May 282006

And, so my journaled journey begin…

girl has so many thoughts, but instead of them swirling around like a tornado, they have settled into many piles of things to sift through instead.

i am looking forward, trying not to look back other than to appreciate what useful information i received, and going from there… i am no longer

girl declared tomorrow a ‘me’ day from her husband, begging off with some muttered excuse about a party for a friend going away, or … mumble.. mumble… so i will be at Sir’s tomorrow morning at 10. And, i will finally get to meet erin – how exciting!

girl is working hard not to feel like the questions Sir presents from my writing come from criticism, complaints or specific concern. Many of them, at least at this point, are merely clarifications. Now, if girl could just let her stomach unclench as He asks them a little easier…

ah… patience… if only practicing it was as easy as spelling it…

When reviewing Sir’s website ( – good job erin!), girl felt the knot come over her stomach again. Clearly, Sir intends to have a poly household – but, the information started to sound like words from UM, and brought icky flashbacks of the last days with Him. i want to be special, and i don’t want to be just one more of the (many, many) girls… This is not to say i can’t share, especially with an Alpha – but to be one of at least three, theoretically equal, but not the same women, sounded wretched. UM was right – it was not right for me – just as He wasn’t…

And, other versions of poly i’ve heard in the community discourage me nearly as much: to have a ‘triad’, yet still be able to be with whoever at any time. To me, that just sounds like cake and eating it too… hard to see the commitment there. Why bother having the triad in the first place then… Something i’ll hafta see better to wrap my head around, but just wearies me to think of it.

girl really is taking it one step at a time, and hopes Sir will see the frenzies subsiding, and the ears listening, and eyes opening.

thank you Sir,

for another day in your consideration,


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