camping
Three days of kinky play in a wooded canyon with a small creek and a pavillion with running water. Yes, there WILL be a hot shower! There will be no presenter track, if you wish to present something, do it. There will be a white board to place a notice on. No vendor list, If you have something to sell, set it up by your tent.
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Leatherwoods Intensive Workshop Weekend
IWW
June 21 – 23, 2019
Salem, Oregon
Web Site:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/intensive.html
Contact:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/contactus.html
Tagged:   Camping
Edge Play instruction and practice.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

July

ShowMe Leather
5th Annual Show Me Leather Weekend
July 12 – 14, 2019
Kansas City, Missouri
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/5th-annual-show-me-leather-weekend-tickets-59577321372
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/ShowMeLeatherContest/photos/rpp.1983578538570595/2139416836320097/?type=3&theater
Tagged:   Leather
Master/slave; Ms Leather; Person of Leather, Leather Boy; Power Exchange, Puppy & Trainer Competition. Web site may not be running (http://showmeleather.org/). Fetlife Event page

Oklahoma City Kink Weekend
July 18 – 21, 2019
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Web Site:   http://www.okckinkweekend.com/
Info:   alsainder@gmail.com
Tagged:   Leather
Route 66 pup and Route 66 Bootblack in addition to the Mr. Route 66 Leather Competition. Suite of classes (electroplay, flogging, needles, Pup 101, Bootblacking, much more).

August

Women’s International Leather Legacy
9th year of WILL
August 2 – 4, 2019
Dallas, Texas
Web Site:   http://internationalleatherlegacy.com/
Tagged:   Leather
Women’s Leather History conference. Weekend package includes Friday night cookout, Sunday brunch and keynote, Women’s Leather History Panel, WILL title contest, and all activities throughout the weekend. Judy Tallwing-McCarthy; Sarah Humble will interview Janet Ryan; Briar, ICBB 2015; Mama Gail, WILL 2018.

Butchmanns On The Road – Oregon
All Women Butchmanns Experience
August 9 – 11, 2019
Oregon City, Oregon
Web Site:   http://www.butchmanns-experience.org/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/all-female-butchmanns-experience-tickets-49346279049
Contact:   info@butchmanns-experience.org
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Presented by Butchmanns. At Lookout Lodge and Tripod Ranch.

KC Leather and Kink Campout
August 9 – 11, 2019
McLouth, Kansas
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/kc-leather-and-kink-campout-tickets-43915158421
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/359649354680295/
Tagged:   Camping
KC Leather and Kink Campout at Camp Gaea in Elysium section. 2018 classes included An Educated Leathermens Perspective on REAL Puppy and Pony Play by Sir Ken Elder.

EXILE 7 – A Fetish Ball
Resurrecting
August 17, 2019
Exdo Event Center, Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   http://lokusdorproductions.com
Contact:   info@lokusdorproductions.com
Tagged:   Fetish
Voodoo Leatherworks / Marquis Lifestyle Center / Lokusdor Productions. Dress code: As bar-legal naughty as you wanna be! Lokusdor Productions is a Colorado Non-Profit Charitable Organization with 501(c)(3) status. In the past five years, Lokusdor Productions has donated over $60,000 to local and national charitable organizations.

NAPTC – North American Pony Trainer Contest
Pony Title contest at Sanctuary-LAX
August 14 – 15, 2020
Los Angeles, California
Web Site:   http://www.northamericanponytrainercontest.com/
Contact:   http://www.northamericanponytrainercontest.com/contact/
Tagged:   Leather, Pony
The winner(s) of this contest will go forth to share their knowledge and love of pony play through teaching and mentoring those within the leather, kink and fetish communities. Judges for 2020: Ms Liza and her slave, Jody – Rebecca Wilcox – Mistress Cyan – Trixie LaFontaine

LeatherWoods
18th year, Camping
August 22 – 25, 2019
Salem, Oregon
Web Site:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/Leatherwoods.htm
Contact:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/contactus.html
Tagged:   Camping
Leatherwoods is a membership-only BDSM campout which is open to all sexual persuasions, at a kink-friendly campground with opportunities for some delightful outdoor scenes. A clean and sober event.
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Rocky Mountain Rebellion
Rebelling Against Stigma
August 23 – 25, 2019
Salt Lake City, Utah
Web Site:   http://www.rmrebellion.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/RockyMtnRebellion/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, BDSM
The Rebellion is a three day conference focused around Leather, Fetish, BDSM and Power Exchange Relationships. Home of the Rocky Mountain Puppy Trainer and Rocky Mountain Person of Leather contests.

Labor Day Weekend

International Leather Sir/boy and International Community Bootblack
August 29 – September 1, 2019
Dallas, Texas
Web Site:   http://ilsb-icbb.com/the-weekend.html
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/ILSbICBB
Tagged:   Leather
Includes the Pantheon of Leather Awards.

September

Rebooted Revamped
A weekend of education, community, and play.
September 11 – 13, 2020
Tucson, Arizona
Web Site:   http://rebootedrevamped.org/
Tickets:   https://rebootedrevamped2020.eventbrite.com/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Rope, Polyamory, Pony
A dynamic, volunteer driven, inclusive event committed to creating consent culture. Education and empowerment of our diverse communities will be provided by cultivating a social environment with workshops and play space. Wide variety of education including Bootblacking; Pony Play; Rope; Relatsionships / Polyamory, and mild to wild SM. Volunteer @ this link.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

The Calling
September 13 – 15, 2019
Houston, Texas
Web Site:   http://edgeliving.net/the-calling/
Info:   edgeliving.thecalling@gmail.com
Tagged:   BDSM
A weekend created for those on the ‘bottom’ side of authority-based relationships, hosted by Master Jim, slave marsha and Sir Cougar, the owners of South Plains Leatherfest and the International Master/slave Contest. Have you been called to serve?

SEEK Retreat 2019
SEEK: Superpowers!
September 19 – 22, 2019
North of Minneapolis, Minnesota
Web Site:   https://seekmn.org/
Contact:   https://seekmn.org/contact-us/
Tagged:   Camping, BDSM
Support * Enrichment * Empowerment * Knowledge. Sponsored by Leather Journey. Cabin camping. Presenters, classes and group activities.

The Ledge Weekend Intensive
Hardy Haberman / River Dark & domenique
September 21 – 22, 2019
Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/795332
Tickets:   bentparty@gmail.com
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/MissAndie
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
The Ledge presents it’s first Weekend Intensive. Six classes including: When It’s Not Just Fun & Games: Playing on the Dark Side – Old Guard Protocols and Why You Don’t Need Them – Strangulation & Asphyxiation: A Study in Breath Control – Putting the Sex Back in SM – Interrogation and Abduction. Dungeon party Saturday night and a wrap up session Sunday afternoon.
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

Beyond Vanilla
Texas’ premier lifestyle kink event
September 27 – 28, 2019
Dallas, Texas
Web Site:   https://beyondvanilla.org/
Contact:   https://beyondvanilla.org/contact/
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather, Fetish, Pup
Presented by NLA – Dallas. South Central Puppy and Handler Contest.

Folsom Street Fair
Worlds Largest Leather Event, Sunday
September 29, 2019
San Fransisco, California
Web Site:   https://www.folsomstreetevents.org/folsom-street-fair/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Fetish, Parade, Pony
250,000 fetish enthusiasts spread out over 13 city blocks. Keep an eye on the Calendar

After Folsom Fuck Fest
September 29, 2019
San Fransisco, California
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/283816
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Fetish, Parade, Pony
6:00 PM – 4:00 AM at Power Exchange. We know that a lot of you will be coming to Folsom, but… How many of you came to cum?. $10 Discount if you mention you saw this party on FetLife!

October

Bloodline Leather Intensive
It’s all about the Leather!!
October 4 – 6, 2019
Witchita, Kansas
Web Site:   https://leatherintensive.com/
Info:   Maulderaun@gmail.com
Tagged:   Leather
Fourth year.Last year’s Keynote Master Brett. Presenters were Master Malik with Slave Cathy, Stronghandsmo and author Jenna Jacob. Vendors included RedMarketLeather, TheKinkShop, Loving Leather KC, Jenna Jacobs books. On Facebook

Leather Fiesta
2019 Dates not yet announced
October, 2018
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Web Site:   http://nmleatherleague.com/leather-fiesta-2018/
Contact:   http://nmleatherleague.com/
Tagged:   Leather
Corazon Leather Contest

Blackout
Blackout 24
October 10 – 13, 2019
Glendale, California
Web Site:   https://blackout.onyxmen.com/
Contact:   http://www.onyxmen.com/contact/
Tagged:   Leather
Men of Onyx present their 24th Anniversary celebration.

GLUE
Gear, Leather, Uniform, Etc.
October 11 – 13, 2019
Houston, Texas
Web Site:   http://glueweekend.com/
Contact:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/glue-weekend-2018-tickets-3529164827
Tagged:   Leather
Houston Misfits present the Mr. Third Coast contests at GLUE Weekend

Wicked in the West
WCPE
October 11 – 14, 2019
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   http://wickedinthewest.ca/
Info:   wcpowerexchange@gmail.com
Tagged:   Leather
Western Canada Power Exchange and Western Canada Bootblack contests for the region including British Columbia, Alberta, Manitoba, Saskatchewan. Tickets scheduled to go on sale in May.

Ms Sacramento Leather Contest 2019
October 26, 2019
Sacramento, California
Web Site:   https://www.mssacramentoleather.com/
Contact:   https://www.mssacramentoleather.com/contactus
Tagged:   Leather
Ms Sacramento Leather provides representation, outreach, service and education to the Sacramento Valley Area leather, fetish, and kink communities.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Palm Springs Leather Pride
Turning up the Heat
October 24 – 27, 2019
Palm Springs, California
Web Site:   https://www.palmspringsleatherpride.org/
Tickets:   https://www.tickettailor.com/events/palmspringsleatherpride
Tagged:   Leather
Follow:   Twitter  

November

Leather Reign 13
Advanced BDSM Education
November 8 – 10, 2019
Seattle, Washington
Web Site:   http://leatherreign.org/
Tickets:   https://www.cognitoforms.com/ELE2/LeatherReign2019
Info:   Registration@leatherreign.org
Tagged:   BDSM
Keynote Speaker: Mufasa Ali. Endnote Speaker: slavegirl j. Leather Reign is an environment where participants can discover their power to intentionally and intimately connect with primal sexuality, power exchange relationships, and each other.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

Leather Reign 14
Advanced BDSM Education
November 13 – 15, 2020
Seattle, Washington
Web Site:   http://leatherreign.org/
Info:   Registration@leatherreign.org
Tagged:   BDSM
Keynote: BlueFrost. Endnote: Jack Thompson (IML 41). Leather Reign is an environment where participants can discover their power to intentionally and intimately connect with primal sexuality, power exchange relationships, and each other.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

Master/slave Weekend
at IX
November 23 – 24, 2019
Kansas City, Missouri
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/797937
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/floggings4her
Tagged:   Leather
MAsT: Kansas City will host two days of workshops, presentations, and fun focused on power-exchange relationships, and the Master/slave Lifestyle. Featured Presenters will be Master Malik and slave cathy. Cigar Social Saturday evening.

December

Rocky Mountain Women of Drummer Regional Gathering
December 6 – 8, 2019
Salt Lake City, Utah
Web Site:   http://www.womenofdrummer.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/women-of-drummer-rocky-mountain-regional-gathering-tickets-76767271977
Contact:   http://www.womenofdrummer.com/contact.html
Tagged:   Leather
The Women of Drummer Rocky Mt. Region Gathering in Salt Lake City is a Friday thru Sunday event that includes (1) Friday 9:00PM meet and greet bar night at The Sun Trapp at 102 S 600 W, Salt Lake City, (2) Saturday 12:00-4:00PM Lunch and Roundtable discussion at The Clubhouse and (3) Saturday night-doors open at 8:00PM for a womens’ play party at The Clubhouse with exclusive access for Women of Drummer attendees. (4) and close out the weekend with a farewell brunch Sunday at 11:00 AM at the Piper Down Old World Pub at 1492 State St., Salt Lake City.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Youtube  

January

Southwest Leather Conference
~~ CANCELED ~~
January 16 – 19, 2020
Phoenix, Arizona
Web Site:   http://www.southwestleather.org/
Tagged:   Leather
~~ CANCELED ~~ Southwest Master/slave Contest, Southwest Bootblack contest. Dance of Souls.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

BeefDip 2020
Leather and Bear Week
January 26 – February 2, 2020
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
Web Site:   http://www.beefdip.com
Contact:   https://www.beefdip.com/contact-us/
Tagged:   Leather
5 Dance parties at C.C.Slaughters, 6 Pool parties at the beautiful Mantamar Beach Club plus activities like ATV tours and Zip Line Tours and a Booze Cruise! “Bottoms Up” at The Top Almars newest skybar with a special performance, and a foam pool party.
Follow:   Facebook Page  

February

Sin In The City
8: INFINITE SIN!
January 30 – February 2, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
Web Site:   http://www.sin-in-the-city.com/
Tickets:   http://www.sin-in-the-city.com/home-1/event-registration/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/SinInTheCityLV
Schedule:   https://my.yapp.us/SININTHECITY
Tagged:   BDSM
Host of the International Person of Leather Contest.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Let Us Entertain You (LUEY)
Houston’s LGBTQ+ Leather Party
February 14 – 17, 2019
Houston, Texas
Web Site:   https://www.lueyweekend.org/
Info:   hello@lueyweekend.org
Tagged:   Leather, LGBTQ+
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter   Fetlife Group  

Drummer North America
On Hiatus
February 22 – 25, 2018
Las Vegas, Nevada
Web Site:   http://drummerna.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/DNAcontests/posts/2085215575092765
Tagged:   Leather
Drummer, Drummerboy and Drummer Bootblack contests. Unlike contests restricted to only leather or rubber, or a specific power dynamic such as Master/slave and Sir/boy, DNA contest titles are open to a broader spectrum of fetish identities of gay men — from rubber, uniforms and leather, to sports kit, military and punk. DNA is as diverse as your DNA. DNA contests are open to all men in the fetish/kink communities, who are residents of Canada, United States and Mexico.
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47 events in Western North America.

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Europe

March

Kinky Napoli
5th Year
14 Marzo, 2020
Napoli, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.lcroma.com/en/kinky-napoli-march-2020/
Tagged:   Leather
In partnership with DEPOT NAPOLI, the most famous cruising club n Naples, Leather Club Roma will organize KINKY NAPOLI, on Saturday 14 March 2020.

Leather and Fetish Pride Belgium
The Dark Ride of Your Life
4 – 9 March, 2020
Antwerp, Belgium
Web Site:   https://www.leatherpride.be/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, Rope
Darklands. Alphas vs Xtreme, Fusion, and Rage parties. Contest. Ten host hotels. The theme park once was the cultural highlight of Antwerp, but it has been abandoned for years. Now, an obscure and mysterious new owner transformed it into a place where boots shine, rubber is polished and the smell of leather fills the air. Are you ready for the dark ride of your life?

April

Mister Rubber Italy 2019
#strongertogether weekend
6 – 7 Aprille, 2019
Rome, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.lcroma.com/en/mister-rubber-italy-2019/
Contact:   https://www.lcroma.com/en/contact-us/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish

May

Mister Leather Italia 2019
17 – 19 May, 2019
Padua, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.lcroma.com/it/mister-leather-italia-2019/
Tagged:   Leather
Organizzata da Leather Club Roma e Leather Friends Italia, l’elezione di Mister Leather Italia 2019 si svolgerà quest’anno a Padova con un ricco programma. Il concorso , come negli anni precedenti, designerà il rappresentante italiano della comunità leather, che potrà partecipare agli eventi e concorsi europei e internazionali (Mister Leather Europe, International Mister Leather, ecc)

July

BLACK WEEKEND VIII in Berlin
July 7 – 9, 2019
Berlin, Germany
Web Site:   https://male.space/project/black-weekend/
Tagged:   Leather
English: https://male.space/en/project/black-weekend/

Fetish Week
6 – 14 July, 2019
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   https://www.fetishweek.com/
Contact:   https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdpJO7hcImXhhJ62V-c8KunUFbmwdTr3ihxu0euNfWSCvJwHQ/viewform
Tagged:   Fetish
Leather, Gear, Pup, and more. Walk in London Pride. Sponsored by Recon.com. Click on Contact link to submit an Event – deadline is 28TH FEBRUARY 2019.

Summer Fetish Social in Brussels
Hosted by MSC Belgium
19 July, 2019
Brussels, Belgium
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/2481260081915227/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish
Come and get together at La Reserve for the summer Fetish Social in Brussels!

Cardiff Leather Weekend
26 – 28 July, 2019
Cardiff, Wales
Web Site:   http://www.leathermencymru.com/calendar-of-events.html
Info:   leathermencymru@gmail.com
Tagged:   Leather
Over the weekend there will be a welcome event, City tour, Leather meal, Mr Leather Wales competition and a Leather Social. Some events have a charge for them.

August

Hamburg Leather Party
8 – 11 August, 2019
Hamburg, Germany
Web Site:   http://msc-hamburg.de/
Tagged:   Leather
The famous Hamburg Leather Party returns, celebrating its 46th anniversary in 2019. There’ll be a range of events across the weekend, inlcuding the election of Mr Leather Hamburg.

Finlandization 33
23 – 25 August, 2019
Helsinki, Finland
Web Site:   http://mscfin.fi/2019/05/03/finlandization-33/
Tagged:   Leather
A weekend of events organised by MSC Finland – Tom’s Club. Check with MSC Finland for full details. English site is http://www.mscfin.fi/en/

September

Folsom Europe
11 – 15 Sept, 2019
Berlin, Germany
Web Site:   http://folsomeurope.info/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, Parade
Since its first year in 2004. Folsom Europe has become a world-famous fetish event with a huge street fair and lots of parties. This year, Europe’s largest gay fetish event will take place at various venues across Berlin. Tens of thousands of guys in leather & fetish gear will be walking the streets in the Berlin-Schöneberg district. Expect a long weekend of fun. freedom and sleaze in one of the world’s most vibrant capitals.

Klub Verboten
Starting our 2nd year
September 15, 2018
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   http://klubverboten.com/
Contact:   https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/klub-verboten-n-xii-2y-anniversary-tickets-48529939355
Tagged:   Fetish
Latex, Rubber, PVC, Leather, Metal, Nylon, Lace, Drag, Chains, Studs & Naked Skin. Fetlife

Europerve
May 9, 2020
Amsterdam, Netherlands
Web Site:   http://www.europerve.org/
Info:   sales@demask.com
Meet and Greet in the Demask shop, center of Amsterdam Friday May 8 between 17:00 and 20:00. Dress Code: Rubber and Leather.

October

Manchester Leather Weekend 2018
5 – 8 October, 2018
Manchester, United Kingdom
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/MLWeekend/
Contact:   https://www.latenightcruisingnyc.com/gay-leather-parties-2018.html
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish
Multiple venues in and around the Manchester gay village.

Maspalomas Fetish Week
The only European gay fetish event by the beach!
4 – 13 October, 2019
Gran Canaria, Spain
Web Site:   http://www.maspalomasfetishweek.com/
Schedule:   https://www.facebook.com/pg/FetishWeek/events/?ref=page_internal
Tagged:   Fetish, Pup
Maspalomas Fetish Week is one of Europe’s biggest get-togethers for guys who think of leather, uniforms, rubber, sports clothes and other kinky stuff as an act of liberation rather than a costume. Puppy Pub Crawl Oct 7. Piss night Oct 4.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

Eccentric Fashion Weekend
54nd
9 – 13 Oktober, 2019
Zurich, Switzerland
Web Site:   http://www.eccentric-fashion.ch/
Tagged:   Fetish
Latex, Paint, Vynil, Leather, Plastic

Mister Leather Europe 2019
10 – 13 Oct, 2019
Rome, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.lcroma.com/it/roma-2019-mister-leather-europe-ecmc-agm-4/
Tagged:   Leather
Si svolgerà a Roma, dal 10 al 13 Ottobre 2019, il concorso di Mister Leather Europe e la ECMC AGM, la conferenza annuale di tutte le associazioni gay leather & fetish.

Leather Pride Amsterdam 2018
25 – 28 October, 2018
Amsterdam, Netherlands
Web Site:   http://www.leatherpride.nl/
Tagged:   Leather
The biggest leather party in The Netherlands. Thousands of leather and fetish fans descend on Amsterdam each year for this hugely popular festival. A long weekend of events both indoor and outdoor is planned – including the main party @ ‘Damage’

November

Nice So Fetish #4
23 – 25 Novembre, 2019
Nice, France
Web Site:   http://www.evidence-fetiche.com/js_events/nice-so-fetiche-4/
Tickets:   http://www.evidence-fetiche.com/js_events/packages/
Schedule:   http://www.evidence-fetiche.com/js_events/program/
Tagged:   Leather
Organised by Evidence Fetiche, the Nice So Fetiche weekend returns for it’s fourth outing, including the election of Mr Leatherman Evidence. Contest

Leather Friends Italia Meeting
LFI
1 – 3 November, 2019
Milan, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/234410213761717/
Tagged:   Leather
After the huge success of the previous edition, we are waiting for you in Milan again! LFI MEETING 2019 is already set! New dates: 1 to 3 November 2019.
Follow:   Facebook Page  

December

BLACK WEEKEND XII in Berlin
6 – 8 December, 2019
Berlin, Germany
Web Site:   https://male.space/project/black-weekend/
Tagged:   Leather
English https://male.space/en/project/black-weekend/

Fetish Pride Italy 2019
6 – 8 December, 2019
Naples, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.lcroma.com/en/fetish-pride-italy-2019-7th-edition/
Tagged:   Leather
LC Roma’s annual Fetish Pride Italy, with plenty of parties, meals, sightseeing and more!

22 events in Europe.

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Multiple Locations

Various Dates

International Deaf Leather
25+ years
Varies, International
Web Site:   http://www.internationaldeafleather.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Fetish, Leather, Polyamory, Pony, Pup, Rope, AgePlay
See the Events tab on their web site for a list of major Leather events that are Sign Language & Voice Interpreted.


120+ events

While events listed on this page may be of interest to Leather, BDSM, Furry, Geeky, Kinky, Polyamory, Age Play, or other Alt communities, it is unlikely that all events will be of interest to everyone. Please take what is useful to you and ignore the rest.

Last updated: March 5, 2020 at 13:40 pm

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Jul 132018
 

CLICK HERE to add, update, delete an event's listing.NOTE: Links are listed in order by region, then month in which the event normally occurs, not city or specific location. Please click the mouse on the right to send us an update on an event or to suggest an addition.

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Click HERE for ALL kinds of events.

Eastern North America

March

Dark Side of the Con
North America’s 3-day Dark-alternative Convention
March 27 – 29, 2020
Parsippany, New Jersey
Web Site:   http://darksideofthecon.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/dark-side-of-the-con-4-tickets-59336878200
Contact:   http://darksideofthecon.com/contact/
Tagged:   Fetish, Vendor Faire
Live shows, club nights, vendors, panels, activities. Yes, Live Bats are in the entertainment line up.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Fetlife Group  

April

Organ Grinder’s Ball
25th year
April 25, 2020
Cleveland, Ohio
Web Site:   http://www.fetishplayland.com/
Tagged:   Fetish, Performance
At the Cleveland House of Blues

Capital Ball Weekend
I’m late! I’m late! for a very important date!
April 16 – 19, 2020
Upstate, New York
Web Site:   https://www.albanypowerexchange.org/events/capitalball/
Info:   CapitalBall@Albanypowerexchange.org
Tagged:   Fetish
APeX in the Adirondacks. Hotel takeover, plus cabins.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Exxxotica Expo Chicago
Everyone Does It!
April 17 – 19, 2020
Chicago, Illinois
Web Site:   https://exxxoticaexpo.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/CelebrateSexyCHI/
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
The EXXXOTICA Expo is the largest event in the USA dedicated to love and sex and features non-stop entertainment, hundreds of adult stars and hours of educational seminars.

Bikers Bears & Mayhem
Bears, Leather, Fetish, Bikers and Pups
April 23 – 27, 2020
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   http://www.bearsbikersandmayhem.com
Tickets:   https://www.bearsbikersandmayhem.com/event/run-passes-tickets/
Info:   charles@bearsbikersandmayhem.com
Tagged:   Leather
The first large event in the US to combine the Bear, Leather, Fetish, Motorcycle and Puppy Communities.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

Rochester Erotic Arts Festival
April 26 – 27, 2019
Rochester, New York
Web Site:   http://www.rochestereroticartfest.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish
Performances, Swing parties, Dungeon times, Workshops, and a nude swim.

Wingnut Stables Spring Slave Hunt
April 27, 2019
Wingnut Stables, North Carolina
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/753824
Tagged:   Pony, Fetish, Camping
Come run in the woods with us! Or watch the festivities at base camp. Either way, you’ll have a kinky good time! The prey are released into the woods, and then the hunters hunt them down using paintball guns. Hunters that capture prey are allowed to claim the bounty on that prey.

Memorial Day Weekend

Alterna-Prom
Theme is Space Farce this year
May 23, 2020
Tampa, Florida
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/191717515523160/
Tagged:   LGBTQ+
Hosted by UNITY Leather and Fetish and Christoph’s. SPACE, the queerer frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship UNITY. Its one night mission: to seek out people who did not go to their Prom (or couldn’t) as who they are or with who they wanted; to seek out new and exciting memories; to boldly go as your bad selves. Enlist with our crew at Alterna-Prom and help build a strange new world of excitement. Use code “CRI” to reserve hotel room at this link by May 2.

Camp Crucible
Clean air, Dirty Living
May 23 – 31, 2020
Darlington, Maryland
Web Site:   http://www.campcrucible.com/
Tagged:   Camping, AgePlay, Fetish, Pony
Every year there is a different theme. There be Pirates! The best Pony Camp as always. KidsCamp.
Follow:   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Fetish Factory Anniversary Weekend
25th year
May 20 – 24, 2020
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Web Site:   https://fetishfactory.com/florida-fetish-weekend/
Info:   info@fetishfactory.com
Tagged:   Fetish, Rubber, Latex
All access pass was $240 in 2019. 5 days, 9 parties, hotel takeover.

Florida Fetish Weekend 25
Westin Hotel
May 21 – 25, 2020
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Web Site:   https://fetishfactory.com/florida-fetish-weekend/
Tickets:   https://store.fetishfactory.com/tickets-more/fetish-party-tickets/
Tagged:   Fetish
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Yahoo Group  

June

Kinky Vendor Fair
June 15, 2019
Toronto, Ontario
Web Site:   https://www.instagram.com/p/ByqfzZ8B01R/
Info:   info@discreetodyssey.com
Tagged:   Fetish, Vendors
Showcasing the versatile space at D.O.T.

SELF – Southeast Leatherfest
SELF 25: Connect
June 11 – 14, 2020
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   http://seleatherfest.com/home
Contact:   http://my.yapp.us/SELF
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather, Fetish
Including the Southeast Person of Leather contest, and SouthEast Master/slave, SouthEast Bootblack, Ms. SouthEast LeatherFest, SouthEast LeatherFest boy, and Mr. SouthEast LeatherFest.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Florida Leather Sir/ Leather boy/Community Bootblack Event Weekend
5th year
June 18 – 21, 2020
Parliament House Resort, Orlando, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.flsb-fcbb.com/
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/755332
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish, Leather
Florida Leather Sir/ Leather boy/Community Bootblack contests. Fetlife event page is for 2019.
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

July

TES Fest
Sexy summer fun!
July 3 – 5, 2020
Piscataway, New Jersey
Web Site:   https://www.tesfest.org/
Contact:   https://www.tesfest.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather, Fetish
BDSM/Leather/Fetish/Sex Positive hotel takeover.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Cirque De Boudoir – Summer Sleaze Ball
Time to get sleazy!
July 11, 2020
Montréal, Québec, Canada
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/181631
Tickets:   https://www.cirquedeboudoir.com/en/
Tagged:   Fetish
Sleazy lineup of great DJs, Performers, GoGo dancers; sleazy visuals by Bunnyguts, sleazy play areas, sleazy dance floor and more.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Fetlife Group  

August

Fetishcon
19th Annual Fetish Industry Trade Show
Aug 8 – 11, 2019
St. Petersburg, Florida
Web Site:   http://fetishcon.com/
Contact:   http://fetishcon.com/contact-us/
Tagged:   Fetish, Trade Show
Large vendor and exhibitor floor. http://fetishcon.com/exhibitors-vendors/. 4th Annual Fetish Awards – see Vimeo too.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

Steel City Eroticon
and The Bondage Ball
August 15 – 17, 2019
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   https://bodyshopclubs.com/events/23681
Tickets:   https://bodyshopclubs.com/events/23681/orders/new
Contact:   events@bodyshopclubs.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish, Polyamory
Poly mixer Thursday 7-9. Vending, art exhibits throughout the weelend. Saturday classes range from Kink 101 to Vulva Casting. Polyamory Discussion Panel. Erotic Fashion Show 5 PM Saturday. Saturday night Bondage Ball is a 21+ BYOB event, listed here separately. There are off-site play events.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

The Bondage Ball 2019
At The Body Shop
August 17, 2019
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/294239324697777/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/BondageBallPittsburgh/
Tagged:   Fetish
When the spectacular talents of vaudeville collaborate with the mysterious world of kink and fetish … therein lies the Bondage Ball! Prepare yourself for an event so inclusive and spectacular that it will be a veritable Noah’s Ark for the arts, performances, music, and fetish! Join our incredible lineup of talented individuals as we unite to raise money for Breast Cancer Research and help spread breast cancer awareness!

Labor Day Weekend

Montréal Fetish Weekend
A Week Long Celebration of Kink
September 2 – 8, 2020
Montréal, Québec, Canada
Web Site:   http://montrealfetishweekend.com/
Tickets:   https://montrealfetishweekend.com/tickets/
Contact:   https://montrealfetishweekend.com/contact/
Schedule:   https://montrealfetishweekend.com/events/
Tagged:   Fetish, Pony
16th year: 5 days and 5 nights, numerous parties. One of the world’s largest fetish gatherings. Join their email list to get discounts.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Facebook Group   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group   Youtube  

Southern Decadence
48th Year
August 29 – September 2, 2019
New Orleans, Louisiana
Web Site:   http://www.southerndecadence.net
Info:   info@southerndecadence.net
Tagged:   Pony, Parade, Fetish
https://www.facebook.com/SouthernDecadenceNOLA/, https://www.facebook.com/southerndecadence/, Facebook, Ponies!, Fetlife, Contact @poniegirl

September

Exxxotica Expo Miami
Everyone Does It!
September 6 – 8, 2019
Miami, Florida
Web Site:   https://exxxoticaexpo.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/1438717909597730/
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
The EXXXOTICA Expo is the largest event in the USA dedicated to love and sex and features non-stop entertainment, hundreds of adult stars and hours of educational seminars.

Liquid Red Detroit
5th Year
September 28, 2019
Detroit, Michigan
Web Site:   http://www.liquidreddetroit.com/
Info:   liquidredlv@gmail.com
Tagged:   Fetish, Pony, Pup
Miss/ Mr Bondage Detroit contest 2019, Hostess Noir Halo, Chaos Talent Fire Shows, Alyssa Jade Rope Bondage, DJ Darks Choir and DJ Phobos, MadameKross Bondage Booth and of course the Liquid Red Design Lingerie Fashion Show.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Fetlife Event  

October

Philadelphia Leather Pride Night
11th year
October 5, 2019
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   http://plpn.org/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/PhiladelphiaLeatherPrideNight/
Tagged:   Fetish, Leather
Charity Auction, Bootblacking, Leather Dance Party. New Owners! See the Facebook page for more info. Web site not updated yet as of July 27 2019.

The DC Fetish Ball
Columbus Day weekend
October 13, 2019
Washington, District of Columbia
Web Site:   http://www.DCFetishBall.com
Listed 2019 date is based on last year’s date and is subject to change.

DomCon
Pro and Lifestyle BDSM/Fetish
October 10 – 14, 2019
New Orleans, Louisiana
Web Site:   https://www.domcon.com/
Contact:   https://www.domcon.com/home/custom?page=Contact+Us
Tagged:   Fetish, Pup, Pony
Mistress Cyan presents The World’s Premier Professional & Lifestyle Domination Convention. Pet Show and Awards for Cutest Pet * Best Behaved Pet * Best Costume * Best Pet Trick

Exxxotica XXXL
Everyone Does It!
October 20 – 27, 2019
Edison, New Jersey
Web Site:   https://exxxoticaexpo.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/CelebrateSexyNJ/
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
The EXXXOTICA Expo is the largest event in the USA dedicated to love and sex and features non-stop entertainment, hundreds of adult stars and hours of educational seminars.

Fantasy Fest
October 16 – 25, 2020
Key West, Florida
Web Site:   https://www.fantasyfest.com/
Contact:   https://fantasyfest.com/contact/
Schedule:   https://fantasyfest.com/schedule/
Tagged:   Fetish
Click on “Little Black Book” on the Schedule page.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

Endless Night
New Orleans Vampire Ball
October 26, 2019
New Orleans, Louisiana
Web Site:   http://endlessnight.com/
Tagged:   Fetish Ball
A Venetian Masquerade meets a Vampire Court, with the elegance of a Burlesque Cabaret and the energy of a Rock Concert.

PhEERfest 2019
Sincinnati’s Only Halloween Edge Play Event
October 25 – 27, 2019
Cincinnati, Ohio
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/pheerfest-tickets-61342643498
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/723247
Tagged:   Fetish, BDSM
Tickets are on sale now. Vendors, classes, parties!

STIMULATE Annual Halloween Ball
October 25, 2019
New York, New York
Web Site:   http://stimulate-me.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/STIMULATE.nyc/
Tagged:   Fetish
Check stimulate.eventbrite.com for currently available tickets.

November

US Election 2020
Because this is ridiculous
November 3, 2020
USA
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/525575
Tagged:   Election
Get out and make your fetish / LGBTQ vote count.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Florida e-Fest
Livin’ in an Anal Erotic Paradise
November 8 – 10, 2019
Clearwater, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.floridaefest.org/
Info:   dancer48066@yahoo.com
Tagged:   Fetish
Annual con for Enema Fetish. “Tyler Reunion Group”.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group  

Coastal Carolina Fetish Fair
CCFF is in Myrtle Beach again for 2019
November 14 – 17, 2019
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/5th-annual-coastal-carolina-fetish-fair-tickets-61002623489
Tickets:   5thCCFF
Contact:   CKeithmy@yahoo.com
Tagged:   Vendor Faire
The Vendor Fair will include corsets, whips, low-temp candles, violet wands, kilts, canes, knives, paddles, and of course, more. Dungeon/Play Space available on Friday and Saturday night for all paid attendees.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Diabolique Ball 23
Fetish Asylum
November 30, 2019
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   http://www.diaboliquephilly.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/DiaboliqueBall/
Tagged:   Fetish
The Diabolique Ball was created in 1997 by Kali Morgan of PASSIONAL (and now also Sexploratorium www.passionaltoys.com) along with Psydde Delicious of Delicious Corsets now found within Delicious Boutique along with a team of dedicated friends. Diabolique Ball 23: Fetish Asylum opens at 8PM on Saturday November 30 at The Painted Bride Art Center where creative and kinky spirits will converge for an unorthodox session of erotic overload.

December

Cirque De Boudoir – Carnavalesque New Year’s Eve 2020
The largest KINK/FETISH NYE event in Montreal!
December 31, 2019
Montréal, Québec, Canada
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/115767
Tickets:   https://www.cirquedeboudoir.com/en/
Tagged:   Fetish
Performances by Audrey Ivory, Mimi Cherry, Natasha Nebula, HOLY SCAR & more. Plus: CDB Gogo Dancers, Visuals & countdown by Bunnyguts.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Fetlife Group  

End of Year Masquerade Ball
December 28, 2019
Washington, District of Columbia
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/817756
Contact:   https://www.the-crucible.com
Tagged:   Fetish
Masquerade Costumes, Fetish Attire and Masks Encouraged. Hosted by Sinfully Naughty Playductions.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

January

Mud Girl!!!
Come get dirty
January 25, 2020
Palm Beach, Florida
Web Site:   https://www.mudgirlrun.us/copie-de-tampa-bay
Contact:   https://www.mudgirlrun.us/faq
Tagged:   Fetish
MudGirl is a 3 mile foot race, including 17+ obstacles to overcome. Whether alone or with a team, this challenging course is committed to test cohesion, endurance and the good spirit of each participant. Very Messy! Expect mud, but no swimming required. FemmeDommeCollective is running at a group, their time slot is 10:30.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

February

PALS Fetish Fest
January 31 – February 1, 2020
Pensacola, Florida
Web Site:   http://pals-fl.com/
Contact:   http://pals-fl.com/panhandle-alternative-lifestyle-society/
Tagged:   BDSM
Panhandle Alternative Life Styles presents a weekend of presenters and vendors, with a Saturday night party at a hotel.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

SizeCon
February 15 – 16, 2020
Piscataway, New Jersey
Web Site:   https://www.sizecon.com/
Tickets:   https://www.sizecon.com/tickets
Tagged:   Fetish
SizeCon is an event for anyone who yearns to explore their size fascination with other like minds. At our convention, you can expect a welcoming environment to talk about your interests, a variety of interactive panels and activities, and artists from across the size spectrum in our Artists’ Alley. Come join size enthusiasts from around the world in the fourth edition of this one-of-a-kind kinky event!
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter   Fetlife Page  

Nightshade Halifax – The Rubber Ball
6th Annual
February 22, 2020
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Web Site:   http://www.nightshadehalifax.com/events.html
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/NightshadeHalifax
Tagged:   Fetish
Fetish, kink, gothic & BDSM. Flyer
Follow:   Twitter  

TRC 5th Annual Fetish Ball
Arabian Nights
February 22, 2020
Birmingham, Alabama
Web Site:   http://theredchair.org/
Info:   trcleadership@gmail.com
Tagged:   Fetish
Bring out your best leather, vinyl, latex, corsets, boots, neck ties, collars and leashes. Or, just wear something sexy.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

42 events in Eastern North America.

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Western North America

March

Annual AHS Iniquity Ball and IX 5-year Anniversary Bash
March 7, 2020
Kansas City, Missouri
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/759487
Tagged:   Fetish
Save the date

Texas Latex Party
TLP28
March 5 – 8, 2020
Houston, Texas
Web Site:   http://texaslatexparty.com/
Tagged:   Fetish, Latex
A celebration of Friends in Fetish. Dress Code event: Latex, leather, corsets.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Vancoufur
Neon City
March 5 – 8, 2020
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Web Site:   https://www.vancoufur.org/
Tickets:   https://www.vancoufur.org/registration
Contact:   https://www.vancoufur.org/about/contact-us
Tagged:   Furry, Fetish, Pup
1000+ attendees expected.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Wild Wild West Con
Steampunk: Magic & Mystery!
March 5 – 8, 2020
Tucson, Arizona
Web Site:   https://www.wildwestcon.com/
Tagged:   Fetish
This event takes place within Old Tucson, the famous movie studio and amusement park built in 1939 and featured in over 300 movies and TV shows. For this weekend only, Old Tucson is transformed into America’s only Western-style Steampunk Theme Park!
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Facebook Group   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Bacchanalia
March 16 – 17, 2019
Round Rock, Texas
Web Site:   https://ravishatx.com/event/bacchanalia/
Tagged:   Fetish, Sex
Repast of traditional Roman faire will be provided, as will beverage and entertainment. Heated bath will also be available and we encourage you to indulge in the coarsest of excess throughout the evening.

KiSS Equinox Ball
Gothic Dream Gala: Taste Kink, Find Your Flavour! ”
March 29, 2019
St. Paul, Minnesota
Web Site:   https://www.kinquesocialsociety.com/
Info:   Kinquesocialsociety@gmail.com
Tagged:   Fetish
Presented by Kinque Social Society. Fetlife Get Tix

April

Exxxotica Expo Denver
Everyone Does It! (2019 dates promised for Denver)
April 6 – 8, 2018
Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   https://exxxoticaexpo.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/CelebrateSexyDenver/
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
The EXXXOTICA Expo is the largest event in the USA dedicated to love and sex and features non-stop entertainment, hundreds of adult stars and hours of educational seminars.

Rubbout
Rubout 28: Illuminate
April 5 – 7, 2019
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Web Site:   https://rubbout.com/
Contact:   https://rubbout.com/contact-us/
Tagged:   Fetish
RUBBOUT hosts events for men who love men in rubber and fetish gear. It is the longest consecutively-running men’s fetish event in North America!

Calgary Kinky Flea Market
April 13, 2019
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   https://ca.groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/albertasocietyforkink/info
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/762971
Tagged:   Vendor Faire, Fetish, BDSM
Presented by Alberta Society For Kink. Contact Dennis at masdenask@gmail.com, Sharon s.mclaren@outlook.com, call 403 398 9968. Forest Heights Community Centre, 4909 Forego Avenue SE, Calgary.

Rubber Ball USA
Erotic Ball
April 27, 2019
St. Paul, Minnesota
Web Site:   https://www.rubberballusa.com/
Tagged:   Fetish, Pony, Pup
Rubber Ball USA is an unrepentant annual celebration of fetish culture featuring internationally-renowned performers, models, and fashion designers. Debauchery meets elegance as we fill the Historic Concord Exchange with the most provocative fetish and kink entertainment. Dungeon is VIP access only.

May

DomCon Los Angeles
Pro and Lifestyle BDSM/Fetish
May 6 – 11, 2020
Los Angeles, California
Web Site:   http://www.domconla.com
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/395002
Tagged:   Fetish
Mistress Cyan presents The World’s Premier Professional & Lifestyle Domination Convention
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Through the Looking Glass
You Matter
May 18, 2019
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/740899
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, Pony
Donations only. At The Source, Jaki Griot speaking on Perverts of Color; International Bear 2018 speaking on revisionist history and how to fix it; Mauro: Confessions of an AIDS lawyer; Russel on hooks, hooking, and suspension. Both theory and hands on; Elaina de la Mer speaking on humiliation; Alibi and Single tail. Two dungeons. Pet parade.

June

HEaRT of Texas 2019 Conference
Join us for the first annual Hypnotic, Erotic, and Recreational Trance Conference
May 31 – June 2, 2019
Austin, Texas
Web Site:   http://www.hearthypno.com/
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/groups/180218
Tagged:   Fetish, Hypnosis
A hypnosis conference with a uniquely Austin flair. Presenters include Lee Allure, Najalaise, Senor Jaime, Master Shack, LuckyAlbatross, Wiseguy.

Exxxotica Expo Portland
Everyone Does It!
June 7 – 9, 2019
Portland, Oregon
Web Site:   https://exxxoticaexpo.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/CelebrateSexyPD
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
The EXXXOTICA Expo is the largest event in the USA dedicated to love and sex and features non-stop entertainment, hundreds of adult stars and hours of educational seminars.

Beguiled Conference
Hypnosis in the Midwest
June 28 – 30, 2019
Schaumburg, Illinois
Web Site:   http://beguiledcon.org
Contact:   https://beguiledcon.my-free.website/contact
Tagged:   Fetish, Hypnosis
Ticket options, donations, presenters, volunteers: Beguiled on TicketLeap

July

Bondage Ball
16th Anniversary
July 3, 2019
Los Angeles, California
Web Site:   http://www.bondageball.com/
Contact:   http://www.bondageball.com/novid,php?mod=contact
Tagged:   Fetish
Always held on July 3, eve of Independence Day.

Kansas City Queer Weekend
July 12 – 14, 2019
Kansas City, Missouri
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/kansas-city-queer-weekend-tickets-62410224662
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/queerbartakeoverkc
Tagged:   Fetish
By Queer Bar Takeover KC

Vancouver Fetish Weekend 2020
8 Events – 1000+ In Attendance
July 23 – 27, 2020
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Web Site:   http://www.vancouverfetishweekend.com/
Info:   isaacterpstra@gmail.com
Tagged:   Fetish
Cocktail parties, fetish and bondage balls, a cruise, and on Monday a decompression Beach Trip.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

August

EXILE 7 – A Fetish Ball
Resurrecting
August 17, 2019
Exdo Event Center, Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   http://lokusdorproductions.com
Contact:   info@lokusdorproductions.com
Tagged:   Fetish
Voodoo Leatherworks / Marquis Lifestyle Center / Lokusdor Productions. Dress code: As bar-legal naughty as you wanna be! Lokusdor Productions is a Colorado Non-Profit Charitable Organization with 501(c)(3) status. In the past five years, Lokusdor Productions has donated over $60,000 to local and national charitable organizations.

NAPTC – North American Pony Trainer Contest
Pony Title contest at Sanctuary-LAX
August 14 – 15, 2020
Los Angeles, California
Web Site:   http://www.northamericanponytrainercontest.com/
Contact:   http://www.northamericanponytrainercontest.com/contact/
Tagged:   Leather, Pony
The winner(s) of this contest will go forth to share their knowledge and love of pony play through teaching and mentoring those within the leather, kink and fetish communities. Judges for 2020: Ms Liza and her slave, Jody – Rebecca Wilcox – Mistress Cyan – Trixie LaFontaine

Ritual Revolution
Alberta’s newest spiritual event
August 14 – 16, 2020
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/834846
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/users/10455862
Tagged:   Fetish, Camping
Hook suspensions, energy pulls, cleansing ceremonies and more. Tickets will go on sale starting November 1st, 2019. Accomodations available are mostly tent or RV camping. There are a limited number of indoor accommodations available that will be available for an extra cost.
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

Ritual Revolution
NEW
August 14 – 16, 2020
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/834846
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/RitualRevolution
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish
Ritual Revolution will feature rituals such as hook suspension, energy pulls, cleansing ceremonies and more. Our focus will be on how what we do to the body can help open up the mind and spirit. We welcome all experience levels, from those new and curious, to those who have flown a time or two.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Rocky Mountain Rebellion
Rebelling Against Stigma
August 23 – 25, 2019
Salt Lake City, Utah
Web Site:   http://www.rmrebellion.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/RockyMtnRebellion/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, BDSM
The Rebellion is a three day conference focused around Leather, Fetish, BDSM and Power Exchange Relationships. Home of the Rocky Mountain Puppy Trainer and Rocky Mountain Person of Leather contests.

September

Beyond Vanilla
Texas’ premier lifestyle kink event
September 27 – 28, 2019
Dallas, Texas
Web Site:   https://beyondvanilla.org/
Contact:   https://beyondvanilla.org/contact/
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather, Fetish, Pup
Presented by NLA – Dallas. South Central Puppy and Handler Contest.

KiSS Equinox Ball
Erotic Ball, Fetish Presentations
September 27, 2019
St. Paul, Minnesota
Web Site:   https://www.kinquesocialsociety.com/
Info:   Kinquesocialsociety@gmail.com
Tagged:   Fetish
Presented by Kinque Social Society. Fetlife

Wasteland Weekend
10th year. The world’s largest post-apocalyptic festival
September 25 – 29, 2019
Edwards, California
Web Site:   http://www.wastelandweekend.com/
Tagged:   Fetish, Camping
Music, dancing, car show, costuming. Video: There’s a Party At The End Of The World

Magnitude
The official Saturday Night Dance Party of Folsom Street Fair
September 29, 2018
San Francisco, California
Web Site:   https://www.folsomstreetevents.org/magnitude/
Contact:   https://fortmason.org/event/magnitude/
Tagged:   Fetish
2019 date TBA

Folsom Street Fair
Worlds Largest Leather Event, Sunday
September 29, 2019
San Fransisco, California
Web Site:   https://www.folsomstreetevents.org/folsom-street-fair/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Fetish, Parade, Pony
250,000 fetish enthusiasts spread out over 13 city blocks. Keep an eye on the Calendar

After Folsom Fuck Fest
September 29, 2019
San Fransisco, California
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/283816
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Fetish, Parade, Pony
6:00 PM – 4:00 AM at Power Exchange. We know that a lot of you will be coming to Folsom, but… How many of you came to cum?. $10 Discount if you mention you saw this party on FetLife!

October

Dommetrips Diversion
A fetish vacation by the water
October 12 – 19, 2019
Cozumel, Mexico
Web Site:   http://dommetrips.com/
Takeover – indoor and outdoor dungeons. Fetlife Event page

Calgary Kinky Flea Market
October 19, 2019
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   https://ca.groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/albertasocietyforkink/info
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/826712
Tagged:   Vendor Faire, Fetish, BDSM
Presented by Alberta Society For Kink. Contact Dennis at masdenask@gmail.com, Sharon s.mclaren@outlook.com, call 403 398 9968. Forest Heights Community Centre, 4909 Forego Avenue SE, Calgary.

Liquid Red Las Vegas Thunderdome Nightmare Ball
Post-Apocalypse
October 19, 2018
Las Vegas, Nevada
Web Site:   http://liquidredlv.com/
Info:   liquidredlv@gmail.com
Tagged:   Fetish
Post-apocalyptic attire suggested but not required. LGBTQ+ friendly/ pansexual event. 21+. Tickets

Fetish and Fantasy Halloween Ball
October 26, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Web Site:   http://www.halloweenball.com/
Possibly the wildest adult Halloween party in the USA.

Fetish Halloween Ball
at The Imperial
October 26, 2019
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Web Site:   http://sincityfetishnight.com/
Contact:   http://sincityfetishnight.com/contact-us/
Tagged:   Fetish
Get advance access to tickets when they go on sale … Sign up for the Sin Newsletter via the web site. Dress To Kill / Dress To Die For / Fetish Dress Code Enforced / No Cheesy Non-Kinky Non-Fetish Halloween Costumes. Haunted Forest decor installation. Costume contest – $1000 in prizes. Vendors on site. Fetish and Burlesque stage shows.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Ms Sacramento Leather Contest 2019
October 26, 2019
Sacramento, California
Web Site:   https://www.mssacramentoleather.com/
Contact:   https://www.mssacramentoleather.com/contactus
Tagged:   Leather
Ms Sacramento Leather provides representation, outreach, service and education to the Sacramento Valley Area leather, fetish, and kink communities.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

November

US Election 2020
Because this is ridiculous
November 3, 2020
USA
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/525575
Tagged:   Election
Get out and make your fetish / LGBTQ vote count.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Ritual Steel – San Diego
November 8 – 9, 2019
San Diego, California
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/groups/179725
Tickets:   http://bit.ly/RitualSteelSD2019
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish
Ritual Steel is a transformative ritual piercing event intended to provide a unique personal and educational experience that can result in a coming-of-age transformation, catharsis, and/or emotional growth. Friday evening we will be doing a presentation on the history of hook rituals, followed by a meet and greet. Saturday afternoon we will facilitate a hook pull, and in the evening we will facilitate flesh hook suspensions.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

January

Westcoast Bound 2020
10th Anniversary
January 10 – 12, 2020
Vancouver, British Columbia
Web Site:   http://www.westcoastbound.ca/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/westcoast-bound-2020-tickets-60960571711
Tagged:   Rope, Fetish
Tier 1 tickets have already sold out. Join Mollena, Master Rook and slave rook, Najalaise, BossBoar, Q Wilson, Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti, Katherine and Ray, Trailmastr, Marceline_vq, Goddess Indigo and others. Presented by MVK. The location is in Coquitlam, one block away from Lougheed skytrain station.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

February

Plunge!
A Week of Wet, Kinky, Fetish Fun
February 13 – 20, 2021
Amber Coast, Dominican Republic
Web Site:   https://plungefetish.com/
Tagged:   Resort
Resort Takeover.
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

Random Acts of Kink Weekend
Calgary’s Newest Kink Conference
February 14 – 17, 2020
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   https://www.randomactsofkink.com/
Tickets:   https://www.randomactsofkink.com/tickets
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish
The event will feature a Fetish Ball on the Friday night followed by a full slate of cool and exciting workshops Saturday and Sunday with some sexy hot play parties each night. Monday is the Family Day weekend in Alberta (also Random Acts of Kindness day) so we hope our guests will stay up with us Sunday night before heading home on the Monday. Random Acts of Kink weekend has a goal of demonstrating diversity and inclusiveness through our planning and presenter team. We will be focusing on inviting presenters of with a diverse background with a focus on POC, LGBTQIA+, sex workers, disabled kinksters and TNG/new presenters.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Drummer North America
On Hiatus
February 22 – 25, 2018
Las Vegas, Nevada
Web Site:   http://drummerna.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/DNAcontests/posts/2085215575092765
Tagged:   Leather
Drummer, Drummerboy and Drummer Bootblack contests. Unlike contests restricted to only leather or rubber, or a specific power dynamic such as Master/slave and Sir/boy, DNA contest titles are open to a broader spectrum of fetish identities of gay men — from rubber, uniforms and leather, to sports kit, military and punk. DNA is as diverse as your DNA. DNA contests are open to all men in the fetish/kink communities, who are residents of Canada, United States and Mexico.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter  

41 events in Western North America.

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Europe

March

Leather and Fetish Pride Belgium
The Dark Ride of Your Life
4 – 9 March, 2020
Antwerp, Belgium
Web Site:   https://www.leatherpride.be/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, Rope
Darklands. Alphas vs Xtreme, Fusion, and Rage parties. Contest. Ten host hotels. The theme park once was the cultural highlight of Antwerp, but it has been abandoned for years. Now, an obscure and mysterious new owner transformed it into a place where boots shine, rubber is polished and the smell of leather fills the air. Are you ready for the dark ride of your life?

April

Mister Rubber Italy 2019
#strongertogether weekend
6 – 7 Aprille, 2019
Rome, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.lcroma.com/en/mister-rubber-italy-2019/
Contact:   https://www.lcroma.com/en/contact-us/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish

BLF Easter in Berlin
Save the Date!
April 8 – 13, 2020
Berlin, Germany
Web Site:   https://www.easterberlin.de/de/easter-berlin
Contact:   https://www.easterberlin.de/en/easter-berlin
Tagged:   Fetish, Rope
Various venues, Berlin, Germany

Fetish Evolution Weekend
19 – 22 April, 2019
Essen, Germany
Web Site:   http://fetishevolution.com/en/
Tagged:   Fetish

The Femdom Weekend London 2020
Putting the Femme back into Femdom
April 23 – 27, 2020
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   http://www.clubfemdom.co.uk/
Tagged:   Fetish
An Annual Celebration of the Dominant Feminine Form and those who delight in serving Her. The emphasis of the weekend is on style, Sisterhood and high protocol service.

May

BoundCon Europe
BoundCon XVII
22 – 24 May, 2020
Munich, Germany
Web Site:   http://www.boundcon.com/
Info:   info@boundcon.com
Tagged:   Fetish, Rope

July

Fetish Week
6 – 14 July, 2019
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   https://www.fetishweek.com/
Contact:   https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdpJO7hcImXhhJ62V-c8KunUFbmwdTr3ihxu0euNfWSCvJwHQ/viewform
Tagged:   Fetish
Leather, Gear, Pup, and more. Walk in London Pride. Sponsored by Recon.com. Click on Contact link to submit an Event – deadline is 28TH FEBRUARY 2019.

Summer Fetish Social in Brussels
Hosted by MSC Belgium
19 July, 2019
Brussels, Belgium
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/2481260081915227/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish
Come and get together at La Reserve for the summer Fetish Social in Brussels!

August

Castlefest 2019
August 1 – 4, 2019
Kasteel Lisse, Netherlands
Web Site:   https://www.castlefest.nl/
Tagged:   Fetish, Camping
Waan je in een compleet andere wereld op Castlefest, het Fantasy festival van Nederland. Een feest voor jong en oud, waarbij je, zodra je de poorten doorgaat, een andere wereld instapt. Castlefest is een totaalbeleving met veel muziek, fantasy schrijvers, catering in stijl, middeleeuwse ambachten en een grote markt met alles waar de Fantasy-liefhebber naar op zoek is. Who from Fetlife is going?

Dominatrix
25 August, 2018
Uitgeest (near Amsterdam), Netherlands
Web Site:   http://www.dominatrix.nl/
Tagged:   Fetish
National and international fetish models, designers, artists and a lot of movie and music industry VIP’s, give this event her international glam. But despite of all these big names, from all around the world, Dominatrix has been able to maintain the warm friendly atmosphere and Dominatrix is often described as a huge fetish family reunion!

September

Folsom Europe
11 – 15 Sept, 2019
Berlin, Germany
Web Site:   http://folsomeurope.info/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, Parade
Since its first year in 2004. Folsom Europe has become a world-famous fetish event with a huge street fair and lots of parties. This year, Europe’s largest gay fetish event will take place at various venues across Berlin. Tens of thousands of guys in leather & fetish gear will be walking the streets in the Berlin-Schöneberg district. Expect a long weekend of fun. freedom and sleaze in one of the world’s most vibrant capitals.

Klub Verboten
Starting our 2nd year
September 15, 2018
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   http://klubverboten.com/
Contact:   https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/klub-verboten-n-xii-2y-anniversary-tickets-48529939355
Tagged:   Fetish
Latex, Rubber, PVC, Leather, Metal, Nylon, Lace, Drag, Chains, Studs & Naked Skin. Fetlife

BoFeWo
Bondage Fetish World
27 – 29 Sept 2019
Hofheim, Germany
Web Site:   https://www.bofewo.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/bofewo/
Tagged:   Fetish, Vendors
Zum 5ten mal öffnet die BoFeWo ihre Tore. Über 100 Aussteller aus dem In- und Ausland sowie über 20 Performer sorgen für ein abwechlungsreiches Wochenende. Natürlich gibt es auch wieder die tollen Workshops.

Lisbon Meets Fetish 2019
LMF 19
26 – 29 Setembro, 2019
Lisboa, Portugal
Web Site:   https://gearclubportugal.wixsite.com/home/lisbon-meets-fetish-2019
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/710028529356757/
Tagged:   Fetish
Hosted by Gear Club Portugal

October

Fetish Film Festival
Film Festival, Dates Vary
Kiel, Germany
Web Site:   http://www.fetisch-film-festival.de

London Fetish Weekend
4 – 7 October, 2018
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   http://www.londonfetishweekend.com/events/
Tagged:   Fetish
Market, Ball, Formal Fetish Dinner, other events.

Manchester Leather Weekend 2018
5 – 8 October, 2018
Manchester, United Kingdom
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/MLWeekend/
Contact:   https://www.latenightcruisingnyc.com/gay-leather-parties-2018.html
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish
Multiple venues in and around the Manchester gay village.

Maspalomas Fetish Week
The only European gay fetish event by the beach!
4 – 13 October, 2019
Gran Canaria, Spain
Web Site:   http://www.maspalomasfetishweek.com/
Schedule:   https://www.facebook.com/pg/FetishWeek/events/?ref=page_internal
Tagged:   Fetish, Pup
Maspalomas Fetish Week is one of Europe’s biggest get-togethers for guys who think of leather, uniforms, rubber, sports clothes and other kinky stuff as an act of liberation rather than a costume. Puppy Pub Crawl Oct 7. Piss night Oct 4.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

Rubber Cult
6 October, 2018
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   http://www.rubbercult.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/RubberCult
Tagged:   Rubber
Rubber ONLY dress code event. Happens during London Fetish Weekend. Rubber cabaret and other entertainment.

Eccentric Fashion Weekend
54nd
9 – 13 Oktober, 2019
Zurich, Switzerland
Web Site:   http://www.eccentric-fashion.ch/
Tagged:   Fetish
Latex, Paint, Vynil, Leather, Plastic

Mister Leather Europe 2019
10 – 13 Oct, 2019
Rome, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.lcroma.com/it/roma-2019-mister-leather-europe-ecmc-agm-4/
Tagged:   Leather
Si svolgerà a Roma, dal 10 al 13 Ottobre 2019, il concorso di Mister Leather Europe e la ECMC AGM, la conferenza annuale di tutte le associazioni gay leather & fetish.

HustlaBall Berlin Weekend
16th HustlaBall Berlin
18 – 22 October, 2018
Berlin, Germany
Web Site:   https://www.hustlaball.de/
Tagged:   Fetish
HustlaBall will happen Friday 19th October at the Kitkat Club.

Prague Fetish Weekend
October 17 – 20, 2019
Prague, Czech Republic
Web Site:   http://fetishweekend.cz/
Vendors, Dresscode party

Fetish & BDSM Festival VIII – 2019
Hangar 43
25 – 26 October, 2019
Baasrode, Dendermonde, Belgium
Web Site:   https://www.fetishfestival.be/
Contact:   https://www.fetishfestival.be/contact.html
Tagged:   Fetish
And MGP party.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

La Nuit Dèmonia
SCARY PARTY II
27 Octobre, 2018
Paris, France
Web Site:   http://www.nuitdemonia.com/
Tagged:   Fetish
Dresscode latex, wetlook, vinyle et cuir. Une soirée de 1 500 personnes, où vous pourrez jouer en toute liberté, danser sur de la musique alternative, et profiter et profiter des animations et shows gratuits.

Leather Pride Amsterdam 2018
25 – 28 October, 2018
Amsterdam, Netherlands
Web Site:   http://www.leatherpride.nl/
Tagged:   Leather
The biggest leather party in The Netherlands. Thousands of leather and fetish fans descend on Amsterdam each year for this hugely popular festival. A long weekend of events both indoor and outdoor is planned – including the main party @ ‘Damage’

SexPo
25 – 27 October, 2019
London, United Kingdom
Web Site:   http://www.sexpo.co.uk/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/SexpoUK
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
Vendors, entertainment, demonstrations, fetish playroom, more. Click here for social media info

November

Nice So Fetish #4
23 – 25 Novembre, 2019
Nice, France
Web Site:   http://www.evidence-fetiche.com/js_events/nice-so-fetiche-4/
Tickets:   http://www.evidence-fetiche.com/js_events/packages/
Schedule:   http://www.evidence-fetiche.com/js_events/program/
Tagged:   Leather
Organised by Evidence Fetiche, the Nice So Fetiche weekend returns for it’s fourth outing, including the election of Mr Leatherman Evidence. Contest

BoundOne
BoundCon meets Feringa Park
1 – 3 November, 2019
Munich, Germany
Web Site:   http://bound1.events/
Info:   info@boundcon.com
Tagged:   Fetish, Rope
The 4th Munich Bondage Weekend

Wasteland
Europe’s biggest fetish fantasy event
November 30 – December 1, 2019
Amsterdam / Zaandam, Netherlands
Web Site:   https://www.wasteland.nl
Tagged:   Fetish

December

Fetish Pride Italy 2019
6 – 8 December, 2019
Naples, Italy
Web Site:   https://www.lcroma.com/en/fetish-pride-italy-2019-7th-edition/
Tagged:   Leather
LC Roma’s annual Fetish Pride Italy, with plenty of parties, meals, sightseeing and more!

January

BDSM Winter Retreat
Unfortunately, the winter retreat 2019-2020 will not take place due to insufficient registrations.
December 28, 2019
Jagniatkow, Jelenia Gora, Poland
Web Site:   https://7sensesart.com/en/all-events/viewevent/92-winter-retreat-2019-2020-jagniatkow
Tagged:   Fetish, BDSM
An opportunity to explore the fusion of creativity, BDSM, and sex, in a minimally structured environment.

32 events in Europe.

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Africa

December

SexPo
December 31, 2019
South Africa
Web Site:   http://sexpo.co.za/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/sexposafrica
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
Vendors, entertainment, demonstrations, fetish playroom, more. 2019 dates TBA. Click here for writeup of a previous year

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Australia / New Zealand

June

SexPo
June 12 – 14, 2020
Sydney, Australia
Web Site:   https://www.sexpo.com.au/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/sexpoaustralia
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
Vendors, entertainment, demonstrations, fetish playroom, more. Planned events will be announced on this page, on Twitter, and on their mailing list

August

SexPo
August 2 – 4, 2019
Brisbane, Australia
Web Site:   https://www.sexpo.com.au/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/sexpoaustralia
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
Vendors, entertainment, demonstrations, fetish playroom, more. Planned events will be announced on this page, on Twitter, and on their mailing list

Miss Nude Australia
August 27 – 29, 2019
Adelaide, Australia
Web Site:   https://www.missnudeaustralia.com.au/
Info:   contact@crazyhorse.com.au
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
Miss Nude Australia is the most recognised and prestigious competition of Showgirls in Australia with heats held in every state and finals being held for three nights in Adelaide at the Crazy Horse Revue. It’s main focus is the art of striptease. The winner and first runner-up from each state travel to Adelaide’s Crazy Horse Revue to participate in the world-class Miss Nude Australia competition. tel:08 8231 2064

September

SexPo
September 11 – 13, 2020
Perth, Australia
Web Site:   https://www.sexpo.com.au/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/sexpoaustralia
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
Vendors, entertainment, demonstrations, fetish playroom, more. Planned events will be announced on this page, on Twitter, and on their mailing list

Oz KinkFest
Year 12
September 13 – 23, 2019
Melbourne, Australia
Web Site:   https://www.ozkinkfest.com/
Tagged:   BDSM, LGBTQ+
Australia’s Ultimate GLBTIQ and Alternative Lifestyle Festival features vendors, 2 day educational series, club nights, and fetish fun. Fetlife Event is for the Fetish Expo, Saturday 14 September 2019 12 noon – 7 pm, Collingwood Town Hall, 140 Hoddle Street, Abbotsford.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Facebook Group   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group  

November

SexPo
November 8 – 10, 2019
Melbourne, Australia
Web Site:   https://www.sexpo.com.au/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/sexpoaustralia
Tagged:   Sex, Fetish
Vendors, entertainment, demonstrations, fetish playroom, more. Planned events will be announced on this page, on Twitter, and on their mailing list Sarah Jessie, Buck Angel, Johnny Sins, Joanna Angel, Jessica Drake. Magic Men!

Christchurch Fetish Ball
November 16, 2019
Christchurch, New Zealand
Web Site:   http://www.thefetishball.com/christchurch/
Contact:   http://www.thefetishball.com/christchurch/contact-us/
Tagged:   Fetish
This years Ball is our 20th Birthday so expect to be thrilled by the shows and astounded by costumes. Dress in either Fetishwear, a costume of your choice, or over the top dressed to the nines. This year we are encouraging a sense of High Society in our event. The venue will be fully decked out in style, and the acts will follow suit.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

7 events in Australia / New Zealand.

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Multiple Locations

Various Dates

International Deaf Leather
25+ years
Varies, International
Web Site:   http://www.internationaldeafleather.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Fetish, Leather, Polyamory, Pony, Pup, Rope, AgePlay
See the Events tab on their web site for a list of major Leather events that are Sign Language & Voice Interpreted.


120+ events

While events listed on this page may be of interest to Leather, BDSM, Furry, Geeky, Kinky, Polyamory, Age Play, or other Alt communities, it is unlikely that all events will be of interest to everyone. Please take what is useful to you and ignore the rest.

Last updated: March 5, 2020 at 13:26 pm

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CLICK HERE to add, update, delete an event's listing.NOTE: Links are listed in order by region, then month in which the event normally occurs, not city or specific location. Please click the mouse on the right to send us an update on an event or to suggest an addition.

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Click HERE for ALL kinds of events.

Eastern North America

April

Kinky Kollege
Spring Break
April 3 – 5, 2020
Chicago, Illinois
Web Site:   http://www.kinkykollege.com
Contact:   http://kinkykollege.com/contact/
Tagged:   BDSM
60 classes by 17 instructors. 15,000 square foot play space with over 75 pieces of equipment. Lots of vendors

MTTA Academy
slave Weekend (Females)
April 2 – 5, 2020
Springfield, Virginia
Web Site:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/
Schedule:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/curriculum
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
An intense weekend experience, retreat-like, aimed to find your true slave heart, life introspection and clarity for your future. This event is open to males (cis or trans) slaves / subs regardless of their level of experience. If the event is full, ask for waitlist status.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Sprung
It’s like a black family reunion but a whole lot kinkier!
April 4, 2020
Baltimore, Maryland
Web Site:   http://www.weekendreunion.com/sprung.htm
Contact:   http://www.weekendreunion.com/contact.php
Tagged:   BDSM, AgePlay
At The Playhouse. Sampler Stations in the afternoon. Playdate Icebreaker at 4 PM. Dungeon opens at 9 PM. Little’s Day Care. We party all night! Friday from 8 PM to closing there is a cocktail meet and greet at a nearby hotel.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

The AIS Tri-State Scandal 2020
Cincinnati, Northern KY, Southern Indiana… Get ready for some AIS Style Kinky Fun
April 3 – 5, 2020
Cincinnati, Ohio
Web Site:   http://www.adventuresinsexuality.org/SCANDAL/home.html
Tickets:   http://www.adventuresinsexuality.org/SCANDAL/tickets.html
Info:   baraknsheba@gmail.com
Tagged:   BDSM,Rope
Hotel event with one day of classes, two nights of play, dedicated rope space, and more. Produced by the Adventures in Sexuality team. Limited to 200 tickets.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Les Bon Temps Spring Fling Anniversary
Come help LBT celebrate our 8th anniversary!
April 18, 2020
The Rack Room, Milton, Florida
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/846927
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/RackRoomAdmin1/
Tagged:   BDSM
Demos, Vendors, Play Party. A block of rooms have been reserved at a nearby hotel.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

The M/s Gathering
5th Year: Learn, Share, Grow
April 16 – 19, 2020
Wilmington, Delaware
Web Site:   http://themsgathering.com/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM
2019 sold out in January. Registration scheduled to be available October 1.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Beat Me In St. Louis
XXII: BDSM Event, Educational Seminars, & Play Party
April 26 – 28, 2019
St. Louis, Missouri
Web Site:   http://beatmeinstl.com/
Contact:   http://beatmeinstl.com/register/
Tagged:   BDSM, Pup, Pony
Hotel takeover. The Mid-West’s Premier BDSM Event, Educational Seminar, & Play Party. Tickets available NOW.

Rochester Erotic Arts Festival
April 26 – 27, 2019
Rochester, New York
Web Site:   http://www.rochestereroticartfest.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish
Performances, Swing parties, Dungeon times, Workshops, and a nude swim.

Shenanigans Leather/Kink Weekend
Issue: 3!
April 24 – 26, 2020
Sawmill, Dade City, Florida
Web Site:   http://shenanigansleatherandkink.com/
Contact:   http://shenanigansleatherandkink.com/contact/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Camping
Demos, Classes, Vendors, the Florida Critter Contest, and SHENANIGANS in an atmosphere of inclusivity. Vendor Application
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page  

May

All Day Shop and Play
@ Playhouse
May 16, 2020
Baltimore, Maryland
Web Site:   https://baltimoreplayhouse.com/allday/
Tagged:   BDSM, Vendors
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Altsex NYC Conference
5th Annual
May 1, 2020
New York, New York
Web Site:   https://altsexnycconference.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Polyamory
The AltSex NYC Conference is a forum designed to disseminate information in a respectful, sex positive, and affirmative manner, including but not limited to kink and BDSM, polyamory and consensual non-monogamy, non-binary identifications, and non-traditional relationship and kinship structures. NYS SW CE credits are available. Program is AASECT approved.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Twitter  

Power eXchange Summit
A three day celebration of power exchange
May 10 – 12, 2019
Columbus, Ohio
Web Site:   http://www.powerexchangesummit.org
Contact:   https://twitter.com/pxsevent
Tagged:   BDSM
Web site not updated for 2019 but dates are confirmed. As of Feb 26 Registration is still not possible.

Servant’s Retreat 2
SR2
May 10 – 12, 2019
Raleigh, North Carolina
Web Site:   https://www.bdsmclasses.com/index.php/seminars/detailed-seminar-information/37-servant-s-retreat-2
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/749026
Tagged:   BDSM
At Wingnut Stables. SR 2 is an action and results oriented weekend for those who serve.

Carnival Spectacular
@The Crucible
May 18, 2019
Washington, District of Columbia
Web Site:   https://calendar.google.com/calendar/r/day/2019/5/18?eid=N2xnMGZucjQ3M2xkdHViNDZnMnY4MmtqbXMgdGhlY3J1Y2libGVkY0Bt&ctz=America/New_York&sf=true
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/755519
Tagged:   BDSM
Hosted by Sinfully-Naughty Playductions (Subby-Girl and secret_lady). Demo stations for fire play, flogging, mummification, wax, and more.

Beyond Leather
BL 13 – Positive Energy
May 28 – 30, 2020
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Web Site:   http://beyondleather.net/
Info:   slavebonnie@beyondleather.net
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
IPE Contest
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Memorial Day Weekend

PALS Annual Picnic & BDSM Olympics
May 23, 2020
Pensacola, Florida
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/874132
Contact:   http://pals-fl.com/panhandle-alternative-lifestyle-society/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping
Panhandle Alternative Life Styles presents a day of games, free food, 50/50 raffle, and camping.

June

Pittsburgh Bridge Spring Fever 2019
May 31 – June 2, 2019
Camp Davis Campground, Boyers, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/pittsburgh-bridge-spring-fever-2019-tickets-53772100801
Contact:   http://www.pittsburghbdsm.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping
Clothing optional tent camping with kinky, sex-positive adults. Near Pittsburgh. Parties, play, classes, food, music, dancing, and fun.

Revival Kamp
In the Pioneer Valley area of Western Massachusetts
June 2 – 9, 2019
Massachusetts
Web Site:   http://www.smakonline.org/kamp/
Contact:   http://www.smakonline.org/kamp/#contact
Tagged:   Camping
Salem MA Area Kink (S.M.A.K.) invites you to particpate in a unique Kamping experience that brings together people from every corner of the BDSM, leather, and the sex-positive worlds. Attendance is capped at 110.

SELF – Southeast Leatherfest
SELF 25: Connect
June 11 – 14, 2020
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   http://seleatherfest.com/home
Contact:   http://my.yapp.us/SELF
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather, Fetish
Including the Southeast Person of Leather contest, and SouthEast Master/slave, SouthEast Bootblack, Ms. SouthEast LeatherFest, SouthEast LeatherFest boy, and Mr. SouthEast LeatherFest.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

CornCon
14th Year
June 22, 2019
Bloomington, Illinois
Web Site:   http://www.leatherpalooza.com/corncon.html
Info:   Leatherpalooza@gmail.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Education, friendships, pup play and in the evening some dungeon time. Check Leatherpalooza on Fetlife.

Florida Leather Sir/ Leather boy/Community Bootblack Event Weekend
5th year
June 18 – 21, 2020
Parliament House Resort, Orlando, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.flsb-fcbb.com/
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/755332
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish, Leather
Florida Leather Sir/ Leather boy/Community Bootblack contests. Fetlife event page is for 2019.
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

SEEN in Tampa Bay 2019
Sisters Empowering, Evolving and Networking
June 29, 2019
Largo, Florida
Web Site:   https://levelupjourneys.wordpress.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/seen-in-tampa-sisters-empowering-evolving-networking-registration-55662593315
Schedule:   https://levelupjourneys.wordpress.com/seen-in-events/
Tagged:   BDSM
For 21+ women and those who identify as women, a day of classes, connections and community. Produced by Level Up Journeys.

July

TES Fest
Sexy summer fun!
July 3 – 5, 2020
Piscataway, New Jersey
Web Site:   https://www.tesfest.org/
Contact:   https://www.tesfest.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather, Fetish
BDSM/Leather/Fetish/Sex Positive hotel takeover.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Club Edge Anniversary Play Party
9 Years
July 13, 2019
East Stoney Creek, Ontario
Web Site:   http://clubedge.net/
Info:   info@clubedge.net
Tagged:   BDSM
Twitter See http://clubedge.net/Calender.html. Fetlife Event Page.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

MTTA Academy
slave Weekend (Males)
July 9 – 12, 2020
Springfield, Virginia
Web Site:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/
Schedule:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/curriculum
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
An intense weekend experience, retreat-like, aimed to find your true slave heart, life introspection and clarity for your future. This event is open to males (cis or trans) slaves / subs regardless of their level of experience.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Southeastern VA Community Kink Fest
2nd Annual
July 12 – 14, 2019
Dragon Manor, Barhamsville, Virginia
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/689417
Tagged:   BDSM
Near Williamsburg. Outdoor nudity permitted. Vendor fair, Presenters, Kinky Dessert Contest.

Summer WoW – Weekend of Wickedness
An all-inclusive BDSM weekend in beautiful upstate NY
July 8 – 12, 2020
Northeast of Albany, New York
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/groups/106232/about
Info:   MKDesires@yahoo.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping
Long laid back camping weekend with presenters – add Thursday if you want to. Reservations opened December 1, 2019.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Weekend Reunion: Fireball
It’s like a black family reunion but a whole lot kinkier! 2020 date TBA
July 13, 2019
Baltimore, Maryland
Web Site:   http://weekendreunion.com/fireball.htm
Contact:   http://www.weekendreunion.com/contact.php
Tagged:   BDSM
Fiery demos, outdoor cigar social, vendors with fireplay supplies. ¡Vamos a celebrar! Read this if you are new.

FetCamp 2019
July 19 – 21, 2019
Massachusetts
Web Site:   https://www.fetcamp.com/
Contact:   https://www.fetcamp.com/contact_us
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping
$200 tenting, $250 cabin. Photo package: $20. Classes, playtime, outdoor fun.

August

Butchmanns On The Road – Cincinnati
4th Pansexual Butchmanns Experience
August 2 – 4, 2019
Cincinnati, Ohio
Web Site:   http://www.butchmanns-experience.org/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/butchmanns-on-the-road-2019-tickets-49358539721
Contact:   info@butchmanns-experience.org
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Presented by Butchmanns. Sponsored by The Power Exchange Event Centre, Inc./ MAsT ORV Cincinnati.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

C.O.P.E.
BDSM Education and Playtime
July 31 – August 1, 2020
Columbus, Ohio
Web Site:   http://www.adventuresinsexuality.org/COPE/splash.html
Info:   Owner@adventuresinsexuality.org
Tagged:   BDSM
Hotel Takeover; 10,000 square foot dungeon. COPE: The Central Ohio Perversion Excursion produced by Adventures in Sexuality. Tickets on sale April 10, 2020.

Southeast Black & Blue
BDSM Educational Weekend
August 9 – 11, 2019
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   http://www.sebbevents.com/
Info:   nitro@southeastlsb.com
Tagged:   BDSM
At the Atlanta Eagle! Southeast Black and Blue, LLC is a not-for-profit organization with 100% of the proceeds raised throughout the year going to support its educational outreach, resources and activities.

Steel City Eroticon
and The Bondage Ball
August 15 – 17, 2019
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   https://bodyshopclubs.com/events/23681
Tickets:   https://bodyshopclubs.com/events/23681/orders/new
Contact:   events@bodyshopclubs.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish, Polyamory
Poly mixer Thursday 7-9. Vending, art exhibits throughout the weelend. Saturday classes range from Kink 101 to Vulva Casting. Polyamory Discussion Panel. Erotic Fashion Show 5 PM Saturday. Saturday night Bondage Ball is a 21+ BYOB event, listed here separately. There are off-site play events.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

BDSM Writers Con
This event was canceled in 2018. No 2019 dates have been posted.
August 16 – 19, 2018
New York City, New York
Web Site:   http://bdsmwriterscon.com/
Contact:   http://bdsmwriterscon.com/contact-us
Tagged:   Writers
Dedicated to writers and readers of Dominance and submission. We are the ONLY conference in the world to offer writers and readers the ability to discover the complexities of Dominance and submission through workshops, live demos, and fascinating hands-on experiences while you interact with your favorite–and soon-to-be favorite–BDSM authors.

Submissive Journey Weekend
August 20 – 23, 2020
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee
Web Site:   http://www.submissivejourneyweekend.com/
Tickets:   http://www.submissivejourneyweekend.com/apply-to-attend-sjw/
Info:   info@submissivejourneyweekend.com
Schedule:   http://www.submissivejourneyweekend.com/sample-schedule/
Tagged:   BDSM
SJW is a relaxed weekend of classes, connections and camaraderie in the Tennessee mountains. Started in 2007 by a couple of Leather s-types who saw the need for us little letter people (LLP) to have our own hang-out, SJW has consistently proven itself to be a retreat that doubles as a personal growth seminar.
Follow:   Facebook Group   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Labor Day Weekend

Master/slave Conference 2020
Annual educational event dedicated solely to Master/slave relationships
September 3 – 7, 2020
Falls Church, Virginia
Web Site:   http://masterslaveconference.org/
Contact:   http://masterslaveconference.org/contact-us/
Tagged:   BDSM
MTTA, Inc. presents a 5 day 4 night conference. Home of the Northeast Master/slave Contest. Keynote: Mister Blue, International Master 2018. Online Registration & Hotel Room Booking will open March 2020.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Group   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

September

Sex Down South
~Fluid~: 5th Annual Atlanta Sexuality Conference.
September 5 – 7, 2019
Atlanta, Georgia
Web Site:   https://www.sexdownsouth.com/
Tickets:   https://www.sexdownsouth.com/registration
Info:   marla@sexdownsouth.com
Tagged:   Sex
Sacred/Spiritual/Tantric Sexuality ~ Religion & Sexuality ~ BDSM/Kink/Costume Play ~ Polyamory/Non-monogamy ~ Sex in the South/Geographical implications on Sexuality ~ Race & Sexuality ~ Aging & Sexuality ~ Disability & Sexuality ~ Youth Sex Education ~ Communication & Healthy Relationships ~ Single Life ~ Trans*, Gender Non-Conforming & Genderqueer Sexualities ~ Lesbian/Gay/Same Gender Loving/Bisexual/Queer Sexualities ~ Reproductive Justice ~ Sex Worker Rights ~ Trauma and Sexuality
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter  

SexPo Cleveland 2018
3rd Annual
September 7, 2018
Cleveland, Ohio
Web Site:   https://www.facebook.com/events/2029227637313975/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/SAVEatCWRU/
Tagged:   Polyamory, BDSM
Hosted by CWRU Greek Life and SAVE, SexPo is a convention intended to remove the taboo associated with openly discussing sex and sexuality. We aim to open minds and push boundaries, giving everyone the chance to ask questions they may not be able to ask in any other setting, generate an ongoing dialogue regarding sex and sexuality, and encourage a sex-positive culture throughout Case Western and the greater community. (2019 date pending)

Florida Power Exchange
FPE VIII: Destination Diversity
September 17 – 20, 2020
Tampa, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.floridapowerexchange.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/florida-power-exchange-2020-tickets-83877167867
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/groups/74342
Schedule:   https://my.yapp.us/FPE2020
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Breaking out. Breaking even. Bootblacks, presentations, community, and fun! This is an adult alternative lifestyle-focused event involving all aspects and modalities in power exchange. Click here for contest information
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

October

PALS Ample Samples
October 5, 2019
Pensacola, Florida
Web Site:   http://pals-fl.com/
Contact:   http://pals-fl.com/panhandle-alternative-lifestyle-society/
Tagged:   BDSM
Panhandle Alternative Life Styles presents a day of education and a hotel play party annually.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

DomCon
Pro and Lifestyle BDSM/Fetish
October 10 – 14, 2019
New Orleans, Louisiana
Web Site:   https://www.domcon.com/
Contact:   https://www.domcon.com/home/custom?page=Contact+Us
Tagged:   Fetish, Pup, Pony
Mistress Cyan presents The World’s Premier Professional & Lifestyle Domination Convention. Pet Show and Awards for Cutest Pet * Best Behaved Pet * Best Costume * Best Pet Trick

Jax Fet Fest
Oct 10 – 13, 2019
Jacksonville, Florida
Web Site:   https://www.clubkinkjax.com/jax-fet-fest/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/tickets-to-attend-the-2019-1st-annual-jax-fet-fest-october-10-13th-tickets-71221869529
Contact:   https://www.clubkinkjax.com/contact-us/
Tagged:   BDSM, Pony, Rope
Classes, Vendors, Raffles, Games, Dungeon time, based at Club Kink Jax. Buck of the Waterhole is presenting pony play. Blaise and Raven presenting rope. Marshall of EMT Toys leads the Spank A Thon.
Follow:   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

Unity Munch 2020
The largest annual black munch event in the world!
October 17, 2020
Baltimore, Maryland
Web Site:   http://weekendreunion.com/unitymunch.htm
Contact:   http://www.weekendreunion.com/contact.php
Tagged:   BDSM
Dinner this year will be held at GrandE Buffet & Grill which is conveniently located 15 minutes from the hotel and features American, Asian and Mexican cuisine. After dinner we’ll head to the Baltimore Playhouse for a massive play party. If you’ve never experienced a playspace packed full of kinky black folks, you are in for a treat. See web page for complete info. Also, Read this if you are new.

Kinky Kollege
Homecoming
October 25 – 27, 2019
Chicago, Illinois
Web Site:   http://kinkykollege.com
Contact:   http://kinkykollege.com/contact/
Tagged:   BDSM
50+ classes by 17 instructors. 15,000 square foot play space with over 75 pieces of equipment.

PhEERfest 2019
Sincinnati’s Only Halloween Edge Play Event
October 25 – 27, 2019
Cincinnati, Ohio
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/pheerfest-tickets-61342643498
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/723247
Tagged:   Fetish, BDSM
Tickets are on sale now. Vendors, classes, parties!

November

Foundations in Mastery
When only excellence will do.
November 6 – 8, 2020
Fairfield, Ohio
Web Site:   https://www.bdsmclasses.com/index.php/seminars/detailed-seminar-information/39-foundations-in-mastery
Info:   asst2msgross@bdsmclasses.com
Tagged:   BDSM
This three-day seminar is a call to excellence for Tops, Dominants, and Masters.

KinkyCon
KINKYCON XIII
November 8 – 10, 2019
Manchester, New Hampshire
Web Site:   http://www.kinkyconnh.com/
Contact:   http://www.kinkyconnh.com/contact
Tagged:   BDSM, Polyamory
Kinky Con is an annual conference celebrating the education and exploration of BDSM, polyamory, gender identity, alternative sexuality, and welcoming people of all ages (18+), race, sexual orientation, gender identity, and spiritual belief.

MTTA Academy
Master Weekend
November 5 – 8, 2020
Springfield, Virginia
Web Site:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/
Schedule:   http://www.mttaacademy.org/curriculum
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
For all genders and orientations. If the event is full, ask for waitlist status.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Swingset Takes Desire! 2020
November 7 – 14, 2020
Desire Resort – Riviera Maya in Cancún, Mexico
Web Site:   https://swingsetdesire.com/
Tagged:   Swingers, BDSM
Resort Takeover: Every room at the resort is booked by our group. We host workshops on non-monogamy, anal play, flogging, and more. We are the first group to erect a full BDSM Dungeon for a night in the disco, complete with St Andrews Crosses, flogging benches, and a suspension station, along with workshops to unleash your inner dom or sub. Every year sees play parties, gang bangs, and orgies both hosted and pop-up, themed costume nights, live podcast recordings, karaoke, wine socials, cocktails, prizes and giveaways, foam parties, and just relaxing by the pool, beach, or in the hot tub.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Brimstone 666
6th Brimstone
November 28 – December 1, 2019
Piscataway, New Jersey
Web Site:   http://brimstone6.com/
Tagged:   BDSM, Pony, Pup, AgePlay
Hotel Takeover. Multi-faceted event that sells out at 600 attendees. More than twenty NY/NJ groups provide volunteers and support for this event.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group  

December

6th Annual ~Let’s Celebrate the Holidays~ Picnic
TOG Community Picnic
December 7, 2019
Lake Worth, Florida
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/834966
Contact:   http://twitter.com/florida_dom
Tagged:   BDSM
This is a VANILLA event. The South Florida The Old Generation group has already rented the pavilion and will make requests of local organizations, events, dungeons, munches, etc to help sponsor the picnic so this can be a FREE day for all the attendees. There will be hot dogs, hamburgers, veggie burgers, chicken, pulled pork, salads and more. There will be games and contests and fun for all. About 600 attendees expected.

Foundations in Mastery
When only excellence will do.
December 4 – 6, 2020
Middletown, New York
Web Site:   https://www.bdsmclasses.com/index.php/seminars/detailed-seminar-information/39-foundations-in-mastery
Info:   asst2msgross@bdsmclasses.com
Tagged:   BDSM
This three-day seminar is a call to excellence for Tops, Dominants, and Masters.

February

PALS Fetish Fest
January 31 – February 1, 2020
Pensacola, Florida
Web Site:   http://pals-fl.com/
Contact:   http://pals-fl.com/panhandle-alternative-lifestyle-society/
Tagged:   BDSM
Panhandle Alternative Life Styles presents a weekend of presenters and vendors, with a Saturday night party at a hotel.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Winter Wickedness
Save the date for something great!
January 31 – February 2, 2020
Columbus, Ohio
Web Site:   http://www.adventuresinsexuality.org/WICKED/home.html
Tagged:   BDSM,Rope
Hotel Takeover,one day of classes, two nights of play in 10,000 square ft of play spaces, dedicated rope space, warm and wet room, more.

Dark Odyssey Winter Fire
Luxury Hotel Takeover
February 14 – 17, 2020
Washington, District of Columbia
Web Site:   https://darkodyssey.com/
Info:   info@darkodyssey.com
Tagged:   Hedonism, AgePlay, BDSM, Pony, Pup
A vacation weekend where you can explore the many facets of sexuality in a private, intimate community of like-minded people. Performances, BDSM education, spirituality, more. Price changes and discount deals are announced on thier Twitter.
Follow:   Twitter  

Nightshade Halifax – The Rubber Ball
6th Annual
February 22, 2020
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Web Site:   http://www.nightshadehalifax.com/events.html
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/NightshadeHalifax
Tagged:   Fetish
Fetish, kink, gothic & BDSM. Flyer
Follow:   Twitter  

56 events in Eastern North America.

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Western North America

March

Kinky Karnival
A Vortex event
March 7, 2020
Des Moines, Iowa
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/757650
Tickets:   https://vortexparties.com/vortex-des-moines/purchase-des-moines-admission/
Tagged:   BDSM
Exploration at demo booths, carnival photo booth, prizes, play party. Fetlife event page is for 2019.
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

Freyja’s Fling
Save the date 2020
March 13 – 15, 2020
Edmonton, Canada
Web Site:   https://freyjasfling.myfreesites.net/
Tagged:   BDSM
Did you miss the first year? Presenters, vendors, entertainment, play parties. LQBTQIA+ friendly (zero tolerance policy for harassment),

April

Calgary Kinky Flea Market
April 13, 2019
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   https://ca.groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/albertasocietyforkink/info
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/762971
Tagged:   Vendor Faire, Fetish, BDSM
Presented by Alberta Society For Kink. Contact Dennis at masdenask@gmail.com, Sharon s.mclaren@outlook.com, call 403 398 9968. Forest Heights Community Centre, 4909 Forego Avenue SE, Calgary.

KinkFest
PLA
April 10 – 12, 2020
Portland, Oregon
Web Site:   http://www.kinkfest.org/
Contact:   http://www.kinkfest.org/contact.php?section=Contact%20Us
Tagged:   BDSM
Dungeon offering 36,000 square feet of play space. Kinkfest Art Gallery, Presenters, Workshops, Community meeting space. Registration will open in September.
Follow:   Facebook Event   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group   KIK  

Kinky Karnival
A Vortex event
April 18, 2020
Omaha, Nebraska
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/757650
Tickets:   https://vortexparties.com/vortex-omaha/purchase-omaha-admission/
Tagged:   BDSM
Exploration at demo booths, carnival photo booth, prizes, play party. Fetlife event page is for 2019.
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

May

DomCon Los Angeles
Pro and Lifestyle BDSM/Fetish
May 6 – 11, 2020
Los Angeles, California
Web Site:   http://www.domconla.com
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/395002
Tagged:   Fetish
Mistress Cyan presents The World’s Premier Professional & Lifestyle Domination Convention
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Servant’s Retreat 1
SR1
February 7 – 9, 2020
Seattle, Washington
Web Site:   https://www.bdsmclasses.com/index.php/seminars/detailed-seminar-information/37-servant-s-retreat-2
Tickets:   https://www.bdsmclasses.com/index.php/registration
Schedule:   https://www.bdsmclasses.com/index.php/sr1
Tagged:   BDSM
SR 1 is an action and results oriented weekend for those who serve.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

June

Desire Leather Women Unleashed
May 31 – June 3, 2019
Palm Springs, California
Web Site:   http://desireleatherwomen.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Leather
Your kinky family reunion in the desert. Women’s only BDSM weekend. Fetlife Event Page

Butchmanns On The Road – Oregon
All Male Butchmanns Experience
June 7 – 9, 2019
Oregon City, Oregon
Web Site:   http://www.butchmanns-experience.org/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/all-male-butchmanns-experience-tickets-49348269001
Info:   info@butchmanns-experience.org
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Presented by Butchmanns. At Lookout Lodge and Tripod Ranch.

CMN BDSM Group Freedom Camping
First Annual
June 13 – 16, 2019
Freedom Valley Campground, Cushing, Wisconsin
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/734284
Tagged:   Camping
21+, tents and RVs, clothing optional, alcohol optional (drink responsibly), play space available, games and nightly campfire circles. See Freedom Vally Campground Wisconsin for information on the site.

LEASH Weekend 2020
June 12 – 14, 2020
Houston, Texas
Web Site:   http://leashweekend.com/
Info:   admin@LEASHweekend.com
Tagged:   BDSM
Parties Friday and Saturday night. Classes all day Saturday, novice to advanced levels.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

July

Servant’s Retreat
SR1
July 12 – 14, 2019
Tempe, Arizona
Web Site:   https://www.bdsmclasses.com/index.php/sr1
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/749020
Tagged:   BDSM
This is the longest standing weekend event for submissives, bottoms, slaves and servants only continuously taught by the same instructor in the USA.

GWNN Bash
Bash XXVI – Pushing The Envelope
July 26 – 28, 2019
Round Rock,Texas
Web Site:   http://www.gwnnbash.com/about-gwnn/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/gwnnaustin
Tagged:   BDSM
Presenters for 3 days of classes from novice to ninja levels including Consent Academy seminars. Two Parties, Lovely Hotel. Bootblacks all weekend. Keynote Brunch with Ms. Rhonda and Tomo.

Thunder in the Mountains
The one and only Thunder
July 23 – 26, 2020
Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   http://www.thunderinthemountains.com/
Contact:   http://www.thunderinthemountains.com/contacts.html
Tagged:   BDSM, Pony, Pup
Huge play space, puppy mosh pit, and pony track/dedicated pony play space. Host hotel will sell out.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

August

Butchmanns On The Road – Oregon
All Women Butchmanns Experience
August 9 – 11, 2019
Oregon City, Oregon
Web Site:   http://www.butchmanns-experience.org/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/all-female-butchmanns-experience-tickets-49346279049
Contact:   info@butchmanns-experience.org
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
Presented by Butchmanns. At Lookout Lodge and Tripod Ranch.

D.a.m. Ranch Camp
That one time at Camp
August 8 – 11, 2019
East of Porterville, California
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/749248
Info:   AudioDiva@DamRanchCA.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping
Camp must be paid for in advance. $50 per person, to paypal.me/TGIFBall and specify CAMP. Attendance is limited to 60 people. Web site, http://damranchca.com/camp.php. is out of date. Update info for 2019.

Ritual Revolution
NEW
August 14 – 16, 2020
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/834846
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/RitualRevolution
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish
Ritual Revolution will feature rituals such as hook suspension, energy pulls, cleansing ceremonies and more. Our focus will be on how what we do to the body can help open up the mind and spirit. We welcome all experience levels, from those new and curious, to those who have flown a time or two.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

LeatherWoods
18th year, Camping
August 22 – 25, 2019
Salem, Oregon
Web Site:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/Leatherwoods.htm
Contact:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/contactus.html
Tagged:   Camping
Leatherwoods is a membership-only BDSM campout which is open to all sexual persuasions, at a kink-friendly campground with opportunities for some delightful outdoor scenes. A clean and sober event.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Rocky Mountain Rebellion
Rebelling Against Stigma
August 23 – 25, 2019
Salt Lake City, Utah
Web Site:   http://www.rmrebellion.com/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/RockyMtnRebellion/
Tagged:   Leather, Fetish, BDSM
The Rebellion is a three day conference focused around Leather, Fetish, BDSM and Power Exchange Relationships. Home of the Rocky Mountain Puppy Trainer and Rocky Mountain Person of Leather contests.

TGIF 21st Annual Ball – WILD WEST
Social, education, vendors, music, dancing & more
August 23 – 25, 2019
Fesno, California
Web Site:   https://www.tgifresno.com/about-us
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/groups/6391
Tagged:   BDSM
Social, education, vendors, music, dancing & more. Fetlife Event

September

Rebooted Revamped
A weekend of education, community, and play.
September 11 – 13, 2020
Tucson, Arizona
Web Site:   http://rebootedrevamped.org/
Tickets:   https://rebootedrevamped2020.eventbrite.com/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Rope, Polyamory, Pony
A dynamic, volunteer driven, inclusive event committed to creating consent culture. Education and empowerment of our diverse communities will be provided by cultivating a social environment with workshops and play space. Wide variety of education including Bootblacking; Pony Play; Rope; Relatsionships / Polyamory, and mild to wild SM. Volunteer @ this link.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

The Calling
September 13 – 15, 2019
Houston, Texas
Web Site:   http://edgeliving.net/the-calling/
Info:   edgeliving.thecalling@gmail.com
Tagged:   BDSM
A weekend created for those on the ‘bottom’ side of authority-based relationships, hosted by Master Jim, slave marsha and Sir Cougar, the owners of South Plains Leatherfest and the International Master/slave Contest. Have you been called to serve?

SEEK Retreat 2019
SEEK: Superpowers!
September 19 – 22, 2019
North of Minneapolis, Minnesota
Web Site:   https://seekmn.org/
Contact:   https://seekmn.org/contact-us/
Tagged:   Camping, BDSM
Support * Enrichment * Empowerment * Knowledge. Sponsored by Leather Journey. Cabin camping. Presenters, classes and group activities.

The Ledge Weekend Intensive
Hardy Haberman / River Dark & domenique
September 21 – 22, 2019
Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/795332
Tickets:   bentparty@gmail.com
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/MissAndie
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather
The Ledge presents it’s first Weekend Intensive. Six classes including: When It’s Not Just Fun & Games: Playing on the Dark Side – Old Guard Protocols and Why You Don’t Need Them – Strangulation & Asphyxiation: A Study in Breath Control – Putting the Sex Back in SM – Interrogation and Abduction. Dungeon party Saturday night and a wrap up session Sunday afternoon.
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

Beyond Vanilla
Texas’ premier lifestyle kink event
September 27 – 28, 2019
Dallas, Texas
Web Site:   https://beyondvanilla.org/
Contact:   https://beyondvanilla.org/contact/
Tagged:   BDSM, Leather, Fetish, Pup
Presented by NLA – Dallas. South Central Puppy and Handler Contest.

Folsom Street Fair
Worlds Largest Leather Event, Sunday
September 29, 2019
San Fransisco, California
Web Site:   https://www.folsomstreetevents.org/folsom-street-fair/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Fetish, Parade, Pony
250,000 fetish enthusiasts spread out over 13 city blocks. Keep an eye on the Calendar

After Folsom Fuck Fest
September 29, 2019
San Fransisco, California
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/283816
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Fetish, Parade, Pony
6:00 PM – 4:00 AM at Power Exchange. We know that a lot of you will be coming to Folsom, but… How many of you came to cum?. $10 Discount if you mention you saw this party on FetLife!

October

Calgary Kinky Flea Market
October 19, 2019
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   https://ca.groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/albertasocietyforkink/info
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/826712
Tagged:   Vendor Faire, Fetish, BDSM
Presented by Alberta Society For Kink. Contact Dennis at masdenask@gmail.com, Sharon s.mclaren@outlook.com, call 403 398 9968. Forest Heights Community Centre, 4909 Forego Avenue SE, Calgary.

November

Leather Reign 13
Advanced BDSM Education
November 8 – 10, 2019
Seattle, Washington
Web Site:   http://leatherreign.org/
Tickets:   https://www.cognitoforms.com/ELE2/LeatherReign2019
Info:   Registration@leatherreign.org
Tagged:   BDSM
Keynote Speaker: Mufasa Ali. Endnote Speaker: slavegirl j. Leather Reign is an environment where participants can discover their power to intentionally and intimately connect with primal sexuality, power exchange relationships, and each other.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

Ritual Steel – San Diego
November 8 – 9, 2019
San Diego, California
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/groups/179725
Tickets:   http://bit.ly/RitualSteelSD2019
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish
Ritual Steel is a transformative ritual piercing event intended to provide a unique personal and educational experience that can result in a coming-of-age transformation, catharsis, and/or emotional growth. Friday evening we will be doing a presentation on the history of hook rituals, followed by a meet and greet. Saturday afternoon we will facilitate a hook pull, and in the evening we will facilitate flesh hook suspensions.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Indigeo Victoria MINI-CON 2019
Back by popular demand! Indigeo’s Mini-Conception / Con
November 9, 2019
Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/728217
Contact:   http://indigeovictoria.com/
Tagged:   BDSM
One day of classes followed by a huge Dungeon Party. Note: Conception 3 day Kink Conference will return November 13-15th. 2020! Watch for news on the event’s Fetlife group, Indigeo’s Conception Kink Conference & Parties.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Page  

Leather Reign 14
Advanced BDSM Education
November 13 – 15, 2020
Seattle, Washington
Web Site:   http://leatherreign.org/
Info:   Registration@leatherreign.org
Tagged:   BDSM
Keynote: BlueFrost. Endnote: Jack Thompson (IML 41). Leather Reign is an environment where participants can discover their power to intentionally and intimately connect with primal sexuality, power exchange relationships, and each other.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event  

January

Freyja Project Winter Festival 2020
resenters, Classes, Workshops & Activities Discussion Groups, Two Play Parties, and more
January 24 – 26, 2020
Madison, Wisconsin
Web Site:   https://thefreyjaproject.org/page-18105
Tickets:   https://thefreyjaproject.org/event-3637090
Info:   freyjaprojectmadison@gmail.com
Tagged:   BDSM
7,000 sq.ft. dungeon and photo studio open 7 pm to 1 AM, with dedicated medical play space and low-stimulation room. Numerous presenters. Meal plan available.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

February

Sin In The City
8: INFINITE SIN!
January 30 – February 2, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
Web Site:   http://www.sin-in-the-city.com/
Tickets:   http://www.sin-in-the-city.com/home-1/event-registration/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/SinInTheCityLV
Schedule:   https://my.yapp.us/SININTHECITY
Tagged:   BDSM
Host of the International Person of Leather Contest.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

Lupercalia
2019 was canceled, 2020 planned?
February 15 – 17, 2019
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   http://lupercalia-edmonton.com/l
Info:   GoddessLupa@gmail.com
Tagged:   BDSM
Lupercalia is a 3 day alternative lifestyle/BDSM/Kink conference featuring workshops, discussions, play parties, special presentations and social opportunities for individuals, couples and groups wanting to learn and share with others who are active, curiously exploring or just interested in alternative relationships and various forms of consensual adult play. One of the longest running annual conferences of its types in Canada.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Random Acts of Kink Weekend
Calgary’s Newest Kink Conference
February 14 – 17, 2020
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   https://www.randomactsofkink.com/
Tickets:   https://www.randomactsofkink.com/tickets
Tagged:   BDSM, Fetish
The event will feature a Fetish Ball on the Friday night followed by a full slate of cool and exciting workshops Saturday and Sunday with some sexy hot play parties each night. Monday is the Family Day weekend in Alberta (also Random Acts of Kindness day) so we hope our guests will stay up with us Sunday night before heading home on the Monday. Random Acts of Kink weekend has a goal of demonstrating diversity and inclusiveness through our planning and presenter team. We will be focusing on inviting presenters of with a diverse background with a focus on POC, LGBTQIA+, sex workers, disabled kinksters and TNG/new presenters.
Follow:   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

36 events in Western North America.

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Europe

April

LIFESEXPERTS Conference in Porto
With Leah
April 6 – 8, 2019
Porto, Portugal
Web Site:   https://www.lifesexperts.com/events
Contact:   https://www.lifesexperts.com/contact-us
Tagged:   Polyamory
Saturday, 6th April: Transform Your Relationships Through Better Communication. Sunday, 7th April: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink & BDSM – The Community, The Events, The Greater Potential for Pleasure. Monday, 8th April: The Art of Consent: Safe and Pleasurable Sexual Exploration

July

Kamping – into the woods
July 25 – 28, 2019
West Midlands, England
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/701090
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/users/3310645
Tagged:   Camping
Registration Workshops and playtime on 30 acres of private woodlands and campground. Tenting, RVs, hot running water, mains sockets. About an hour south of Manchester.

August

KinkFest 2019
6th year
August 10 – 11, 2019
Xtasia, West Bromwich, United Kingdom
Web Site:   https://kinkfest.org.uk
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/events/578406
Tagged:   BDSM
UK’s Biggest and Best Kinky Conference Returns for its Sixth Year!

The Boat Party
26th Year
17 August, 2019
River Thames, London
Web Site:   http://the-firm.org/boat.htm
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-boat-26-tickets-61983509345
Contact:   https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-boat-26-tickets-61983509345
Tagged:   Cruise, BDSM
We set sail at 9 pm from Millbank Pier (London, SW1P 4GT – opposite Millbank Tower), to the London Eye, St Pauls, Westminster, HMS Belfast & City Hall. Docking at 1am. Music by DJ Tina Storm. You can do SM with your lover while cruising right through the heart of one of the most beautiful capital cities in the world on a glorious summer night. Event does not include a buffet.

October

Fetish & BDSM Festival VIII – 2019
Hangar 43
25 – 26 October, 2019
Baasrode, Dendermonde, Belgium
Web Site:   https://www.fetishfestival.be/
Contact:   https://www.fetishfestival.be/contact.html
Tagged:   Fetish
And MGP party.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

November

HunCon
BDSM Conference in Budapest
November 8 – 11, 2019
Budapest, Hungary
Web Site:   https://hunbdsm-con.eu/
Info:   info@hunbdsm-con.eu
Tagged:   BDSM
Fourth year. Fourteen presenters. Capacity 200 attendees.

January

BDSM Winter Retreat
Unfortunately, the winter retreat 2019-2020 will not take place due to insufficient registrations.
December 28, 2019
Jagniatkow, Jelenia Gora, Poland
Web Site:   https://7sensesart.com/en/all-events/viewevent/92-winter-retreat-2019-2020-jagniatkow
Tagged:   Fetish, BDSM
An opportunity to explore the fusion of creativity, BDSM, and sex, in a minimally structured environment.

February

Rome BDSM Conference
International Presenters BDSM
Feb, 2020
Rome, Italy
Web Site:   http://romebdsmconference.com/
Info:   webmaster@romebdsmconference.alcova.biz
Tagged:   BDSM
2019 Canceled. 2020 planning begins Summer 2019.

8 events in Europe.

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Australia / New Zealand

June

Dark Night Art Exhibition and Performance
BDSM & Erotica Art Exhibition
June 20 – 21, 2020
Hobart, Tasmania
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/771683
Tagged:   Rope
Save The Date. Outline: Saturday 4pm – Exhibition opening & Artists introduction; Saturday 6pm-9pm – Cocktails & Art; Sunday 2pm – Performance & Art.

September

Oz KinkFest
Year 12
September 13 – 23, 2019
Melbourne, Australia
Web Site:   https://www.ozkinkfest.com/
Tagged:   BDSM, LGBTQ+
Australia’s Ultimate GLBTIQ and Alternative Lifestyle Festival features vendors, 2 day educational series, club nights, and fetish fun. Fetlife Event is for the Fetish Expo, Saturday 14 September 2019 12 noon – 7 pm, Collingwood Town Hall, 140 Hoddle Street, Abbotsford.
Follow:   Facebook Page   Facebook Group   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Group  

2 events in Australia / New Zealand.

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Multiple Locations

Various Dates

International Deaf Leather
25+ years
Varies, International
Web Site:   http://www.internationaldeafleather.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Fetish, Leather, Polyamory, Pony, Pup, Rope, AgePlay
See the Events tab on their web site for a list of major Leather events that are Sign Language & Voice Interpreted.

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Virtual

March

International Kinky Women’s Day
Celebrating the Women in Kink and the Kink in Women!
March 08, 2020
Webinars
Web Site:   https://live.internationalkinkywomensday.com/
Tagged:   BDSM, Education
8:00 AM ET Webinar: Domme Breakfast
9:30 AM ET Body, Heart & Mind —All About Care
11:00 AM ET Support & Encouragement of Women?
12:30 PM ET Sensation Play
2:00 PM ET A Guide To Pleasure, Including Working Through or With Shame
3:30 PM ET Non-Women Supporting & Promoting Women in Kink
5:00 PM ET Sluts, Trollops & Tramps: Women in Ethical Non-Monogamy


100+ events

While events listed on this page may be of interest to Leather, BDSM, Furry, Geeky, Kinky, Polyamory, Age Play, or other Alt communities, it is unlikely that all events will be of interest to everyone. Please take what is useful to you and ignore the rest.

Last updated: March 5, 2020 at 12:56 pm

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Jul 132018
 

CLICK HERE to add, update, delete an event's listing.NOTE: Links are listed in order by region, then month in which the event normally occurs, not city or specific location. Please click the mouse on the right to send us an update on an event or to suggest an addition.

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Click HERE for ALL kinds of events.

Eastern North America

March

Florida Kinky Campout presents Critter Camp
March 7, 2020
Plant City, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.floridakco.com/critter-camp.html
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/floridakco
Tagged:   Camping, Pony, Furry, Pup
Tent Camping – RV spots are limited – Presenters and Playtime. Critter Camp looks to educate and share the various animal modalities ranging from primal play, leather puppies to furries and everything in between. Our goal is to come together as a fuzzy community and share and learn about our differences to see how we all relate! Little are welcomed and encouraged to join us at Critter Camp! Fetlife Group

Florida Kinky Campout
March 26 – 29, 2020
Plant City, Florida
Web Site:   http://www.floridakco.com/kinky-camp-out.html
Info:   floridakco@gmail.com
Tagged:   Camping
Tent Camping – RV spots are limited – Presenters and Playtime. All World Acres calendar

April

Body Magick festival
18th Year
April 16 – 19, 2020
All World Acres, Tampa, Florida
Web Site:   http://divineecstasy.org/bodymagick.htm
Info:   info@divineecstasy.org
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Camping, but some stay at motels a few miles away. Learn and experience sacred sexuality in a safe relaxed atmosphere. Sex magick workshop and ritual, sacred sexuality rites, body painting, erotic massage, chakra dance, poly talk, drum circles, couple’s yoga, heart centered aromatherapy, more.

Shenanigans Leather/Kink Weekend
Issue: 3!
April 24 – 26, 2020
Sawmill, Dade City, Florida
Web Site:   http://shenanigansleatherandkink.com/
Contact:   http://shenanigansleatherandkink.com/contact/
Tagged:   Leather, BDSM, Camping
Demos, Classes, Vendors, the Florida Critter Contest, and SHENANIGANS in an atmosphere of inclusivity. Vendor Application
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page  

The Stone Soup Run
April 26 – 28, 2019
Camp River’s Edge, Dewy Rose, Georgia
Web Site:   http://www.cesentinels.org/run-info/
Tagged:   Camping, Leather
Presented by the Coastal Empire Sentinels. Facebook Membership to the campground and accommodations are the responsibility of attendees. New membership is $20 and primative tent sites are $20/night. RV sites and cabins are also available though we encourage tenting with us down by the river. Facilities include bathhouses, heated pool, hot tub and the trails.

Wingnut Stables Spring Slave Hunt
April 27, 2019
Wingnut Stables, North Carolina
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/753824
Tagged:   Pony, Fetish, Camping
Come run in the woods with us! Or watch the festivities at base camp. Either way, you’ll have a kinky good time! The prey are released into the woods, and then the hunters hunt them down using paintball guns. Hunters that capture prey are allowed to claim the bounty on that prey.

May

Camp Pahsome
May 10 – 12, 2019
Camp River’s Edge, Dewy Rose, Georgia
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/camp-pahsome-tickets-48972674588
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/249606279216551/
Tagged:   Leather, Pup, Camping
Join 2017 Southeast puppy pup Havoc to celebrate the unique bond of pups and handlers with food, fun, drinks, and classes.

Network for a New Culture Spring Camp East
The Heart of Knowing
May 15 – 19, 2020
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, West Virginia
Web Site:   https://cfnc.us/springcamp/
Contact:   info@cfnc.us
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Meet other poly people at a deeper level, learn the skills needed to handle your relationships, and become a part of a supportive network of people who share your relationship values…. Spend up to 5 days in a rustic woods-and-water setting, hang out around a bonfire, enjoy a song circle, cuddle up at a snuggle party, learn to take your relationships to the next level, and build connections with others.
Follow:   Facebook Page  

Memorial Day Weekend

Camp Crucible
Clean air, Dirty Living
May 23 – 31, 2020
Darlington, Maryland
Web Site:   http://www.campcrucible.com/
Tagged:   Camping, AgePlay, Fetish, Pony
Every year there is a different theme. There be Pirates! The best Pony Camp as always. KidsCamp.
Follow:   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

PALS Annual Picnic & BDSM Olympics
May 23, 2020
Pensacola, Florida
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/874132
Contact:   http://pals-fl.com/panhandle-alternative-lifestyle-society/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping
Panhandle Alternative Life Styles presents a day of games, free food, 50/50 raffle, and camping.

June

Pittsburgh Bridge Spring Fever 2019
May 31 – June 2, 2019
Camp Davis Campground, Boyers, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/pittsburgh-bridge-spring-fever-2019-tickets-53772100801
Contact:   http://www.pittsburghbdsm.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping
Clothing optional tent camping with kinky, sex-positive adults. Near Pittsburgh. Parties, play, classes, food, music, dancing, and fun.

Revival Kamp
In the Pioneer Valley area of Western Massachusetts
June 2 – 9, 2019
Massachusetts
Web Site:   http://www.smakonline.org/kamp/
Contact:   http://www.smakonline.org/kamp/#contact
Tagged:   Camping
Salem MA Area Kink (S.M.A.K.) invites you to particpate in a unique Kamping experience that brings together people from every corner of the BDSM, leather, and the sex-positive worlds. Attendance is capped at 110.

TOMKAT – Spring
June 7 – 14, 2020
Fox’s Haven, West Nipissing, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://tomkatcamp.ca/
Tickets:   https://tomkatcamp.ca/product-category/registrations/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/TOMKAT_Campout
Tagged:   AgePlay, Camping
All Adult Ages Camping event for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Age Players, Daddies, Mommies, Littles and Bigs. The dates are firm, even though they may not yet appear on their web site.
Follow:   Fetlife Group   Telegram  

Twisted Tryst – The Gathering
Camping with Swingers and Kinksters
June 6 – 9, 2019
Indiana
Web Site:   http://www.twistedtryst.com/
Contact:   https://www.twistedtryst.com/contact
Tagged:   Camping, Pony
Brings swingers, kinksters, and free spirits together. Lodging available for those who don’t or can’t use a tent. Twenty+ seminars in three educational tracks: kink, sexuality, and spirituality. Expect more than 300 attendees.

Dark Odyssey Fusion
Kink, Sex and Spirit
June 23 – 29, 2020
Northern, Maryland
Web Site:   https://darkodyssey.com/
Info:   info@darkodyssey.com
Tagged:   Camping, Hedonism, Pony
A Pet Play and Agility Course is part of Kinky State Fair. Fire spinning, self suspension rope jam, Carnal Casino, exploration stations of Long Night At Camp, and other special events. Price changes and discount deals are announced on thier Twitter.
Follow:   Twitter  

Kinky Camp Out
5th Annual
June 21 – 23, 2019
York, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/744137
Tagged:   Camping
Presented by York Play Group.

July

Polywood Camping 2019
July 12 – 14, 2019
Eganville, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://polywoodcamping.wixsite.com/home
Info:   polywood.camping@gmail.com
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
A kid-friendly poly camping weekend, at Raven’s Knoll Campground. Swimming, showerhouse, food truck. Camper hookups available, dogs welcome.

Summer WoW – Weekend of Wickedness
An all-inclusive BDSM weekend in beautiful upstate NY
July 8 – 12, 2020
Northeast of Albany, New York
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/groups/106232/about
Info:   MKDesires@yahoo.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping
Long laid back camping weekend with presenters – add Thursday if you want to. Reservations opened December 1, 2019.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Camp FurCub
July 20 – 27, 2020
Fox’s Haven, West Nipissing, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://www.campfurcub.com/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/CampFurCub
Tagged:   AgePlay, Camping
ABDL Camp for Baby Furs and those who love them. Registration is open.

FetCamp 2019
July 19 – 21, 2019
Massachusetts
Web Site:   https://www.fetcamp.com/
Contact:   https://www.fetcamp.com/contact_us
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping
$200 tenting, $250 cabin. Photo package: $20. Classes, playtime, outdoor fun.

Sanctum
5th Year
July 18 – 22, 2019
Grand Valley, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/sanctum-2019-registration-58645781110
Info:   campsanctum@gmail.com
Tagged:   Camping
Kinky Camping: workshops, games, Dom/sub auction, Saturday night dance, play area. Registration link is live! Fetlife Group

APeX C2K: Camping Cookouts & Kink
July 25 – 28, 2019
Albany, New York
Web Site:   https://www.albanypowerexchange.org/c2k/
Contact:   https://www.albanypowerexchange.org/reg/e/21/c2k19-camping-cookouts-kink
Tagged:   Camping
Open Space style infoshare program at a clothing-optional campground. Please join us for a beautiful day of Picnic, Education, Play, and Saturday night BBQ.

August

Camping in Miramichi
Two weekends and the week between
August 1 – 12, 2019
Miramichi, New Brunswick
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/736812
Info:   campingnb2@gmail.com
Tagged:   Camping
Includes two weekends but you can come for just one weekend or just one day. Stockade, St Andrews Cross, Kiddy Pool, 24 acres of fun, Lots of Trees, and a 400lb capacity hoist, Portopotties, Littles Playspace, Fire Play, Fire Cupping, Wax Play. There’s a motel about 20 minutes away for those who can’t camp.Some campers will make a trip to Kellys Beach in the Kouchibouguac National Park.

Forbidden 2019
August 8 – 13, 2019
Vittoria, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   http://www.forbiddenatthepoint.com/
Tagged:   Camping
Camping, Kink, nudity. Reservations for Forbidden 2019 open on Thursday, April 18, at 7:00 PM. Expected to sell out that evening.

Pittsburgh Bridge High Summer Campout 2019
August 9 – 11, 2019
Camp Davis Campground, Boyers, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   https://pittsburghbdsm.com/
Info:   pittsburgh.bridge@gmail.com
Tagged:   Camping
Clothing optional tent camping with kinky, sex-positive adults. Near Pittsburgh. Low cost, less structured, low key event without an educational program.

Network for a New Culture Endless Poly Summer
August 16 – 21, 2019
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, West Virginia
Web Site:   https://cfnc.us/endlesspoly/
Contact:   info@cfnc.us
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Meet other poly people at a deeper level, learn the skills needed to handle your relationships, and become a part of a supportive network of people who share your relationship values…. Spend up to 5 days in a rustic woods-and-water setting, hang out around a bonfire, enjoy a song circle, cuddle up at a snuggle party, learn to take your relationships to the next level, and build connections with others.
Follow:   Facebook Page  

Polycamp Northeast
5th Year
August 14 – 17, 2020
Lakes Region, New Hampshire
Web Site:   http://polycampne.com/
Info:   polycampne@gmail.com
Tagged:   Polyamory, Camping
PolyCamp NorthEast is a place for polyamorous folks to come together to relax, learn, play and create community. For one fabulous weekend, we will take over a large summer camp in the beautiful New Hampshire Lakes Region. We hope you will join us! Registration Deadline is in July. The agenda is set in an unconference style.

Exodus
Third year
August 22 – 25, 2019
New Hampshire
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/766440
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/groups/156970
Tagged:   Camping, Pony, Pup
Clothing optional camping retreat. Call for ponies, pups and other critters

September

TOMKAT – Fall
September 13 – 20, 2020
Fox’s Haven, West Nipissing, Ontario, Canada
Web Site:   https://tomkatcamp.ca/
Tickets:   https://tomkatcamp.ca/product-category/registrations/
Contact:   https://twitter.com/TOMKAT_Campout
Tagged:   AgePlay, Camping
All Adult Ages Camping event for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Age Players, Daddies, Mommies, Littles and Bigs. The dates are firm, even though they may not yet appear on their web site.
Follow:   Fetlife Group   Telegram  

Ponies In The Northland
Second Year
September 13 – 15, 2019
Duluth, Minnesota
Web Site:   http://ponysinthenorthland.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ponys-in-the-northland-tickets-63580898178
Info:   foxden@mfi.net
Tagged:   Pony, Camping
Pony time, presenters, barn dance, camping, at the original venue for the IPPC, Dark Paradise.

Twisted Tryst – Rendezvous
Camping with Kinksters
September 12 – 15, 2019
Indiana
Web Site:   http://www.twistedtryst.com
Contact:   https://www.twistedtryst.com/contact
Tagged:   Camping, Pony
Brings swingers, kinksters, and free spirits together. Lodging available for those who don’t or can’t use a tent. Twenty+ seminars in three educational tracks: kink, sexuality, and spirituality. Expect more than 300 attendees.

THE Crossroads
A terrific little sacred sexuality event
September 19 – 22, 2019
Ramblewood Retreat Center, Darlington, Maryland
Web Site:   http://crossroadsgathering.com/
Tickets:   https://coilregistration.regfox.com/crossroads-2019
Contact:   https://www.turtlehilleventco.com/contact.html
Schedule:   https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vSsJH_4lUryI-FKlpTVBC-54ahc7JJFoMI8IHt21tFhaC2D_pIh8R0DlEwPBKy7XUi5qSZS6WTErIlD/pub
Tagged:   Camping
Sometimes smaller is better. Smaller workshop sizes, more time to get to know people, We all have in common a belief that every act of love and pleasure is special and divine.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Women of Drummer 2020
September 25 – 27, 2020
Ramblewood Campground, Darlington, Maryland
Web Site:   http://www.womenofdrummer.com/
Tickets:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/2020-women-of-drummer-contest-weekend-tickets-75488551289
Contact:   http://www.womenofdrummer.com/contact.html
Tagged:   Leather, Camping
Annual Women of Drummer Contest • Women, Queer and Men Play Spaces • Dance Party • Uniform Party • Interactive Skill-Building Workshops • Hospitality Suite & Bootblack Lounge • Cigar & Bourbon Social • And more! Weekend Package includes five meals, cabin space and access to all activities!
Follow:   Facebook Event   Facebook Page   Instagram   Twitter   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page   Youtube  

October

Network for a New Culture Fall Camp East
Re-Inventing Society
October 11 – 15, 2019
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, West Virginia
Web Site:   https://cfnc.us/fallcamp/
Contact:   info@cfnc.us
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
2019 Theme: Co-Creation. The CFNC team will offer the basics: an event orientation, opening circle, ZEGG Forums, Connection Pods, Boundaries training, Sensual Space orientation, and a Love Ceremony. Other than that, the workshops and activities are up to you! Any and all participants have the chance to offer a workshop, and participants also get to choose which workshops happen at camp.
Follow:   Facebook Page  

Boo Fest 2019
Save the Date!
October 25 – 27, 2019
York, Pennsylvania
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/744146
Tagged:   Camping
Presented by York Play Group. Kinky Halloween costumes

November

Ponies, Critters and Kinksters in the Swamp
Camping with Criters and Kinksters
November 8 – 10, 2019
Springfield, Louisiana
Web Site:   https://www.poniesonthedelta.net/kinksters-critters
Tagged:   Pony
This event is a laid back event where ponies and handlers can mingle, practice, and learn. Carts and a 4-wheeled buggy will be available to play with and whatever tack anyone may need is also available.

December

Network for a New Culture – New Year’s Celebration
December 28 2019 – January 2, 2020
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, West Virginia
Web Site:   https://cfnc.us/newyear/
Contact:   info@cfnc.us
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Lightly-programmed, co-created Community Reunion, with an awesome Year’s Eve celebration, daily ZEGG Forums. An alcohol and drug free event. Mailing List
Follow:   Facebook Page  

February

Network for a New Culture Winter Poly Wonderland
February 14 – 17, 2020
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, West Virginia
Web Site:   https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/
Tickets:   info@cfnc.us
Contact:   https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Network for a New Culture explores building intimate sustainable community through practices of curiosity, transparency, self-exploration, and self-responsibility.
Follow:   Facebook Page  

38 events in Eastern North America.

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Western North America

March

Desert Kinkfest
7th annual
March 14 – 22, 2020
Quartzsite, Arizona
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/870461
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/users/4412280 Friends_of_Larry
Tagged:   Camping
Dry camping, private Dungeon, RV campers, vagabonders rendezvous. Classes, demonstrations, parties, more.

April

Poly Big Fun
Polyamory!
April 12 – 14, 2019
Austin, Texas
Web Site:   http://www.polybigfun.org/
Tagged:   Polyamory, Camping
Bastrop Barracks at Bastrop State Park was the location for Poly Big Fun. The conference is virtual in 2019 as it was in 2018. Dates are approximate.

June

Desire Leather Women Unleashed
May 31 – June 3, 2019
Palm Springs, California
Web Site:   http://desireleatherwomen.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Leather
Your kinky family reunion in the desert. Women’s only BDSM weekend. Fetlife Event Page

Dipchella 2.0 – at the Rockies
Let’s go “camping”
May 30 – June 03, 2019
Denver, Colorado
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/714045
Tagged:   AgePlay, Camping
Vetted outdoor event for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Age Players, Littles and Bigs.

Boundless
4-day intimate kink retreat at a secluded resort near San Francisco
June 5 – 8, 2020
Mendocino, California
Web Site:   http://www.boundlessevents.org
Info:   registration@boundlessevents.org
Tagged:   Camping
Friday noon to Monday morning, all inclusive, fully catered event. There is group lodging, RV, and tent camping under the trees, great food, real showers and bathrooms, classes/workshops, a large relaxing hot tub, a refreshing shaded swimming pool, plus hiking around the beautiful grounds. And unlike an event in a big city, we have this secluded resort all to ourselves.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

Camp NCN Orgyfest 2019
June 6 – 9, 2019
Black River Falls, Wisconsin
Web Site:   http://www.Campncn.com
Tagged:   Camping, Swinger
They want to beat 270 couples and get the Guiness Book World Record.

Oblivium
A Burning Man Regional Event
June 6 – 10, 2019
Depew, Oklahoma
Web Site:   https://oblivium.org/
Tagged:   Rope, Camping
Yes there is rope and kink at this event! 2019 dates are TBA.

CMN BDSM Group Freedom Camping
First Annual
June 13 – 16, 2019
Freedom Valley Campground, Cushing, Wisconsin
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/734284
Tagged:   Camping
21+, tents and RVs, clothing optional, alcohol optional (drink responsibly), play space available, games and nightly campfire circles. See Freedom Vally Campground Wisconsin for information on the site.

Colorado Kinky Camping
June 11 – 15, 2020
Near Lakewood, Colorado
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/807898
Contact:   COKinkyCamping@yahoo.com
Tagged:   Camping, Pony
First of the season. Get you tents, bows and arrows, floggers, rope, pony carts or whatever does it for you and drive up to the mountains for play, classes, and comeraderie. Web site kinkycamping.com is out of date. About 60 miles from Denver or Colorado Springs
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

Leatherwoods Spring Fling
Camping with kinky and not – so – kinky friends
June 14 – 16, 2019
Salem, Oregon
Web Site:   https://www.leatherwoods.org/springfling.html
Contact:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/contactus.html
Tagged:   Camping
Three days of kinky play in a wooded canyon with a small creek and a pavillion with running water. Yes, there WILL be a hot shower! There will be no presenter track, if you wish to present something, do it. There will be a white board to place a notice on. No vendor list, If you have something to sell, set it up by your tent.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

CampFur 2019
It’s Back!
June 20 – 24, 2019
Hope, British Columbia, Canada
Web Site:   http://campfur.ca/
Contact:   info@campfur.ca
Tagged:   Camping, Furry
Registration begins January 2019. See also Fetlife Event post Rough camping, Furries in the woods and wilds.

Leatherwoods Intensive Workshop Weekend
IWW
June 21 – 23, 2019
Salem, Oregon
Web Site:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/intensive.html
Contact:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/contactus.html
Tagged:   Camping
Edge Play instruction and practice.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

9th Annual Kinky Camping
Freaks in the Forest
June 29 – July 6, 2019
La Grande, Oregon
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/746873
Tagged:   Camping
Dry camping in the forest near La Grande, as a group. No fee. See the Event page for contact information. Attendance must be planned well in advance.

Black River Rumble
At Camp NCN – Sexual Freedom Campground
June 26 – 30, 2019
Black River Falls, Wisconsin
Web Site:   http://www.blackriverrumble.com/rumble.html
Tagged:   Camping
For Motocycle Enthusiasts 21+, Poker Run, based at NCN. http://campncn.com/. Featuring International Pole Dancing Champion Joanie. If offended by nudity or open sex, do not attend this event.

KOS’s 2020 Swinger’s Summer Camp (Guadalupe River Trip)
Ready To Get Wet With The KOS
June 26 – 28, 2020
New Braunfels, Texas
Web Site:   http://www.kreweofswingtown.com/river.html
Contact:   http://www.kreweofswingtown.com/contactus.html
Tagged:   Swing, Camping
Krewe of Swingtown – Swinger’s Summer Camp – with their annual Guadalupe River trip. Tent camping, options for dry RV sites, electric/water hook up RV sites, and cabins. At least 500 expected attend. Limited access for single men.
Follow:   Fetlife Event   Fetlife Page  

July

Howl Camp-Out
July 11 – 14, 2019
Portland, Oregon
Web Site:   http://pdxbadgirls.net/howl/
Tagged:   Camping
Back to Basics: A Kinky Women’s Campout presented by Bad Girls

Rocky Mountain Family Camp Out
17th Year
July 9 – 13, 2020
Aspen, Colorado
Web Site:   https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/rocky-mountain-campout/
Contact:   robyn@lovemore.com
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Hiking, playing, and just hanging out with other polyamouous families from the Rocky Mountain Region. Registration due to be online March 2020

SwingStock
30th Year: Viva Las Vegas!
July 17 – 21, 2019
Sandstone, Minnesota
Web Site:   https://swingstock.net/reservation-3/
Tagged:   Camping
At Two Creeks Cothing Optional Campground, four days of camping with like-minded adults. “Come Experience Freedom” with 300 party lovers 90 minutes North of Minneapolis.

August

The Gathering
August 4 – 11, 2019
Woodinville, Washington
Web Site:   http://www.thegatheringnw.org/
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/TheGatheringNW/
Tagged:   Camping
A week of camping, workshops, vendors, dungeon time, and entertainment. Web site shows an error message – try the Facebook page if your browser will not let you access the web site.

D.a.m. Ranch Camp
That one time at Camp
August 8 – 11, 2019
East of Porterville, California
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/749248
Info:   AudioDiva@DamRanchCA.com
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping
Camp must be paid for in advance. $50 per person, to paypal.me/TGIFBall and specify CAMP. Attendance is limited to 60 people. Web site, http://damranchca.com/camp.php. is out of date. Update info for 2019.

KC Leather and Kink Campout
August 9 – 11, 2019
McLouth, Kansas
Web Site:   https://www.eventbrite.com/e/kc-leather-and-kink-campout-tickets-43915158421
Contact:   https://www.facebook.com/events/359649354680295/
Tagged:   Camping
KC Leather and Kink Campout at Camp Gaea in Elysium section. 2018 classes included An Educated Leathermens Perspective on REAL Puppy and Pony Play by Sir Ken Elder.

Loving More Oregon Retreat
August 14 – 17, 2020
Vernonia, Oregon
Web Site:   https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyamory-retreat/
Tickets:   https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyamory-retreat/registration-pricing/
Tagged:   Polyamory, Camping
After a four-year hiatus, the Loving More summer retreat is back. The site is about 30 miles north of Portland in view of Mount St. Helens. The agenda is determined by the attendees, in unconference style.

Ritual Revolution
Alberta’s newest spiritual event
August 14 – 16, 2020
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/834846
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/users/10455862
Tagged:   Fetish, Camping
Hook suspensions, energy pulls, cleansing ceremonies and more. Tickets will go on sale starting November 1st, 2019. Accomodations available are mostly tent or RV camping. There are a limited number of indoor accommodations available that will be available for an extra cost.
Follow:   Fetlife Group  

Burning Man
August 25 – September 2, 2019
Black Rock City, Nevada
Web Site:   https://burningman.org/
Contact:   https://burningman.org/network/get-involved/connect-with-burners/
Tagged:   Burning Man, Pony, Camping
A city in the desert. A culture of possibility. A network of dreamers and doers.

LeatherWoods
18th year, Camping
August 22 – 25, 2019
Salem, Oregon
Web Site:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/Leatherwoods.htm
Contact:   http://www.leatherwoods.org/contactus.html
Tagged:   Camping
Leatherwoods is a membership-only BDSM campout which is open to all sexual persuasions, at a kink-friendly campground with opportunities for some delightful outdoor scenes. A clean and sober event.
Follow:   Fetlife Page   Fetlife Group  

Village of PolyParadise
August 31 – September 7, 2020
Burning Man, Nevada
Web Site:   http://www.polyparadise.com/
Tagged:   Camping, Polyamory
Poly Paradise has been running at Burning Man for two decades. This is a large theme camp cluster, typically 200 x 500 feet, with 250 to 300 campers, about a third of them new each year. Workshops and events include Heart of Now, Poly High Tea (now with Poly High Juice Box), the famous Human Carcass Wash, the Hiney Hygiene Station, Mind Melt, Revolutionary Honesty, and a poly mixer.

September

BaDomme Rouge Celebrates their 9th Anniversary
The Submissive Olympics!
September 7 – 8, 2019
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/752323
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/BaDomme_Rouge
Tagged:   Camping
Tit tug of war, Ball tug of war, Humbler races, Obstacle Race w Peg Bench, Deep throating, Subbie-go-round beatings (Last person standing wins). Medals will be awarded.

Oklahoma Ropestock
First Annual
September 6 – 8, 2019
Route 66 Biker Rally Campgrounds, Depew, Oklahoma
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/762339
Info:   ravenclawrope@gmail.com
Tagged:   Camping, Rope
Kinbaku Okc & Raven Claw Rope are proud to announce the first ever Oklahoma Ropestock. This will be a 3 day outdoor bondage event, with classes, performances and lots of open rope time. Clothing optional, body positive, sex positive and of course kinky friendly.

SEEK Retreat 2019
SEEK: Superpowers!
September 19 – 22, 2019
North of Minneapolis, Minnesota
Web Site:   https://seekmn.org/
Contact:   https://seekmn.org/contact-us/
Tagged:   Camping, BDSM
Support * Enrichment * Empowerment * Knowledge. Sponsored by Leather Journey. Cabin camping. Presenters, classes and group activities.

Wasteland Weekend
10th year. The world’s largest post-apocalyptic festival
September 25 – 29, 2019
Edwards, California
Web Site:   http://www.wastelandweekend.com/
Tagged:   Fetish, Camping
Music, dancing, car show, costuming. Video: There’s a Party At The End Of The World

October

The Hunt
Hot Women, Hot Showers, HOT SCENES
October 4 – 6, 2019
Austin, Texas
Web Site:   http://boundbydesire.org/the-hunt/
Info:   austinboundbydesire@gmail.com
Tagged:   Camping
Camping event for women 21 years of age and older, regardless of sexual orientation, who have a positive interest in SM with other women. On Saturday morning, willing bottoms “hide” in the campground only to be “hunted” by Tops. When a bottom is “found” by a Top (or two), then negotiations begin!

November

TRF BC
November 2 – 3, 2019
North of Houston, Texas
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/groups/188233/group_posts/14512542
Tagged:   Camping
Dates, for reference.
Follow:   Fetlife Event  

February

Dipchella in the Springs
Let’s go “camping”
January 30 – February 3, 2020
Palm Springs, California
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/804891
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/users/1536693
Tagged:   AgePlay, Camping
Vetted event for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Age Players, Littles and Bigs.

33 events in Western North America.

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Europe

July

Kamping – into the woods
July 25 – 28, 2019
West Midlands, England
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/701090
Contact:   https://fetlife.com/users/3310645
Tagged:   Camping
Registration Workshops and playtime on 30 acres of private woodlands and campground. Tenting, RVs, hot running water, mains sockets. About an hour south of Manchester.

August

Castlefest 2019
August 1 – 4, 2019
Kasteel Lisse, Netherlands
Web Site:   https://www.castlefest.nl/
Tagged:   Fetish, Camping
Waan je in een compleet andere wereld op Castlefest, het Fantasy festival van Nederland. Een feest voor jong en oud, waarbij je, zodra je de poorten doorgaat, een andere wereld instapt. Castlefest is een totaalbeleving met veel muziek, fantasy schrijvers, catering in stijl, middeleeuwse ambachten en een grote markt met alles waar de Fantasy-liefhebber naar op zoek is. Who from Fetlife is going?

2 events in Europe.

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Africa

February

Kinky Camp
Welgegun Kampplek
February 7 – 9, 2020
Rawsonville, South Africa
Web Site:   https://fetlife.com/events/771778
Tagged:   Camping
Clothing optional. Calling all camping enthusiasts to come and enjoy a weekend where we have the entire camping site to ourselves.

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Multiple Locations

Various Dates

International Deaf Leather
25+ years
Varies, International
Web Site:   http://www.internationaldeafleather.org/
Tagged:   BDSM, Camping, Fetish, Leather, Polyamory, Pony, Pup, Rope, AgePlay
See the Events tab on their web site for a list of major Leather events that are Sign Language & Voice Interpreted.


70+ events

While events listed on this page may be of interest to Leather, BDSM, Furry, Geeky, Kinky, Polyamory, Age Play, or other Alt communities, it is unlikely that all events will be of interest to everyone. Please take what is useful to you and ignore the rest.

Last updated: March 5, 2020 at 13:00 pm

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Jun 152018
 

THE D+G NE will be taking the place of GKENE, running the same weekend in the same hotel in Hartford CT. The dates for 2019 are August 16-18.

We hope you will find it as appealing as the old events, if not more so.

Our plans include the following:

    • a tea party
    • THE Geekeasy, a fun event with cocktails and finger foods. Dress up if you like!
    • nationally and regionally known presenters
    • dungeons with great, solid equipment
    • hotel takeover, no sharing with non-kink folks
    • fun events and great workshops
    • registration includes most workshops
    • an amazing blanket fort
    • fun with friends old and new
    • shiny cosplay and LARPs
    • well-organized staff and programming

How will our events be different?

    • careful attention to our vetting process, including sex offender and ban lists
    • a ruleset that encourages good behavior on the part of all attendees and allows the freedom to enjoy yourself, too
    • our company is sex-positive in nature and will embrace that in its policies and have a sex-positive dungeon space available for those who wish to enjoy that atmosphere
    • THE (Turtle Hill Events) is a kink-owned and -operated company with over 15 years of experience running kink events
    • D+G is meant to appeal to all folks in the kink world, including everyone from newbies to experienced players. It’s not a frat party and not aimed at only TNG folks.​.

​We hope you will join us for this new event for the Geeky, Kinky community.

REGISTER HERE

 

Mar 142015
 

Kia Ora and welcome to both FetLife and BDSM

This is the second part in a series of articles that I intend to write for people who are new to either, or both Fetlife and BDSM. The first part of the series covered the basics of setting up a Profile and understanding the roles and status types that are included – as well as looking at ways to access more BDSM information through groups of other online sites. You can read the first part of this series here.

What makes me a good person to write a series like this? Nothing. I simply have enough confidence to assume that it may be something worth doing – and I do have a couple of decades experience as an active Sadist and Master (originally my M/s background was Gorean). 😉

In this episode…

I am going to talk about the basics of finding a play partner, meeting them for the first time, and then moving forward to play with them for the first time. It will cover the following topics in a basic way:

  • So remind me… what is the difference between Play, a Scene and the Scene?
  • Finding Mr/s Right
  • I have found someone interesting. How do I get started with playing?
  • Limits
  • The Checklist. What do I want?
  • Play Safe
  • Sub space
  • Aftercare
  • Sub drop

I would also like to acknowledge a Southland Dom (sleeveluver) who, once again, has acted as a sounding board and person to discuss this wee project with.

Further Reading

Don’t forget to read the other parts in this series of guides. The currently available other parts are:

Give this some love 🙂

If you are reading this go on and press the Love button. It will give it wider circulation and therefore help it find the news feeds of more newly arrived kinksters. It is in all of our interests to help them integrate into our community as swiftly as possible by providing them with as much information as we can.

Can I share this?

I am happy for you to share this or repost it anywhere on the web that you choose – just do the right thing and attribute it to 2Jays on Fetlife.com. I would also prefer that it remained unedited, and included the entire post (such as this bit and the rest of the above introduction).

Document Version History

Version 1.1

  • Added a section titled Seeking a Local Munch Group.
  • Added a Further Reading list with links to the other chapters in this series.

So remind me… what is the difference between Play, a Scene and the Scene?

These are rather straight forward terms that need to be understood before you will successfully move towards negotiating and enjoying your first BDSM experiences with people that you meet on a site such as Fetlife.

  • Play = Play is what we do when we interact in a BDSM way. If you flog someone, if you get spanked, if urinating upon someone’s face, or if you have your partner on a leash and make them drink milk from a kitten bowl… you are playing. Play is a broad term for all BDSM and kink activities when they are being enacted. (I played with Betty last night, gave her a splendid paddling with my kauri frat paddle.)
  • The Scene = The Scene is the real life in person BDSM community. It will vary from place to place, and there are different subgroups within it (such as Old Guard) however it is a reasonably standard term. (There is a Scene workshop on tonight about figging. Figging is putting raw ginger in someone’s ass or vagina.)
  • A Scene = The area where your play is taking place, as well as the play. This is more commonly used than play for larger scale interactions that use a lot more equipment or toys. (Jill scened with Jack on the St Andrews Cross.)

Finding Mr/s Right

At this point you have your Fetlife profile all set up, and you are basically chomping at the bit to start the process of meeting either the soul mate of your dreams, or, the wicked playmate of your darkest desires. The path to that first person can be a challenging one, and I would like to highlight a few things that are quite common.

Primarily I will deal with online dating here, and not the case of meeting someone from Scene events. I am taking that tact as this is specifically a Fetlife survival guide.

Online scams do exist

I am aware of a very educated (postgraduate university qualifications) and highly experienced (several years in BDSM) middle aged man who lives in Southland (New Zealand) and was badly scammed by an online BDSM community website user. Having discussed the events with him at length, in his case it was an incredibly intricate scam where the scammer (listed as an experienced female submissive) even used fake documents, gained bruising/swelling to fake a car crash (the photos provided have since been identified as being a car belonging to a different person), and a third party to play a fake role over the telephone. He ultimately fell victim to a combination of loneliness and his desire to protect someone and that cost him a thousands of dollars.

I am recounting those details (with his permission on the grounds that he remains anonymous) for the sole purpose of reinforcing the idea that while amazing people exist, and the partner of your dreams is out there… there are also less honest individuals who do prey on others through online ‘dating’ sites. Be careful. Check everything you can, and go slowly. Sometimes being cautious and making sure things are as they seem can pay off in the end.

How can I keep myself safe?

There has been a plethora of stuff written about keeping yourself safe in online dating situations. Unfortunately a lot of that invaluable information is often not made explicitly available within kink based dating and community sites. I do not for a single second pretend to be an expert on online dating safety measures however I will make the following suggestions:

  • Use a free Google email account. This can help you avoid giving people access to your ISP provided account and make it a little harder for them to find you.
  • Stay relatively anonymous for some time. Yes you can reveal your first name reasonably safely, you could probably also reveal the region you live in. You should however avoid giving out your surname and exact location for a while. It is important to protect yourself – and keep in mind, this relative stranger could use that information straight away to blackmail you with the threat of ‘outing’ you regarding your BDSM interests. Get to know them first.
  • Be on the lookout for Red Flags. A Red Flag is personality trait, action or general behavior that can indicate that the person will either be abusive towards you or try to scam you in some way. When you embark on getting to know someone with view towards either a BDSM relationship or play agreement it is really important to be aware of what to ‘look out for’, and to watch for Red Flags. Keep in mind that a single Red Flag does not make the person evil or someone to avoid – it just means they are human, and no human being (even including super-humans like me) is 100% perfect (I am at least 103% perfect ofcourse). When you see Red Flags slow down, and if you keep seeing them stop. I will talk more about some of the more common Red Flags below.
  • Remember that distance = money. If you are not employed and well paid keep in mind that you are probably better off with someone close. Long distance relationships are, and I speak from experience, very expensive. Weekly flights to see each other on weekends become costly fast. Keep in mind that you may have to go through time periods of not seeing each other, or, one of you might have to pack up and move house.
  • Keep a lid on your expectations. This applies in two ways. Firstly, keep in mind that the first person you meet may not be the best one – they are simply the first one. Consequently go into the meeting with the expectation of a good conversation with someone you have enjoyed talking with thus far – not thinking ‘this is the one, I will meet him and kneel’. Secondly, keep in mind that if you are a brand new dominant… you may not be Mr Super Attractive to the fetish model masochist with ten years experience in being tortured on stage at large public events. (Fortunately or unfortunately, from my general observations newcomer submissives are at times able to be very attractive to experienced dominants, but new dominants are rarely interesting to experienced submissives.) So pursue appropriate relationships.
  • Be responsible. Try not to meet a dozen people and wind up having bareback sex with them all. This is a good way to catch a disease and spread it throughout the community. Be responsible about what you are doing and protect your own, and others’, health.

Red Flags in more detail

I strongly suggest that if you are seeing Red Flags you should stop your interaction with the person. Red Flags can indicate that you will be heading towards an abusive relationship – or that you are about to be scammed. If the person responds badly to your breaking off the relationship there is an ignore feature within Fetlife. Alternatively, if it is more extreme, you have other options such as contacting a respected dominant from your local Scene and asking for their assistance in dealing with the person, contacting an abusive relationships help line, or simply phoning the Police. (Keep in mind here that the Police will ask questions about how you met the person etc.) If you are in New Zealand you are welcome to email us if you need advice or help with a situation like this.

Mr Jay’s list of common Red Flags to watch for is:

  • Breaks promises. These could be about doing things for you, meeting you or anything else.
  • Liars are bad.
  • Seems inconsistent with the information on their profile or with things they have told you – especially in terms of their job, where they live or their marital status.
  • Not giving you their home phone number when you ask for it after talking for a while, and/or, not giving you their work phone number after meeting.
  • Claims to be a dominant without being in control of their own lives. A few examples of not being in control of their own life might include: not having a job, not having a permanent and reasonable place to live, having a horribly messy house, or having serious mental health issues (while I recognise that mental health issues do not make you bad in any way and they are just an illness – a time when you have them is not a good time to try to take control of another human being).
  • Consistently making you feel bad about yourself for the stage you are up to with progressing into the BDSM lifestyle. Alternatively suggesting that you are not a ‘twue sub’, or that all others are not ‘twue doms’.
  • Is always in touch with you at odd times. While this might be a sign of a super active social life it could also be a sign that they are hiding their contact with you from a significant other. Even if it is the active social life option you would probably be better off with someone who has time for you before the wee hours.
  • Is too interested in alcohol or recreational drugs. This applies for two reasons – firstly due to the severe waste of money it causes to people in a relationship, and secondly because BDSM is a relationship and lifestyle choice where the mind is extremely important and where people need to be capable of making crucial judgement calls during sexual interactions (or play). Regularly being in a chemically altered state reduces the capacity to make those calls in an effective and prompt way. Furthermore if people play in an altered state – they are dangerous.
  • Goes missing for periods of time. This could be hours, overnight or for a few days. They may have a wonderfully elaborate reason. Watch for patterns if it happens more than once. If it seems too dramatic it probably is.
  • Quickly indicates that they need financial assistance with some kind of life disaster.
  • Is obviously bad with money. In 2011 Time Magazine published an article to warn people about the real dangers of sexually transmitted debt, or the consequences of debt exposure when entering into new relationships. Here in New Zealand it is such an issue that a prominent Christchurch lawyer has even written about it on their company website.
  • Has lots of children with lots of different partners. If all of those relationships produced children and did not work out what is to say you will not be the next ex-partner with a child to that person. The obvious answer here is to ensure the use multiple types of birth control.
  • Is visibly unable to control emotions like anger, or, indications that they have an anger management issue. This could also include things like quickly swapping between people being beloved friends and total enemies, or announcing love for you before really getting to know you.

Basically trust your gut instinct here and be on guard.

Your emails and cell phone and Fetlife account

While I do recognise that:

  • Even vanilla couples often share email accounts or passwords
  • It is not an uncommon practice for Masters/Mistresses in established M/s relationships to monitor the communications of slaves (perhaps by reading their cell phone logs, having their email and Fetlife passwords, or using a GPS tracking feature on their cell phone)

That kind of control is most likely not something that you are ready for as a newcomer. Furthermore, it is not something that should ever happen quickly within a relationship. This kind of thing is a deep form of submission that should never be taken lightly – and which needs a huge level of trust on both sides.

My strong advice is to avoid relationships, or people who are pushing for this level of control, if you are new to BDSM. Furthermore, I suggest avoiding such things even if you are an experienced M/s practitioner if the person is pushing to introduce it to the relationship quickly.

Seeking a Local Munch Group

Joining your local BDSM community munch group is a great way to get started at meeting new people. A munch is basically a meeting of kinky folks that is usually held at a restaurant or cafe in vanilla clothes. It is a semi-regular get-together where you can meet like minded people and begin establishing friendships.

One great resource for finding your local munch group is:

  • FindaMunch.com, aka The Munch+Adult Local Link (MALL) Directory. Their website states that they are: ‘the most extensive, actively updated, worldwide source for links to and descriptions of adult locality-based groups, gatherings, events, parties, dungeons, activities, meets, resources and information.’ This is obviously an awesome way to find local people – no matter if you are new to BDSM, travelling or moving house.

As an example of a munch group the Gorean Diners is a new munch group that I am getting started in Gore, New Zealand.

I have found someone interesting. How do I get started with playing?

As a newcomer there are three things you should do when you get started – they are important for your safety and to make sure you have a positive experience.

At the first meeting

When you first meet someone with a view to setting up BDSM interactions there are a few important things to keep in mind.

  • Meet in public and on neutral ground the first time. Wherever it is possible and practical you should organise to meet in public for the first time. If you live within a short distance that first meeting should ideally be a brief one too – say coffee or lunch. This gives you an easy ‘out’ if the sexy person you thought you were talking to turns out to be not so appealing. It also gives you an opportunity to see if the person seems to be legitimate.
  • Make sure that you are carrying a charged cell phone that has calling and texting credit. If you live in a rural area it is also important to make sure, before going, that your carrier has cell phone coverage i the area that the meeting is scheduled for.
  • Do not drink alcohol or take recreational drugs on or before your date.
  • Keep in mind the power of prescription drugs like flunitrazepam (sometimes known as Rohypnol, roofies, Narcozep or Hypnodorm). Flunitrazepam is a hypnotic prescription drug that is intended to be used as a treatment of chronic or severe insomniacs who are not responsive to other hypnotic drugs. (Ie. This is the heavy stuff.) It has been referred to as a date rape drug because of its high potency and ability to cause strong amnesia. I am aware of a case in Australia (I knew the submissive who it happened to – I was working there at the time) where her drink was spiked with flunitrazepam and she awoke with heavy bruising not remembering the encounter. Flunitrazepam aside, we should all recognise that drinks can be spiked with a wide range of substances. Always watch your drinks.

Planning for the first play session

I would like to stress here that the following is written with the targeted audience being people who are inexperienced at BDSM, or who are completely new. I am aware that variations can be appropriate with more experienced players, and that there are particular circumstances where different processes might be appropriate. The point however is that for newcomers this is, in my opinion, the most advisable approach.

*Negotiate = You need to talk to the person/people that you intend to play with. Discuss what will happen and what should not happen. Make sure that everyone understands what is and is not OK. Having a plan of some sort is good.

*Safewords = Set a safeword with your potential play partner/s. A safeword is something that stops play. As someone completely new to BDSM this is very important as it gives you an ‘out’ of play that is not going so well. This also means that the word ‘no’ can be ignored – allowing you to act out otherwise challenging content and fulfil things like rape fantasies.

*Safe calls = Always tell a friend, or someone from the Scene where you are going to play and with who. This is so that if something goes horribly wrong the cavalry will be sent in. It is rare, but it is sensible. Often people have active safe calls where it is set up beforehand and if they do not txt or call at a particular time the cavalry is on the way. The reality is that you could be tied up, gagged, blindfolded, and your partner standing above you with a cain. Be smart. If you are really stuck and can not find someone to run a safe call for you (and you live in New Zealand) email us and we will try to help.

  • Do not participate in heavy S/m play or bondage play in the first play session. This is for the safety of both the dominant and the submissive. You both have a lot to potentially lose if either something goes wrong or the other party has second thoughts. (If there are more than two people present bondage is less risky.) Obviously this is negated if the play is at a public play party and both participants are highly experienced.

Your best bet as a new BDSMer is to start slowly and softly, and then to build up. It is better to be left wanting more than to be left having had too much and not want to try again.

The Top/Dominant/Master should also check the state of the submissive/bottom a few times during play sessions – I like to use a non-verbal check method where I squeeze her hand twice with mine, if she is ok she is required to immediately squeeze my hand back twice.

Think about safety and take precautions in advance. Do not attempt anything where you can not get the submissive into a safe position quickly, and make sure you have the medical or help seeking knowledge to deal with any situations that may arise. You need to remember that sometimes things go wrong – so have a plan and have thought about possible outcomes.

Limits

Both Hard and Soft Limits are used in negotiating BDSM play and relationships. A Hard Limit is something that you simply will not do – no matter what. A Soft Limit is something that you really do not want to do, and would only do under very particular circumstances with a very particular person – and probably would like to avoid anyway.

Virtually everyone has several Hard Limits which include things that society deems illegal. Additionally you may have other Hard Limits which relate to things that create different strong responses of a very negative kind.

It is totally normal to have some limits and this is not something to worry about. Having no limits would be a worry, as that would mean you were happy to have your limbs amputated.

The Checklist. What do I want?

In negotiating play, or a BDSM relationship, using a BDSM checklist can be really helpful. The following Checklist is one that I have helped format – feel free to check it out and use it to help your negotiations go a little smoother.

The content of the checklist was copied from Bondage.com, before that site closed, by Sir Jude of www.sweetsurrender.org. He then compiled it various other internet based sources to create a singular compilation and is rather thorough. Since then Mr Jay has done further compiling and formatting work on the list. Like Sir Jude, Mr jay is providing this checklist FREE to the public for distribution how they see fit although a citation back to his FetLife page is appreciated.https://fetlife.com/users/3803021

Play Safe

It really does not matter if you are into: calling your tutu wearing partner Hitler while you spank him lightly with a fluffy pink feather duster; urinating in her mouth; or, using a sjambok on her thighs until they are swollen with bloody welts… the same crucially important rule applies. This one, is a rule. Play safe.

In thinking about safe BDSM practice one of the usual ways of defining the best approach is SSC, or Safe, Sane and Consensual.

Being safe is paramount. It is something that we think about in many aspects of our lives – from not touching hot pans on the cooktop to looking both ways when you cross the road. This is also applicable when you engage in BDSM. Edge play is fine, heavy sadism is fine – but there must always be planning and an understanding of activities to ensure that what you are doing will not result in long term or permanent harm.

Sane is just as important as safe. If a top is too deeply into a scene, or someone is not thinking clearly due to drink or illicit drugs, the play is not sane. People need to play in a way where they understand what is going on and they are making appropriate decisions.

Consensual is all about both parties being informed and agreeing to take part. This is important not just in BDSM but in all sexual relations. When we talk about consensual activities we also recognise the place of consensual non-consent.

Sub space

Sub space is a natural high that submissives can (but do not always) experience during BDSM play. It can be prompted by a range of things including, but not limited to, the pain of S/m play and the psychological and emotional stimulations of D/s control. Upon entering sub space the submissive feels ‘floaty’ – they might not possess their usual sense of time and they usually have an impaired ability to communicate. Sometimes they do not have the same concept of their body during sub space, and their acceptance of pain can increase many fold. Due to that increased pain tolerance level it becomes crucial for the dominant to be even more aware of precisely what is happening during the scene and to behave in an ethical and responsible manner.

Endorphins

Endorphins (‘endogenous morphine’) is a very special biochemical within the body that is produced by the central nervous system and pituitary gland. In a nutshell, upon release into the body endorphins inhibit the transmission of pain signals and produce a euphoric feeling those produced by opioid drugs.

Scientists are aware that endorphins are released in a range of situations including extreme physical exertion, pain and orgasm. These chemicals can provide us with a physiological set of responses which combine with the mental and emotional responses of a good scene and help the submissive move into sub space.

FetLife Groups that discuss sub space

Top space

Top space is not really discussed the same way that Scene members discuss and document sub space. I believe however that it is a very real thing – and from my experience does exist. Top space, based on my thinking and experience, is a place that I enter during a heavy S/m scene. It is literally nothing like sub space – it is a place where awareness of every detail takes on a new level, where you feel total focus and your connection to the submissive deeply increases. It is definitely a unique headspace, but it is one that empowers the here and now.

Aftercare

One stereotype of the vanilla male is the idea of a quick fuck followed by wandering off to do something else and ignoring his partner – both in terms of her sexual and emotional needs. When we deconstruct that scenario in the light of nonsensical heterosexual male led vanilla M/s we might see the following points:

  • Vanilla Master uses his wanton headache-free wifey to satisfy his vanilla itch for 10 seconds of missionary bliss.
  • Vanilla Master has a thought that he should watch the game in TV so wanders off to do that, his vanilla itch sated.

*Headache-free wifey, having just surrendered her almost slightly damp cunt to her sort-of liked Vanilla Master for a full 10 seconds, is feeling all awash with emotions and lays on the bed confused about what she did wrong as he wanders off. She probably also wishes she had a hitachi…

  • Eventually headache-free wifey gives up on her monthly 10 seconds of bliss as she always feels put out by Vanilla Master rushing off to watch the game and how she is left feeling afterwards.

Unfortunately that irritatingly pathetic scenario can also occur in BDSM-world – but with a few differences.

After a scene it is crucial for the dominant or top to invest time into helping the submissive to come back to a normal state. In general terms there are a few basics that you can do which will go a long way – they are:

  • Cuddle her. In the case of most submissives (well all but one) that I have done heavy play with they tend to really respond positively to being held after a scene. It gives the warmth and emotional connection that they need to feel after opening themselves and laying their bodies and minds bare before you during whatever deliciously dark things you did to them. This should including a gentle caress.
  • Keep her warm. Submissives have a tendency to get cold after an intense scene. It might be that you have had them naked for three hours of beating their ass, or it might be the fan you put on the cool you down while you were having to stand there swinging a cane. It does not matter. Have a blanket on hand, put it over you both, keep her warm and hold her close while doing so.
  • Give her something to drink. I used to own a Masochist in the early 90s who would almost crave super sweet coffee after a heavy scene. I have my own theories about the reason it had to be so sweet but that is unimportant. The fact is that drinking (non-alcoholic) is good at this point. It is a normal activity, and it will help bring her back to her normal headspace. This is also important in that if the scene was long she would naturally be thirsty.

Do not suddenly put on bright lighting or expect her to participate in a discussion of philosophy. This time is all about remaining connected. If the dominate does not provide appropriate aftercare there can be negative effects on the headspace of the submissive – not to mention the obvious fact that she may choose to never play with him again.

Aftercare and Play Parties

If you are in the situation of being invited along, and attending, a play party as a BDSM newcomer the aftercare phase is something that you need to keep firmly in mind. This can be a time to see aftercare practices modelled for you by a variety of experienced dominants and tops.

One pitfall that newcomers sometimes fall into is rushing up to ask a dominant about his/her scene immediately, or soon, after it has finished – thinking they have done the right thing by waiting and not interrupting the scene itself. They are correct that waiting and not interrupting the scene is the right thing to do; however, they also need to wait and not interrupt the aftercare period. The submissive may still be floating merrily in subspace, and the dominant might still be in his own headspace too. This is a time where those people will be bonding, and sharing the pleasure/result of what just happened. Give them time, watch how the dominant takes care of the submissive, and smile. Those moments are just as special (to me) as the moments during the scene itself.

Sub drop

Sub drop is a temporary state of depression that can be experienced after play by either masochists of submissives. It can be minimised through excellent aftercare however it is not something that you can always guarantee avoiding – the mind is a very complex thing and different experiences can touch on deep triggers that the dominant and submissive both were not previously aware of.

The ‘drop’ can occur anything from a few hours to a few days after play – and it is something that in no way reflects badly on the submissive. It is a known process that many people go through.

After play, for the next few days, you should regularly check in on the person that you have played with. Those check ins are important so that you can make sure they are not going through a ‘drop’ process – and provide the support that they may need if they are.

In sum

I hope that this small chapter in my BDSM guide series for newcomers has been useful to you in some way. If you have any questions and you think we might be able to help – feel free to ask us. Please leave your comments, feedback and ideas for ways to improve this guide below.

The next episode in this series will tackle the somewhat contentious topic ofGorean BDSM – both online and in real life. 🙂

Further Reading

Don’t forget to read the other parts in this series of guides. The currently available other parts are:

Mar 142015
 

Kia Ora and welcome to both FetLife and BDSM

Recently we have been thinking about the difficulties faced by new comers as they arrive to Fetlife and BDSM. What prompted us to be thinking about that you might ask? – well… we have been receiving quite a few mails from new folks who were new kind of confused about what they should or should not be doing.

So what are these new folks like?

Perhaps they have been thinking about their darker fantasies for a long time and are finally seeking that moment of self justification, or maybe they are just newly curious – either way it is a big step and one that people deserve to be able to make safely and with dignity. Unfortunately it can be a little overwhelming at times, not only as here is a lot to learn, as there can be a circle of less scrupulous and perhaps even wolfish dominants prowling around new arrivals almost instantly with gleaming eyes seeking out their ‘fresh meat’. Consequently, over time we will be writing up and posting a series of help guides for people who are newly arriving to the community and not quite sure about what to do to take those first steps – just to try to help set them get onto a less bumpy path and find the joy of their kinks more easily.

What makes me a good person to welcome you/them like this? Nothing. I simply have enough confidence to assume that it may be something worth doing – and I do have a couple of decades experience as an active Sadist and Master (originally my M/s background was Gorean). 😉

In this episode…

I am going to talk about the getting started on Fetlife. It will cover the following topics in a basic way:

  • Am I normal? Is it ok to be here?
  • A basic definition for BDSM
  • Profile Basics (BDSM Status, Relationship Status, Descriptive test)
  • Picture Basics
  • Helpful starter Groups to join
  • First Contact and dealing with Mr/s Pushy
  • Other online places to go: I want more!

The sections about BDSM status and Relationship status are lifted from a welcome that I wrote for newcomers associated with 50 Shades of Grey.

I would also like to acknowledge another Southland Dom (sleeveluver), who I discussed this project with after posting my welcome guide for ‘50 Shaders’, as he had a couple of good ideas about things I could add to this too.

Further Reading

Don’t forget to read the other parts in this series of guides. The currently available other parts are:

Give this some love 🙂

If you are reading this go on and press the Love button. It will give it wider circulation and therefore help it find the news feeds of more newly arrived kinksters. It is in all of our interests to help them integrate into our community as swiftly as possible by providing them with as much information as we can.

Can I share this?

I am happy for you to share this or repost it anywhere on the web that you choose – just do the right thing and attribute it to 2Jays on Fetlife.com. I would also prefer that it remained unedited, and included the entire post (such as this bit and the rest of the above introduction).

Document Version History

Version 1.1

  • Added WordWize (A collection of writings about BDSM) to the list of general groups.
  • Added a Further Reading list with links to the other chapters in this series.
  • Corrected information about Collarme.com to be current with recent developments – thank you to Malkinius for pointing out that it was out of date.

Am I normal? Is it ok to be here?

My first response to questions like this is usually: “Your asking me if you are normal for liking BDSM? You know I am a self-confessed Sadist?”

Seriously however… normal is a construct that has no place in reference to a person’s sexuality. In the 1950’s we falsely felt that homosexuals were abnormal and had mental issues. Thankfully that abhorrent diagnosis is now swept aside – and here in New Zealand we even have completely legal same sex marriages. While we are a long way from achieving such status for lovers of BDSM the slow process is taking place. Films such as The Secretary and 50 Shades of Grey are helping with that process. Novels are helping. Word of mouth is heping. Fetlife is helping. You simply need to understand that while you are ok, and your sexuality is something that is fine and good, society is sometimes a bit slow in catching up.

I strongly believe that it is fine to be here. I have been an active participant in legitimate real life BDSM since about 1988. (That said I do recall playing games that involved naked tied up girls as far back as when I was in Elementary School – many years prior to that.) Supplementing that, I have been a member of different online communities (ranging from IRC to Second Life) on and off since the days of Windows 3.1 in the early 90s. Being connected to people like yourself, talking to them and sharing a learning pathway – about your chosen way of living and sexually expressing yourself – is a positive and empowering thing. It is a good choice.

A word of caution must however be whispered. In the past different BDSM communities have been ‘infiltrated’ by unscrupulous people and their members have been publicly ‘outed’. Simply follow the usual cyber safety precautions that would keep your identity safe if you do not want your employer, your mother or your children to one day be able to learn that you like to do this.

A basic definition of BDSM

BDSM is a range of different things to different people. The name breaks down into three different categories:

  • BD = Bondage and Discipline
  • DS = Dominance and Submission
  • SM = Sadism and Masochism

Then as a special bonus you can also find the letters for MS – Masters and slaves.

Around that framework you can think in the following terms:

  • Play = Play is what we do when we interact in a BDSM way. If you flog someone, if you get spanked, if urinating upon someone’s face, or if you have your partner on a leash and make them drink milk from a kitten bowl… you are playing. Play is a broad term for all BDSM and kink activities when they are being enacted. (I played with Betty last night, gave her a splendid paddling with my kauri frat paddle.)
  • The Scene = The Scene is the real life in person BDSM community. It will vary from place to place, and there are different subgroups within it (such as Old Guard) however it is a reasonably standard term. (There is a Scene workshop on tonight about figging. Figging is putting raw ginger in someone’s ass or vagina.)
  • A Scene = The area where your play is taking place, as well as the play. This is more commonly used than play for larger scale interactions that use a lot more equipment or toys. (Jill scened with Jack on the St Andrews Cross.)

Profile Basics

BDSM Status

The participants in BDSM have a range of titles as well, from pet to Daddy and from slave to Top. In setting up your profile you will need to select one of those roles. It is important to have at least a vague understanding of what those roles mean so that you identify yourself correctly to others, and you have a vague idea of what kind of person you are talking to.

So lets look at a few of the more common role types:

Uncommitted to BDSM roles

  • Vanilla = This means that you are not actually into BDSM and are just here to talk to someone, or look at naked boobie pictures… or some other reason… but you probably look at the boobies anyway.
  • Unsure = Unsure indicates that either you are not sure if you are really into kink yet – perhaps you are just curious, or, that you are just not quite positive what your role will be.

General Roles

  • Top = Someone who likes to tie people up, spank them, or perhaps use other toys on them, and actively do things to them for pleasure in the bedroom. Tops usually pair off with Bottoms. This role relates solely to a scene.
  • Bottom = Someone who likes to be tied up, spanked, or have a range of other toys used on them for pleasure in the bedroom. Bottoms usually pair off with Tops. This role relates solely to a scene.
  • Switch = Someone who likes to be both a Top and a Bottom. This type of person takes a role that relates solely to a scene – and then can swap roles for the next scene. The Switch classification can apply to someone who is a Top and Bottom or a Sadist and a Masochist depending on the situation.
  • Fetishist = A fetishist is someone who is primarily interested in one or more fetishes. They are not really into power exchange or general BDSM play.
  • Kinkster = This role definition is often chosen by people who are not experienced enough within the realms of BDSM to classify themselves more accurately. They know they like kinky sex, but so far that is about all they have worked out. Some experienced BDSM practitioners keep this role title by choice but that is not the norm.

D/s Play

D/s relationships are ones that include a combination of play, some power exchange and usually some role play (even if it is limited to just using honorific titles).

  • Dominant or Domme = Someone who likes to take control of their partner in the bedroom (and sometimes outside of it as well within pre-negotiated ways) and do things to them for pleasure. This can include everything that a Top does, and also usually includes some kind of roleplay such as being called Sir/Ma’am. This is the Top-like role where people begin exchanging power, yet usually it is only in small ways or at set times.
  • Submissive = Someone who likes to give up control to their partner in the bedroom (and sometimes outside of it as well within pre-negotiated ways) and have things done to them for pleasure. This could include bondage, flogging, spanking, paddling, humiliation or any number of a multitude of other activities. Usually it also includes some kind of roleplay such as calling their partner Sir/Ma’am. This is the Bottom-like role where people begin exchanging power, yet usually it is only in small ways or at set times.
  • Brat = This classification is usually used by a submissive with a bratty, or not naturally submissive, attitude. They are often slightly lippy and behave in ways that elicit spankings. Some Dominants like the challenge of bratty submissives, others simply find them irritating. This role title can however also be used by Bottoms, Ageplayers and Babygirls.
  • Daddy / Mommy = Someone who enjoys BDSM activities with a heavy amount of roleplay. The roleplay will include the other person calling them Daddy during intimate moments – and often includes interactions typical of a Daddy/daughter or similar relationship. Sometimes there will be a process of taking care of the other participant as well.
  • Ageplayer / Babygirl = Someone who usually engages in D/s interactions with a Daddy or Mommy dominant. These people might like to regress to the state of small children, or ‘littles’, where they may be bathed, have diapers and suck on pacifiers. Alternatively some Babygirls take the role of extremely sexualized young teens. These are submissive roles.
  • Pet = A pet is a submissive role within a D/s relationship. The title can be used as a term of endearment, or alternatively it can refer to the nature of the D/s interactions. There is a lot of variety in ‘pet’ styles.

S/m Play

  • Sadist = Someone who derives sexual pleasure from causing particular kinds of pain.
  • Masochist = Someone who derives sexual pleasure from receiving particular kinds of pain.

M/s Play

M/s is usually thought of – rightly or wrongly – as the most extreme form of the power exchange relationships. This kind of relationship almost always includes the use of honorific titles. M/s relationships often involve the use of ‘slave contracts’. M/s relationships , as a group, are a very broad ranging group of relationships so they can vary a lot.

  • Master / Mistress = Someone who takes control of their partner in the bedroom and often outside of it as well. The partner surrenders control over aspects of their life, sometimes progressively moving towards TPE (total power exchange) but sometimes just in an agreed set of ways. They do things to their partner for pleasure. This can include everything that a Top does, and also usually includes some kind of roleplay such as being called Master/Mistress. Generally Masters seek relationships with slaves.
  • Slave = A slave is someone who seeks a Master or Mistress. A slave surrenders control both inside and outside of the bedroom to form a power exchange relationship with their partner. The control surrendered can be limited to certain areas of life or it can be broader and cover all things in the case of TPE (total power exchange). Usually people start with a few areas then build up over time as trust grows and the bonds of the relationship deepen. The slave seeks to please their Owner in all things.
  • Kajira / kajirus = This is another name for a slave, and it specifically denotes the person as being actively involved with the M/s philosophy set out in the novels of Gor. Gor is a M/s setting (largely but not exclusively a heterosexual male led one) that features in the creative writing of John Norman. There are Gorean groups on Fetlife.com for people to discuss this M/s philosophy and there are Gorean roleplaying communities on Second Life. Kajira is the female role, kajirus is the male counterpart.

Relationship Status

Some of the status options should be easy to understand. I will just explain a few of the basic BDSM ones here. Translating these to Vanilla terms as briefly as possible, I would suggest that new Shaders view the terms in the following ways:

  • Under Protection = Either this person is new to kink and their partner is protecting them from the ‘wolves’ (read eager experienced dominants) until they build their confidence; OR; someone is being a pain in the ass so a dominant is looking out for the person; OR; an experienced dominant has marked this person as someone that they have first dibs upon once they learn more about BDSM
  • Play Partners = Dating. Playing, often sexually. This may or may not be exclusive.
  • Under Consideration = This one means that the person is being considered for ownership. They are off the market and in solid negotiations with one possible Owner until a final decision is made.
  • Owned and Collared = Think of this like married.

There are others but those are the basics.

Description Text

This field is a bit of a mystery, in that different people use it in different ways. I strongly suggest using it to explain what and who you are (do not reveal any identifying details though) and to explain what you are seeking. Be specific – if all you want is a chat on sunday afternoons then say it.

Picture Basics

You will probably want to add a picture to your profile. It will encourage more people to visit your profile, and lets face it, most folks will enjoy the attention it may attract. There are however a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, if you choose to post a photo of your face keep in mind that it will be on the internet – where anyone (including your mother, boss or twenty-something child) could find it. Secondly, if posting nudes keep in mind you should only be doing that if you are really totally and completely ok with it. Never post photos that are semi or totally nude just to make others happy. It has to be what you want – as you will have the permanent consequence of photos perhaps being ‘out there’.

There is the option to keep nudes or shots you feel more cautious about semi-private, and available to friends only.When you upload a picture, or at any time thereafter, there is a privacy setting that you can switch between visible to all Fetlifers or just visible to friends. You can also always delete pictures that you change your mind about.

Finally, keep in mind the powerful message in a song that is now a relic of the old ‘wild west’ days of the web.

Helpful starter Groups to join

General Groups for Everyone

Some more specific interest based groups

First Contact and dealing with Mr/s Pushy

Inevitably you will be contacted by a person with an interest in pursuing some kind of BDSM interaction with you at some point. Some people like that will be lovely. Others, not so much. The key is remembering that you are a human being and that no one ‘owns’ you or has the right to make you do things until you choose them specifically as the person to own you. You have the right to ignore anyone who is rude, or to tell them you don’t want to talk to them if you want. You can also use the block feature in Fetlife to stop receiving mail from them.

If they persist in being a pain you can report them, or you can get in touch with a friendly Dom who will tell them to go away on your behalf.

If you get really stuck send us a mail.

Other online places to go: I want more!

Ok so as a newcomer to BDSM you just want more!

Wanting to be social is normal – being new to BDSM and feeling like it is water and you are standing in a drought stricken wasteland… is normal too. Everyone goes through a period where they simply can not get enough.

In years past there were several viable options for BDSM folks online – aust.net, bondage.net and sex.net on the IRC network (basically dead compared to a decade ago); and web ads, forums and chat like www.bondage.com (now closed), www.collarme.com (gone after heavy amounts of public drama between the D/s couple that owned it) – which has reformed as collarspace.com and www.alt.com (currently being re-worked). In the mid-90s there was also a section of a larger virtual community called WBS that unofficially catered to BDSM, however the company that owned WBS was purchased by Disney and the Go Network… so you can imagine the outcome of that.

Along side all of those services there have been several 3D environments, almost like ‘games’ but in reality they are just interactive social meeting and BDSM online roleplaying or discussion tools, that have formed and developed. Of those the choice is definately Second Life.

Second Life

While many seasoned BDSM veterans shun online BDSM roleplay communities they do have a place for people who are not yet ready to take that next step – or who, due to life circumstances, just can’t right now.

Second Life is a 3D environment where there are developed and active BDSM roleplaying and discussion communities that cover most fetishes and interests.Second Life has the ability to highly customise your avatar, making it distinctlively what you want to be, and enables important things like voice chat.

In order to make the most out of your Second Life BDSM experience you may want to find out about RLV – which is a special piece of software that enables different BDSM controls within Second Life. I have not logged into Second Life for about five years but I am aware that it is still going strongly.

In sum

Welcome to BDSM. It has been an amazing journey for me, and is a part of my life so deeply ingrained that I could not be happy without it. There will be a range of people who will want to talk to you, and interact with you, keep in mind that just like everywhere else in the world some will be helpful and others will not. Everyone has their own reasons for what they do. Overall however, the BDSM community is very helpful and welcoming.

If you have any questions and you think we might be able to help – feel free toask us. 🙂

Further Reading

Don’t forget to read the other parts in this series of guides. The currently available other parts are:

Apr 022014
 

We are a community of anarchists and libertines so the point here is not to come up with 10 universal truths that apply to everyone. By definition we are a community that will and must rebel against any sense of structure or order. That being said if you are just starting out consider these as they have helped me.

1. Love Yourself

If your momma dropped you as a child and you are hoping that an adventure into BDSM will fix everything. Um it won’t. Find peace within and then seek adventures. If your soul is empty this community will not be a good place for you.

2. Pay it Forward

Through your journey hopefully you will meet some incredible people and enjoy wonderful experiences. Let the world catch you “Paying It Forward.” Even in your first year find ways to give back. Hint: The best way to attract good people is to be good people.

3. Pay Yourself First

You will be required to submit or lead others in a very intimate journey. Never let that submission or leadership take you away from your family, your hobbies, or your passions. If you loved skydiving before the journey then jump often. Any Top that is worth anything will want their bottom to pursue passions and hobbies that make them a stronger person and a better bottom.

4. Always Wear a Condom

Men man up. Women carry one and insist. There is nothing more loving than a woman that hands you a condom.

5. Context is King When Meeting New People

The internet is cool. Before the internet we responded to blind ads in the back of magazines or visited certain bars. Now it is easy to find a cute blond that is willing to move across the country and sit at your feet. But is that really wise. Someone that has a FetLife account and a cell phone means absolutely nothing. They could be a 14 year old, a police officer, or an ax murder. So what is context? A recommendation from a friend you trust, someone you meet at a munch that is known by others, or someone that you meet at a club that knows others. Do you want to meet safely then network at munches, conferences, and clubs. Make many non play partner friends (See number 2).

Context can also be vanilla. Do you know their mom? or where they work? Context attaches the other person to the real world. Predators do not like context. And really cool people thrive on it.

When you meet for the first time meet in a public place. Bring a friend. They can sit at the table with you or across the room. Have a safe call. Call them when you get there. Call them when you are leaving and call them when you are home safe and sound. Bottoms tell the potential Top that you need to make your safe call. Cool Tops will love the idea and be supportive.

6. The Bottom has all the Power

Submission is a gift. It is this gift that separates us from the act of rape, torture, and kidnapping. The Bottom has all the power and they gift that to you for a moment, a scene, a month or a lifetime. But it is a gift and it can be taken back at any time. Top Hint: Cherish the gift.

7. Safe Words are Our Friends

You are playing in a world where some give up control and others take control. Safe words are your super magic way to stop any scene. It may sound weird but screaming or saying no or crying may not be considered signs we should stop. (don’t panic eventually this will make sense.) Safe words are how a bottom takes back their gift. Use simple words like Red and Yellow.

Red should mean full immediate stop. Dress. Move to a safe neutral place and talk.

Yellow means warning. It means you need help.

Make sure anyone you play with knows the safe words and agrees to honor them.

8. Boundaries

There is a Chinese proverb: “Within any boundary there are an infinite number of possibilities.” There are many lists online. Know what you are interested in trying and what offends you. Be candid and discuss those boundaries before you play with anyone. Boundaries never bother me. Be very afraid of anyone that says they do not have any boundaries. They are either a liar or one step away from being the star of the next crime of the century.

9. Don’t Gossip

Praise in public. Rebuke in private. If you have something bad to say do it directly between you and the other person involved. Never get caught talking bad about others in public. Praise others often and publicly. Power Exchange is advanced human relationships. You are going to be in intimate relationships that are sexual or power exchange. You will be in uncharted territory. Along the way you will meet some people that just are not right for you. Have the courage to take the bad news and avoid the temptation smear the other persons reputation because you feel rejected. I detest gossips.

10. Drama

Drama is the lack of integrity and courage. Candidly if you don’t get the first 8 items in this list your experience in power exchange will be full of drama and gossip. Being the good person in the midst of adversity requires you to love and lead. Are you acting to be the center of attention? Are you acting out because you are afraid to be rejected or alone? Are you making noise because you can’t stand the silence? You are drama. Will Smith said it best: “Ain’t gonna start none. Ain’t gonna be none.”

Come on drama kings and queens. Now is your time to rise above yourself and love. Be creative. Create magic. Be a scribe. Do something constructive or at least go back to the the top of the list and work through the first 8.

I hope each of you have a wonderful journey.


Shared with permission of Kadansky

Nov 072013
 

1. Looking for people in your area only

You want someone who is really into you, who gets you, who will take their time with you, be patient, be loving and caring, someone you don’t get tired of being with, someone you can grow with. Someone compatible. And you are really putting convenience as your first criteria? No one really wants long distance relationships. But limiting your search to your neighborhood is likely to cut down your chances to find that one special person that will ultimately change your life. *

2. They need to be into the same things

No, they don’t. If your significant someone likes the same band, the same movie, the same book like you, what are you going to show each other of the world? And if they are into the very same stuff, it is likely that you disagree in details, which may be the source of endless fights. You will find a richer partnership when you complete each other, rather than being into the same things.

3. Looking for the same age group only

People put too much weight into age as a number. Age is of course relative to life experience, but it’s not the only defining factor. Different people go through different phases in their lives at different stages. And not every 20 year old or 40 year old experiences the same things other people experience at their age. Of course age isn’t completely irrelevant with a partner, for various reasons. But you should be careful when making that number the defining factor that lets you decide whether someone is worth spending time with or not. Greater age gaps can lead to conflict sometimes, but they can also lead to a richer partnership experience.

4. Putting your judgement before your experience

We tend to take experiences with people and project them on other people. That’s just how humans are. It’s normal behavior. First impressions do count. But taking that impression and extrapolating it, imagining how this person may act under various life circumstances, simply kills the possibility that your future partner might swipe you off your feet. You need to provide time for mutual experiences to give space for something to happen. Spending some time with them and experiencing places, events and each other will give you the confidence to be able to say, you really want to be with them.

5. Searching for reasons why they are not right

You may think you’re not doing it, but it happens all the time. Especially when you are reading a person’s online profile. It happens more with dating or community sites than it happens in regular life. Because in person, when we meet someone, we rely more on the immediate impression: facial expressions, humor, natural laughs, their timing, the vibe of a person. Online, your only tool is your analytical brain and it is searching for feelings, so you overanalyze everything you see from this person. This filter can be incredibly misleading. Give experiences a chance.

6. “I don’t have time for this, but I really want my ideal partner”

Finding the right partner means work. Seriously, if you want someone great, a half-assed effort isn’t going to cut it. When you meet someone, you need to dedicate yourself to it, showing them you want this to happen as much as they do. It’s an effort. It takes time. It also means acting before overthinking. Don’t hesitate, don’t push it away, let experiences invade your life.

7. Thinking you need to change yourself to find someone who wants you

Dealing with rejection is not easy. No one deals well with that, not even the toughest among us. And yes, it’s personal. You showed your true self and they did not want it. But you know what? They might feel you’re too old, too fat, too young, too inexperienced, have hanging boobs, a too short cock, a too big ass. Finding why they didn’t want you is not so hard. What you should find are reasons why someone would want you. And everyone has plenty of them. There is no such thing as a person without any qualities. Even with the toughest among us.

8. Relying on a type, your specific idea of an ideal partner

This may come as a surprise. But most people who come together as a couple were not their ideal partners. They may think that after a while of being togehter, but they most certainly didn’t know this in the beginning. If you want specific qualities in a partner, try making them as broad as possible. Be flexible with yourself. It’s too easy to use your narrow filter to dismiss every chance that someone could become the partner you want to be with, not just the partner you want.

9. Committing too early, or not at all

One of the hardest things to figure out is to know when you’re falling in love or when you’re loving someone. The former is a chemical reaction in your body and it takes about two to four weeks to fade out. The latter means you really care about someone. And you may think one is the other, or that it is all “magical” and it shouldn’t be so rationalized. Maybe so. But it’s easy to commit while you’re in love, and even easier to pass the chance of commitment. Sooner or later you are sobering up and then you ask yourself if you really care for them. This goes back to mutual experiences. Nothing forges a relationship more than what you have together.

10. Putting their looks first

This may be the toughest of them all. We all feel attracted to certain features in people. Be it their aura, the way they talk, their intelligence or their looks. And looks are really important, more than we may admit. It’s an evolutionary treat we inherited from our ancestors 65,000 years ago: selecting a mate by physical features, such as strength, health and beauty. To say attraction plays no important role in the mating game would be dismissive of being human. However, it’s too easy to put physical attraction first and filter people early, because they are not fit enough, don’t have a flat belly, or their upper teeth are too big. The question you should ask yourself is whether these things will be the reasons that make your relationship work, many years from here. What bothers you now may be something you don’t even notice in a few years, or it is part of why you feel familiar and home with your partner.

  • (Note: Point #1 caused some confusion. I am not proposing long distance relationships. But if you feel your connection with your partner is strong enough and you want to be together, but the distance is too great, find a way to come together. Being together, living together in the same space is worth the effort.)

Written by and shared with permission from Danaus

Nov 072013
 

When I was asked to do this class I realized that I had not yet written it out. This is going to be a hybrid of several talks I have done over the years at my submissives munch downriver. So very often new submissives enter the community with all of the wide-eyed wonder of Alice in wonderland and explore our community in much the same way. In truth dominants are no different they have many new expectations and a brave new world to explore.The expectations if both are based in the fantasies created by erotic fiction and porn. It almost never measures up to the reality. In fact the reality of the BDSM community that we are not all the pretty people, that it is not all sex, s&m and good times can be disappointing to some. The fact that BDSM relationships are in fact relationships that require clear communication of BOTH your wants needs, and desires can be startling.

In fact they require deeper connections and deeper communication than the vanilla world. New submissives often expect to be swept away, overwhelmed, and consumed by their Master. To have no limits, for their new master to simply know them better than they know themselves, and to not have their wants or needs to matter because the Master simply fulfills them in some magical way. New dominants expect to simply be able to take and demand…to just be themselves and fill their needs, wants, and desires without compromise. They can become power hungry and some ways and forget at times that Master must master himself first and foremost. This is not Wonderland.

Both can develop a type of frenzy that causes them to think with the little head and not the big one. The desire to play, to own or be owned can be overwhelming and a driving force. It causes people to forget themselves, their manners, and safety. To agree to things that they would never agree to in the vanilla word because this is a different world. It causes both sides of the slash to check common sense with the coat check girl.

This discussion is going to focus on two main points, which are safety and protocol, but you will find that in many ways it will veer into personal responsibility and general common sense etiquette. Some of the points I want to be certain to cover are munches, play parties, negotiation, play, safewords, and kinky dating.

A recent conversation with a not so long ago new to the community dominant reminded me of the kid in a candy store mentality that can occur and some of the immediate misconceptions. The biggest concern of the new submissive is that everyone will think she is up for grabs and will be overwhelmed. Many new dominants do think that every submissive is up for grabs and will bend to their will. Both will quickly find themselves wrong. One will be happy about it. Over and over when I suggest to new people that they go to a munch they ask what that is and what is expected of them.

A munch is a very low protocol event. It is one where people gather in a vanilla place, in vanilla attire, with mostly vanilla conversations. Yes people discuss kinky things, the upcoming events and what they did last weekend but most discussion revolves around the more mundane.

Some things to consider…

You are responsible for your introduction to the community.

This means YOU and only you can make yourself feel truly welcome at any event. You cannot depend on others to welcome you with open arms unless you greet them with them.

If you go into any event (lifestyle or vanilla) barely saying a word, sitting off by yourself, not smiling what is your result going to be? It will be to feel outcast and not welcomed.

A few months ago MasterGrizly were attending the Last Friday Munch. Has anyone attended this one? It is held in Utica in a large Bigby Coffee house in a semi private room that is reserved each last Friday for us. It often has new people in attendance. This particular munch has several new people in attendance. The first set of new people arrived separately but at the same time. They were two women who did not know each other. Each in their own time introduced themselves to the event host who in turn introduced them to others. They both went and got their coffee, and joined the crowd. Both smiled even if shyly and chatted in a friendly way with others. They sat with other people and gave off a warm vibe.

The third showed up about twenty minutes later. Our host introduced himself, introduced the gentleman to a couple people (myself included) and then excused himself.

I was commiserating with a friend about her roommate issues but I watched the room. He left and got coffee. The room was filled with about twenty people. Some sitting at small tables, some walking about and chatting. The new guy sat down at an empty table separate from all the others.

Rookie Mistake 1: When you separate yourself from the crowd half to 2/3 of the room will not approach you. You have announced that you are uncomfortable and people feel overwhelming you, depending on how you are projecting to the room (especially as a man) they may also find you mildly creepy or disconcerting.  As I reminded my friend she chose this roommate I watched no less than four people approach the new man. Each talk with him briefly, he didn’t appear to make eye contact and had little to say. My Master sat with him briefly and after a minute or two the little table fell silent.

Rookie Mistake 2: When people approach to talk with you answer with more than yes or no because people will not spend their social time trying to drag it out of you.

After a while I was tasked to find out who was going to dinner and where they preferred. I spoke with the gentleman briefly inviting him along. He said no. I asked what he thought of the munch and he said something like crowded. I had a task to finish and report back about.

He left soon after and that was the first time he got up from his table all night.
The other two newbies both came along to dinner.

A few days later the man posted on a group about how cliquesh the group was. How no one talked to him in more than passing. How he sat by himself most of the night. The other newbies posted about what a lovely time they had on the same thread.

By my count he spoke to no less than seven people. He was approached by at least five(counting myself) who attempted to have a conversation with him. There were about twenty in the room that night. I would say its a pretty decent number of people approaching him.

I can honestly say I have seen nearly the identical occurrence many times over and even at play parties.

It seems to put an unfair responsibility on newbies to actually socialize, to have to approach people but the fact is as you can see from my example the only reason he didn’t interact more was he didn’t seize an opportunity.

I think munches are very newbie friendly. Especially in this area. But the truth is you have to be receptive to what people are saying or doing. Just like any given situation people will only reach out so much..”

I will tell you time and again we hear how wonderful munches are. How people felt welcome and included. How they made new friends and connections.

So to review…

  • go in smiling
  • join the group itself (physically sit with them)
  • join the conversation
  • give full answers and ask real questions. What I mean is don’t just say yes or no.
  • let people know that you are new: if there are hosts or greeters, they may be able to introduce you to some friendly faces
  • don’t worry about staying for the duration of the event

 

Some specific protocol about attending a munch it is a low protocol event and no one is expected (or encouraged) to kneel or bow. You will not be able to identify most people’s “labels” just by looking at them. For this reason, I will emphasize the low protocol portion.

Just because the erotic books suggest that all submissives run around BDSM events saying Sir or Maam as a matter of protocol does not make it true. Many dominants prefer not to be addressed as such by someone who is not in service to them. Many submissives feel it is giving undo respect. Still others like myself view it as a sign of general respect and do say Sir and Maam. This is something that you must be comfortable with and anyone who demands that you call them Sir is what I like to call wrong. It is for you to decide. I personally call everyone Sir or Maam until asked to do otherwise. It is how I was raised and it is what expected of me by my Master.

Dominants, back to the erotica of the visual kind, especially at a munch submissives are not going to be kneeling naked waiting for the newest domly one to beck or call and treating a stranger as if she were your submissive will only earn you scorn from them.

No matter what labels you choose walking into your first munch should be a wonderful experience. It can be a little overwhelming to the socially awkward or shy. I encourage you to contact the munch organizers and say hello beforehand. All the event hosts that I know are happy to answer such messages. They will encourage you to introduce yourself to them when you arrive so they can introduce you to others. Another suggestion is introducing yourself on their board if they have one on fetlife. Or you can’t post in Michigan BDSM and say you are attending.

Most munches are held in restaurants, bars, and coffeehouses and are in generally safe neighborhoods. However that does not mean you should not consider your own safety first. No one and I mean no one is responsible for your safety except yourself. So use common sense. While the event organizer will likely be happy to help and many will walk people to their cars or send someone else as an example. Please do not depend on that. If it is in an area you are unfamiliar with do a practice drive before or be certain you are familiar with the directions. Nothing makes an already new experience more stressful than getting lost.

Wear something you are comfortable with and do not attempt to fit a role. If you are comfortable in your clothing, you can focus on the experience. It also makes it easier to pay attention to your environment. Be comfortable, be you, but don’t look like a shlub.

Don’t accept candy from strangers, except maybe Fetvest. It is just like your mom told you when people offer things it may be too good to be true. Yes 95% of people are excellent people that will be essentially harmless (until there is consent) but you don’t know that. So buy your beverage and keep an eye on it.
Use the brains you were given and evaluate every situation as it occurs with them and not your clit or dick. I have a friend who went to her first munch, met someone, played with them and ended up with a permanent scar when he crossed a line. She told me the whole time she knew she was making a mistake but so badly wanted to play. This is a classic example of the frenzy I discussed earlier.

When leaving the munch use the same basic common sense you use whenever walking to your car at night. Pay attention to your environment.

Play Parties are another thing that often get people wound up with visions of orgies dancing in their heads. Play parties are events where people can go to socialize and participate in BDSM play. The vast majority do not allow sex or penetration. This is due to state legalities and not being party poopers. There are also rules about nudity, those held in public locations cannot have nipples showing on ladies and underwear is required for everyone.

It is entirely natural to feel a little overwhelmed the first time you attend a play party. There will be a great deal to cause some type of sensory overload with loud music, semi naked bodies, and interesting things to watch and hear.

It is perfectly acceptable to be nervous and even a little put-off by some of the things you might see. As long as you state it politely and without judgment, no one will think poorly of you for saying “I’d rather stay here by the bar than go watch a scene” or” watching this is making me a little uncomfortable, I’m going to go back to the bar.” While operating Detroitspace at a Christmas party a woman and her heavy bottom requested permission to do a staple gun scene. MasterGrizly knowing them approved the scene. She used a heavy industrial staple gun to attach Christmas lights to his body. This was not a bloody scene but rather an incidental amount of blood as the staples were removed. Still it was overwhelming for some new people and they move to the social area and away from it.

All events have rules in some way shape or form. You go to a tennis match and there will be rules for both the players and the audience. Just like a tennis match most play parties have referees and these are commonly known as dungeon monitors or DMs.


Some of the more common rules for play spaces are…

  • Do not make assumptions. Negotiate all scenes. Do not assume that the presence of someone at this party means they are available.
  • Never touch anyone, their equipment, or belongings without permission.
  • Privacy and discretion are to be respected. All information about party activities, attendees, etc. is to be considered confidential. Do not bring cameras or other recording devices. What you see here. What you do here. What you hear here. Stays here after you leave here.
  • Treat everyone with equal respect — Doms, Subs, Switches, and Staff alike.
  • Play sober. While some events allow alcohol playing after drinking to excess is unsafe for everyone. DMs will stop you.
  • Smoking will be allowed in established smoking areas only.
  • Please be prepared with something to cover your more daring clothing — or lack thereof — when you go outside the party space.
  • No genital or anal penetration, oral sex or exchange of bodily fluids.
  • Solicitation for sexual services is not allowed. No pay for play.
  • Please agree on safe words for scenes. “Red” will be a default safe word. A safe word is a word used to stop all play.
  • Respect scenes. Limit conversation and screaming in the play area. Don’t crowd the playing areas. Do not involve yourself in a scene without an invitation THIS INCLUDES ROPE AND AFTERCARE. The moment someone approaches the piece of equipment to the moment they leave the equipment it is the scene. Do not engage them. Do not interrupt. Many rope scenes are not done on a piece of equipment but in a chair or a table on the outskirts of the social area or play area. This is still a scene and you should not interrupt.
  • Respect the play space. Clean up after scenes. Your mother does not work here.
  • Limit play to the play space. Do not engage in play outside the play space.
  • Dungeon Monitors have the final word on everything including the right to stop an unsafe or abusive scene. Check with the DM before engaging in any play you may find extreme or unusual (waxing, cupping, flash paper, etc.), piercing, or bloodspots.

One of the things I was asked to emphasize in this class is safety and for that reason, I am going to hammer home the importance of not interrupting scenes. Not only is it damaging to headspace but it can be potentially harmful to the bottom in the scene.

Let’s ignore the headspace aspect for a moment and consider the skills involved. I have no idea your skills but let’s assume for a moment you are carefully cutting up carrots, lost in the process and thinking about work the next day and someone comes up and starts talking to you. Have you ever jumped and cut the next slice to thick? Or been startled and maybe nicked yourself? This is equally true in BDSM. If someone is focusing on hitting the correct place, sliding a very sharp knife down the body, using fire, or throwing a single tail any one of those things done wrong can cause harm. Interrupting people while they do those things has the potential to cause harm.

Yes there is a headspace created some will describe it as Dom space or subspace. It can be euphoric and wonderful and it can be other things. Have you never had sex with someone and it was so good you felt lost in your own world and your phone rings and jars you back to earth? Same thing here except it is also playing with the duality of pleasure and pain.

I would ask why someone felt their question, comment was so important they needed to interrupt and why anyone would feel it acceptable to insert themselves into someone’s interactions. Except I know at times it is an insatiable curiosity and lack of awareness of what the interruption may cause.

To further expand on the safety concern is being hit by flying equipment or hitting others. If you are sitting or walking close enough to a scene where a whip is involved (or really any implement) that you get hit its on you. It truly is. In the dungeons we have managed and attended there is something like a 10 ft square area that should not be invaded. If you invade it and get hit that is on you. If you as a top cannot create such a space then you should not be playing with implements that go outside of whatever safe space you can create.

In the majority of play events there is not an emphasis on a single protocol. If there is, often-they are specialized events announce that they are high protocol, gorean, or something else. The rules will be posted at the event and likely to some degree in their announcements.

At all other events follow vanilla manners and in general this will make you safe and respected. Manners go a long way.

Say please and thank you as appropriate.

Do not touch what is not yours in any way. This means people and things.

Do not assume familiarity. This is a tricky one for new people. I am a hugger as an example and if I have met you at least once before (and sometimes it doesn’t take that) I will hug you. But that doesn’t mean you should assume its ok to hug me. We know people who are our friends for years who still ask permission to hug me. My best friend will come by and goose me but it does not make it open season on my tush. Another example is the use of names and nicknames with people. Do not go up to a submissive and call them “slut” or any other “nickname”. I do not care if they are wearing a dress with the word slut written all over it and it is stamped on their forehead. Introduce yourself first and get an introduction in return.

Submissives, in a desire to be pleasing to dominants you may decide to go the road of calling them Sir or Maam. I will not discourage that. I will however blatantly discourage calling them simply Master or Mistress. It is considered presumptive. However calling my Sir, MasterGrizly is not being overly familiar. It is also not calling him Master. It is not submitting to him. It is choosing to address him as he introduces himself. I personally view it no differently than someone calling me liltala.

Some protocols that are often utilized but not universal are…
When meeting a couple do not where one is clearly the submissive and the other the dominant. Introduce yourself to the dominant first and allow him to introduce you to the submissive.

A collar generally is a symbol of a relationship. It often means the submissive or slave is not available. Exceptions exist when n doubt ask.

At a play party pick up play or casual play may work for you. Meeting someone and deciding to do a scene in a public place where others can intervene if you feel the need can be fun. That said do not allow you to be gagged and be certain to negotiate clearly what is and is not acceptable. Just because the rules say penetration is out does not mean this stranger will accept that fact. Make it clear. Dominants public play can be a very good thing for you as well. It helps you build a reputation as a safe player. It allows you to play with new people without concern of next day regrets. I do not at any other time advocate pick up or casual play except at public play events. If there is someone you are interested in playing with ask. Talk to the DMs and see if they are familiar with them.

Remember the friend I mentioned who did pick up play at a munch and now has a scar? I count her as a lucky person because it could have been worse. Still we only hear about the cars that blow up and not the ones who drive every day without issue. Yes, some people do casual play and never get hurt. I personally am not comfortable with that risk benefit analysis

I will point blank make this statement DO NOT TALK TO SOMEONE ONLINE WHO IS A COMPLETE STRANGER TO YOU AND MEET THEM TO PLAY THE SAME NIGHT. To put this in real terms would you go into a bar meet someone, say hi and then suggest they tie you up and beat you with various implements? No? Then what gives the impression it is safe to go on collarme or fetlife and do the same? It’s not safe.

What do I encourage? A little bit of kink dating.

  • Talk for a while online or on the phone first. See a picture if possible. Get to know them a bit.
  • Meet in public, like a coffee shop, restaurant or a Munch.
  • Arrive separately and early if possible so that you are first inside. This advice is often given to submissives to prevent a predator from seeing the type of car they drive and discourage someone from following them.
  • Let someone know where you’re going, and arrange to check in with them or have them call you. I don’t advocate safe calls in general as they create a false sense of security. When the police in Detroit don’t arrive for 90 minutes for a gun shot wound what makes you think “she missed my call and is on a date” will have a better reception? Yet there is no harm in letting someone know where you are going. A fun exercise is to see how the other person reacts to you having a “safe call” and if a dominant suggests it means you don’t trust them then tell the truth “You are right. I don’t trust you yet.”
  • Often people tell new submissives to ask for the dominants drivers’ license info and call a friend with it. I will be blunt. Fuck that noise. I am not going to show you my driver’s license with my home address on it to stalk me or steal my id. I would never ask a dominant to do that. I would discourage any dominant from doing that
  • Don’t drink alcohol. It dulls your reflexes and is a mind altering substance. If you cannot meet them and meet with them sober you need to reevaluate.
  • Don’t assume you are with someone safe and also don’t assume they are an axe murderer. Both ends of the spectrum carry their own danger. One you are too relaxed and the other too hyper vigilant. Treat them as you would treat anyone else with the correct amount of caution to keep yourself safe.
  • Don’t plan to invite this person back to your home, hotel room, or any place where you will be out of the public eye. Seriously play time and sex will still be there when you get to know them better.
  • Don’t ignore first impressions. The gut feeling or something told me feeling has saved many people’s lives.

 

After you have met and gotten to know each other in person and there is chemistry the next you will want to do is play…ok maybe sex. The first thing I will say is this is where negotiations, limits and safe words come in.

A friend of mine came and presented at the submissives munch with a discussion on negotiation and this part is heavily borrowed from her. She suggests people write up a page for negotiation much in the same fashion as you write a list for the market or to go to the doctor.

Likes
This is where you list what you’re into. List kinks and themes that you like in your play. It’s a good place to talk about things you have experienced in the past and enjoy.
Likes which need specific negotiations I have a few kinks that need to be discussed in more detail before I just give people a free pass to do them. As an example suspension of any type, needle and fire play are very much on my specific negotiations list. Some may call these soft limits.

Things I would like to try. This section is terrific for new people but also experienced ones. If you meet someone that does something you have never done before then list it here. The BDSM checklist can be very useful here. Fill out and learn a great deal about these terms by googling them. It will help you to not agree to things you do not understand. It will also be a neat benchmark to growth. Fill one out as you just begin and do it again in a year and see how much has changed.

Hard Limits
EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE HARD LIMITS! This should include everything from very general moral limits (I don’t do animals) to types of play you dislike (blood play, scat, etc.) to personal triggers. Everyone has a past and we all have things that bother us or set us off. Even if you think your limit is weird or “should” be harmless, list it. Someone I know likes to say “everything is off the table unless it is on the table.” This means if we didn’t discuss it then don’t frickin do it. Dominants you have limits as well. There are things you are willing and unwilling to do. Since you are directing the action in the scene you may not feel it needed to verbalize all of them during negotiations but you should still be fully aware of them. You may not need to say you so not like humiliation play but you need to be aware of that. To recognize when someone says that’s their main kink that it becomes a no go for you.

Safe Words
What your safeword is and what it means to you. In public play settings most of the time the safe word is red and people utilize the traffic light system. Red means stop, yellow means slow, and green is gogogo.However in relationships people may choose a different word or have a different meaning. I will use “red” as a hard stop with anyone but MasterGrizly but we are currently at the point together that my “red” means he checks on me, problem solves and moves on. More on those in a minute…

Health Issues
This is really really important. Your partner should be aware of all health conditions and how they might affect play and what to do if there is a problem. List everything, even if you don’t think it will be a problem. Better to be safe than sorry. This goes for both sides of the slash…I want to know if the person tying me up and playing with me may have an asthma attack from over exertion and leave me vulnerable.

Mental/Emotional Issues
Your partner needs to know if you have particular phobias, triggers or general areas of anxiety. If you have panic attacks, they need to know. You don’t need to go into details necessarily, but let people know some basics.

Aftercare
I know this can be a hot button issue for some folks but it should always be discussed. Everyone has different needs for aftercare. of time. Tops don’t be afraid to ask for aftercare, too. You put energy into a scene too and have a right to some TLC. For many this means cuddles, reassuring words, a blanket, a drink and some food. For others it may be a pat on the ass and a cigarette. Aftercare is what you need or do not need immediately following a scene.

Safe words
Ok at the outset I am not saying safewords are the be all and end all of safety. Given my druthers I would not use one in my current or future relationships. MasterGrizly happens to find them a good communication tool. I do too in the end but that is only when they are used as one.

  • Use your safeword as the communication tool it is intended to be and not a measurement of your submission, slavelyness, or anything else. It is intended to communicate that there is an issue.
  • If you agree to a safeword and refuse to utilize it and are harmed as a direct result of that do not blame the dominant. In all things we are responsible for our actions. Yes, MasterGrizly pays close attention to my reactions both physical and mental. However if I am feeling dizzy and nauseous and do not safeword my throwing up on the cross is not his fault. Its mine. I chose to ignore my body and paid the price.
  • If you agreed to a safeword and choose to not use it because it may spoil the fun. You are doing more damage than saying “red”.
  • If you agreed to utilize a safeword and do not use it for any of the above reasons that communicates to me the dominant cannot be trusted as a play partner. You have at the outset agreed to do something and then do not do it. You have chosen to not communicate with them and changed the experience.
  • If you agree to use a safeword and do not you risk harming a dominant or top’s reputation in the public community. No one will remember that you were a dumbass who refused to safeword. They will say “Bob played with a girl until she puked all over the cross. He isn’t a safe player.” That’s harmful to him.
  • If you agree to use a safeword and refuse to use it and are harmed in some way the dominant could not predict you will cause them to question their skills, create guilt, and in general piss them off. That is probably not the desired outcome you are seeking.
  • If you cannot verbalize a safeword for any reason during play then don’t agree to one. Utilize a safe signal or have a spotter. You can also utilize the drop signal that is to hold something like keys, a ball, a hanky and drop it when there is an issue. Do not agree to something you know that you cannot do. EXAMPLE – Sir
  • If you are someone who is generally unwilling to use your safeword because you insist on measuring your submission by it or feel guilt over it then communicate that prior to play. And then choose to utilize another communication method such as plain words, a spotter, a signal

Ok so we have covered negotiating what will happen, limits, safe words and talked a bit about safe calls.

I normally advocated public play for your first experience. As a standard it is safer for both the dominant and the submissive. It is safer for the submissive in the its highly unlikely that she will be raped, taken past her limits etc. The dominant finds it useful because it is one protection against next day regrets of the submissive. I know it is a fear of dominants that the submissive will change their mind and say they were assaulted or that their limits were violated or hell they were violated. It is unfortunate that just like false rape reports in the vanilla world these types of false reports exist here.

That said not everyone has a play party near them once a month much less the multiple times per month we have in Michigan.

If you are going to play in private for the first time I highly recommend the following.

  • Have that safe call. Once again do not use it as a crutch but someone knowing where you are and when you will return is good. This is good for both sides of the slash. Seriously dominants can be hurt as well.
  • Do not allow yourself to be bound or gagged. It is a lot easier to violate limits when the victim is fully immobilized.
  • Be prepared for any issues. This means have a small first aid kit in your car and comfortable clothes such as jeans, tennis shoes and a hoodie.
  • Don’t depend on this person for aftercare fully. Have a friend available to you for emotional or physical comfort as needed.

Not everyone needs to attend public functions or chooses to play publically. This class discusses some of the ways to navigate the public community including munches, play parties, and overall safety in play. I hope it aided in giving you a little insight into wonderland.

 


Written by and shared with permission from liltala

Sep 272013
 

Version 1.4, written 8/14/03
Copyright 2003 by Jay Wiseman, JD

Author of “SM 101: A Realistic Introduction” and “Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook” — and other books published by Greenery Press. Please contact the author at jaywiseman@yahoo.com or via his publisher for reprinting and reposting requests.


Hello and welcome to the munch! Perhaps this is your first munch. Perhaps this is your first BDSM event of any kind. Congratulations for contacting what many of us call the BDSM community (or, more simply, “the scene”). You are on the threshold of meeting many new people, having many new experiences, and both learning and growing a great deal. By the way, “BDSM” is a general, overall term for what we do. The term is pronounced just like its letters – B D S M – and represents a compression of the phrases “bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism.”

1. What is a BDSM munch?

In broad outline, a BDSM munch is an informal gathering of people with an interest in BDSM so that they can eat and socialize. Please note that munches tend to be social events, not educational events. If you’d like to learn more about BDSM, please see the end of this document. Most munches are held in restaurants, often in a special room or area of the restaurant. Munches tend to be informal affairs with relatively little structure or protocol. (If there is something special about a particular munch’s structure or protocol, and you haven’t already been informed of what it is, don’t worry too much. You’ll likely be told what you need to know about that before the gathering gets well underway.) Most munches are publicized primarily online, and the Internet figures prominently in their history and development.

2. How did munches get started?

Munches were started in the early 1990s by people who had an interest in BDSM and who were also online. (The Internet had not yet gone really mainstream.) These people began meeting at local restaurants. On the west coast, the original gatherings were held in Palo Alto, California, and called “burger munches.” After a while, particularly as the Internet grew in popularity, the idea caught on and similar gatherings began to be organized in other cities. Today, these “munches” as they are now called, are held in dozens of cities across the country and also in some foreign countries. Their number continues to grow. (Munches continue in Palo Alto to this day.)

3. What kinds of people attend BDSM munches?

People who attend munches can vary widely, however as a group they tend to be highly intelligent, highly imaginative, and highly individualistic. Essentially all attendees have a personal interest in BDSM. Most munches have a designated host or hosts who are informally – but firmly, if need be – in overall charge of the event. Some munches are especially intended for certain types of people such as people of a certain age range or people with an interest in a particular aspect of BDSM play, and these are usually specifically advertised as such. While munches are definitely open to people of all sexual orientations, most have something of a mixed-gender, heterosexual/bisexual tone to them. People who cross-dress and transgendered people also sometimes attend. (If you have an interest in one-gender events, the munch hosts will likely be able to make a referral.) Munches are almost always “for adults only” and persons under 18 should not be brought unless the ground rules of the munch specifically state that they are welcome.

4. What should I wear?

Most munches do not have a specific dress code so, in general, “reasonably presentable” clothing appropriate to the season will be fine. “A bit of black” will usually go over well. Dressing up in “high fetish” clothing is not necessary and may be inappropriate for the event unless you have been told otherwise beforehand. On the other hand, showing up in highly informal clothing may not make the best first impression either. Don’t be too surprised if you see people wearing items of black leather clothing or footwear, and please try to not look too shocked if you see someone happily eating and chatting away while wearing a collar of leather or steel locked around their neck.

5. Confidentiality.

There is a strong rule in this community, sometimes spoken and sometimes not but always there, that the privacy of event attendees is protected. Please remember that people are here to interact regarding a highly personal aspect of themselves, so once you leave keep your mouth shut about the identities of who you saw there, what they said and did, and so forth. For example, if you saw a co-worker at a munch, keep quiet about that when you return to work. (Although you may find that you and the co-worker will want to arrange a private lunch or after-work coffee date, or at least trade the occasional knowing smile.) Violating the confidentiality rule can get you shunned and banned. Be advised that some people use “scene names” instead of their legal name, so please don’t feel too surprised to learn that someone calls themselves “Master Tom,” “Slave Pat,” or “Cruella.” By the way, titles are often omitted in direct personal conversation, so you are not expected to address him as ” Master Tom” unless he is _your_ master. (And until you’ve _both_ agreed that he’s your master, he isn’t.)

6. Special Terminology.

BDSM people often use scene-related jargon to let others know what activities they enjoy. For example, if a woman were to refer to herself as a “bi poly switch” this would indicate that she was, to a greater or lesser degree 1) bisexual, 2) poly amorous (basically, someone who has intimate relationships, which can include sex, with more than one person) and 3) enjoyed at least some aspects of both the dominant and the submissive roles. People who prefer the “dominant” role may refer to themselves as dominants, masters, daddies, or tops. People who prefer the “submissive” role may refer to themselves as submissives, slaves, or bottoms. (I put “dominant” and “submissive” in quotes because the scope of these terms is subject to lots of debate within our community.) By the way, don’t be surprised if you’re asked if you’re a top or a bottom, or something similar. If you’re not sure yet, it’s fine to reply that you’re still exploring that question. Consider asking what those terms mean to them.

7. Behavior Tips.

Because protecting the privacy of attendees is so important, it can be discourteous to ask someone direct, specific questions about what they do for a living, what company they work for, details about where they live, if they’re in a committed relationship, and so forth. It’s fine if they volunteer such information (some people are very “out” and forthright, a few almost too much so [grin]), but don’t probe. If someone asks you a direct question that you don’t feel comfortable answering, a simple reply of “I’d rather not say just now” is entirely appropriate. (They shouldn’t ask again, at least at that event.) It’s generally fine to have some beer or wine with your food if you wish, but make sure you don’t drink alcohol to the point where your behavior becomes a problem. By the way, given that non-BDSM people, including children, are probably also at the restaurant and may be able to see into the room where the munch is being held, explicit BDSM behavior is generally frowned upon.

8. Dealing with the restaurant staff.

Be exceptionally courteous and friendly to the staff. Violating this rule can make a seriously bad impression on the munch hosts. When it comes time to pay, be sure to pay your full share plus a generous tip. You can score a few extra points as a team player if you bring along some one-dollar and five-dollar bills to help the other attendees make change.

9. The etiquette of touching and personal space.

The BDSM community is a bit “touchy” about when, where, and why it’s OK for one person to touch another. While ordinary social handshakes are usually fine (some “old school” men observe the etiquette rule that a gentleman never offers his hand to a lady but rather waits for her to offer hers, if she chooses to) more intimate touching such as hugging and so forth is reserved for people who already know each other well. (Because a lot of the people attending already know each other well, you may see a lot of hugging.) A good general rule is to not touch another person’s body, clothing, or BDSM equipment without first obtaining their specific permission – and don’t be too aggressive about asking for that permission. It’s especially wise for men to be cautious regarding touching women that they don’t already know very well. Whatever you do, don’t touch another person in a “dominant” manner unless you’re very certain that you have permission. (If the person is wearing a collar, there’s a good chance that they are in an ongoing dominant/submissive relationship and that the person they are collared to is also at the event, so it’s wise to get explicit and specific permission from that person beforehand as well.)

Also, if another person touches you in a dominant manner without your permission, it is entirely appropriate to let them clearly know that you didn’t appreciate that, and also to notify the munch hosts about this. This is true even if this is your first event and the other person seems to be well-known and prominent. If they are making you feel uncomfortable with their behavior, there is a very good chance that they are also making other attendees uncomfortable as well and the hosts need to know about that.

Make sure that you keep a respectful distance from the other attendees. Men need to be especially mindful on this point. Sitting too close to a woman whom you don’t know well, “friendly” hugs or other touching, and looming over a woman in a “dominant” manner can quickly get you a bad reputation that is hard to shake. (Women in the community tend to be somewhat close-knit. Offend one of them with boorish behavior and many other women will quickly learn about it.)

10. Munches are not highly screened.

Munches are often publicly advertised and are generally open to all attendees who can observe a few basic rules of social conduct. What this means is that very little can be certain about a person’s level of knowledge, experience, or trustworthiness from the mere fact that they are at a munch. While most attendees are fine in this regard, every now and then someone attends that you most definitely do not want to find yourself alone with – particularly if you’re tied up! An excellent way to deal with this is simply to give things time. There is certainly no need to go back to somebody’s house and engage in BDSM play with them on the same day that you meet them. Doing so can be especially risky. Remember this saying because it’s very important: Time is your best friend. Take your time, give it time, and let time do its work on your behalf. With enough time – and often a surprisingly short amount of it – the right thing to do usually becomes clear. Never let anybody rush you.

11. Exchanging personal information.

Because preserving the privacy of attendees is so important, if you’d like to have further contact with someone after a munch a good general rule is to offer your telephone number or email address to them instead of asking them to give you that information about themselves. (Ladies, this means that if you meet a man that you’d like to see again and he gives you such information about himself, you’ll have to make the next move and contact him.) Some people have special email addresses created to handle scene-related emails. (YourRealName@YourWorkplace.com might not be the best email address to give to someone until you get to know them really well.) Some people create special business-type cards that contain contact information that they’re willing to have fairly widely available, such as their scene name and their special email address. You can either have these printed in quantity or use your word processor to print them out in small batches. (Your local office supply store will have “business card” paper.)

12. Reputations, references, warnings, and politics.

If you meet someone and you’re thinking about engaging in BDSM play with them, perhaps particularly if you’re thinking about taking the submissive or bottom role when you play, you might want to ask around a bit to see how this person is generally regarded. Because genuinely dangerous predators are usually spotted and driven from the mainstream community fairly quickly, if someone is well-known and generally well thought of, the probability that they are genuinely dangerous is fairly low (but not non-existent). The BDSM community is somewhat known for attracting people with strong personalities and strong opinions. (Some of the people with the strongest personalities and opinions usually take the submissive role during BDSM play.) Therefore, a certain amount of social/political feuding is something of the norm. This is usually very low-key at a munch, but there may be good reasons why two people are sitting on opposite sides of the room from each other. How this pertains to you is that if someone comes up to you and gives you an unsolicited warning bout another person, you might want to keep in mind that your “helpful friend” may have an agenda regarding that other person that they are not being candid about. Once again, time is your best friend.

13. Getting together after the munch.

Munches are social affairs, and it is not at all uncommon for people who meet at a munch to wish to get together later on. This can be for further socializing, for a private meal, or even for the purpose of a BDSM play date. This can be, and usually is, just fine. However, remember that munch attendees are not highly screened so take your time in getting to know this person (that “time” thing again) before meeting them for a BDSM play date, particularly in private. Note: a standard safety precaution, especially recommended when doing BDSM play with someone new in private, is to tell a trusted person where you’ll be, who you’ll be with, and when you’ll be back in touch, and then before you play to politely let your potential partner know that you’ve done so. This is known as a “silent alarm” or “safe call” and you should be taught the details of how to set one up very early in your BDSM education. Reputable players should have little problem with this and may even take the initiative in telling you that you should set one up. (Don’t be surprised, or offended, if they do so as well. Such a device is a standard safety precaution.)

14. Special symbols.

Sometimes people wear their keys on their left hip to show that hey prefer the top or dominant role or wear their keys on their right hip to show that they prefer the bottom or submissive role. If you see someone wearing a collar of metal, leather, or some other material, there is a pretty good chance that they are the submissive or slave in an ongoing BDSM relationship. Sometimes people wear colored handkerchiefs in their left or right hip pockets to indicate an interest in a particular activity. For example, a gray handkerchief often indicates an interest in bondage. In general, wearing the handkerchief in the left hip pocket indicates an interest in being the dominant or active partner during the activity and in the right hip pocket often indicates an interest in being the submissive or passive partner. Note: sometimes a handkerchief is just a handkerchief. If you’re not sure, it’s fine to ask someone if their handkerchief has some sort of special significance.

15. Cruising and Aggressive Cruising.

Munches are social events, and one of the main reasons people attend munches is to meet new people. Their goal regarding meeting new people can range from socializing together, attending events together, playing together, some of the above, all of the above, and even more. Indeed, it is not particularly unusual for people to meet at a munch and eventually end up in a long-term, committed relationship. “Cruising” is a term describing the behavior of people who are making special efforts to meet new people. “Aggressive cruising” is a term for people who come on so strongly, especially to new attendees, that the other person becomes uncomfortable. You don’t want to get a reputation for doing this. There is no sharp distinction between cruising and aggressive cruising, but there is an old joke about how anybody (particularly somebody that you don’t like) who gets the phone number or email address of a person that you’re attracted to before you get that information is guilty of aggressive cruising.

16. “Swarming” and “Chopped Liver.”

“Swarming” is a condition in which a newcomer gets a lot of “welcoming” attention. It happens with some frequency to women who attend by themselves. In such a situation, the woman may be approached by numerous men, and even some women or couples, for conversation and may leave the event with a large handful of phone numbers and email addresses in their possession. If you’re a woman and are concerned about this, you might want to attend your first munch with a companion.

“Chopped liver,” on the other hand, is a condition in which someone attends a munch and receives very little attention. Sadly, this often happens to single men who are not yet well known. Fortunately, if such men continue to attend munches and other events, they should make friends before too long. There is always room in the BDSM community for another ethical, friendly single man.

17. Introductions and announcements.

Many munches have a special time period, usually shortly after the starting time, where people are asked in turn to say something about themselves to the group. This is usually a short statement about their name and their general interests. For example, I might stand up and say, “My name is Jay, I’m a switch, and I really enjoy rope bondage.” Someone else might say, “My name is Patricia, I’m a dominant, and I’m really into giving spankings.” A third person might say, “My name is Kelly. I’m a submissive and a pain slut, and I’m a slave to Master John.” You get the idea. When your turn comes, if you’re not sure what to say, simply state either your first name or the name that you’d like to be called by, and that you’re a novice. If you’re attending your first munch, it’s fine to mention that as well. There may also be a period where people announce various BDSM-related events, workshops, and so forth.

18. Arrive on Time.

Munches tend to operate on something of a timetable. For example, food is often mostly ordered by a certain time, announcements are given at a particular time, and so forth. Therefore, arriving “fashionably late” may not work out well at all. Arriving no later than about 15 minutes after the official starting time usually works better.

19. Don’t make up your mind too quickly about a particular munch.

If you attended a munch, had a good time, and plan to return, that’s great. If you attended and didn’t have such a good time, and are not sure about returning, please don’t feel too discouraged. Consider coming back at least another time or two before writing off a particular munch forever. Given their highly variable nature, you can have a very good experience at a munch that you previously didn’t have all that good an experience at. However, if you’ve attended three times and not enjoyed yourself or connected with the people to any significant degree, it may be time to seek another munch or other activity.

20. Where to learn more about BDSM.

Munches are not educational events, however there is almost an embarrassment of riches available to people wanting to learn more about BDSM. Literature regarding some of these resources may be on hand at the munch. Available resources include websites, books and videos (ahem), classes, workshops, parties, socials, and private lessons. Excellent resources exist in every major city, and also in quite a few smaller-sized cities. Some cities have events especially intended for BDSM newcomers, so you might want to be especially alert for information about those events. To get you started, I will refer you to two excellent “gateway resources” – one on the east coast and one on the west coast. (These are called “gateway resources” because they will quickly lead you to numerous other equally excellent resources, all over the country, including resources near you.) On the east coast, check out the website of TES in New York City. On the west coast, check out the website of the Society of Janus in San Francisco. By the time you’ve spent half an hour on each website exploring its content and links, you should have a good overall idea of what educational resources are available to you.

My best wishes to you in your explorations. Please remember that time is your best friend. See you at the munch!


Note # 1: This document is always a work in progress. Feedback is welcome and may be sent to jaywiseman@yahoo.com

Note # 2: This document may be freely posted on websites that do not require payment to access. Please contact me regarding reprinting or reposting in other venues.

Note # 3: I’m the author of several books pertaining to health, relationships, and sexuality, especially BDSM. My best known book is “SM 101: A Realistic Introduction.” I’ve also produced a how-to video regarding basic rope bondage. My books and videos are fairly widely available. including here on this website.

Sep 232013
 

Written by, and posted with explicit permission of shadow (i999shadow).

TERMINOLOGY

Because of STella and the renown of the public meeting as a “Munch”, the term has become associated with a food related public available event.

There is no One True Way to run a Munch, and people are free to run their Munches as they see fit. There is, however, a great need for clarity and consistency when the BDSM community interfaces with the vanilla community, and with our outreach efforts to the kinky people out there seeking to become members of “the scene”.

For that reason alone, the use of the term “Munch” should be exclusively for gatherings that are open -but not necessarily limited to- new people that want to find community and do not necessarily know anyone in the scene. By keeping the term “Munch” to that context, anyone anywhere in the world can pull up a search engine on a computer, type in “Munch” and find a meeting place of like minded pervs to help them along their own path.

Co-opting the term for other uses (private parties by invite only, meetings at locked facilities, including play at the event, etc.) makes the ability to outreach difficult and creates confusion for people seeking Munches in their own neighborhood, as well as for scene members who want to connect up with like minded pervs while out of town.

WHY WOULD NEWBIES WANNA COME TO A MUNCH?

Munches are frequently the first contact with “warm bodies, real people” for kinky people finding their sexuality. Some folks come after living out their fantasies only through fictional novels (you will get to know who they are fairly easily), while most will arrive having spent some time finding out what they are on line (known as VR- Virtual Reality). They are seeking the “next step”, making contact with others like them. Like you. Some newbies are also long time computer players and are seeking to verify the players they have met on line.

Munches are wonderful places for people to check the references of folks in the community and see that those who “claim” experience really have it. Many established BDSM communities also like their munch to be their “vetting” system. This is the first place anyone new to the community MUST come before they can attend any other BDSM related event.

The Munch system gives the community a place to “look over potential new members, get a chance to know them personally rather than as just as on line personalities, and decide if they like them enough to invite them to something more intimate/personal. Many dungeons will NOT allow anyone to come in off the street without having been cleared through the local “scene” Munch, even though they advertise the Dungeon in national magazines. It is another tool to protect the privacy and anonymity of the players inside.

LOCATION & FREQUENCY

Munches should, whenever possible, be held in public accessible places. Restaurants are great, for they provide safe, well lighted, comfortable venues for new people to safely explore meeting those in the scene. Coffee shop style sites are idea, for they remove any financial barriers that might make attendance difficult. Most everyone can afford a cup of coffee or a scoop of ice cream to enjoy while getting to know others.

Coffee shops are also perfect places for the deniability factor. MANY of the people in scene and out want some level of confidentiality. Maybe they have a high profile job to protect, maybe they have small children, or have other public issues. The reasons are varied- and they don’t matter. We respect each individuals right to control their level of exposure just as we respect their right to control their bodies or their property.

For whatever reason, using a public space that seems “innocent” gives those coming to a Munch the deniability clause. Everyone can claim- successfully- that they were not at a BDSM event- they were in a public coffee shop. The best possible restaurants are those with closed meeting rooms out of the way of the main dining hall. Especially for the larger Munches (several of which i know currently run over 30 people at a time), having that space helps lower the public profile of the group. 2 or 3 like minded folks sitting quietly at a corner table at a Denny’s works fine, but once you have a regular group of 12 or more, it helps to have some separate space. Large crowds draw attention from the vanilla folk, and that cuts down on deniability and might bring the wrong attention.

Large crowds also make more noise and tend to be a bit more “rowdy” and loose. That impinges on the other patrons of the establishment- and is non-consentual inclusion of the public. Having a private, separate banquet or dining room for your event also means that scene folks can feel more comfortable being “themselves”, they can socialize with others in their lifestyle roles rather than maintaining vanilla facades, and they can frequently do some discreet ‘sharing’ or show and tell about new toys or scars & piercings. It is hard to control that kind of interaction once it is admissable, so do try to keep it to a minimum.

Noise levels are not nearly as critical to privacy issues, and language can be slightly less restricted. Do remember, however, that this is STILL a public venue, and the staff should NOT be exposed to WIITWD without their consent. Many Munches that have discussed the groups focus with the restaurant in advance, kept their members discreet, paid their bills with nice tips, and left the rooms clean have been not only welcomed back, but been given unusual leeway by those locals. Restaurants that are treated with respect can become so comfortable with BDSM folks that all drinks are gratis, staff are assigned exclusively to serve and clean up, or even allow fetish wear and give discounts to the BDSM regulars.

Having a regular meeting place is also vital for public postings and word of mouth. Many Munch notices may end up posted on servers and bulletin boards far away from the control of the host. If your Munch is held every Wednesday at XYZ Diner, people will expect that indefinitely. Your postings about a Munch will travel all over the net, and many will be permanently added to announcement lists you have no control over. Regular attendees will depend on you being there- come rain or shine- and quit checking for location or time changes.

A Munch needs a permanent place and a regular time just as much as your local Police department needs a dependable phone number. Munches can frequently become the life line and the backbone of a BDSM community. Frequency of Munches varies from place to place. Some are as often as every week, others only once a month, depending on the area and the attendance numbers. You might want to start out with a once a month Munch and then add dates as the attendance grows and folks show a preference for when it’s most convenient for them to come.

NAMING AND MARKING THE BEASTIE

You will need a name for your group- hopefully something less colorful than “The local adult sex gang’. You need this for 2 reasons- One, to have something to call it when you write e-mail announcements, and Two, so that new folks entering the restaurant can ASK for the group without fear of standing around looking for the kinky people.

Pick something that can be spoken without blushing. Something that can be announced over the loudspeaker if need be. Something innocuous. “The Computer Club” has worked for years in every city i have ever been in. “The Monday Club” is another nice one ( of course, use the day of the week you actually meet to avoid confusion). The Munch bunch is nice, and doesn’t out anything, but *might* be so normal sounding that outsiders could be confused.

Some groups also mark their tables at small restaurants so that you can see them from the door. A simple piece of plain rope by the “reserved” sign works beautifully. A glove, or even a leather rose. i once attended a vanilla event on a crowded public beach- the ladies hosting the event marked our picnic spot with black and blue balloons. It was a wonderful “in” joke.

Remind people that are new that YOUR name may not be your real one either- and that they can create whatever pseudonym they choose to use in the scene. Names are more often than not entirely fictional.

WHO CAN I EXPECT TO ATTEND?

It varies all the time. Ages can range from from 18 On up- we have a wonderful lifestyle and people of all ages love to gather in together. All genders, sexual orientations, and BDSM preferences will eventually show up, and should be given equal respect and the same warm greeting. Try to make contact with new faces as soon as you notice them. A warm handshake and a personal introduction around to one or two of the regulars is always nice.

“Your kink is not as good as my kink” should NEVER be the first rule of a good hostess, although the occasional odd person looking for illegal connections (child molesters, etc.) should be asked to leave immediately.

SO WHAT WILL WE DO?

Some Munches are just chat- folks talk about whatever they feel comfortable with in small groups, or all at one table. Larger Munches usually take on the “eat and meet” system, letting people arrive, get food or drinks, eat, and then have an informal “meeting” at a preset time later in the evening. The meeting can be as simple as each person introducing themselves with their on line name/e-mail address or what they “think” they identify as (Dom, bottom, switch, submissive, crazy), or as detailed as how long they have been in scene and what other scene related work they do (do they own a Dungeon? Are they a toy maker? A ProDom/me?).

Folks will want to know if they need to be “experienced” or have some kind of “role”. Let all your guests know that everyone is invited, at whatever level of experience or type of play. If you get contacted by a nervous newbie, offer to sit them next to you and hold their hand till they get warmed up to the room.

Try to keep the “introductions” short (less than 1/2 hour total) and low key (quiet enough so that no one else in the restaurant outside of your group can hear you). Some people come to Munches to “meet the meat” and use the place as their own trolling grounds. Other people find that they can ONLY meet new play partners comfortably at Munches, as the dungeon or other BDSM events seem too “pushy”. Remember, this IS a social gathering, and a wonderful place for folks to get to know each other.

This is the gateway for many new to the scene to see that the players are not all dressed in tear away leathers and the women don’t have 8” stiletto heels on all the time. You can set the tone- and the rules- as you see fit. i personally suggest that while casual dating and first meetings at Munches are wonderful, do not let the occasional trolling Dom/me turn the event into his or her private fishing hole and cruise every newbie as they come in the door. It is uncomfortable enough for new people to go to an adult event, and their first few times should be as pressure free as possible. So You’ve got the Place and the Day….

GETTING THE WORD OUT- PART ONE: WHERE TO GO

Be it called BDSM, WIITWD (What it is that we do), or “the scene”, the kink community has more venues today for information than ever before. You no longer have to sneak into your local adult book store and post a 3×5 card on a bulletin board hoping that like minded people will see and remember your event.

The best starting point is always the nearest large BDSM organization’s web page. New York has TES, San Francisco has JANUS, Washington D.C. has Black Rose. Check the web sites of the largest BDSM organizations you can find on line- and e-mail your particulars to them. Check with the links below at the bottom of this page.

Include in your search the gay/leather/alternative lifestyle community organizations, If you can, visit your local Leather shop/ adult toy outlet and pick up the free publications and newspapers to contact as well. Most adult entertainment publications will include Munch announcements for free on their web sites/ in their monthly newsletters.

Start your OWN web page. Free web page hosting is everywhere now- AOL, Yahoo. and most larger servers offer free space for your page- and free help setting it up. Listing it for search engines to find as “BDSM, Munch, Your City Adult Events, D/s, Leather Events” and other possible combinations assures you of the widest audience possible to get the word out.

Your mail lists are another great place to put the word out. Write up a nice announcement, and post it- regularly- on whatever e-mail lists you are on. Even the nation wide lists will have people from your neck of the woods on them (usually lurking in the dark) that can benefit.

Some magnificent people in scene actually collect and redistribute all the Munch announcements they run across, so maybe your post to the Canadian Master/slave mail list will end up being distributed to the New Orleans fetish wear list, where it will be seen by your next door neighbor…. who loves to dress up as Lancelot during his submission scenes… and *he* wanted to meet someone local. You never know where things will end up on the net- or how you might contact others seeking community.

If you attend a local Dungeon, or have access to a Dungeon in a nearby city, contact the Dungeon Master about posting a notice in their lobby for like minded local folk to find you. Ask local costume stores, saddle & tack shops and even hardware stores to let you post a small notice about a “Munch”- vanilla customers will ignore the information, but the local kinky people will immediately know what you mean- and will hopefully attend.

GETTING THE WORD OUT:PART TWO WHAT TO PUT IN MY ANNOUNCEMENT

Use the word MUNCH in the title and the first line. Give the name of the group that people may ask for at the door if necessary. Give the regular day/date/ and time. Give a good address, Name the establishment, and give the phone number. Put in a nice set of written directions from the closest major freeway(s). Link to a web site for a map if you have access. Put in YOUR name (scene or real, your choice) so that people will know who is in charge, and add some kind of contact info for yourself (e-mail is safest, easy to use, and confidential). Then add any pertinent rules or information about the location as you choose.

GETTING THE WORD OUT: PART THREE RULES OF THE ROAD

Every Munch sets their own tone and their own style. Gorean events are NEVER hard to miss, and Het only Munches can be mistaken for PTA coffee meets. Make sure that YOUR Munch is a credit to the community and not a detriment to your reputation as a class act.

Part of the success of long standing Munches is their reputation as a clean, polite groups that welcome strangers, keep their voices low, and act like adults. The way they have done that is with published rules that are fairly “common sense”, but enforced quickly, even handedly, and as politely as possible.

The rules should be included alone with all your announcements, right after your date/ time/ place and just before the directions to your Munch (that way no one can claim they “never read that far” yet they found the place!). One rule is inviolate for most Munches- no one under 18 is allowed. Better to be safe than sorry, for the legality of even discussing WIITWD with minors is dangerous. Check the I.D. of anyone who seems even close to underage, and if they are, politely ask them to leave. If necessary, have the restaurant escort them out. No amount of outreach is worth facing charges of “contributing to the delinquency of a minor”.

After searching hundreds of Munch announcements, a brief listing of what is (and is not) acceptable behaviors to guide the newbies and remind the old hands are listed below. They have been taken with minor changes from Munch announcements for all sorts of locations. Not all of them will pertain to your venue- a private back room in a restaurant that serves liquor will allow more loose talk than a small diner with 6 benches on the Interstate. Use common sense, and adjust the rules as your group grows and changes.

Most of the items are needed every time, in every Munch announcement, to let new folks know what to expect. The following should give you all the examples you might need to host the Munch of your communitys dreams. Good luck.


THIS IS NOT A PLAY PARTY.
It’s a get-together for folks who share a common interest in BDSM . . .(our common bond..) If you’re shy or unsure of yourself, this is the perfect place to be… everyone is friendly and non- judgmental. Give us a try.

You’re welcome to stop by and join us. Munches are a great way to meet other people involved in the BDSM scene, ask questions, and share experiences. This is a casual, friendly and non-threatening social environment.

We’re lucky to have a private room at the back of the restaurant. Dress in what feels good to you, but keep it vanilla (covered up as necessary) until you’re behind our door.

The restaurant has a full menu at reasonable prices. Please try to get to the munch in time to order your food so they will have it to you before 7:30 to make things go smoother. Calendars are passed out then and it is really disruptive if the food is still being delivered.

Yes it is MUNCHTIME!!! XXXXX Munch…..TAH DAH! The munch will be held XXXday, theXXth from 7-10 pm, atXXXX, XXX N X Street (behind the cockfight ring).

We love meeting the new people! If for some reason we don’t talk to you, come talk to us, we don’t bite….ok it is negotiable. Or just sit on the side for a while and get comfortable.

We will have calendars of local events for the next 2 months that you may be interested in attending. Please do NOT leave any of them in the restaurant. Those who come to the munch get to know about upcoming events before anyone else in the community. Munch attendees will get to sign up right away for those events that fill up fast.

Dress as you wish, within reason. Please bring cash (+15% for tax/tip). No playing. The restaurant folks are scene friendly.

Please dress conservatively and act appropriately in this public meeting place. Confidentiality rules apply.

This is *NOT* a play party, and we are not meeting at the Exotic/Erotic Ball, so please do not wear fetish clothes, demonstrate your toys, punish your partner or demonstrate other behavior that will call inappropriate attention to our group. We want this to as safe an environment as possible for new people interested in WIITWD.

If you’re new to the Scene, or just slightly curious about BDSM, a munch in a public place is a safe, non-threatening way to check out some like-minded people. You can watch us from a distance and not even introduce yourself, if you like.

There is no play at this munch. Occasionally, someone brings a toy or something small to show off discreetly, but that’s as far as it goes. Respect the other patrons.

Please keep the fetish-wear to a minimum, and use a cover-up when entering and exiting our meeting place (this includes collars, cuffs, leashes, etc).

Nudity: NONE, so please do not even think about it. Do not push limits.

No Scenes, or S/M Play allow, but light D/s is always fun and in fashion. Please respect the Non-D/s patrons of this establishment with your actions and words.

No recording devises, cameras, or videos of any type allowed.

Everyone in attendance is responsible for placing their own orders and handling their own tabs.

Toys, heavy play, and sexy clothing are not a good idea. This diner is popular with the cops.


ANY LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE LIFT OFF

Well, that’s the basics of How to Host a Munch. Being in charge of an alternative lifestyle community gathering point can be exhilarating, but it is also a responsibility to be taken seriously. Make your Munch regular. Never forget to attend. Be patient. Never forget that some post you put out 12 months ago for your weekly gathering could, easily, be hanging on a wall in someones bedroom while they gather their courage to get in their car and attend it. That was my experience. Thank heavens, the Munch i waited for was- and still is- hosted by a true pillar of the community, the wonderful Miss Vicki. It is the direct descendant of STella’s first Burgermunch, which was still held on the same street, every Thursday night at 8 pm, come rain or come shine when i wrote this. And the best parts of gracious hostessing, i learned from her. My personal hugs are hers forever.


copyright 10-22-02 by shadow, all rights reserved. i999shadow@aol.com This document may be reposted and reprinted only in it’s entirety including copyright and author contact **WITH PERMISSION from the AUTHOR**. Failure to abide by the laws of common decency will result in inhuman revenge. Ask around. i can do that. It will be painful.
Sep 222013
 

Originally written by shadow, posted July 03, 2003.
(With thanks to Argent (Hal), Miss Vicki (keeper of the flame), nadja (the first list Master and font of history), Schwab (great memories) and the Wonderful STella, who started it all.


(Author’s note: In just the 4 years since i first researched and wrote this history, the amount of revisionisim and historical inaccuracy made it imperative to footnote and provide original postings on ASB as verification. As long as ASB archives are available, this information is accessable to all, abeit in a lengthy process, direct interviews, and e-mails).


Munches are traditionally considered a way to get like minded people together in a public venue for light socializing, usually on week nights , and require nothing more than showing up.

Week nights have become the chosen times for such events so that they do not interfere with Dungeon “Play parties”, usually held on Friday and Saturday nights.

Munches have also evolved into the main venue for welcoming newbies into the scene in a non-threatening environment that is easily accessible and requires no knowledge of any protocols, scene history or any “letters of introduction”.

Munches are the one place unsure new people can wander in and find “family”.

The ideology of having a “munch” has spread like wildfire across the planet as WIITWD becomes more available to larger numbers of people (thanks to computers and the Internet), and the event has mutated far beyond it’s conception principals.

With that in mind, it became apparent that some kind of “primer” or “general ground rules” should be set out for new munch hosts and hostesses to use as a tool in their toy bag of social skills.

Nothing in life is set in stone, this primer included. Take from it what you will, change what you need to suit you, your venue, & your community.


HISTORY

In these times people are accustomed to having instant access to adult information via the web. With the flick of a search engine, you can find munches all over the place, mailing lists and web sites filled with BDSM activities, events, even National conferences. Kink activities abound in every city across America, even as Civil Liberties laws are ignored or mutated by conservatives, and no matter what, like minded adults will congregate for entertainment and social interaction, and keep trying to create venues where we can do this easily, without fear of retribution, job loss, or social distress.
Adult organizations that have information about WIITWD are easy to contact, and the question of anonymity is given deep consideration. This was not always the case.

Sometime in the early 80’s, when the “Internet” between Universities and Military establishments became more accessible due to a proliferation of computer terminals, the first message boards were set up about sex.

Sex questions- sex answers. People wanting to know that they were not alone started using the anonymity of the keyboard to tell the other voices in the dark about what they did- or wanted to do- and exchanged information. Alt.Sexuality.org ( also known as alt.sex.bondage and referred to as ASB) was the largest and most used. Even today, it’s archives of postings are some of the most comprehensive and widely used informational records on the net. Eventually, spamming caused them to move to soc.subculture.bondage-bsdm.

Most users from that time forward had access via their Universities, and the University with the best access, the largest pool of users, and the congregational point for kinky people, was Stanford. The personal computer, microprocessor, and a host of other innovations were being born in the Palo Alto area, and it drew lots of young, hip, adventurous people from all across America.

Now, any given munch has the policies and objectives its organizers set for it. This may, and often does, include being a low-key, comfortable place for newbies to meet some BDSM people, and the munch announcements often say so. But it did not start with that objective, and it does not always have to be that way.

The very first munch, according to several who were there, was a gathering of 13 folks at the “Flames” coffee shop at El Camino Real and Lawrence Expressway in Santa Clara, California. There was no play at this first meeting, it was merely a matter of sharing a meal and meeting each other face to face, discussing what could be done to further filling the void these people felt in the sexuality and their lives.

The original idea for a mailing list started there as well. Originally it was called BABES – Bay Area Bondage Enthusiasts Society, and later BAST, Bay Area Sexually Twisted. The first operator, nadja, set up the list and worked with the continuously growing Kink community. This was the first place that many had ever had to actually talk in real time about their sexuality, desires, fantasies, and the darker aspects of BDSM. It also encouraged some conversations that were sexually explicit about illegal activities. Nadja eventually had to expel a member of the online community for the kinds of topics that could jeopardize the entire group. That incident created a permanent rift in the on line community that was growing.

Members grew, and people wanted to meet face to face. Many people were referred by friends to the list, and the list membership was the core of the southern Bay Area Kink community. These lists were discontinued when the Communications Decency Act came into effect, and the BurgerMunch list was split into 2 separate types of on line communications. An announcements only list is now run by Vicki, and the discussion list was handed to Marcie and Laura Lee who renamed it as Frenzi.

After that first meeting in Santa Clara, a new venue was found and announced. The Munch concept would be the “BurgerMunch”. STella announced it to the regular posters on alt.sex.bondage.org. and posted to the new discussion list that she would be at the outdoor patio seating area of Kirk’s Steakburger joint on California Street, Palo Alto, California, at the same day and time every week, and she hoped others would join her. This has been dated, according to legend, as April, 1992, althought some question the exact month. Vicki is fairly certain that the date of the first BurgerMunch was 23 April 92. Reserch has shown it was prior to Jun 1 1992, as others were beginning their own versions by then based on what they had heard was happening in Palo Alto. *(Footnote 1,6).

At first attendance was spotty, sometimes it was just STella, but as more people became aware of the BDSM community on line, more people came to see faces attached to the names they had become familiar with reading on alt/sexuality.org. The community of WIITWD was being born.

Postings show a lively regular event by June 1993. *(Footnote 5).

By Sept. 14, 1993, munches (sometimes erroneously using sTella’s term Burgermunch) were running in Portland and Vancouver, and was one was announced (Seattle SouvlakiMunch) for Seattle *(Footnote 3).

People joined the lists on line and learned about the BurgerMunches which were announced weekly; many of the members on the lists were not Newsnet users and had not been involved with the alt.sex.* hierarchy news groups.

Over time, more people came, the “munch” was talked about, and the event grew. After a while, the whole outdoor patio area , directly adjacent to the sidewalk in front, and fairly open to the public in places, had been taken over by BDSM people one evening a week on Thursdays. With half a decorative cinderblock wall, and a lattice work overhang, it was not a secure place to meet or talk about WIITWD.

Stella once defined a burgermunch as:
“a BurgerMunch is when somewhere between three and fifty perverts, some of whom bring vegetarian food from a nearby restaurant, meet at my favorite burger joint (Kirk’s Steakburgers, 361 California Avenue, Palo Alto, 6 pm) to talk about everything including bdsm, to plan future scenes and parties, and, now and then, to share a little pain right out there in front of ghod and everybody. Do check us out if you’re ever in the area. Any non-holiday Thursday of the summer (this winter, for the rainy season, we may move elsewhere, if I can find a good place). ” *(Footnote 7)

The BurgerMunch was a success. It became pretty “out.” People would show each other marks and bruises, or tattoos, cuttings, brandings, and they would show each other toys. After a while, there were floggings going on in dark corners of the patio. The police were called, complaints including used condoms in the shrubs.  *(Footnote 2).

For a while, someone brought a portable massage table and would give massages.

By July, asb. posts openly noted that scaring the vanilla people (“mundanes”) was part of the fun of the burgermunch. *(Footnote 8).

Those activities, the noise levels up and down the street , and a determined feeling of some of the regulars to deliberately bother the vanilla crowd eventually doomed the burger munch. Kirk’s was no longer happy with the loud crowd (many of whom quit ordering food there from their limited and admittedly less than stellar burger and hot dog menu, and either brought their own (sushi was popular with the vegetarians) or didn’t eat at all), and lost all of their regular clientele on Munch night due to the overt sexual activities of the BurgerMunch group. Some felt even the staff was intimidated by the groups activities.

When the entire alternative lifestyle group was eventually kicked out of Kirks in October 8, 1993, *(Footnote 1, 9), many of them went with STella and started meeting at the park down the street, *(Footnote 11) while the rest decided to meet indoors, evolving into the idea of a “regular meeting place for everyone- old and new- to meet”. Vicki became the eventual sole owner of this event.

The attentions of the police cars now loitering around the area, especially the park where sTella had moved to, along with some growing philosophical differences, as well as the colder nights, all fueled this change in locale and focus. Burgermunches were still being held outdoors there well into December 1993 * (Footnote 12).

The second group that had split off from the idea of public play began munches at Antonio’s NutHouse about 1/2 block away from Kirk’s. Reminders of regular meets were out by Jan 1994 *(Footnote 13).

STella asked the second group not call their meeting a BurgerMunch because that was her name for an event where public play was encouraged. STella did not trademark the word. It was used as late as May 28th, 1994  *(Footnote 4, 14, 15).

Her group eventually was forced out of the park by a combination of cold weather, changes in city policy about park closing times, and STella’s personal wishes. That group of players has moved into a more private venue, and disappeared from the public history of BDSM, although they were still playing and interacting with the Nut House munch bunch from time to time as late as July 17, 1994 *(Footnote 16).

The group that split off from STella’s (Antonio’s Nut House bunch, eventually known as the Thursday munch or Vicki’s munch) evolved with 2 philosophical requirements, and grew in size over the winter as many joined them in the heated environs of the Nut House.

1. This gathering was not a play party. The open to the public venues were *not* appropriate for BDSM activities.
2. They wanted a non-threatening place for new folk to discover BDSM. The second group felt that the location should be as open (visible) as practical so new folk could observe without “outing” themselves. *(Footnote 17).

Since play was being discouraged at the second group, and STella had asked that the name “Burgermunch ” be hers exclusively and denoted a play based gathering, the second group, meeting at Antonio’s Nut House began to use just ”munch” to denote what they were.

STella was not focusing the BurgerMunch on “newbies”. She wanted to socialize with BDSM people, and to create a situation where they could get to know people in a non-intimate environment. She succeeded far beyond her wildest dreams and will forever be linked with the term “BurgerMunch” as well as founder of the world wide phenomena known as munches within BDSM. *(Footnote 18).


FOOTNOTE 1
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/d698377a3e719e21/1cea9a492385d3ff?q=burgermunch+stella&rnum=26#1cea9a492385d3ff

We Went to Kirk’s and All We Got Was this Lousy Hamburger
From: STella Date: Fri, Oct 8 1993 1:28 amWell, tonight, BurgerMunch attendees were told by the cops that we were no longer welcome at Kirk’s, that any of us who congregated there would be arrested. The senior manager was there, complaining about vegetarians with their (imported from nearby) sushi, talking with carnivores and their burgers.Do NOT eat at Kirk’s, do not MEET at Kirk’s, and watch the newsgroup, since someone will likely announce a followon event, at another location. Especially, stay away on Thursdays, if you look like you might be one of Those People.When I started the Munches, a year and a half ago, I thought it would be worth doing, but never expected that it would work out as well, or last as long, as it has done.There will be other opportunities for us to get together, other places. Someone ELSE will announce them, because last week, when the sympathetic night manager told us the owner wanted her to kick us out, I suggested that we move elsewhere, and come back in a few months. I was told by many that “we don’t want to, this is a great place”, and by others that “you’re just copping attitude”.Not my cops, but I’ll own some attitude….Please, as a matter of fairness, and a favor to me, since the only contact either the owner or the police have for the group is MY name and addresses (yes, my home one too), do NOT give shit to the STAFF at Kirk’s. They have been unfailingly polite, respectful and helpful to me personally and to the other attendees at the Munch. Do, however, refrain from going to Kirk’s on Thursdays expecting to find BurgerMunchers there. You will not find us, and you MAY be arrested for trespassing. I will be in the small park at the end of California Ave, opposite the CalTran station, next Thursday, unless the new Munch coordinator (if in fact someone wants to do that) announces a different site.

If someone chooses to organize a weekly get-together, I suggest that putting its location on the poster kiosk in front of Kirk’s would be a good idea. I know that a lot of people offline know about the Munch, please try to spread the word. And remember what the I Ching says: What has happened once will happen again. BurgerMunch was my baby, and now it’s leaving home. I’m VERY pleased at the way it grew, and gave other folks the assurance that they could meet people and find friends, and I’ll be delighted as other areas start up their munches, and as the Bay Area finds its next opportunity.

STella%thelema.u…@decwrl.dec.com STe…@netcom.com
1016 E. El Camino Real, #302, Sunnyvale, CA 94087
Where I am is Here, Where I live is Now. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.


FOOTNOTE 2

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/3c55456f30a18bdf/49900fdd590e8a42?lnk=st&q=&rnum=80#49900fdd590e8a42

Rumors of My Arrest…
All 3 messages in topic – view as tree
From: STella – view profile
Date: Fri, Aug 20 1993 5:27 pm
Email: STe…@thelema.uucp
Groups: alt.sex.bondage
Not yet rated
Rating: show optionsFYI: I have not been arrested, kidnapped by space aliens, nor raped by a giant swan.BurgerMunch has not been cancelled or moved, and will not be so unless I have posted annnouncements of that to alt.sex.bondage, to the local list in the Bcc line, and to various irc-folk as I see them on channel, which will happen, if at all, the day before a Munch at latest. The simple, and relatively uninteresting, truth is that, at about 10:30 last night, an hour and a half after Kirk’s closed, a cop did ask us to break it up, and we did. No problem, they have my name and number, and I’ll be touching base with Kirk’s, since the cops did say they’d had complaints (about rubbers in the shrubbery, for ghodsake) from Kirk’s, and I figure Monday I should speak with them, find out what THEY actually think is a problem, and settle things with them. Or we can take our several hundred dollars a week elsewhere, to one of the backup sites I have in mind. For the moment, however, I am not in jail, Kirk’s is still the site of BurgerMunches, and I presently expect this to continue to be the case. Too bad, though, that I haven’t been kidnapped by space aliens — would be a lot more entertaining than the current dreary set of eviction/separation/cartrouble hassles.Here, swanny, here swanny-swan….
STella%thelema.u…@dec.com STe…@netcom.com
1016 E. El Camino Real, #302, Sunnyvale, CA 94087


FOOTNOTE 3
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bestiality/browse_thread/thread/bab3e6c5f7b8c367/ec41876d8d5e3ad8?q=&rnum=38#ec41876d8d5e3ad8

Seattlemunch!
From: Elf Sternberg – view profile
Date: Tues, Sep 14 1993 7:28 pm
Email: e…@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Groups: alt.sex.bestiality>There is one in Portland and one in Vancouver, geesh i wish the seattle scene would get with it.Okay, then, let’s organize one. If I get enough email by Friday to justify creating one, I tentatively announce the First Ever Seattle SouvlakiMunch !!! (“Munch” is ™ someone, I’m sure) Where: Costas Greek Restaurant 4559 University Avenue (corner of 46th and University) Seattle, University District Reservation space in the rear of the restaurant. When: Wednesday, September 22 (First day of Autumn) 7:00 PM — Whenever. What: A Munch, of course!


FOOTNOTE 4

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bestiality/browse_thread/thread/bab3e6c5f7b8c367/ec41876d8d5e3ad8?q=&rnum=38#ec41876d8d5e3ad8

From: STella – view profile
Date: Wed, Sep 15 1993 6:05 am
Email: STe…@thelema.uucp (STella)
Groups: alt.sex.bondage, alt.sex.bestiality
In article <275uip$…@nwfocus.wa.com> e…@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg) writes:
………
> I tentatively announce the
> First Ever Seattle SouvlakiMunch !!!
> (“Munch” is ™ someone, I’m sure)
I have never bothered trademarking it, except in the usenet Nice-guy(tm) sense. It’s one of mine, but I won’t flame you for using it to describe any get-together that is completely open to newbies, lurkers, and other such. A lunch or dinner that one has to RSVP to, to get on the list, and be informed of where and when, is not a “munch”, as I’ve been using it and encouraging its use, but Oh well, if you don’t follow MY rulez, I’ll take away your petunia! So there!
……………..
STella%thelema.u…@decwrl.dec.com STe…@netcom.com
1016 E. El Camino Real, #302, Sunnyvale, CA 94087
Where I am is Here, Where I live is Now. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.==========


FOOTNOTE 5

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/297a0150f30de91/3b6a2324513346c3?q=&rnum=83#3b6a2324513346c3
From: STella – view profile
Date: Tues, Jun 8 1993 7:30 pm
Email: STe…@thelema.uucp (STella)
Groups: alt.sex.bondage
In article wi.7…@n7kbt.rain.com writes:
>for committed couples ( or places where we can meet such ) in the San Jose
>to San Francisco area. We are not looking for partners to swap with, rather,
>we are looking for people with common interests so we don’t seem so damned
>alone. We don’t have any hangups about non-hetrosexual life styles. We are
>just looking to meet people committed to each other, while embracing the
>leather persuassion.

Not all people who come to BurgerMunches are committed couples, but I can think of more than a few such. And even if you’re mostly looking for other couples, you might occasionally find something of value in words from the non-partnered BurgerMunchers. So give it a try, if you want, and see how you like it. BurgerMunches occur each Thursday evening, starting about 6pm, at Kirk’s Steakburgers, 361 California Avenue, in Palo Alto. We meet in the outside seating area, and I’m the one wearing denim and a whip. Hope to see you soon! (And if you’d like to chat with me before meeting, either email me a phone number, or write from your own account (I don’t give my phone number to anonymous strangers, for reasons I’m pretty sure you understand) for mine.)

STella%thelema.u…@decwrl.dec.com Don’t blame me, I voted Libertarian!
1016 E. El Camino Real, #302, Sunnyvale, CA 94087


FOOTNOTE 6

First mention of “munch” in ASB:
Sep 20 1993, 9:08 pm

First mention of Rhode Island munch:
Oct 13 1993, 12:19 pm
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/search?q=munch&start=850&scoring=d&

First mention of Bugermunch in asb:
Apr 2 1993, 2:47

Ontario burgermunch:
Apr 8 1993, 1:43 pm
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/search?q=burgermunch&start=240&scoring=d&


FOOTNOTE 7

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/8cfee4257b999279/bffb30a949dc252c?q=burgermunch&rnum=214#bffb30a949dc252c<


FOOTNOTE 8

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/f5ace8384387b6ad/9b13645d06b13981?q=burgermunch&rnum=205#9b13645d06b13981<hr />


FOOTNOTE 9

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/ec064e92012216ac/f8b5be09e951c7f3?q=burgermunch&rnum=172#f8b5be09e951c7f3

Partial:
From: M. Madeleine – view profile
Date: Sat, Oct 9 1993 6:56 am
Email: an29…@anon.penet.fi (M. Madeleine)
Groups: alt.sex.bondage

M. Madeleine here. Quite shaken.

I just had my world yanked out from under me.

I knew something was wrong a week ago. The train had a new schedule. The train that ran express to burgermunch didn’t quite anymore.

At Burgermunch, there was talk of discontent from the owners. One of the managers came out and said the owners had asked her to chase us off, but she said she would try to go to bat for us. Nervous.

This week I did a strange thing. I bought a spare ticket to Palo Alto. After all, I go there every week. When I got to Kirk’s I borrowed the key to the bathroom. The regular manager gave me a strange, spooky look when I smiled and nodded at her. I missed it and every other sign. For two hours we socialized, ate and played. Yeah, people were wacking each other. In plain view. Another sign. This time the cops didn’t catch us mid-flog. But they did catch us. My heart sunk when I saw them. I knew it was over.


FOOTNOTE 10

The thread continues by M.Madeline and “Fluffy” as they bemoan the loss of the location. The first notes about the difference between policing ourselves and being too out are here, as they relate to the Bay Area scene.


FOOTNOTE 11

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/11430ab59ea229c6/9abf404d6b207cf0?q=burgermunch&rnum=171#9abf404d6b207cf0

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_frm/thread/11430ab59ea229c6/d434df7167e579cf?tvc=1&q=burgermunch+Madeleine#d434df7167e579cf

(M.Madelaine verifys he is NOT the owner of event).

The next BurgerMunch will be Thursday 6-ish at J. Bowden Park, the small park on North California Avenue and High St. in Palo Alto. This is just across the tracks and through the pedestrian underpass from the train station. Gather under the wooden structure thing about in the middle of the park. Lots of food available by walking through the underpass to California Avenue proper: sushi, Indian, burg^H^H^H^H, dim sum, vegetarian, books, copies, etc. Bathrooms: two blocks away at Printers Ink; be discreet. Several people noted a police car there last time. We asked, he knew nothing of us and could care less; he had just chosen a quiet spot to do paperwork. At this writing they seem to have No Problem with us using the park. How to get there, after we talk about rules.

Rule A. Have a good time.
Reason: Personal fiat
Penalty for violation: You have a lousy time.
Rule enforced by: You.

Rule B. Don’t fuck it up for everyone else.
Reason: it’s bad manners.
Penalty for violation: We lose this site forever.
Rule enforced by: probably, the Palo Alto P.D.

Info:
Some of our friends are allergic to heavy perfumes and aromatic stuff and will go to the hospital. We’re sharing the park with locals and children. Two streets have houses facing the park. Some Burgermunchers are uncomfortable around public play. The park closes at 10:30pm. ”


FOOTNOTE 12

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/604dbfd724817c92/32f39e628c8aa0f6?q=burgermunch&rnum=149#32f39e628c8aa0f6

From: Stan Schwarz – view profile
Date: Thurs, Dec 16 1993 7:17 am
Email: sschw…@wixer.bga.com (Stan Schwarz)
Groups: alt.sex.bondage

Gentle Reader reminds us about the next Austin ‘munch. I’d just like to add a quick note to the lurkers out there to come down and join us. All the cool kids are doing it… 😉 Also, I want to say a thank-you to STella and all the others who were at the Bay Area Burgermunch last Thursday. I had a fun time hanging out with y’all ^H^H^H^H^H you all. If any of you are ever here in Texas, be sure to mail us and come visit.
Stan
sschw…@wixer.bga.com


FOOTNOTE 13

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/5b3013169ce89f21/59713bf0b33c0f26?q=burgermunch&rnum=116#59713bf0b33c0f26

Sat, Jan 29 1994 2:01 pm
Email: an46…@anon.penet.fi
Groups: alt.sex.bondage

Once again, there will be a South of the Bay Lunch in Sunnyvale, California on Monday. We meet in the food court on the second floor of the Sunnyvale Town Centre about noon to 12:15. We mark our table with a helium balloon, a red one if possible. We are there until about 1:15 to 1:30. There is also a 12:30 lunch on Tuesdays at the Dutch Goose. And BurgerMunch is in Palo Alto in the front restaurant at Antonio’s Nut House.

AND:
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/b849c3dc36be48d3/ef3bbf9752280050?q=burgermunch&rnum=108#ef3bbf9752280050

From: M. Madeleine – view profile
Date: Wed, Feb 16 1994 9:16 am
Email: an29…@anon.penet.fi (M. Madeleine)
Groups: alt.sex.bondage ……..

Do you know about BurgerMunch? It’s an informal gathering of a.s.b-folk in Palo Alto, California. We meet Thursdays at 7:00pm at Antonio’s Nut House, on California Avenue in Palo Alto. Now, being as this message looks just a bit like a personal, and that starts withn “P” and that rhymes with “C” and that spells “clueless”, I thought I’d pass on something that I read, back a year and a half ago when I started reading a.s.b. It went something like this…Munch is not a play party. It’s not a dating service. It’s not a singles bar. It is a place where friends who have a.s.b. in common, gather to munch burgers and talk about lots of things.

All in all, it’s a pretty good group. They’re my friends.
M. Madeline
****
Earliest ref on A.S.B. that I can find that establishes burgermunch at San Antonios. http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/cfb2041e15827fc0/99af2bfbeeb31a35?q=burgermunch+Madeleine&rnum=13#99af2bfbeeb31a35

M. Madeleine here, taking note of a Munch coming together in an old Stomping Ground…

Johnny Bomber writes,
>Well, here we go, jumping on the Burgurmunch express.
>I’m trying to get one organized for the SE Michigan area.

Glad to hear it! Kind of ironic, though… STella once told me that Munch would’ve started there, had she not moved to the Bay Area… If you’re interested in attending one, or helping organize or whatever, send me some email and let me know…and please don’t send it from an anon.penet.fi address…

> Oh definitely… we wouldn’t want any of those ANONYMOUS posters showing up at Burgermunch… or GOSH, Heaven Forbid an Anony-un-person should actually ORGANIZE one!

And anony-mice shouldn’t announce them either, ohno! By the way, Palo Alto Burgermunch is every Thursday at 7:00pm at Antonio’s Nut House on California Avenue. The last three have been great, and the management is very happy to have us. (even lets us stay late!)


FOOTNOTE 14

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/7f49d6974aba3a06/e2d54ec8950f6e47?q=burgermunch&rnum=72#e2d54ec8950f6e4

From: STella – view profile
Date: Mon, Apr 25 1994 5:54 am
Email: STe…@thelema.QueerNet.ORG
Groups: alt.sex.bondage
……..
BurgerMunches, as I see it, ended. The folks now doing a Thursday get-together ban playing, and chose a place where smokers must go away from non-smokers. If I’d done anything to make BurgerMunch a legal trademark, what’s now happening at Antonio’s Nut House would NOT be a BurgerMunch. But still, one can find people who read asb at the restaurant on the corner of the block Kirk’s was in. One can occasionally find me out in the front, but more often, if I’m there, back in the smoker’s ghetto playing pinball.
……
STe…@thelema.queernet.org STe…@netcom.com STe…@xanadu.com
1030 E. El Camino Real, #302, Sunnyvale, CA, 94087
If I get in my own way, we will take a step aside, all our parts will touch me and we will go on, for everything within me is sacred.


FOOTNOTE 15

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/48eab68d6714e9c8/52fa270cb9afa8da?q=burgermunch&rnum=56#52fa270cb9afa8da

Still being referred to as Burger munch by May 28th, 1994.
Misinformation on FAQ at: http://groups.google.com/group/news.answers/browse_thread/thread/12d3642e174d63fb/320d29aeeec66751?q=burgermunch&rnum=33#320d29aeeec66751


FOOTNOTE 16

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/d1dbac42947ae578/e59e751520e072a1?q=burgermunch&rnum=45#e59e751520e072a1


FOOTNOTE 17

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/25f3c2e3355eba09/3b4f4b411903bb28?q=burgermunch&rnum=35#3b4f4b411903bb28

M.Madeline’s outline of proper munch location, best thoughts on how to hold one.


FOOTNOTE 18

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/6dd5dc7507cbce8f/df4a700d43ebbf09?q=burgermunch&rnum=31#df4a700d43ebbf09

Regular asb postings were still appearing as late as Sat, Nov 26 1994.
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/1fbc4356a943dafd/dbd91befc38776fa?q=burgermunch&rnum=28#dbd91befc38776fa

December 1994.
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/3e44cc2577c5fdd5/8023d6ce2e573387?q=burgermunch&rnum=26#8023d6ce2e573387

January 5, 1995 M.Madeline is no longer posting the event, Nadja is.
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/dae1b3a0ba3b55a6/47428a28bfc15969?q=burgermunch&rnum=16#47428a28bfc15969

March 27th, 1995 first asb post of the link between events.
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.bondage/browse_thread/thread/26f1a9760f3c22ee/d2dd11a3dee8663d?q=burgermunch&rnum=11#d2dd11a3dee8663d

August 25th, 1995- Stella still attending munch, first mention of both original Thursday munch AND Wednesday night “Stanford Students” original munch after it had moved and was morphing from students to BDSM’ers of all ages. First mention of Vicki as hostess.

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.spanking/browse_thread/thread/4f5bd266d477351a/ad3dc287ad2d41bd?q=burgermunch&rnum=5#ad3dc287ad2d41bd

Searcher posts of the 2 munches and some history Dec. 2, 1996– ASB lists no longer viable for general discussion (spamming), discussion list has moved off ASB. She formalizes “rules list”.

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sex.spanking/browse_thread/thread/4f5bd266d477351a/ad3dc287ad2d41bd?q=burgermunch&rnum=5#ad3dc287ad2d41bd

Feb 2, 1997. This is the last posting on the original board.


Published here, written by shadow (aka i999shadow), July 03, 2003; shared with permission
Sep 222013
 

Are you new to BDSM and/or the kink community?

I’d like to offer some suggestions on how to have a good first experience in BDSM and ask my friends to give suggestions too. It seems that more and more newbies are having horrible first experiences that may scare them off for a time or even for good.

None of us can help you have a good experience if you don’t help yourself first. And please remember, even if you’ve had a bad start, there are great people out there too.

1. Slow down. Stop listening to your hormones and use your brain. You have just started in something that you have YEARS to explore. Nothing needs to be rushed into. Nothing is such a great need that it has to happen RIGHT NOW. There are going to be urges to throw caution to the wind and just dive in and most new folks have it. There’s a name for it. Sub frenzy. Look it up. And yes, tops/doms can go into the same sort of frenzy.

2. If someone is pressuring you to do things you don’t feel comfortable with, or rushing you along, or is trying to isolate you from other people from the start, take a look at their motivations really hard. Also, read up on negotiation. Whatever your role, you get to choose the experiences you want to have. You don’t have to trade your body to get an experience.

3. Non-sexual play does exist. MANY of us are more than happy to give you a taste of various forms of play without trying to fuck you, take your picture or exploit you. If you are being told you have to do X in order to get Y, take a hard look at what their motivations are. Figure out if that is OK with you or not.

4. Ask for references. References are merely a starting point and are mostly opinions or perceptions from other people BUT a person’s overall reputation in the community usually has some truth in it. Look for more than one reference and don’t just talk to the people that they suggest you talk to. Some people ARE private players only, and that’s OK. They may not have references, or they may be new. That doesn’t make them dangerous, it just means you may be taking a bigger risk and you need to be aware of that. In all cases, take your time.

If someone is insulted or upset about your desire to get references, you should wonder why. ASK around about people even if you’re the TOP. You’d be surprised how many predatory submissives are out there. You should not blindly trust anyone, not even group leaders. Get references.

5. Nobody is selfless. If someone is offering to help you and claims altruism, they are not being completely honest with you. We all get something out of it even if it’s just the joy of seeing someone have a phenomenal time and be successful.

6. Limits lists are just the start of a conversation. You don’t have to have a fully thought out and detailed list of limits in order to play. Some people will try to take advantage of your inexperience and claim that it wasn’t on your limits list, so they aren’t in the wrong. Try negotiating what you want to do, instead of what you don’t want to do. Ask them what they want to do and if you agree to do that, make them aware that anything beyond what they have stated is a limit.

7. Beware of people who want to re-negotiate in scene. Many of us get a little loopy when in a scene. If someone is trying to get you to do more than what you agreed to in the first place, question their motivations. Why ask you once you are in an altered state?

8. You own yourself unless you agreed to be owned by someone else. As such, you are responsible for protecting yourself, being an advocate for your own needs and wants, and maintaining your own integrity. Even if you’re 18. Make good choices for yourself. If something feels “off” or you’re feeling really uncomfortable or pressured, back off and slow down.

9. Sharks are people who prey on newbies. Some sharks are relatively benign and beneficial. They like the energy newbies bring to play and enjoy giving them new experiences. Some sharks are well aware that ONLY newbies will give them the time of day and that it won’t last long. So they look to get whatever they can as quickly as they can. They know the stock phrases and cliches that work well on newbies and use them liberally.

10. You don’t have to play without limits or safewords to prove yourself. Some of us don’t use safewords, but have other mechanisms in place. Some people have been together so long and their limits are so in sync that they don’t have to openly discuss limits with each other. Safewords are not bad words. They are just a communication tool. Use them when you need to and don’t feel bad about it.

11. Tops/Dominants have limits too.

12. Mentors are not people who are training you to be their slave/sub. They are people who are helping you explore who you are and what you want to be. Different mentors will have different methods, and you don’t have to just have one. Mentors don’t own you, they are an adviser.

13. Be aware that the “community” is NOT safe, but that doesn’t mean it’s dangerous either. It’s like a kitchen. There are things/people here that can hurt you, but with a little thought and caution and education, it can be a comfortable, creative and fun place to explore.

14. Educate yourself. Learn about various activities and toys and how to use them. Even if you’re on the bottom, knowing how a toy should be used will help you be more aware of whether you’re playing with an experienced top or not.

15. You weren’t just hatched from an egg yesterday. Use your life experiences and common sense to guide you. If you have tended to make poor decisions about the people in your life, take greater precautions. If you’ve made great decisions about people, continue to trust your gut and listen to your instincts.

This entry has been revised a bit and will continue to be updated.


Written by and shared with permission of devlyn.

Sep 202013
 

Based on a conversation I had today, I wanted to jot some things down that were told to me when I started in the lifestyle and helped me (I think) be a little bit less of the idiot I could have been. These are things that helped me, however, may not be applicable for everyone. These are not in any particular order. I may come back and reorder them later. And forgive the typos.

Edited to add — Responding on a couple of comments/requests, feel free to repost or link back here. Thank you for finding it interesting and worthy of such.

1. You will fuck up

New Dominants WILL make mistakes. It’s a fact of life. To be fair, experienced Dominants will make mistakes. Intermediate Dominants will make mistakes. If you are a Dominant or think you want to be a Dominant, you will make a mistake.

Accept it and move on.

The only thing that makes a mistake worse is not learning from them. Use them as opportunities to grow and learn. Talk to people about them. Figure out what went wrong then incorporate that and try not to do it again.

If you act like everything you do is perfect and without flaw, then you are an idiot and whoever plays or submits to you will also be an idiot. Because none of us are perfect. But what we can do is try to learn from the mistake and improve our skills.

2. Beating someone does not make you a Dominant.

Any idiot can be taught how to use a flogger, cane, crop, do rope, punch, kick, etc. The list goes on. Simply because you have become adept at kicking someone’s ass is not the mark of a Dominant. At best, it makes you a Top. For the record, there is nothing wrong with being a Top. But not every Top is a Dominant. For many people, they are completely different terms.

There is much more to being a Dominant than simply engaging in play. Do not confuse with what happens in a scene as an overall relationship role.

3. Ask questions

Ask as many questions as you can of who you can. For every pompous jackass out there who thinks they are too good to help out a new person, there are several more who are more than willing to assist new Dominants. You can learn something from almost everyone, even if it is what not to do or what you don’t want to do. The more questions you ask of individuals the more informed you will become. And don’t limit yourself to just Dominants. There are submissives and slaves out there with a wealth of experience and knowledge who you can draw from as well. Their knowledge is just as valid as a Dominants, so talk to them.

4. Be realistic about who and what you are

If you give yourself a title such as Sir or Master or Mistress and you have only been in the scene a few months, prepare to be mocked and laughed at. Seriously. It’s not cool. Now, of course, you are free to refer to yourself in any way you see fit. Likewise, people are free to respond in a way that THEY see fit. If you are 26, 36 or 56 years old and have one been involved for 3 months, perhaps calling yourself MasterTony isn’t the best idea. And expecting people to refer to you as such probably isn’t going to fly.

Understand that there are people who go years before attaching a monicker to themselves or before the community gives them that title. Respect that. Don’t make a mockery of their time and energy simply because you thought it would be cool to add Master or Mistress to your name. Especially if you aren’t one yet (emphasis on yet — because who knows, it very well could happen).

5. Just because you saw someone do it, doesn’t mean you can

So you went to a private play party or went to a demo and saw someone do something really cool and interesting. The person doing it made it look so easy that you are sure, with your vast intelligence, that you can do it as well, right?

Wrong!

The reason they made it look easy is because probably they’ve been doing it for a while. They’ve had a bunch of practice and have studied it. They didn’t just decide that one day they would punch someone in the crotch without looking into all of the things that go into that punch.

So when you see something cool that you want to try, refer to item #3. Ask the person questions, provided their scene is over or maybe at the conclusion of the demo. If they are giving a demonstration, then they are there to answer questions, so ask them and make sure you figure out how to do that cool thing before you try it.

6. Real Dominants eat pussy. Real Dominants suck cock.

The notion that Dominants don’t or shouldn’t perform oral sex is one of the most ridiculous ideas that has been around. As if the mere act of putting your mouth on someone’s genitals denotes Dominance or submission. Dominants can take it up the ass too. It doesn’t matter. Sexual acts do not define a Dominant. The mind does.

7. Not all women are submissive. Not all men are Dominant.

If you believe that, I’d like to introduce you to a few people who will bear personal testimony to that. Do not default to the notion that scene orientation is defined by gender. It’s not and your time in this lifestyle, especially if you interact with the public scene, will be a lot easier if you accept and incorporate that fact into your psyche.

8. Honor someone’s relationship dynamic

Many people have many different dynamics and protocols in this lifestyle. When in doubt, revert to Item #3. But when made aware of them, do not dismiss them simply because you think they are silly. In reality, they may be. But if you are or want to interact with individuals who have a certain dynamic/protocol, there are only two options. Either honor it to associate with them or don’t deal with them at all. Since that is what they have decided for themselves, your opinion will have little or no impact, so complaining or whining about it will do nothing. One day you may develop dynamics or protocols that others may find strange. Think how you would want to be treated in that situation and then behave accordingly. It’s funny how there are those who will ask to touch someone’s toys but think they can treat someone’s partner however they want. A bit weird.

9. Not all slaves are submissives. Some Dominants do bottom.

There may come the time when you run into a really, REALLY sadistic person. Every now and then, you will find out that said person may actually be a slave. There are some slaves who put the most sadistic Dominants to shame. Trust me on this one. But don’t judge.

You also may see or read an account of a Dominant who likes getting flogged or caned. Don’t be surprised. And don’t judge.

You may discover that you may enjoy the feel of a flogger or a cane. If that is what you like, go for it. It will NOT diminish you, except in the eyes of the petty people.

For some people, things can be more fluid then one is lead to believe. A Dominant can get the crap beat out of them and still remain a Dominant. It’s not always the play that matters. It’s the mindset. There are times when some things are just physical. It’s the way the scene works at time.

10. Dominant =/= Sadist

Not every Dominant is a Sadist. Not every Dominant enjoys causing a great deal of pain. Not every Dominant wants people in a pile of subbie goo.

11. Don’t measure yourself by someone else

You have to develop your own style. You have to what makes you tick and why. Don’t do things just because someone else is doing them or it seems cool or because the hot little potential sub is really begging for it. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. People are best at what truly inspires them not because of what is cool and hip. While, like high school, there is peer pressure in the BDSM scene/lifestyle, you have the choice as to whether or not you follow it, or follow your own path.

12. Keep an open mind

There are things as a new person that you do not like that in 2 or 3 or 10 years you will totally be into. Be sure to try out and learn about different things. You never know what turns you off today will totally rock your socks tomorrow. So keep an open eye and an open mind. It will work to your benefit in the long run.

13. Question yourself

A Dominant who doesn’t question themselves isn’t much of a Dominant. One of the tricks to being a good Dominant (if you are interested in such a thing) is looking and re-examining your actions as a Dominant. Figure out what you did and why you did it. The answers will not always come easy and they may not always be pleasant. But self-awareness and introspection are two crucial tools in a Dominants play box. Use them and use them often.

14. You can’t learn everything over the internet.

The Internet will NOT teach you how to be a good Dominant. It will barely teach you how to be a good Top. The Internet is filled with tons of really good information. It’s filled with a bunch of stupid shit too. You cannot teach yourself everything. This is a common misconception. Because, how can you teach yourself something you don’t know? Seek out others who are experienced and if you are so inclined, find a mentor. If you don’t want to find a mentor, establish your own “tribe” (i.e., group of friends). Use them as a sounding board and an advice corner. Get information from as many different people as you can, then make it your own. Do not rely on sites like FetLife for your information. There is a lot more to this stuff than will ever appear on Fet.

15. Be honest about your experience

If you’ve been involved in BDSM for 10 years, but 9 of those years have been online, be honest about that. Don’t lie about parties, clubs, dungeons, or events. Be honest about your experience, or lack thereof. You will gain more respect from others that way and it will also accelerate your ability to learn. It will also potentially draw the more experienced to you if you don’t pretend that you know everything already. One thing about the lifestyle is usually, a honest and experienced person, Dom or sub, can smell bullshit a mile away.

16. Try to figure out what type of Dominant you want to be and work towards that

As mentioned previously, there are many types of Dominants. What type you will be will be up to you. But when you find a style that fits, run with it. Endeavor to be the best you can be by learning as much as you can about that particular style, infusing your own style along with it. And don’t be afraid to switch gears when its not working for you. After all, this is your journey and your path. You are responsible for it.

17. Switches are not confused.

This is an old adage. Switches are no more confused than bisexuals are. If you can accept the notion of a bisexual person, you can accept the notion of a switch. You may not understand, you may not get it or you may not be comfortable with the notion of a switch. Who cares? If you’re not a switch, then it doesn’t mean anything. But switches are a part of our community and their role should be respected just as much as you want yours respected.

18. Never trust a big butt and a smile (or tits or cock)

Since the dawn of civilization, a pretty or handsome face has been the downfall of many people. Don’t be one of them. Sure it’s easy to find someone so physically attractive that that is all you see. But remember, people are more than their physical appearance. Just because you like big tits or a big cock does not mean that should be the primary motivating factor. If you want a relationship, then go for that — and hope that the person you are in a relationship actually does have the big tits or cock of your dreams.

19. Not everyone has to submit to you

You are not everyone’s Dominant. Not everyone has to call you Sir or Ma’am or bow down and kiss your ring (or boots). That type of deference comes with experience and proving yourself. Just because you see yourself as a Dominant, doesn’t mean everyone else will. Treat submissives in a manner that shows basic respect and consideration. Don’t allow yourself to get Domlier-than-thou and think you can run rough shod over someone else. Others have a choice and they have the right to exercise that choice. You cannot make a decision for someone else that you are not in a relationship with.

20. Never stop learning

No matter how much you learn, or how many people you talk to or how many classes or demos you attend, you will never stop being able to learn something. There are many nuances and subtleties to this lifestyle that take a lifetime to master and incorporate. Everything cannot be learned in a few months or years. Always be open to learning something new. Always be open to the fact that someone can teach you something new. The more you learn, the better you will be. Even if you have been involved for 30 years, there will still be something for you to learn and grow from.

 Copied from and shared with permission from this post, written by _Min_.
Aug 082013
 

I’ve been collecting writings on safety for all walks of the community and I figure it might be time for me to write my own, based on my past experiences in the lifestyle.

I walked into my first D/s relationship as a completely naive sub.

I thought it went “What Master wants, Master gets” the problem with that statement was that I didn’t add “WITHIN REASON” to the end of it. I didn’t realize how unhealthy our relationship was for me and stayed in it for 6 to 7 years (I want to say close to ten but I stopped counting after 6ish); staying because I hadn’t known any other kind of D/s relationship. It took five friends (three of them from Fet and two vanillas who had a pretty good grasp of the lifestyle) and one very persistant Domme to help break my “I know i’m doing this right” mindset.

After I left that relationship my life took an extremely positive incline. I compare from journal entries how much my self esteem, confiedence, and self worth has risen since then and every day im astonished by the results. Had it not been for those persistant people I would still be stuck in that relationship;

My hopes with this writing consist simply of this: To help new submissives, who thought like I did, avoid ending up in the same kind of relationship and to hopefully give them some insight into what is crossing the line, even from the Dom side.

Disclaimer: this writing does not target Dom/mes as a whole and should not be used to generically group them all as being awful, there are many many good Doms and Dommes out there, but hopefully this writing will help you spot ones that are abusive of the power exchange

So, here are the “But I shouldn’t…” Yes you should! ‘s

1. ARGUE WITH YOUR DOM/ME
I know there are subs reading this saying “lol wut?” and maybe a few Dom/mes who wish I was within whipping distance, but hear me out before you get gun-ho on me. If your Dom/me orders you to do something that you are incapable of physically, financially, or otherwise you have the right to express that. If they persist, ARGUE seriously, do it…. and if you’re afraid of “being punished” I’ll say this,bare the crop to spare yourself from the crap. A Dom/me who consistantly pushes you for there own gain is not a Dom/me, and you are not (or shouldn’t be) their doormat.

2. DONT ACCEPT A GUILT TRIP
If it feels like a guilt trip, GET OUT NOW. If you state you can’t comply with something and your Dom/me starts, crying, shaming, or throwing a tantrum don’t stay with them. If a Dom/me does this and finds one that works he/she will keep using it to get their way which will mentally exaust a submissive, and tear down their/your self confiendence.

3. DONT LET A DOM/ME DEFINE YOUR ROLE FOR YOU
The best I can do to explain this is give an example; I came into the lifestyle as a “pet” my Domme said “No you’re going to be a slave for me” and gave me only slave duties with out allowing me to enter pet space. No Dom/me, no matter how much you want to belong to them, should re-define your role for you. If you want to change your role that is a descion that is to be made soleyBY YOU not by any one else. If you want to experiment with a new role talk to your Dom/me about it, but if you know what role you want to stick with, stick with it and don’t let some one else decide that it should change, you are a human being and no matter how dominated you are, you have your own thoughts.

4. KNOW WHAT YOUR ROLE INTALES
The last year or two of my unhealthy relationship my Domme decided my bank account was part of her shopping budget and rather than sit and talk to me about adding anything finance wise to our relationship it was just “I need this (pair of $300 shoes), go buy it” and I would take it as an order with out realizing that “house slave” and “financial sub” were two completely different roles. No one can define the exact duties of any given role because every relationship is different, but if something seems completely out of bounds stop and think “Does this fit the role I signed up for?” if not speak up and explain why you think it doesn’t. Not even time spent in a relationship should trample your consent and all changes should be discussed before enforced.

5. DONT SHY FROM YOUR COMMUNITY
If your “almighty” Dom/me tells you to avoid the community… The Dom/me is probably the one you should be avoiding. If they want you to avoid the community they probably
A) Have never interacted with the community themselves
B) Are insecure about losing you to some one who is actually experienced
C) Are banned from the local events because of the way they’ve treated subs in the past and don’t want you to become aware of it
Your community is not your enemy, no matter how big and bad your Dom/me tries to make it look, the community is there to help you learn about healthy relationships, there is no reason to keep you from that if you want to explore it.

6. COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE
I can’t express that word enough, if you have a problem with the relationship talk to your dominant about it. If they can’t drop the dominant role for a few minutes to talk to you about what you feel needs improvement then you aren’t in a D/s relationship, you’re in an abusive one.

7. DONT SPOIL YOUR DOM/ME OUT OF HABIT
hides from pissed off Dommes– If they haven’t ordered you to buy them something (assuming it was agreed they were allowed to do that from the begining) and its not their birthday, don’t get in the habit of buying your Dominant random gifts. I love my Dom/mes just as much as the next person, and an occasional “just cuz” gift is ok but if it becomes a consistant habit (like a “just cuz” gift every month) an abusive Dom/me will take this as a signal that its ok to start waving expensive merchindise they want in your face with intent of you buying it and then get upset with you when you can’t deliver.

8. “NO” IS NOT “MAYBE”
Be firm in your serious refusals. Don’t shift to “ok fine… I guess” if you’ve said “no”; … “no” is fucking “NO”

9. ASK WHEN YOU NEED REASSURANCE
You are a human, not a fortress. Both you and your Dominant should know that, it is ok to ask for reassurance when you are insecure, if you hear “Stop your whining/crying its annoying” when you don’t do it that often or aren’t in a scene that calls for it you might have a problem.

10. DONT TAKE A HARD LIMIT AS PUNISHMENT
The Wartenberg wheel use to be a hard limit of mine and as a punishment it would be run all over my shoulders, arms, and neck if I didn’t behave. There is a difference between punishing a submissive and using their anxieties to scare the ever loving shit out of them, if its a hard limit IT DOES NOT QUALIFY TO BE A PUNISHMENT.

11. IF YOU ARE PAYING A BILL ASK FOR THE PAPERWORK
Medical, mechanical, whatever; if you’re paying for it you have a right to see the bill and keep track of your expense, if you don’t see paperwork but you see a new coach purse you’re probably not paying the bill you’re being told you’re paying

12. A HARD LIMIT IS A HARD LIMIT UNTIL YOU SAY IT ISN’T
Just as you shouldn’t let your Dom/me define your role, you shouldn’t allow them to define your limits either. Dramatic example: If a Dom/me came up to me with a taser and said “We are going to try this on you” after I already said “No” I’d tell them to put that pocket pikachu away before I make them eat it. As much as I’d like to bottom for electrical play, I can’t because of my brain tumor, that makes it a hard limit. It can not and will not be done to me, some hard limits can be shifted but ONLY BY YOUR CONSENT, not by another person’s consent.

13. DONT TAKE “GIFTS” AS EXCUSES
If a Dom/me ignores your needs and won’t talk about them with you, but then suddenly gives you a little of something you’ve been wanting Play wise ( like a pat on the head, a quick yank to the collar, a “good boy/girl”) but doesn’t do that normally, thats not a “gift” its called a “snare”, and its an abusive technique to reel a sub back in that starts to realize they aren’t being treated kindly.
Snared sub Example;
“I don’t like that Master makes fun of me in front of her friends or that she gets mad when I ask her to stop, but… Master pet me yesterday, shes never done that, it was a big thing for me.”

Hopefully I’ve written this well and it can be helpful in some way, if I think of more points ill be sure to update it.


Originally posted here, shared with permission of and written by Teething_Pup

Aug 082013
 

Munches are just great aren’t they? A free social event where you can meet other kinky people, maybe even find that elusive compatible partner. The door is open, and you are welcome.

But it didn’t work out so well, did it? You felt left out, no one wanted to talk to you, and it seemed like you weren’t so welcome after all. Just a clique of people who all seem to know each other, all talking and laughing away, enjoying themselves. What went wrong?

You didn’t have any munch technique. In fact everyone there was perfectly willing to meet you, chat to you, even to make friends with you, but you just didn’t know how to approach it. So listen, and learn.

1. Appear confident
It doesn’t matter if you are confident or not, you just have to appear to be. Just pretend. Act as if you are. Most people aren’t actually as confident as they make out, they’re just better at making the effort to function socially. Don’t over do it, but just make yourself extra bright and positive for a while. Go on, you can do it.

2. Empathise
Feel a bit nervous, little bit daunted? Understand that most people feel the same about social situations until they settle down and relax. Even the most experienced munchers are wondering if they are going to enjoy it this time. Everyone is in the same boat, to some extent, you’re probably not alone in feeling a little tense to begin with.

3. Be polite
A little courtesy goes a long way if you’re meeting new people. When someone new hoves into view people are thinking – is this person going to be ok? Being courteous tells them that you probably are.

4. Don’t bore people
Someone is happy to meet you and exchange a few words. They may not want to hear your life story, or be treated to a lengthy diatribe about your pet topic. When you’ve got to know someone they may want to hear about it, not now. Conversation involves a mixture of talking and listening – try to do both.

5. Show an interest
The easiest way to get on with most people is to show a genuine interest in them. Try doing a bit of research, look at people’s profiles before you go and see what they are interested in. Ask them about it. Chances are they will be pleased you have shown an interest in them – let’s hope they will observe point 4!

6. Climb out of your shell
In order to socialise with people you have to forget your self-absorption. Think about how other people are feeling, and stop worrying about yourself. They have problems too, they have just decided to forget about them for a while and enjoy the occasion. Do the same.

7. Keep it zipped
Perhaps there are people there you find attractive. Keep it to yourself. If you get on well with someone a little light flirting may be fine, but people who don’t know you will almost always find overt sexual interest a real turn-off. Relax, take it easy. Remember you are here to get to know people, make friends, that’s all. If you make friends anything is possible, if you don’t it usually isn’t.

8. Respect protocols
Some of the people there are already partnered, and may be in a DS relationship. Want to chat to that attractive woman? See that collar round her neck? Maybe that guy over there is her Master, or that other lady is her Mistress. Show respect for people and they will be happy to meet you, make a blatant beeline for someone’s property and they may not be. Be aware of existing dynamics, and if you’re not sure, ask. Politely.

9. Watch and respond to signals
Eye contact means someone is ok talking to you. If they start glancing away from you it usually means they’ve had enough now, thanks, and want to talk to someone else. Let them escape, gracefully. They were happy to meet you, but they want to move on. You did fine, broke the ice, but that’s it for now.

10. Make it fun
Most people go to munches hoping to relax, have a laugh, maybe meet some old friends, maybe meet some interesting new people. They want a relaxed, fun atmosphere where people are feeling good. Contribute to that and people will be glad you came.


Originally posted and discussed here; written by and shared with permission of Malbon.

Jul 262013
 
You learned everything you need to know to explore kink when you were in Kindergarten: Ask for permission before you touch someone. Use your manners. Follow the rules. Don’t get in a car/go home with someone you don’t know. Learn to tie your shoes or you won’t be able to walk, much less run.
Most of all, if you’re not sure about something, then ask!
But I know I went a little crazy when I first started to explore my kinkiness. Suddenly anything was possible, and feelings I’d only dreamed of were happening for real. I relied on my friends and play partners to help guide me. But in the end, it came down to learning how to choose for myself what I wanted and didn’t want.
So here are a few tips for exploring your kink:
  1. Slow down!
    Take your time. I guarantee it will be better if you get to know people, and talk about what you like with a lot of different people. Take classes, read books, and see a lot of different scenes. Give yourself room to change your mind about what you want.
  2. You choose.
    There is no “right way” to do things – this is your exploration of yourself. That also means you don’t have the right to judge other people for their choices. Figure out what your own limits are, and you choose carefully when to push those limits. If you feel uncomfortable with someone pushing you, take a step back and then you’ll find out if that person respects you as an equal or is just trying to coerce you for their own benefit.
  3. You can always say no.
    It doesn’t matter what contract you signed or what promises you made, we all have the basic human right to change our minds. That goes for everything from what kind of relationship you want to your own sexual identity. It’s up to you to speak up about what you want and don’t want. A safeword is a great tool, but it can’t replace good communication before, during and after a scene – and throughout your relationship.
  4. Talking makes for great sex.
    If you can’t say what your fantasy is, then you aren’t ready to do it. When someone uses kinky jargon – submissive, master, switch, poly – ask what they mean because everyone has their own definitions. Talk about whatever you do together to process what happened and figure out where you want to go next. And don’t forget to talk about what you need to get after a scene is over.
  5. Don’t believe everything you hear.
    Someone may call themselves a dominant or master, but that doesn’t make them one. Someone may be the leader of a group, but that doesn’t make them a safe play partner. Someone may call themselves a mentor when they’re really just trying to get you to masturbate on cam so they can jack off.
  6. Seek References.
    You’re putting yourself in someone’s hands, whether you’re a top or a bottom, so you better know who you’re playing with. Talk to other people about prospective play partners, and don’t ever let someone isolate you. Watch their interactions with other people in real life and online to see if they’re consistent. And remember that even good people can do bad things.
  7. Be risk aware.
    You have to ask questions to find out what the risks are. Accidents happen, people try things they aren’t good at, and there are predators who will take whatever they can get from you. You are the only one who can protect yourself. Even when a scene goes well, you might have emotional or psychological reactions you didn’t expect – it’s sometimes called sub drop or top drop.
  8. Protect your privacy.
    Sad to say there is still a lot of persecution against kink. Someone can copy your photos and send them to your boss. Or your mom. Too often that someone is the person you trusted the most last week. Kink-on-kink persecution is the worst – when you “out” someone in revenge, you’re hurting everyone in our community because it keeps the stereotypes alive and kicking. Protect yourself by choosing which pics and personally identifying info you make public and what you keep private.
There’s a great discussion going on with lots of amazing comments by hundreds of FetLifers in this thread I started earlier this year — https://fetlife.com/groups/311/group_posts/3521480

Written by and shared with permission of Susan Wright

Jul 162013
 

Recently I attended a small play party. It was afterwards I decided that perhaps some folks might need a little guidance or suggestion on how to go about getting/seeking/asking for “play” appropriately in these social situations.

Let me begin by stating that I understand that attending any type of party or event can be extremely exciting! You may imagine before you get there all the fun you hope to have, the scenes that may occur, and so on. SIMMER DOWN TATER TOT! Unless you know how to behave & interact with people chances are you will end up as a spectator. Worst case scenario is you’ll rub people wrong and ruin your chances of playing in the future or being banned from parties/events.

DO’s

Do be yourself!
Trying to impress people by acting as though you know all there is to know in or about the lifestyle or otherwise is not going to endear you to anyone.

Do make small talk!
Jumping right into kinky convo from the get go, regardless of the environment, is often a huge turn off. People enjoy hearing about your day, favorite movies, music…keep it light. Saying, “Hello and what is your favorite sexual position?” or “Hi, would you spank me tonight?” These are BAD openers and go back to the first concept of just being yourself.

Do look your best!
Here is the bottom line, regardless of gender one needs to dressed well & have all HYGIENE needs met before you walk in the door. Attending a party looking like you just rolled out of bed is not going to make the prospect of playing you attractive to MOST people! It doesn’t matter what you wear, how much your clothes cost but you need to be clean! Sad that this needs to be said but I said it 🙂

Do be gracious toward your host/hostess!
Always thank the party host or promoters. Showing up and not doing so is just rude. When an event is on a large scale this may not be as imperative (even those that put together huge events appreciate a kudos/thanks) but when it is a smaller gathering, especially at someone’s HOME, it is very important.

Do accept NO as a final answer!
If someone declines playing with you trying to change their mind is pointless, pushy, and IGNORANT. Just move on. The world has not come to an end.

DON’Ts

Don’t EXPECT play!
What you should expect is to have fun even if no one ends up playing with you. One way to ensure that is to get a friend or two to attend too. If you follow all the do’s above that is no guarantee you’ll play but it will increase your chances. The worst thing that can happen is that you make a new friend…that may lead to playing in the future. No one is OBLIGATED to play/scene with anyone.

Don’t IMPOSE yourself on anyone!
It is one thing to let another attendee know that you have an interest in playing/scening with them but DO NOT hound them. Personally I have had folks interested in playing with me or vice versa but circumstances & timing have at a party make it not possible. There is always another opportunity 🙂

Don’t INVOLVE yourself in someone else’s scene!
Unless you are invited into a scene stay out of it. Heckling, joking, and the like isn’t cool at all…get a grip. An even bigger NO NO is having the audacity or sheer stupidity to physically get involved. Keep your hands to yourself unless invited. You could be tossed from a party or get a fist in your face.

Don’t TAKE PICS without asking!
That one is rather self-explanatory but let me take it a step further. If you take a pic there may be bystanders in the background. Unless you have their PERMISSION as well don’t post these kind of pics without blurring the faces. People can be sitting around and have no idea they are in the photo. Use common sense and have respect for the anonymity of your fellow kinksters.

Don’t GOSSIP or cause Drama!
Sure we all have stories to tell but trash talking other attendees and such is just wrong. You don’t want to be labeled as that person who never has anything nice to say about anyone. Chances are a person(s) shows up that you have an issue with. Leave it be! The party/event is NOT the place to iron things out, fuel existing fires, or try to bring people to your “side.” Behave as if they are not there. If you can’t keep your emotions in check consider leaving for your sake & everyone else.

In conclusion I hope this is/was helpful and anyone that has anything to add please do so. We learn and grow from helping one another.

Peace & Hugs,
MaMa Blue

From a post by the same name, written by and shared with permission of TrueMaMaBlue

Jul 102013
 

I’ve been involved with a few boards in the past 6 years, and had the opportunity to watch the Phoenix Niagara board up close and see the difficulties it faced. I’m going to offer a few suggestions, which I think the new BKS board could benefit from. These are based on the pitfalls that I’ve seen other groups deal with.

  1. Keep your board small. The larger the board, the longer it will take to arrive at decisions, and the more likely that there will be splintering down the road when there are disagreements. I’ve seen a few boards (including Phoenix Niagara) decide to expand their board (in the case of PN from 3 to 6) either because the board wanted to share work between more members, or because they wanted to appear to give more representation. More representation is a good idea, but meetings quickly become bogged down, and the longer each meeting takes and the more disagreement you have to deal with, the less effective your board will become. Board members lose steam, and suddenly your entire board is floating dead in the water.
  2. Make use of advisors. Find experienced and level-headed people that can make suggestions to the board. When you don’t have a clear answer, ask those advisors what they would do. The choice is still the boards, but you’ll have a more informed decision. It’s also best that these people not be invested in the group so that they are as unbiased as possible.
  3. Appoint a spokesperson. This person is in charge of writing FL postings, which should be okayed by the rest of the board prior to posting. Knowing that it is one person talking through an account, and that the person has the backing of the board is important for your members and shows stability.
  4. Members don’t need to know EVERYTHING. Beyond a quarterly or annual update, members don’t need to be made aware of every decision, unless it requires them to do something differently. This is important, unless the board likes to be challenged on every decision it makes. Board members are supposed to be elected based on their ability to make decisions in the best interest of the group for a set term. Allow them to do that, and if you don’t like it, vote against them at the next election.
  5. Appoint an ombudsman. Again, this person should be removed from the group if at all possible. They are there to handle members complaints against the board, and to participate in any appeals to the boards decisions. They keep the board accountable. At least one board I can think of could have benefited greatly from this when one member made unilateral decisions (but since he was the spokesman for the group it was assumed it was a unified decision), and could have helped remove this person when it was alleged that he was also pocketing group finances.
  6. Share the work. If you need help, develop committees. Committee members must follow the boards decisions, or be removed from their post. Committee members do no get a board vote.
  7. Value your volunteers. Events can’t run without the support of your members, and without their active participation.
  8. Enforce the rules. This was Phoenix Niagara’s biggest pitfall a few years back. The Chief DM and board didn’t enforce them equally, and as a result people didn’t feel safe at the PN parties. It wasn’t long before the group went from 80 regular attendees to 25.

Written by and shared with permission of MasterMatt84. Thank you.

Jul 082013
 

Below are those that have referenced www.FindaMunch.com in their resources.  Please take the time to visit them, their organizations and their pet projects, as thanks for helping making this site a success.

Thank you!
❧ joy

Jump to Websites/Blogs | Jump to Non-locality based Groups

Last updated: March 23, 2017 at 18:59 pm

Blogs – Websites

Fetife Groups / Gatherings / Resources (non-locality based)

Jul 012013
 

Okay – So I’m writing this because- well frankly because over the years I’ve heard all the “community” party lines and dogma and it seems to leave a lot out.

As a slave (who used to identify as a submissive) I was new at one time (yes really!!) and when I came into the lifestyle I was all wide doe eyes, excitement and healthy dose of New York caution.

I was told things by people who had been around for a long time. Things that sounded okay I guess, but when I activated my spidey sense (AKA critical thinking) I quickly realized that in an effort to make the lifestyle seem a “safe place to explore” – people were saying things that could make me check my natural adult common sense at the door.

Here’s a “things you need to know” guide. A real one. I warn you – it may disillusion you or make this seem a bit more scary. If it does – good – I’ve done my job.

Safewords are not “safe words”

By this I mean that they will not keep you safe. That’s your job. They are not words of power, talismans or magical freeze points. They only work as a communication device if the person you’re playing with is trustworthy and respects boundaries. If not they have no power.

There is no “safe place to explore”

Meaning that – everything has risks. Everything. Every place has risks. If you came into this seeking a place where you can be like a kid in a candy store without potential dangers – this is DEFINITELY not it. It is your responsibility to keep your wits about you.

No group or event is completely safe

No group leader can 100% guarantee the safety of their group. Everyone does the best they can to keep a look out for predators and to prevent incidents from happening on their premises or at their parties. However, if you choose to play with someone you assume the risk. If you choose to go somewhere private to play with someone you met at the party- you likewise are choosing to be alone with a stranger.

Everyone has their OWN reason for being here and their own definition of terms

When someone says “Dom’s do this…” or “All good subs do this…” – that is just their perspective. There are MANY perspectives. Many definitions of terms. Everyone that says they’re a Dominant isn’t the Dominant for YOU. We aren’t all here because we like the same things. You may want to “play” and mean a light flogging. The sadist next to you might mean extreme bondage and fear play. Ask questions. Get clarity. DO NOT Assume.

There are no shake-N-bake, just add water – perfect M/s or D/s relationships

Knowing you are submissive and you desire a Dominant provides verbiage on desires that in the mainstream world would be challenging to articulate. It does not create an instant relationship. You still have to build that the old fashioned way. Talking. Not playing. Not sexing. Talking. Talking. Talking and did I mention Talking? If it helps – know that Master and I talked for 6 months before we had sex. 8 months before a collar of consideration and 2 years after that for a permanent collar. Somethings take time. 50 shades of gray is not reality.

PLEASE treat strangers as strangers

If you wouldn’t instantly go home with someone you met at a bar – do not go home with someone you met at a party. It’s unwise.

This is a culture or a confederation- not a community

We aren’t all under one leader. We have no ability to police ourselves outside of the City or State Police and Prosecution. If you look at this through the lens of culture your expectations shift a bit. No culture is without it’s jerks and ne’er-do-wells. No culture is without it’s criminals and people of questionable intent. Every culture has people you can trust and not. When you visit a new culture you learn about it, you hopefully are cautious. Don’t assume this is a kinky pre-school where the “adults” (or Leaders) will take care of you and make everything safe for you.

Beware of Dirty Old (or Young) Men (or Women)

I see this a lot. Some of the people who run about yelling “predator! predator!” are merely trying to run interference against potential competitors-AKA cock-blocking. If you’re new – you’re attractive. Especially if you’re female and young. Isn’t this true in the mainstream (AKA Vanilla) arena as well?? One of the easiest ways to win your “trust” is to be your knight in shining armor. Be aware of this tactic. People do it because – well frankly – it works. EVERYONE isn’t using this tactic. Some people are really trying to be helpful. Everyone isn’t. You get to figure out who is who. Just like in real life.

This IS real life

Because I have adult children who LOVE RPG I have begun to understand their downside. It is easy to treat this like a RPG – when you play – you don’t REALLY die when you get hit. You don’t REALLY experience the effects of the spell, gun etc; it’s all – play-play. THIS is not THAT. All of your self preservation skills, your wisdom, your maturity, your gut instinct is still needful here. DO NOT check it at the door. You can still have fun and keep your mind turned on.

You are empowered – REALLY!!

Being empowered means you have the authority, power and ability to do something. In this context that something is making your own decisions. This includes saying No, saying Yes, Making choices for yourself (both wise and foolish), and brushing yourself off when you end up with less than desirable outcomes including broken hearts. The ability to do this will serve you well in life.

If you are abused – the Lifestyle can’t help you

We aren’t therapists, police officers, judges, attorneys (unless we are). If you’re out dancing and you leave with someone and that person harms you – you don’t go back to the club to tell. You call the police. Do the same thing here. If someone is stalking you – call the police. If someone rapes you, batters you etc; call the police. If you choose NOT TO – I honor that choice and your autonomy in that regard, however that doesn’t make the Lifestyle responsible for righting this wrong. We have a means of that. It’s called the Law. I will support you if you seek that means and respect your right not to as well.

Vetting and References can help but its not foolproof

I know of people who I consider to be – unstable (and thats being kind) – who would have no problem giving you a good reference from someone else. EVERYONE has their fans and their haters. Recognize this.

Your yes needs to mean something

If you agree to something own that choice. If you don’t like what happens, feel icky later, don’t wish to experience that again, find that person just doesn’t do it for you – cool – no big deal. That doesn’t retroactively change your yes into a no. It means you say “no” next time.

Your No needs to mean something

If you don’t want to play – say no. If you you dont want to engage , excuse yourself. Don’t give mixed signals. Don’t give a no that means “convince me”.

Drop is a real thing

Drop makes you feel clingy, angry, irritable, hurt, wide-open, scared, confused, turned-on, longing, uncertainty and just a jumble of emotions all at once. Drop can happen the next day – or 3 days later. It depends on you. (usually 24-48 hours typically). What we do causes physiological shifts. Understand this doesn’t mean you were traumatized or violated (unless you didn’t consent to the activity) – it means you’re dropping.

“Ignorantia legis neminem excusat” or “Ignorance of the Law excuses no one”

Applied here it means just because you’re new, or a submissive, slave or bottom does not make you not responsible for your choices. You may make some no-so-good-in-retrospect-decisions. Thats okay! Learn and move on.

Hopefully this will help you navigate these waters a bit. Stay with a buddy. Use your floatation device. Help yourself before you try to help the person next to you. Buckle up and enjoy your flight.

In submission and surrender to Him,
~slave namaste

At the direction of Master Obsidian blanket permission to repost is granted provided the authors name is left intact and the website www.powerandsurrender.com is added

Jun 162013
 
ARTICLES:
Getting Started

MunchGuideBanner468x60
MUNCH BASICS:

A beginner’s guide to BDSM Munches, by Jay Wiseman
What’s a Munch? a Social? a Slosh? a POS?, by caryl
Differences between munches, from a discussion on Novices & Newbies, post by BadMouseM
It’s your first munch, eh? I bet you’re thinking…, by ThoughtsofYou
Why Everyone Says Come Out to a Munch to Newcomers, by LilyWhite1
Getting into your local scene, by roo_roo
Tyler’s Practical Guide to Munches & Public Parties, shared with permission of and written by DameTyler
Munch Technique, shared with permission of and written by Malbon
History of the Munch…In the Beginning, shared with permission of and written by i999shadow
How to host a munch, shared with permission of and written by i999shadow.
This is why we tell you to go to munches & events, written by and shared with permission of kitkat_cupcake
Advice for Your First Munch, written by and shared with permission of SecretSmile101
So you’re new at a munch? How to get the most bang for your buck., written and shared with permission of and written by PauleyO


CHECKLISTS

BDSM Checklist (Google Docs)


WEBSITES:

A Submissive’s Initiative – Accurate, safe and free information about BDSM
Ambrosio’s BDSM Site – A super collection of resources, including many articles by various authors.
BDSM101– Collection of writings and articles about those looking to get involved in kink..
BDSM Terms
Cowhideman’s Writings Index – Well thought advice by Cowhideman, Owner of FetLife’s Novices & Newbies group.
Healthcare without Shame – “Handbook for the Sexually Diverse and Their Caregivers”
Keeping It Kinky – Researched and Referenced Guide to BDSM
List of Philias – Extensive list of “loves”
No Shades of Grey Free E-book
Submissive Guide – Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration
Susan’s Place – Support resource for the transgender community which provides information of use to transsexuals, crossdressers, and their familes. Resources available include Chat, Links, Reference Library, Site Reviews, Forums, GRS surgeon reviews, Wiki, and much more.
WizDomme Info Pack D/s “newbie pack”
XeroMag/Franklin’s Page – A great collection of easily digestible and informative essays, such as BDSM for Nice Guys, Exploring 50 Shades, BDSM FAQ and much more.


ARTICLES:
Especially for Dominants/Tops
Especially for Submissives/bottoms/slaves
Looking for Partners-Playmates
Using FetLife
How to Do What It Is That We Do (WIITWD)
May 202013
 

Not a week passes when there is a post something along the lines of “I am new, I want to meet a XYZ so if you want to get with me send me a message” followed by several posts from people in the community suggesting you go along to a local munch or event to meet new people. This is followed by either “yes! Can I have more info” or “No, I just want to play in private, so message me for filth”.

But why do we suggest that you go to a munch? Why do you get so little direct messages offering your requested private play? This might help:

  1. Fear. Meeting a stranger offline can be VERY scary and dangerous. Of course that might be a turn on for some but for the vast majority of people it’s a unacceptable risk to ones safety.
  2. Fakes. You might be a sock puppet account, with stolen images of a sexy hotty set up to mooch around and send dozens of messages, interacting with people pretending to be someone else. That’s a nasty game, right? Yes, and it happens. You can get just as emotionally invested in a online friendship / relationship as one in real life and get just as devastated when it all falls apart if the person isn’t real.
  3. Pressure. Meeting someone one-on-one is a lot of pressure. Either or both of you may feel compelled to do things you don’t want to because of all the effort and time you invested in the days and weeks of back and forth messages. Playing out of obligation? No thanks.
  4. It’s not about you. Being asked to meet up at a social event instead of going straight into a play date may not be about you. Many people enjoy the social side of kink, having dozens of friends whose opinion is important and who get a certain amount of protection from those friends.
  5. Do you have balls? Ok, that’s a figure of speech, but to be able to “play” in a top bottom or fetish role you have to have a certain element of bravery, that bravery will develop trust with your play partners so basically if you can’t drum up the courage to get out and meet people then how will you have the cahones to play?

So what about if you say no thanks for munches without a reason? Don’t get me wrong your entitled to mix & mingle how you see fit (I myself socialise occasionally). However, whether you like it or not you refusal does speaks volumes. When you say no to going to a public meet it MAY say some things about you:

  • You are a kink tourist cruising for a quickie.
  • You are married and are scared your partner will find out
  • You DO have a sock puppet account, maybe a bad reputation on the other one.
  • You are new but believe you are good enough to jump straight to play, however hard that play may be (this is VERY scary).
  • That you are soooooo important that no one can ever see your face because apparently we can’t wait to blackmail you in some way.
  • You DO pose a risk to potential playmates

I haven’t written this to make anyone feel obliged to go to a munch or event when they truly don’t want to, I do hope it may shed some light as to why being advised to is the answer everyone gives you when you post about wanting to meet new people and why if you flat out refuse you may struggle to get to know many people in the area.

Either way – good luck in finding what you are looking for!

(Re-posted with permission of the author, kitkat_cupcake, original post)