Jul 272015
 

CLICK HERE to add, update, delete a group's listing.NOTE: Links are listed in alphabetical order by name of the group, not city or specific location. For best results, look through the entire list, especially as group names often include abbreviations or other methods obscuring their placement. Signing up for update emails (via ChangeDetection.com link at bottom of each page) and/or reviewing the list regularly is recommended.


Cleveland Calendar of Events, Fetlife

AAAPEER, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Restricted to: People over the age of 36.

AB/DL tri state Indiana area, MI , IL , OH, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For the adult babies and sissies, and mommies and daddys. so we can host parties in are area. Open to indiana and the states that boarder indiana

Adventures In Sexuality, verified 2015-Mar-17
Adventures In Sexuality, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Adventures in Sexuality (AIS), Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Columbus. Growing Pansexual, Polyamorous BDSM/Kinky Fun Group, Focused on Education, Outreach, Safer Play, Fun and toward building greater Kink Awareness and Acceptance. Local and regional events, many sub-groups where people can find their niche

AgePlay Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Coming soon…

AIS-TNG, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
AIS TNG (Adventures in Sexuality – The Next Generation), Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Columbus. Educational and support group for younger adults ages 19-35 of any gender or sexual orientation. Safe, comfortable setting to meet like-minded people, expand your knowledge about kink, and have fun! All experience levels are welcome.

The Akron Area Master/Slave Market and Forum, Fetlife, reviewed 2015-Jul-26
Where Masters and Slaves in Akron and surrounding can come to a central place to meet and connect and see who is available and for what.

Akron Comfort Zone, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Kinksters and lifestylers getting together in a comfortable and laid back atmosphere. Exchanging information, experiences, and making lasting friendships.

Athens Ohio Kinksters, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Intended to facilitate interactions for the SE OH area.

Athens Ohio TNG, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
BDSM, fetish & kink group for those 18-35 and their partners.

Ballbusting Cincinnati, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For all lovers of ballbusting in the Cincinnati, Dayton and Northern KY Area.

BBW-BDSM Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For BBWs and the admirers of BBWs in ohio to meet, greet, and discuss.

BBW Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For the BBW and the SSBBW of Ohio and the surrounding states.

BDSM Cincinnati, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Established by PEER Group of Cincinnati, Inc. to list the lifestyle activities offered by our group as well as those of all other groups in the Cincinnati, SW OH, SE IN and No.KY area.

BDSM Cincinnati, Northern Kentucky, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Listing of lifestyle opportunities for the SW Ohio-Northern KY-SE IN area. Feel free to post your events with permission from the group owner

BDSM Education and Training (BEAT) Productions, verified 2015-Mar-17, INACTIVE

The BDSM Group ., FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Toledo area (NW OH-SW MI). Discussion group to start with for those who are looking for a daytime BDSM life.

BDSM in Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, Illinois, and Kentucky, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
IN-OH-MI-IL-KY. Where W/we can talk, learn, and grow, for “Active Participation” By Members In the Group.

BDSM Michigan, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For fellow kinksters who live or visit Michigan to network, learn, grow and share. Please feel free to post info on munches, parties or events or just enjoy a discussion. MI-IL-OH-IN-WI

BDSM Michigan Part Deux, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Open to Michigan residents and the surrounding areas/states! Open forum to have discussions, post questions, announce events and to just get along. MI-IL-OH-IN-WI

BDSM Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Place to make some friends and share information about munches and other events taking place in and around Ohio.

BDSM Ohio Ghost Hunters and Paranormal Investigators, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For paranormal investigators, occultists, Wicca practitioners, pagans, psychics and people of science and technology who have experienced the supernatural side of life. Report member explorations in real time, discuss philosophy, facts, physics, investigation methods, new technology etc.

BDSM PEER Daytime Play, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
SIG (Special Interest Group) of PEER Group of Cincinnati, offering daytime play opportunities in a spacious, safe, private, no smoking environment.

CAT’s Me Ow!, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Purrfect place for Consensual Adults of Toledo (NW OH-SE MI) to gather for introductions, socializing, community building, education, frolic, fun, connecting and building new relationships. Welcomes positive participation by all.

Central OH Rope Group, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Central Ohio Rope Group (CORG), Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Covers many erotic, sensual and down-right dirty ways to use rope from basic ties to beautiful Shibari, predicament, simple to complex knots, partial, full and self suspension and much much more. Tops, bottoms, all-arounds. Beginners, very experienced riggers and bottoms in every class.

Central OH Tea Time, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Aug-17
For anyone who likes to drink tea, talk about tea, go to tea houses, serve tea, be served tea, buy tea, grow your own tea, tea parties, English style tea, Asian style tea, tea in general, etc.

Central Ohio 20-Somethings, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For those of us 20-somethings in the Central Ohio community who want to get together with folks in our own age-range for social & kinky events, as well as discuss local and current events.

Central Ohio Classifieds, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
ONLY for those in Central Ohio who are actively seeking.

The Central Ohio Community, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For anyone living in, originally from or migrating to Central Ohio.

Central Ohio Dining Club, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Welcoming group of individuals who like to get out and meet up for breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, tea, dinner swaps, potluck nights, or whatever social you have that involves good friends, food and fun!

Central ohio Kinky Gamers, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jun-08
For kinky gamers who want to find other kinky gamers in Central OH and surrounding to game with or whatever.

Central Ohio Lifestyle Singles, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Columbus area. Aimed at unattached folks hoping to meet others similarly inclined.

Central Ohio Swingers, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Columbus area. For swingers, people curious about swinging, and those supportive of the swing lifestyle. Discussion regarding real time events, parties, and swing clubs is encouraged.

The Chamber Columbus Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Fetish & bondage novelty, adult toy, clothing, accessory…you name it, we’ve got it close by or can get it for you – shop.

Cincinnati and Southwestern Ohio Groups and Munches, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Repository of informational trivia for, events, munches, meetings, presentations, and happenings, on all things groups for SW OH-N KY-SE IN.

Cincinnati BDSM, reviewed 2015-May-18
Offers BDSM and kink classes, private rental space for small events and education for anyone in the local community to get in touch with their kinkier side.

Cincinnati BDSM CommUNITY Out-Reach Program!, FetLife, reviewed 2015-May-18
Goals: Provide newcomers to local BDSM scene with information, links and support; Put out an area weekly “Calendar of Events”; Set up “Mentoring Programs” for both Doms and subs. Not affiliated with ANY Cincinnati group.

Cincinnati/Dayton/Northern Kentucky male subs & slaves, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For sub males and dommes in the ciny area to chat and share.

Cincinnati Healthy Kinksters, FetLife, reviewed 2015-May-10
For those looking for support and friends to hold them accountable to help better themselves, to talk about workout plans they have tried as well as diets and maybe find someone to help push you to reach your goals.

Cincinnati Kink Tank, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Discussion group for substantive BDSM relationship and community issues. Threads are started by the moderators and a facilitated discussion follows.

Cincinnati, Northern Kentucky, and Southwestern Ohio TNG, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Dedicated to those who are between the ages of 18 and 35 who would like an area to explore the BDSM and Leather Lifestyle.

Cincinnati Rope, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-18
Cincy Rope Group, Yahoo, reviewed 2015-Mar-18
Monthly. Cover many ways to use rope from basic ties to beautiful shibari, predicament, simple to complex knots, partial, full and self suspension and much much more. Tops, bottoms, all-arounds welcome.

Cincinnati Transgendered, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For TG people in the Cincinnati Area. Open discussion on any TG issues.

Cincy Munch, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Monthly. Casual dinner for new and experienced people age 18 and over who are interested in BDSM to meet and enjoy a meal and some good conversation in a safe social setting.

Cincy/NKY Party Gurls, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For Tgurls and those of all genders that love us, to provide a nice place for gurls and those that love us to meet, greet and see what happens.

CinDay Play, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Cin-N.KY. Can’t get out to munches and play parties on evenings and weekends? Looking, wishing, hoping, or praying for friends and lovers whose hours of availability are M-F, NOON-4pm- ish?

CLAW (Cleveland Leather Annual Weekend) Goers, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jun-07
Non-official social group for folks who have (or plan to) had fun at CLAW.

Cleveland Black Munch, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Focus: POC. Inclusive group; welcomes everyone regardless of race, gender-identity, sexual orientation, or kink.

Cleveland crossdressers, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Girls who want to learn more about their own feminity, makeup, clothing, and just being a sweet woman.

Cleveland Dungeon Club, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Cleveland Dungeons Club, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
“PLAY” Group for N.E. Ohio.

Cleveland Femdom 101, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For beginners, novices, and even experts in the arts of FEMDOM. Women and Men are welcome.

Clevelands Little Toy Box, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Organized by littles for littles! Yo connect with littles, babygirls, babyboys, ageplayers, adult babies, middles, Daddies, Mommies and those who support them of all genders and persuasions in the NE Ohio area.

Cleveland Pet Play, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Aug-07
For anyone that identifies as a non-human pet (kitties, puppies, ponies, bunnies, etc..) and/or animal role play. To help Handlers/Owners and pets in the area become aware of each other.

ClubFem Columbus Ohio Chapter, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
ClubFem Columbus Ohio Chapter, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Social organization composed of individuals who want to develop sincere Female Dominant/male submissive relationships. Dominas are in charge of activities at all times.

Club Masquerade, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Apr-26
Private dungeon located in North Central OH.

Columbus Cuddle Club, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Safe place to give and receive hugs, cuddles, and snuggles. Focus: The benefits of the physical and mental benefit of non sexual touching.

Columbus Kinky Improv, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Improv games + Kink = Fun for All!

Columbus Ohio fetish parties, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Purpose: To promote and discuss parties, events, and other community related activities in and around Central OH.

Columbus Ohio Kinky Hiking and Camping group, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
If you are interested in hiking or camping with like minded people then this is a group for you.

Columbus Ohio wrestling, rough body play, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For wrestlers, lovers of wrestlers, those who want to watch others wrestle, or just those interested in learning more, to get together, promote events, find matches, or just general discussion based on wrestling and how it might fit into your BDSM activities or as a stand alone activity.

The Columbus Space, FetLife, reviewed 2015-May-01
Central Ohio Center for Community, Education, and Creative Sexuality Expression.

Columbus Submissive Support 35+, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For submissives, slaves, bottoms and switches ages 35+. Welcomes all sexualities, gender identifications. No D-types joining or posting. Provides safe environment for education and for socialization of submissives which is specific to the more mature crowd.

Columbus Toy Makers, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For people who like to make their own toys. Hopefully we will be meeting.

Columbus Ursine Brotherhood (CUB), verified 2015-Mar-17
Fun-loving Bears, strive to build a positive image of the Bear community. Host various events each month such as potluck meals, picnics, camp outs, pool parties, hiking trips, and canoe trips

Covington Munch, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17, ON HIATUS

Cuckold_Hotwife_Swingers (Ohio), FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jun-21
Cuckolds searching for Hotwives. Hotwives searching for Cuckolds. Swingers searching for Swingers.

D.A.P. – Dayton Area Poly, verified 2015-Mar-17
Support or social opportunities in the poly community

Dayton BDSM Support Group, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Dayton Ohio BD/SM Support Group, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Holds munches and get togethers to meet and introduce new people to the area events and other groups as well.

Dayton Kinksters, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Plan meetups, and carpooling to Columbus events. May even plan kink parties.

Denison University, FetLife, reviewed 2015-May-18
For current students and alumni to talk kink or start events.

East Coast Cuckold and Hotwife, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Created to give cuckolds and Hotwives a broader range, with specific areas of interest, for better connection and communication. AL-AR-CT-DC-DE-FL-GA-IL-IN-KY-LA-LAB-MA-MD-ME-MI-MS-NB-NC-NFLD-NH-NJ-NS-NY-OH-ONT-PA-PR-QB-RI-SC-TN-VA-VT-WV

Erotic Photography Workshop, FetLife, reviewed 2015-May-18
A workshop platform to participate by either offering their skills or coming to learn a new one. IN-KY-OH-WV

F.E.M. Femdom Education and Mentoring, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Fosters environment of caring, respect and tolerance of all aspects of the Female Dominant perspective of BDSM. Objectives: Socializing, education and mentoring within a warm Sisterhood environment. Regular munches and special events (special presentations, demos, dinners, teas and parties).

Femdom-centralOH, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For Dominant Women and those that adore and respect all things Femdom, regardless of gender.

Fetish in Paradise, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jul-14
Fetish night at a members only club dedicated to providing a safe place for swingers to meet and mingle. Open to couples, single females, and select single males respectfully active in the alternate lifestyle of swinging, and now the BDSM family.

Fightclub Ohio: A Cincinnati, Dayton, and Northern Kentucky BDSM Group, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
We host our monthly Food Club meetings, as well as several play parties and other outings and workshops throughout the year to bring together kinksters with like-minded others for fellowship, learning, and socialization.

Findlay Cinema Club, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For all of us kinky people in the Findlay area who also enjoy going to the movies to come together with friends and enjoy the cinema together.

Findlay Munch, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Adults (18+) of all ages, races, orientations, and genders are more than welcome!

FLCS – FetLife Columbus Submissives (Ohio), FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For FLCS events which mostly include the munches.

Free Gear in the Tristate (KY-OH-WV), FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Designed for people with either want to receive something or want to give something away without any monetary exchange required.

Gay & Bi Enema Men in Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Devoted to meeting and the exchange of enemas and gay male erotic pleasures. Men only

GLEE-Great Lakes Energy Exchange, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Students learning and sharing hands-on how to identify and utilize energy, both personally during daily interactions and in BDSM play. Welcomes members of all spirituality or lack there of, with any amount of experience (novice to advanced).

GLLA Ohio, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jul-13
Information about GLLA Ohio and its contests: Ohio Leather Sir, Ohio Leather boy, Ohio Miss Leather Pride, Ohio Bootblack and Ohio Master/slave.

Great Lakes Anime Conventions, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Any convention that would relate to anime/manga, gaming, comics, sci-fi, renaissance, etc. can and will be labeled and discussed here

Greater Cincinnati Personal Ads, FetLife, reviewed 2015-May-06
For low-moderated, personal ads in N.KY-SW OH.

Guilty Pleasures Stage Show, Facebook, verified 2015-Mar-17
Guilty Pleasures Stage Show, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Often referred to as just the “Stage Show”. Live and interactive BDSM performance. Patrons can volunteer to be active participants in sadomasochistic activities.

H.A.C.K.S. (Horny/Happy Ashtabula County Kinksters Society), FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Local Kinksters getting together for good times. All fetishes welcome. Starting place for people into or curious about alternative lifestyles and wanting to develop new friendships.

Handgrenade, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Honorable And Noble Diversionary Group Really Enjoying Noms And Discussion Enticingly. For geeky intellectual literati types; people who enjoy discussing topics such as: reading, gaming, watching movies/tv, documentaries, philosophy and psychology, science, biology, etc

Heartland Crossing, reviewed 2015-Jul-01
Heartland Crossing, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jul-01
For crossdressers, transvestites, sissies, genderplayers, transpersons, and their admirers and/or lovers; or those who are respectfully curious about the same. CO-IA-IL-IN-KS-MI-MN-MO-MT-ND-NE-NM-OH-OK-SD-TX-WI-WY.

Hitchin’ Bitches Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For female identifying rope riggers/rope tops/dominants in Ohio. Welcomes rope bottoms of all identities and genders.

Hosiery Fetish: Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For hosiery fetishists, male and female like, who live in the Buckeye State!

Hung Bulls in KY, IND, OH,, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Bulls regardless of color that are 8 inches minimum interested in talking, meeting and playing with Hot wives and Cuckold couples. KY-IN-OH area.

Hypnosis in the Pittsburgh/tri-state area, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For discussing erotic and sensory hypnosis in OH-WV-W.PA

IN, OH, MI, KY, IL BDSM Lifestyle Exchange, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
BDSM Lifestylers that are looking for others whether it be for scenes, play, LTR, Training, Mentoring, etc.

IN, OH, MI, KY, IL Sub/Slave/Bottom etc. Seeking, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
sub/slave/bottom m&f to place an “ad” anyone can respond

Iron Eagles, verified 2015-Mar-17
Canton. Gay Leather/Levi Club. Purpose: To maintain an organization to further the ideals of leather brotherhood and friendship, and to promote social and charitable functions.

Kent State University Kinksters, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-27
To see who all on here is at Kent State. Possibly meet people.

Kent/Stow Ohio Kinksters, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-27
For kinksters in and around Kent

Knotty Knowledge: Rope bondage peer study group., FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-18
Toledo area. Rope bondage peer study group. Open and accepting of all experience levels, lifestyles, gender identities, gender presentations, and sexual orientations.

Lancaster Locals, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Locals from the area. Any type of legal kink is welcome to join.

LGBPQ Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Pansexuals, and Queers (and Asexuals), and our Heterosexual friends, family, supporters, and admirers, to come together and form a community, to provide support and perhaps a place to organize the community to action.

LGBTQ Central/Southern Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Comfortable place for gay, straight, bisexual, lesbian, tansgender, and basically anyone to come meet other people of a like mind.

LGBTQ Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
People from Ohio who are in the LGBTQ or GLBT community and interested in BDSM. Let’s network and share local events.

The Littles Table, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jul-02
Columbus. Mission: Provide a safe munch/meetup, in a public “vanilla” establishment once a month. For people who are interested or involved in AB, DL, LG, littles and AgePlay to know each other, while sharing a meal, telling stories and sharing experiences.

!*!* L.O.C.O. (Littles of Central Ohio) *!*!, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Local, social group for littles (with or without their Bigs). A safe place where you can stuff your face with things that normally are bad for you, color a pretty picture, make a craft, or learn something new about this lifestyle and how others do it.

Lonely in Dayton, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Apr-04
A personals area, a venting area, and whatever else

Lorain County, Ohio Kinksters, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Monthly. Accepts both new and experienced people who are interested in BDSM and meeting like minded people. (Elyria, Lorain, Avon, Avon Lake, Oberlin, Wellington, Amherst, Vermillion)

M4M Spanking in Indiana, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17, SPAM?
For men in and around Indiana who participate in all kinds of corporal punishment, including SPANKING and PADDLING!

MAsT:Columbus, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Opportunity and forum for like-minded individuals to come together for discussion of issues that concern Masters and slaves, to share ideas and gain and/or share knowledge of the Master/slave lifestyle.

MAsT: Great Lakes Region, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For members of MAsT (Masters and slaves Together) who reside in the Great Lakes Region to exchange information with other chapters in the region and post announcements regarding your chapters activities.

MAsT: Greater Cleveland, Facebook, verified 2015-Mar-17
MAsT: Greater Cleveland, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Pansexual organization. Mission: To support, directly and indirectly, those of all genders and all sexual orientations living, or seeking to live, in a Power Exchange relationship.

MAsT: Greater Dayton, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Exists to serve those individuals involved in, or interested in, consensual, hierarchically structured relationships.

MAsT ORV Cincinnati Group, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For those who are interested in the Master/slave dynamic in the Ohio River Valley. Hosted by PEER Group of Cincinnati. Meets monthly.

Medina Ohio Kinksters, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Pansexual place to meet other local kinky folks, make some friends and share information about munches and other events.

MI BDSM, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For kinky, lifestyle, leather, BDSM, M/s, and D/s folks. Participate in conversations, find a special friend to share your kink, or simply expand your horizons and enjoy yourself. Post about parties, munches, education, or regional events. MI-IL-OH-IN-ONT

Michiana Singles Connection, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
To establish a meeting place for local singles to find others to participate in lifestyle events and activities. N.IN – S.MI – N.OH- IL

Michigan Area Daddys, Mommys, and lils, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Where Daddys, Mommys, and lils from the michigan area (MI-IN-IL-OH-WI) can talk about stuff near them.

Michigan Kinksters – and surrounding areas.., FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
About nothing, or just about everything in Michigan and surrounding areas (OH-IN-ONT).

Michigan Whip Society, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Focused on art of whip throwing and education. Bulls, Snakes, Western, Stocks, Signal, and all kinds of single tailed whips are welcome. Experts, intermediates, advanced, beginners, or first timers are all welcome. MI-IL-OH-IN-ONT.

Mid Ohio Rose and Leather D/s Lifestyles, See MORAL

Midwest BDSM’ers, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For all those local to the Great Lakes region seeking to connect with fellow kinksters and like minded individuals. All are welcome to join and participate regardless of orientation, fetish preference or gender identity. IL, IN, IA, KS, MI, MN, MO, NE, ND, OH, SD, WI.

Midwestern Kinky Classifieds, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Welcome to all post and come and make friends from the Midwestern and who know what you might get into. IL-IN-IA-KS-MI-MN-MO-NE-ND-OH-SD-WI

The Monkey Puzzle Club, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Intention: Meet weekly to hone skills, learn, teach, and generally improve ourselves and our community. Welcomes anyone who wants to learn with an open mind and heart, and can leave their negativity at the door. Created to do something positive for the community.

M.O.R.A.L. – Mid-Ohio Rose and Leather, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
MORAL (Mid Ohio Rose and Leather) D/s Lifestyles, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Mid Ohio Rose and Leather D/s Lifestyles Social networking provider for those interested in or currently living an alternative lifestyle. Welcoming to any and all alternative lifestyles. Strives to bring together friends and family in a safe and non-judgmental, casual atmosphere.

Ms chats in Columbus Oh, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
To both announce when Masters and slaves will gather to have real time chats, as well as to possibly further discuss topics that were brought up in those chats. Based in central Ohio and held once a month at various places.

[NAN] NeoAlterNights, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-27
Social group for Northern OH area. Goals: To unite a group of the community. Talk about anything kink, or anything not. Looks to bond friendships and focus on a safe environment for everyone involved.

National Leather Association Columbus Ohio, see NLA-Columbus

N.C.O.K, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
North Central Ohio Kinksters. For anyone in Bellevue, Bucyrus, Clyde, Crestline, Fremont, Findlay, Galion, Huron, Mansfield, Marion, Norwalk, Ontario, Port Clinton, Sandusky, Shelby, Tiffin, Upper Sandusky, Willard. All genders, orientations, ages, relationship dynamics welcome.

NW Ohio Bukkake Club, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jun-16
For anyone wishing to participate in bukkake parties in NWOH region and surrounding areas.

NE Ohio Kinky Gamers, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Like minded individuals meeting to gather for fun, discussion, and gaming without discrimination, filled with open minds, in a good-natured atmosphere.

NE Ohio group, gang and cuck, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Resource and meeting place for those that embrace group sex, gang bangs and the cuckold lifestyle. Get reviews of motels, best places to meet, ect. Open to anybody along Lake Erie. OH-PA-NY

Ne ohio squirters, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-27
For those who can, want to, or love to squirt

Needleplay & Hookers, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Supported by The Prestige Group. For kinky crafters to get together and geek out over our respective crafts. Crocheters, knitter’s, quilter’s, cross-stitcher’s, etc all are welcome. OH-KY-IN

NEO Burlesque Beauties, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For gals interested in burlesque in and around Northeast Ohio, including but not limited to Akron, Ashtabula, Canton, Cleveland, Lake & Geauga Counties, Youngstown, etc. to gather, share ideas & skills, learning the art of burlesque together and having a lot of fun!

NEO Crossovers for NE Ohio REAL TIME meetings of the kinky, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Serves as a focus for our real time activities in Poly, Swinger, BDSM, Tran-girls and those that love, are curious, or just want to meet and explore in a open, accepting, safe environment.

NEO Kinky Motorcycle Riders, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Conversations about group rides, weekend biker events, bike nights, road trips, riding tips, bike pics, shop/repair help, leather…

NEO threesome, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-27
For people looking for threesomes and coming up short on finding that third person.

NLA (National Leather Association) Columbus Ohio, verified 2015-Mar-17
NLA-Columbus OH, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
National Leather Association of Columbus, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Pansexual organization dedicated to education and understanding of alternative sexual lifestyles. Primarily a BDSM/Leather group, all interests welcome. Bisexual, Gay, Heterosexual, Lesbian and Transsexual, male, female, couples and leather families, all creeds, professions, income brackets.

North East Ohio Kinks, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For all kinky people in NE Ohio area, from Lorain county to Ashtabula down to Akron/Canton areas.

Northeast Ohio, Kinky geocachers, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jul-27
For people in Northeast Ohio to geocache with, or at least discuss this fun activity.

NorthEast Ohio Personals, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-27
Place to look for others.

Northern Kentucky/Cincinnati Monthly Munches, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Caters to the local community of NKY and Cincinnati.

Northern Ohio BDSM Events, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
List BDSM and Lifestyle type events that are to take place in Northern Ohio.

Northern Ohio M/s chats & socials, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Peer group of like minded people who are interested in and/or living in M/s D/s relationships.

NW Ohio Bukkake Club, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jun-16
For anyone wishing to participate in bukkake parties in NWOH region and surrounding areas.

NWOhio Littles (etc) Group, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jul-14
Comfort zone for new or experienced Adult Littles (AgePlayers), Bigs, Adult Babies, Adult Toddlers, Adult School Kidz, Adult Babyfurs, curious, caregivers, etc. Announcements of munches, parties and special events. All ages, genders, and orientations. Share stories, beliefs, experiences.

Ohioabdl, verified 2015-Mar-17, INACTIVE?

Ohio black women for white males -preference not a fetish, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jul-02
For black women in Ohio physically attracted to white men, yet understand that skin color does not make the man.

Ohio Fetish Freaks, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Come meet other people interested in your fetishes from Ohio and come here to plan local Ohio parties and meet ups

Ohio Flings, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Where people in Ohio-N.KY can have a good time with little hassle!

Ohio Hypnosis Group, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Folks in or around Ohio with an interest in hypnosis. Goal: Meeting monthly to present and discuss a new trick or topic, and then practice together. Dayton.

Ohio Kinky Gamers, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Gamer group local to Dayton, cinci, columbus, N.KY-E.IN. Mission: Bring together kinky gamers for fun, discussion, and gaming in an environment void of discrimination, and filled with open minds and a atmosphere of camaraderie.

The Ohio Kinky Girl’s Club, copyrighted Jan 2010, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Open to all females, sub or domme, no matter what groups you belong to, kinky or not. No Men Please!

Ohio lifestylers, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Columbus area. Join us as we set up munches and events. Get to know your local kinksters.

Ohio (Non Kink) Events, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For announcements about events that are not specifically kinky, but events that kinky people may enjoy.

Ohio Personals, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For all those who live in Ohio, and surrounding states PA-WV-KY-IN-MI to post personals. Please state age, gender, location, status (sub, Dom, daddy, daughter, kinkster, ect), in your initial post.

Ohio Personals *No Face Pic Required*, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Aug-14
To assist others in meeting new people and having new adventures.

Ohio Pony Play, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For people in ohio that are into pony play

Ohio Rough Trade – Classified Ads, Buy/Sell & Barter, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For Ohioans (or those near-by) to buy, sell, trade your fetish gear: leather, clothing, furniture, toys, etc. Barters of service for service/gear are also appropriate and encouraged.

Ohio Sadists and Masochists, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jul-26
Where Sadists and Masochists can discuss experiences and the do’s and don’ts of S&M.

Ohio Sissies, Sissy Maids, Crossdressers, Transgender, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For Ohio sissies, sissy maids , crossdressers, transgender men ftm, transgender women mtf and their owners or spouses and Admirers. Asking questions on the how too’s and the what if’s of living this lifestyle, and or becoming the man or woman that you are trying to become.

Ohio slave chat, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
An informal gathering, in a round table open discussion format.

Ohio SMART (Sadomasochist Alliance Real Time), verified 2015-Mar-17
Ohio SMART, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Clevelands oldest and largest BDSM Social and Educational Organization. Holds Dungeon Play Parties, an Educational Meeting with Play Party afterwards, and special interest subgroups for Poly, Energy, Dominants, submissives, KOBRAS at various locations in the Cleveland/Akron Area.

OhioSMART-TNG, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
A young people’s special interest group, part of OhioSMART. Meet and greet with fellow kinksters, ages 19-35, in the Cleveland area.

Ohio Swing Scene (OSS) Cincy Chapter, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Unmoderated and up to date info on the swinger scene in S.W. Ohio. Published reviews of clubs and party’s, connect with other couples and singles.

Ohio Tea Society, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Will sponsor and/or host a variety of formal events such as Ladies Teas, Gentlemen’s Smokers and Formal Dinners. Will provide training to submissives and slaves for tea and other formal service events.

Ohio Tickle Group, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For people who like to be or to Tickle folks in or around Ohio.

Ohio Valley Alternative Life-Stylers (OVALS), Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Discussion list for adults (18+) interested in the wonderful world of B D S M – D/s, M/s, B/d, S/m, dominance, submission and fetishism.

Ohio Valley Poly, see OVPN

OPEN, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Ohio Pansexual Ethical Non-monogamy. Goal: To provide a place where anyone who is interested in polyamory and non-monogamy in its various forms can get information, discuss experiences, and share knowledge regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity, kink, or relationship status.

Outland Nightclub Columbus, Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17, CLOSED

Ohio Valley Alternative Life-Stylers (OVALS), Yahoo
Discussion list for adults (18+) interested in the wonderful world of B D S M – D/s, M/s, B/d, S/m, dominance, submission and fetishism.

OVPN – Ohio Valley Polyamory Network, verified 2015-Mar-17
OVPN – Ohio Valley Polyamory Network, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Cincinnati. A place where those sincerely interested in polyamory can network with one another and cultivate community wherever they may be. OH-KY-IN.

Parkersburg/MOV Munch Group, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
TBD

PEER (Power Exchange & Erotic Roleplaying) Group, verified 2015-Mar-17
PEER Group, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
PEER (Power Exchange & Erotic Roleplaying) Group, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Very active educational group hosts 3 munches, 5 partys, a day long presentation, group mtgs, 13 SIGS including Dominant, Submissive, SwItCh, MAsT, Rope, Hi Protocol, Electrical, Day Play, Animal Kingdom, Impact Play Medical, & TNG each month. Hosts 4 major hotel educational parties per year.

PEER Medical School 2015, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Apr-04
Regional Event open to Friends, Members and new people.

PEER TNG, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
SIG of PEER Group of Cincinnati. Dedicated toward the 18-35 year old segment of society who are interested in learning and participating in the BDSM and alternative lifestyle community. Has it’s own leadership separate from that of PEER Group and hosts its own parties, demos, and social outings

People of the Great Lakes Alternative Lifestyle, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Please feel free to share information about yourselves, your events, start up discussions about your location, your club to stir up interest, ask any questions you wish about anything in the Great Lakes area.

Power Exchange Summit, verified 2015-Mar-17
Power Exchange Summit, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Columbus. Multi-day event. Classes and workshops; social spaces and fun; for people who are engaged or interested in all kinds of power exchange relationships to come and explore our lifestyle. Focus: Power exchange relationships of any form, instead of play or kink.

The Prestige Group Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
The Prestige Group Ohio, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17 -INACTIVE-
Pro-BDSM educational organization, advocacy group and social networking provider, dedicated to ensuring all consenting adults can express their sexuality freely and openly, without fear. OH-N.KY

PRSCO, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Purple Rose Society Central Ohio. Pansexual, realtime and online group of people in BDSM Community located in the Columbus/Central Ohio area. Welcomes all with an interest or desire in alternative lifestyles. Focus: Education, community services, fellowship, and real life interaction.

Purple Rose Society, verified 2015-Mar-17
Purple Rose Society, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Purple Rose Society, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
aka PRS. Akron. BDSM Social and Educational organization. Educational Meeting with a Play Party afterwards, and a Social/Play Party monthly. Prior to these events, we meet for dinner at various restaurants.

River Valley BDSM Leadership Council, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Restricted to: Members of the Tri-state area KY-OH-WV BDSM community who are presently or have been in leadership positions within their groups.

Rope Bite Cincinnati, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-18
Current class format is very structured. One of the other core ideas I have been teaching is that since it is a class room environment D/s is not a factor.

Ropebite_Columbus, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Restricted to: Anyone interested in getting together with like minded rope bondage enthusiasts.

Rope Bite: Tied Up in the Tri-State, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-19
Headquarters: Charleston. Riggers and rope bunnies from everywhere welcome, esp Tri-State area (WV-OH-KY). Goal: To teach and learn from each other about rope, rigging, rope topping, and rope bottoming.

RopeLab, reviewed 2015-Mar-20
RopeLab, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-20
Columbus. For lovers of Rope Bondage of all styles, including but not limited to Sharbi/Kinbaku and Western and fusion styles. Provides education, practice and play opportunities, social events and meetings, group travel events, and resources.

Rubber City Playhouse, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Rainbowsexual group of fiesty RACK players who are all about having fun educating the community, and giving back to it as well. Embrace all genders, races, religions and walks of life.

Rubber City Rope Bite, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Mar-18
Akron. Meets in a very kink friendly atmosphere with the freedom to be who you are and to share what you know. Come learn, share, enjoy, and tie. Purpose: To give people the opportunity to experience rope in a safe and friendly atmosphere.

Safe Call Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For Ohio Kinksters willing to be used as a Safe Call for other people in the community, whether you know them or not.

Sensually Kinky in Central/Southwest Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Designed for anyone in the Central/Southwest Ohio region who enjoys the more Erotic, Sensual side of the BDSM/Fetish lifestyle. Open forum where we can learn from one another and make great new friends.

SeoBDSM, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Oh-WV. Merged with the AllPlayWV Group, https://fetlife.com/groups/15370.

Shakespeare in the Park: Columbus and Cincinnati, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jul-04
Dedicated to the free Shakespeare in the park outdoor theaters in Columbus and Cincinnati.

The Shoot, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
SIG hosted by PEER Group of Cincinnati. For learning more about how to photograph fetish and lifestyle scene photography. Open to both Pro’s and Non-Pro’s alike on either side of the lens or those who are in technical support of them.

Silk Nights, reviewed 2015-May-29
Silk Nights, Facebook, reviewed 2015-May-29
Silk Nights, FetLife, reviewed 2015-May-29
Silk Nights, Twitter, reviewed 2015-May-29
Cincinnati area. Social group. For lifestyle adults to meet people and have fun in and outside of the bedroom. Holds weekly social events, eg trivia, karaoke, sporting events, etc. Will have meet and greets, party bus trips, hotel parties, and a new lifestyle club coming soon.

SORE, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Southern Ohio Resource and Educational Group. Educational group formed to increase the knowledge of those interested in the lifestyle. Providing the ability to meet people with similar interests and expand knowledge all in a safe environment.

The Soulfire Society Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Functions solely as a SIG group supported by The Prestige Group Ohio. For those who want to explore the connection between spirituality, sexuality and BDSM. Guided discussions, guest speakers or even possibly active participation.

Southeast Ohio Community of Alternative Relationships, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Safe and welcoming social community and resource for non-monogamous people in Athens, Nelsonville, Logan, Marietta, Portsmouth, Jackson, Chillicothe, and surrounding areas.

Southern Ohio Resource and Educational Group, see SORE

Southwest Ohio Poly Discussion, Meetup, verified 2015-Mar-17
Live monthly forum for an exchange of ideas, friendship, support community for the poly community. Focus of discussion is polyamory and poly-related topics. Not a swingers group.

Southwest Ohio Young and Poly, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Southwest Ohio Young and Poly, Meetup, verified 2015-Mar-17
To help “young” people who are interested in polyamory, or are currently living in any of the possible poly dynamics, to find friends who can relate to the unique problems faced by this lifestyle. Dayton and Cincinnati areas.

SteamPunk of Ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Devoted to Steampunk, costuming and Kink. We need newbies to mentor and mentors to mentor. Idea makers and photographers. And Kinksters to make life fun!

Sterling Shadow, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17

Sterling Shadow Continuum, verified 2015-Mar-17
Sterling Shadow Continuum, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Dayton. From Education to Actuality. Providing a place and time for education to be put into practice whether it be hands-on demonstrations, and/or the opportunity to experience actual play in a smaller dungeon setting.

Suburban Kink- Real meetings of the Cleveland suburbs, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Open group. Accepts all kinksters no matter where you come from in the various lifestyles. Core values: Education, Community, Acceptance and Tolerance, Awesomeness.

SW Ohio Fetish Content Producers, Models and Photographers, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For fetish content producers, models and photographers who work in SWOH area to make connections for work. Network, list availability, and look for models who cater to the fetish genre only.

SW Ohio Medical Fetish, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For South Western Ohio Medical Fetishists.

TAPE – Tristate Area Power Exchange (WV-OH-KY), FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Tri-state Area Power Exchange (TAPE), Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
Active BDSM lifestyle group in the WV-OH-KY tristate area

This Generation: Columbus, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Focused on needs of people in the kink/leather/bdsm community ages 35+ and partners in Greater Columbus/Mid Ohio area. Welcomes all sexualities, gender identifications, and any D/s or M/s or any variant power exchange dynamic.

Toledo Area Mentors, FetLife, reviewed 2015-May-17
Group is meant to work as a “group mentor”, think of it as a tech line for kink. Group leaders will serve as the “tech team” and have volunteered their time to answer questions give opinions.

Toledo Area Red Flags, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jun-17
NW OH/SE MI area. Share details of scenes, relationships, or interactions that have been abusive, have involved assault that was either not negotiated in a scene or relationship, safewords or hard limits were violated, boundaries pushed to disturbing/alarming degrees, or cyberstalking.

TriState Area Kinksters: WV-KY-OH, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Meet like minds of a common and practical ground. Real people with REAL lives, REAL Professions, REAL expectations, and REAL kinks with a need of leather family and CONFIDENTIALITY.

Tristate Area Makers Guild, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
OH-WV-KY. To build, make and craft things. We can get together and help each other and share ideas. Maybe we can have some learning sessions where we can hang out and learn new skills.

Tri-state Area Power Exchange, see TAPE – Tristate Area Power Exchange (WV-OH-KY)

Tri-State Ky-Oh-In (Kentucky, Ohio, Indiana), reviewed 2015-May-01
Promote Your Group. Place Personal Ads. Advertise Your Business. Start A Conversation.

Tri State Play Partners/ Indiana-michigan-ohio, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Welcomes those looking for a play partner only, not looking for a 24/7 relationship.

TriState Chat (KY-OH-WV), FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Main discussion threads are the “rooms” in which a general topic is brought up. Online and bored? Friends not online? Want to learn something new but don’t know where to start? Just want to talk?

TriState Threesomes, Swinging, And Gangbangs (KY-OH-WV), FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For those into or curious about sex with multiple partners. Share experiences, fantasies, ideas, and questions with mature adults with the same mindsets.

TriState (WV/OH/KY) Transgenders & Friends, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Social support network and an information source

Watersports fans in Columbus, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Name pretty much says it all. Ohioans only.

Weirton Kink, FetLife, reviewed 2015-Jul-20
For kinky people in and around Weirton, WV. (Follansbee, Wellsburg, Chester, and Hooverson Heights, East Liverpool, Martins Ferry, Toronto, Mingo Junction, Steubenville, OH; Burgettstown, McDonald, Imperial, PA)

Youngstown (Ohio) Crossdressers, Yahoo, verified 2015-Mar-17
= SPAM =

Youngstown Kink, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
Exchange information about the happenings around us. Please feel free to post any events you know about, either local or not, and talk almongst yourselves!

Youngstown TNG, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For anyone in the Youngstown area, ages of 18-35 (Soft number)

Youngstown Youth, FetLife, verified 2015-Mar-17
For people 18-35, from Youngstown and surrounding areas to come together and speak about their thoughts, ideas and plans to convene

Last updated: August 23, 2015 at 21:34 pm

Go to Top

Mar 302015
 
Kia Ora and welcome to both FetLife and BDSM

This is the fourth installment in a series of articles that I intend to write for people who are new to either, or both Fetlife and BDSM. The first part of the series covered the basics of setting up a profile and understanding the roles and status types that are included – as well as looking at ways to access more BDSM information through groups of other online sites. Other parts covered Gorean BDSM and meeting people for BDSM play.

This article will primarily deal with BDSM Trainers, Mentors and Protectors. It will also consider differences between those roles, the ways that people within them can enhance your BDSM journey, and the process of locating and selecting such people. People in these trusted roles can be invaluable, and really contribute to a person’s individual journey if they act with honour – unfortunately though, as with all positions of high trust, sometimes a desire for such titles attracts less than scrupulous individuals. I recommend working with people in these roles as valuable tools – but just suggest caution in selecting them.

You can read the past articles in this series here:

Although it was written out of sequence this will be Part 3 in the series.

What makes me a good person to write a series like this? Nothing. I simply have enough confidence to assume that it may be something worth doing – and I do have a couple of decades experience as an active Sadist and Master (originally my M/s background was Gorean). 😉

In this episode…

I am going to talk about BDSM Trainers, Mentors and Protectors. It will cover the following topics in a basic way:

  • An important note
  • Mentors
  • Protectors
  • Trainers
  • Exclusivity

I would also like to acknowledge a submissive (Xandria) who has taken the time to read a draft of this piece very closely and make helpful suggestions.

Give this some love 🙂

If you are reading this go on and press the Love button. It will give it wider circulation and therefore help it find the news feeds of more newly arrived kinksters. It is in all of our interests to help them integrate into our community as swiftly and safely as possible by providing them with as much information as we can.

You are also welcome to send me a friend request if you want to.

Can I share this?

I am happy for you to share this or repost it anywhere on the web that you choose – just do the right thing and attribute it to 2Jays on Fetlife.com. I would also prefer that it remained unedited, and included the entire post (such as this bit and the rest of the above introduction).

An important note

The place, and role of mentors, trainers and protectors, has shifted considerably with the rise of the internet and online networking for kink communities. Traditional definitions of those roles are now possibly somewhat outdated in many communities, yet they do still apply in some places and with more traditionally oriented practitioners.

In this chapter I intend to focus almost exclusively on more modern interpretations. This is not because I think the modern interpretations are better or more effective. It is written in this style because these guides are intended for people who are new to BDSM and Fetlife, consequently, it is the newer definitions and types of usage that they are most likely to initially encounter.

Furthermore, it should be recognised that every community – both in terms of the scene and online communities – will have its own regional quirks in the definition of these roles. You can expect there to be an overarching similarity, but there will always be those finer points of difference. Consequently it is always best to seek the guidance of someone who is knowledgeable within the community that you are entering to ‘flesh out’ the explanations that are provided here.

Mentors

The Oxford English Dictionary defines a mentor as ‘a person who acts as guide and adviser to another person, esp. one who is younger and less experienced. Later, more generally: a person who offers support and guidance to another; an experienced and trusted counsellor or friend; a patron, a sponsor.’

Mentoring is essentially a powerful strategy to draw upon for self empowerment. It can help you progress in a chosen field and aid you in striving towards your potential. A BDSM mentor is someone who can help guide you towards that process of self improvement. There are two main ways of interpreting the mentor role:

  • A capable teacher who can impart knowledge and skills while facilitating your journey of learning
  • A person with wisdom and experience in an area that you want to grow in, who will guide you towards that wisdom through support

In general terms a mentor is someone who: discusses, guides, prompts, and who helps you see the forest for the trees. A mentor is not someone who will play, or have sex, with you (although they may assist you in your own play to show you specific techniques). They are not someone who will scald you or push your limits. They do not own or control you. Steven Spielberg once said that ‘the delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.’ In keeping with that a BDSM mentor is someone who will help you move towards being the submissive, dominant or fetishist that is already bottled up inside you just waiting to come out.

Mentors should, in most cases, be people who have the same role as you. So a Master would seek another Master as a mentor, a bottom would be mentored by a bottom and a Primal would be mentored by a Primal.

A mentor is at times used in combination with a trainer – where the trainer provides a programme of development and the mentor provides a perspective on that training from a similar BDSM role, helping the mentee and trainee unlock the knowledge of the training more effectively.

How Mr Jay came to mentoring

I first came to the concept of mentoring through my (very vanilla) employment – back in the late 1990s. At that time I got involved in a programme where I was mentoring young men (16-18) who were experiencing a lot of difficulty in ‘getting their lives on track’. Fortunately I was given the opportunity to complete a training programme in the philosophy and approaches of mentoring as part of that programme – much of which I still use today when thinking about mentoring. I know that mentoring works.

BDSM mentoring and newcomers

In general terms a newcomer to BDSM may not make the best mentor. There are possibly a couple of exceptions to this rule, where they could fulfil a very specific and unique role. Examples that I imagine might be viable are:

  • A newcomer who is a trained medical doctor mentoring a dominant in the use of specific tools that relate to Medical Play.
  • A newcomer who is a professor of mediaeval history mentoring someone who is setting up a mediaeval styled torture dungeon regarding the aesthetics of the dungeon and possible ideas for custom built items that reflect the period and theme.
  • A newcomer who is a trained counsellor mentoring someone on how they might better help their submissive move through issues that come up after play.

As you can see these are very specific examples – and they do not really relate directly to what we might usually think of in the mentoring role. In general terms, if you are new you are probably looking for an experienced mentor and not looking to become a mentor. That being said even the most experienced practitioners can gain from mentoring at times. (They probably just do it a little more informally.)

Mentoring and Time Commitments

Both being a mentor and being a mentee take time. There is a real commitment made to the process and the outcomes of personal development that are set within the mentoring programme. You should not take on either role if you do not have that time to commit. People will not benefit from mentoring if there is not a real commitment to the process – including making enough time and energy available not only for the sessions themselves but also for developing the things discussed outside of meetings.

Finding a good mentor

Quite often you will need to approach a good mentor if they would be willing to mentor you. The people who bring up the subject asking if you want a mentor probably have some other motive.

From what I have seen female submissives who advertise that they are looking for a mentor are usually, almost instantly, inundated with volunteers – most of whom have very little knowledge about mentoring and a huge desire to simply have their mentee perform felacio.

You are best off quietly seeking someone who is knowledgeable and who you can trust – who is in the same role as yourself yet who is deeply experienced.

The 2Jays BDSM Mentoring Cycle

The following process outlines the mentoring cycle that I have suggested, and used, in the past working with folks on BDSM development outcomes.

Step 1: Assessing Needs
To begin the process the mentee must assess their own situation, and work out which way it is that they wish to develop themselves. This is important as the mentoring process is all about helping the mentee achieve their own goals and grow into the individually unique BDSM practitioner that they have the potential to be.

Step 2: Identifying a Suitable Mentor
In this step you will need to locate and identify someone who:

  • You feel comfortable working with and can trust.
  • Has experience and knowledge in the areas that you want to develop.
  • Is willing to Mentor you.

This can be a tricky process but the best approach is simply one of open and honest communication. You need to be clear about what it is that you are looking for. Understand that potential mentors are probably busy people with their own interests and goals to pursue – and usually they are people who are unpaid and helping others purely out of goodwill to see the community develop.

Step 3: Creating a Mentoring Contract
Writing down these details, and clarifying both the process that will be used, and the goals of the mentoring, can help make the process mutually rewarding and satisfying. You should make sure that you clearly identify the learning or personal development outcomes that are desired from the mentoring, and also success criteria to indicate how both the mentor and the mentee will know that those outcomes have been achieved.

I strongly recommend that you set a time, approximately one month from your first meeting, to review your contract, give your mentoring relationship a check up, and make any changes that are needed based on how things are progressing.

Step 4: Assessing Progress and Reviewing the Mentoring Relationship
In this, the final step of the Cycle, both the mentor and the mentee work together to identify progress towards – or achievement of – the desired learning and growth outcomes that were set out in the mentoring contract. They should also review the status and terms of the mentoring relationship – and perhaps either tweak or terminate the contract depending on whether or not further help is needed and available.

Following the final step the mentee can either:

  • Decide they have achieved all that they wanted to out of mentoring; OR,
  • Begin a process of needs assessment in preparation for their next phase of self development through mentoring.

Sample BDSM Mentoring Contract

The following is a sample BDSM Mentoring Contract that I have drawn up. Feel free to download and use it if you want. Just remember – like everything else – if you pass it on do the right thing and attribute it to 2Jays on Fetlife.com. I would also prefer that it remained unedited.

Reputable Groups for BDSM mentoring on Fetlife

Protectors

To start off lets look back at how I defined ‘Under Protection’ as a relationship status in our chapter on Setting up a Profile:

  • Under Protection = Either this person is new to kink and their partner is protecting them from the ‘wolves’ (read eager experienced dominants) until they build their confidence; OR; someone is being a pain in the ass so a dominant is looking out for the person; OR; an experienced dominant has marked this person as someone that they have first dibs upon once they learn more about BDSM

While it is very common for people to use the role of protector presently, this is relationship type that should never be taken on lightly. Both being protected, and being a protector, have several layers of meaning and responsibility attached to them within the BDSM context. To begin with lets think about the common definition of protector – as it is set out by the Oxford English Dictionary

‘A person who protects someone or something from danger, injury, etc.; a defender; a guardian, a patron.’

Perhaps notably to this discussion (and what I plan to argue), looking at the history of the word and its usage, just over a hundred years ago it also referred to a man who possessed a mistress (with mistress being used in the sense of a kept woman).

By the very nature of protecting someone, there is obviously a small element of power exchange involved this kind of relationship – through not only the protective and caring actions of the protector but also through the protectee recognising that they need the protector’s assistance.

A Current Interpretation of the meaning of Protection Status

In essence the current interpretation of BDSM protection can generally be characterised as:

  • An experienced member of the community looking after an inexperienced one. That usually includes providing protection from the prowling ‘wolves’ who are seeking to play with ‘fresh meat’ – and might also be protection from other dangers (perhaps even themselves depending on the situation). People who wish to play with, or form a relationship with, the protected person will need to seek the approval of the Protector.

It can also refer to:

  • Someone who, after being asked to by a submissive’s Owner, takes the place of their Owner at prescribed events or functions that the Owner cannot attend. At those events or functions they only assume a level of control or interaction that the Owner had stipulated.

Various etiquettes and protocols do also apply – yet those will vary based on if you are dealing with an online community or a real life one – and which country or region that real life community is set in. It is important to understand the additional protocols associated with your setting – so make sure that you ask for clarifications.

In a nutshell, protection says says: ‘Ub3r-M4st3r Scott will be mad if you muck twue-sl4v3 Betty around.’

Different people will add, or subtract, different elements to that general outline of protection. In some cases there are elaborate protocols while in other cases it is as simple as the above statement may seem. This is an area where open and frank discussion is paramount – just to make sure that your understandings are crystal clear.

Protection is something of consequence, and you should think about the associations, connections and positioning, that such a form of power exchange builds. This is not a whimsical concept – rather it is an important and trusted role that places people in positions where communication and integrity in their interpersonal interactions are of the utmost importance.

Furthermore, in some places, that status also indicates that the person in the protector role has the right of first refusal towards the protected person in terms of play or a future relationship. It is best to clarify as this can either be considered an expectation or a taboo depending on where you are.

The Implications of being a Protector

When stepping into the role of being a protector you need to think deeply about the implications of the decision and discuss the role with the person that you are protecting so that there is a clear and shared understanding of what it will entail.

  • What are the parameters of the protection?
  • Are you protecting them from being hassled on websites like Fetlife? – or, from either perceived or real threats in the real world?

There are some very real differences here in terms of the practicalities of the protector’s role. Examples of assistance required might range from sending an email to someone who is being painful online – or driving to the person’s house at 3am in the morning to help ensure their safety after some kind of incident. Notably however, in both cases, a ‘Plan B’ is always required – as the protector will need to have an idea of what they intend to do if such obvious initial interventions fail. Are you willing to ‘step up’ for that person to such a degree?

Can you give me an example of protection at work?

One good example of using protection is a case that I came across, a number of years ago, while I was living and working in Australia. It operated as follows:

  • A submissive lass, very new to BDSM, was finding it very difficult to say no to people who were asking her to play with them. She was quite attractive and being flooded with play requests by people. After some positive and lengthy discussions she was put under the protection of a Domme within the scene who would ‘vet’ any play that she did. In reality the Domme provided her with a system where by she had time to wait after the request and discuss it with the Domme before an answer was given. This also removed the potential for anyone to feel rejected by the submissive – as the Domme ‘made’ the decision. Eventually, once the submissive lass had found someone she was comfortable with, and who was stepping up to want more than just a quick play and sex session, the Domme relinquished the protective status and passed her on to the care and guidance of that new person.

The history of Protection in BDSM

Historically protection used to be a feature of the Leather Culture where a new member would gain the protection of a Leather family (and accordingly the head of that family). Within that frame of reference the protection was very broad – and involved a range of strict protocols. It covered not only protection within the BDSM setting but also within a broader life based setting.

Sometimes people will stanchly argue in favor for a Leather interpretation – however in general terms it has gained wider use than that now.

Trainers

A trainer, as opposed to a protector or a mentor, can at times be someone who is exceedingly ‘hands on’. The Oxford English Dictionary defines a trainer as: ‘a person who provides sustained instruction and practice in an art, profession, occupation, or procedure’. Traditionally, within BDSM, a trainer was someone who took on responsibility for the growth and learning of a new submissive to the lifestyle. They would provide the submissive with instruction, both theoretical and experiential, in a range of activities to prepare the submissive for their future role with a Dominant/Domme or Master/Mistress.

The trainer may not be a popular person with the submissive at all times, however they would always be respected, and it would be recognised that they were providing an invaluable service.

Dominants were traditionally trained as well through a somewhat formalised process. The process of dominant, or top, training continues today and even in relatively small cities on a global scale (such as Auckland, New Zealand) there are Dommes who provide a range of training services to trainee dominants for a fee.

In many cases training can be arranged through a written contract – much like a mentoring contract. Using that style of formal agreement helps define boundaries and set up the experience to be a beneficial one for both the trainer and the trainee. I am aware of cases where the trainee has organised for training with a trainer directly, and of other cases where an Owner has organised with a trainer for their submissive to be trained on some particular aspects of BDSM. Reputable trainers will not take advantage of the situation and take liberties beyond the parameters of the agreed area of training – although there are unfortunately some trainers out there that are not reputable.

What makes training effective?

Effective training can be characterised in the following ways:

  • Good communication between the trainer and the person being trained.
  • Clear expectations about learning goals or outcomes.
  • Active participation in training activities.
  • Appropriate and regular feedback about progress towards the learning goals or outcomes.
  • On task training time. You are not there to find a new BFF – you are there to be trained.
  • Training that responds to the trainee’s preferred ways of learning. This might include: doing, reading, watching appropriate videos, talking, journaling or a range of other options. The point is that if one strategy does not work for you it should not be kept as the focus of your training. I would however stress that a significant percentage of the training should be ‘doing’.

Issues with Imprinting (or Bonding) when training submissives

One rather important, but sometimes overlooked, issue associated with the training of submissives in particular is the balance that must be struck between providing effective training and ensuring that a submissive does not bond too strongly with the trainer. That process of a bond being developed, and a style being strongly linked into a submissives actions is sometimes also called imprinting. The development of those emotional links can at times also be an issue for the trainer.

The place of sex

Historically sex had no place within the training of submissives. Presently however it is much more common for there to be sexual interaction between submissives and trainers. This should be clarified during the process of negotiating the training.

I do understand that in some cases – such as training for cumming on command – there may be a place for this, however in general terms it is not something that I would advise.

Tread with caution

This is an area where, as a newcomer, you may encounter some ‘interesting’ people. There is a particular element within the BDSM sphere that seeks out new submissives (and most often female ones) professing to be trainers who are there to help. Unfortunately they are often really just horny fools who are desperate for an endless supply of thank you blow jobs in return for a service that in reality is quite shallow and limited.

If they are real BDSM trainers you will most likely be seeking them out, not the other way around.

To recount an interesting tale – some years ago I owned a kajira who occasionally spoke of a previous Master’s acquaintance – who we shall call Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’. So on with the story… which is admittedly highly anecdotal and seventh hand, but it serves a purpose.

Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ was a very interesting a powerful Trainer. He somehow always seemed to be able to find a way to leave new submissives messages on their networking accounts that they would find when they woke up. After a greeting, and establishing they were new, he would offer to help them. To give freely of his time, experience and wisdom, in order to advance their personal journey into submission. Of course a poor little innocent subbie would love the attention and help of an experienced and wise Dominant – he is so officially Dominant everyone even has to call him ‘Sir’ apparently!

So the training sessions from Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ would begin with important acts like learning to not be ashamed of oneself. In order to achieve that goal all new female submissives had to email Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ fully nude photos of themselves masturbating. He would help them learn patience by making them wait until after 11pm to talk to him each day – precisely between 11pm and 12am – and only on Sunday-Thursday nights. Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ had a life! During those talks he would set them all manners of humiliating tasks that they had to photograph and send him proof of. They had to learn to be available to masters at all times – so just to be kind and help Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ would meet them during their lunch hours in the city and drive them somewhere to quickly and lightly spank them then have them perform felacio on him to prove their submission and availability.

So to unpack this story and explain a few things. The kajira would giggle recounting the exploits of Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ because:

  • He was only talking to them between 11pm and 12am as his wife fell asleep at 1030pm.
  • His desire to help them was probably linked to the fact that his wife didn’t find him very attractive anymore – and he was quite interested in getting blow jobs elsewhere. (The kajira had heard him discuss this.)
  • He met them at lunch times, briefly, as that was when he could get away from his job as Grocery Isle manager at a store that belonged to a large supermarket chain.
  • His use of humiliating tasks and making them do things while talking to him for extended periods… was to give him time to mute the mic and masterbate during the conversations.
  • Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ had never lived with a submissive, nor had he ever been part of any BDSM scene based group.

So as you can see Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ was neither the most qualified nor the most ethical of trainers. He did not provide real training – as he had promised, and he probably only had a limited understanding of what would be required himself. There may be a Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ near you – so tread carefully. Just to clarify, Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ was from a large city in a country that I lived in – in the northern hemisphere.

I am actually aware of quite a range of other unscrupulous ‘trainers’ – even here in New Zealand. A few years ago I met a girl who lived in Dunedin (New Zealand). We had coffee a few times, mainly to talk about her start into the kinky world – as she had experienced some bumps along the way. She had encountered a ‘trainer’ who had made her take photos – much like Ub3r-M4st3r ‘Fred’ did with his charges. The difference being that this lad then turned around and tried to tell her that she was to front up for the in person ‘put out time’ training sessions or he would email/post the photos around. I helped her go to the Police and have the issue dealt with properly. Needless to say the Police were quite interested in what she had to say and that the matter was swiftly resolved with their involvement and help. I am aware that her ‘trainer’ left Otago shortly after the matter being concluded.

With those warnings delivered I would like to add that there are a lot of highly talented, honourable and good-willed trainers available. Generally the positive trainers are the ones with more experience and a greater level of connection to the BDSM scene. The chief advice I am giving here is do your homework. Make sure that the person you are talking to is legitimate and actually knows what they are doing. You are better off paying for a few lessons and being trained in how to effectively wield a cane than being shown by a 1337-Ub3r-D0m who has a very different agenda.

Exclusivity

One comment that came back from a female submissive after reading this was that when she first arrived to Fetlife she was quickly bombarded with offers by mentors, trainers and protectors who not only offered their services but demanded that she dealt with them exclusively – suggesting that it was the only effective way. I would like to stress that this is utter rubbish. The very concept of a trainer is that they will be training you for your relationship with SOMEONE ELSE. A mentor is a trusted confidant and guide who helps you improve your relationship with SOMEONE ELSE. In fact it is a totally common occurrence for a person to take a mentor and a trainer simultaneously – in fact that is often recommended as it can help facilitate deeper learning and swifter processing of the emotions and feelings that the training creates.

A protector – while in some cases is someone who has signalled that they get first dibs on you after you learn more – is not someone who should lock you in a closet and ban you from talking to every other person in the world.

Do not let people like that ‘pull the wool over your eyes’. This sounds more like people trying to isolate a new submissive so that they can have their way with them, and explain that it is normal for submissives to do X, Y and Z.

In sum…

Trainers, Mentors and Protectors are all valuable people and roles. They are however people who hold positions of power – in varying degrees. As we know from any setting or context, power can sometimes be used for the betterment of people and societies, and it can sometimes be used in improper ways. Consequently these are areas where quite a lot of consideration is needed – as you need to know that you want someone in that role, and that you definitely want it to be the person who you are embarking into that situation with. If you plan to take on one of these roles you need to deeply consider the responsibility, and how you plan to help the person that you will be working with.

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