Dec 012013

Setting up event pages on FetLife involves knowing and understanding a few of the site’s quirks.  Below are a few points that may help you adequately and accurately create an event page:

Problem: User having difficulty using “Events Near Me”

“Near me” relates to matching the city you have listed on your profile to the city listed by the event. If you want to explore other places, you can do so either by clicking on the state/province/country from that same menu, or to go to the “Places Menu” (located at the top of the screen), and selecting the location you want to look for events. That said, there is no “miles from” radius search.

I’m not a FetLife support person, but I play one on TV … or was it that I slept at a Holiday Inn?

Actually, I’m just someone who spends (way too much) time on FetLife, trying to figure out some of the ways it works (and doesn’t). In the instance of events, I created my own event ( to try things out, re: searches and the like.

You’re right: It does make a ridiculously large jump from a local city when you go to a state-province-country. Unfortunately, that’s the current nature of the beast. And, yes, you do need to do multiple searches, considering most event organizers do not think of the FetLife search factor (ie locations as keywords and search terms) when creating an event.

If you look at the event I created, you can visibly see terms like Sudan and Belarus (listed as part of ‘location’ section), Tilsa, Singapore and Enid (listed in the ‘description’ section). Contrary to what seems natural, you cannot find this group when using Sudan and Belarus in the search box. However, you can search using the terms and places listed in the ‘description’ section (eg Enid and Singapore).

What you can’t see (but an event organizer can, in this case, me), is that the event was created to be held in the city of Whitehorse/province of Yukon, in Canada. So, you could find this fake event via both the events (near me) and places menu, using Whitehorse, Yukon and Canada.

The event organizer, when creating an event, must put in a location; this is done via pull down menus, and is tied to the same (somewhat awkward and limited) database as the Places menu (eg, there are no cities in Australian territories, and other things, as discussed >here). However, this forces the organizer to put in a location that may or may not be where the event is being held, and/or a more major city, useful for searching “near me.”

What can be done, as an event organizer?

  • Consider which ways an event is searchable. When creating the event, and answering, “Where is the event taking place” and “Address”, be aware that neither of these fields is searchable. What is? The event name, tagline, description and the pull-down location (entered at the bottom of the page);
  • Don’t use abbreviations (as FetLife generally doesn’t search or index keywords less than three characters, eg “GA”)
  • Don’t use county names – unless specific cities are included as well. It may seem logical to include them as a reader, but are essentially useless in terms of a FetLife search.
  • Try to incorporate cities and towns that may be useful, especially in the event’s description section. For example: “This annual event is held in Marietta, Georgia, an Atlanta suburb, with attendees coming from all over the metro area, including Roswell, Smyrna, Peachtree City…” Each city listed would serve as a keyword, and would especially help this event be found by those searching “near me”.

IMPORTANT NOTE: It is the invisible-to-the-viewer location, made by the pull-down menu by the event’s creator, that creates what is searchable using the “places” menu.

TL;dr – Using “near me” is based on an invisible-to-viewer location, drawn from the event’s creator’s choice, and is tied to the flawed Places menu. It may or may not relate to where an event is actually being held.

No, FetLife does not currently have a way to search by radius from a location.
Yes, it could be helpful – but other changes would need to be made too.

The impetus, and continued discussion on this topic, can be found here.

Jul 162013

Recently I attended a small play party. It was afterwards I decided that perhaps some folks might need a little guidance or suggestion on how to go about getting/seeking/asking for “play” appropriately in these social situations.

Let me begin by stating that I understand that attending any type of party or event can be extremely exciting! You may imagine before you get there all the fun you hope to have, the scenes that may occur, and so on. SIMMER DOWN TATER TOT! Unless you know how to behave & interact with people chances are you will end up as a spectator. Worst case scenario is you’ll rub people wrong and ruin your chances of playing in the future or being banned from parties/events.


Do be yourself!
Trying to impress people by acting as though you know all there is to know in or about the lifestyle or otherwise is not going to endear you to anyone.

Do make small talk!
Jumping right into kinky convo from the get go, regardless of the environment, is often a huge turn off. People enjoy hearing about your day, favorite movies, music…keep it light. Saying, “Hello and what is your favorite sexual position?” or “Hi, would you spank me tonight?” These are BAD openers and go back to the first concept of just being yourself.

Do look your best!
Here is the bottom line, regardless of gender one needs to dressed well & have all HYGIENE needs met before you walk in the door. Attending a party looking like you just rolled out of bed is not going to make the prospect of playing you attractive to MOST people! It doesn’t matter what you wear, how much your clothes cost but you need to be clean! Sad that this needs to be said but I said it 🙂

Do be gracious toward your host/hostess!
Always thank the party host or promoters. Showing up and not doing so is just rude. When an event is on a large scale this may not be as imperative (even those that put together huge events appreciate a kudos/thanks) but when it is a smaller gathering, especially at someone’s HOME, it is very important.

Do accept NO as a final answer!
If someone declines playing with you trying to change their mind is pointless, pushy, and IGNORANT. Just move on. The world has not come to an end.


Don’t EXPECT play!
What you should expect is to have fun even if no one ends up playing with you. One way to ensure that is to get a friend or two to attend too. If you follow all the do’s above that is no guarantee you’ll play but it will increase your chances. The worst thing that can happen is that you make a new friend…that may lead to playing in the future. No one is OBLIGATED to play/scene with anyone.

Don’t IMPOSE yourself on anyone!
It is one thing to let another attendee know that you have an interest in playing/scening with them but DO NOT hound them. Personally I have had folks interested in playing with me or vice versa but circumstances & timing have at a party make it not possible. There is always another opportunity 🙂

Don’t INVOLVE yourself in someone else’s scene!
Unless you are invited into a scene stay out of it. Heckling, joking, and the like isn’t cool at all…get a grip. An even bigger NO NO is having the audacity or sheer stupidity to physically get involved. Keep your hands to yourself unless invited. You could be tossed from a party or get a fist in your face.

Don’t TAKE PICS without asking!
That one is rather self-explanatory but let me take it a step further. If you take a pic there may be bystanders in the background. Unless you have their PERMISSION as well don’t post these kind of pics without blurring the faces. People can be sitting around and have no idea they are in the photo. Use common sense and have respect for the anonymity of your fellow kinksters.

Don’t GOSSIP or cause Drama!
Sure we all have stories to tell but trash talking other attendees and such is just wrong. You don’t want to be labeled as that person who never has anything nice to say about anyone. Chances are a person(s) shows up that you have an issue with. Leave it be! The party/event is NOT the place to iron things out, fuel existing fires, or try to bring people to your “side.” Behave as if they are not there. If you can’t keep your emotions in check consider leaving for your sake & everyone else.

In conclusion I hope this is/was helpful and anyone that has anything to add please do so. We learn and grow from helping one another.

Peace & Hugs,
MaMa Blue

From a post by the same name, written by and shared with permission of TrueMaMaBlue